fallout

so guess what?
it's sunday night, and the final regular season bcs rankings are out
know what that means?
yup: MORE FOOTBALL RANTING
[seryusly, if you guys aren't sick of it yet, than you never will be
which means i may as well just make it happen more often]

first off, let me proffer some organization for my decidedly unorganized thoughts
i'm gonna bitch about the weird as fuck rankings,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bowl selections,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bcs
cool? cool. so let's get to it

right off the bat,
it becomes extremely obvious that the bcs absolutely hates non–aq teams
and thus relishes punishing them
case in point: the until–yesterday unbeaten houston cougars
they were ranked #6 last week when they played the #24 souther miss golden eagles,
and then houston proceeded to lose to them. badly. [by 21 points]
so where's the problem?
the bcs dropped them THIRTEEN places to #19 in this week's bcs
and southern miss? they got a bump ALL THE WAY up to #21
how fucking bullshit is that?
by comparison, georgia was #14 when they lost to lsu, and are now ranked #16
msu was #13 when they lost to wisconsin, and are now #17
va tech was #5 when the lost to clemson, and now they are #11
oh, and btdubs, oklahoma was #10 when they lost by 34 FUCKING POINTS to osu
and now, they're all the way down to #14
believe me when i say i could go on and on
i'm not arguing that houston doesn't deserve to drop spots for their loss,
nor do i believe they are less deserving because they play in a [relatively] weaker conference,
i'm arguing that the bcs is complete and utter horseshit when it comes to non–aq teams
how does southern miss only move up by three when they knocked off the #6 team?
how does houston drop 13 spots by losing to a ranked team?
i can GUARANTEE you, if lsu had lost to georgia by 3 tds yesterday,
that they'd still be in the top 5
so let's just take that wool off our eyes and admit it ourselves and the world:
if you aren't an sec team, the bcs won't like you and will underrate you
if you aren't an automatic–qualifying team, fuck you go die in a fire
and that is our supposedly unbiased, fair, computerized ranking system

oh, and by the way
there are four 9–win teams in the top 25 [the highest one, baylor, is #12]
and there are only two teams that have 12+ wins
one is the current #1, lsu, at 13–0; the other, houston, is #19 at 12–1
ready for the real kicker?
there are two [TWO!] 7–5 teams in the latest bcs top 25
texas [24] and auburn [25]
how does THAT not scream bias?
texas shot itself in the foot yesterday at home by 24 points to baylor,
and auburn got destroyed [28 points] by alabama two weeks ago
they were both ranked in the low 20s last week,
so how in fuck's name are they still included in the top 25?
texas has lost to every ranked team they've played this year
and auburn beat one [south carolina] in week 5
and just to put the cherry on top of this particular bullshit sundae,
arkansas moved up 2 places after NOT EVEN PLAYING this week,
[by virtue of the fact that their blowout to lsu had them slip only five spots to #8]
which means they got rewarded for other teams losing,
solely because they got preferential treatment in the first place

and now, to the bowl games,
because i can't believe this shit
first up, our nc game: lsu and alabama
i simply refuse to believe that alabama is better than oklahoma state
i flat out deny that line of thinking
yes, alabama's only loss was to lsu, whereas ok state's sole loss was to unraked iowa state
BUT, ok state has a MUCH more productive offense than alabama
and they've played arguably just as tough of a slate as the crimson tide
more importantly, they finished the season stronger than the tide did
you could even make the argument that stanford would make an equally strong #2
what it comes down to for me, though, is the hypocrisy of punishment
do you remember how many spots alabama dropped from their lsu loss? just 2 [to #4]
how many spots did oregon fall with their loss to lsu? 10 [#3 to #13]
how many did arkansas fall? 5
how about west virginia? 6
florida? over 8 [#17 to out of the bcs]
i don't care if alabama's loss to lsu was closer than anyone else's
in this case, a loss is a loss, and they aren't treated with any kind of congruity
which means the sport's media's darling sec west gets yet another national title
while ok state is left with the fiesta bowl [though that is a good consolation prize]

and while we're on the subject of bowls,
how the hell did boise state end up in such a shitty bowl game?
it's not like they're ranked #7 at 11–1 that started with a win over #19 georgia
i understand that they didn't win the mountain west this year [tcu did]
but the fact that they're stuck playing a 7–5 arizona state is ludicrous
especially since the sun devils have dropped four straight games to weak teams
boise should be playing a strong big ten or big 12 team
like nebraska, penn state, oklahoma, or baylor
they should return their bowl game for a full refund and get an upgrade
and speaking of bowl games with TERRIBLE teams,
how about this year's kraft fight hunger bowl,
which has the must–see matchup of 6–6 illinois and 6–7 ucla
two of the most embarrassing teams that bothered playing this year
seriously, illinois has lost six straight games and fired its head coach,
along with being the laughing stock of the entire big ten
[seriously, even indiana and minnesota are more respected right now]
and ucla? the team that had to get a special waiver to play a bowl with a losing record?
[for the record, how is that a thing? bowl games are for winner who deserve it
ucla, you are most definitely not a winner, and you do not deserve a bowl
i don't give a flying fuck if you "won" the pac12 south,
you've given up 99 points in the past two games, and only scored 31
no right–minded indvidual would ever reward you for that hideous performance]
i dunno about the rest of you,
but of all the boring bowl games i'll be actively ignoring this month,
that one will be at the top of the list

all that being said, there are some bowls to look forward to this month
and though there are some that i'll be more interested in watching than others,
here's my list of bowls worth watching:
–nevada v. souther miss [sheraton hawai'i, 12/24]
–louisvile v. nc state [belk, 12/27]
–florida state v. notre dame [champs sports, 12/29]
–washington v. baylor [valero alamo]
–iowa v. oklahoma [insight]
–northwestern v. texas a&m [meineke]
–virginia v. auburn [chick–fil–a]
–houston v. penn state [ticketcity]
–msu v. georgia [outback]
–nebraska v. south carolina [capital one]
–kansas state v. arkansas [cotton]
–smu v. pittsburgh [bbva compass]
it seems like a short list [at least to me],
but with a lack of bcs bowls, it's gonna be a little bit paltry
speaking of bcs bowls...

an open letter to the bcs:
dear bcs, my name is ben and i'm an avid college football fan.
i spend all year impatiently waiting for football to finally begin,
and look forward to bowl season like a 6 year old looks forward to christmas.
this year, though, christmas will seem a little less magical thanks to you.
you've grinched me out of quality national championship game,
just as you've given me 'unbiased' formulaic rankings for the past 8 weeks [and 13 years].
you've tried to tell me that my conference, the big ten, just isn't good enough,
and have consistently screwed us out of fair rankings for our most quality teams.
i'd say i feel alone in that, but unfortunately the big ten isn't the only one to feel this way:
i imagine the acc and pac12 have quite the bone to pick you, not to mention the big 12.
and even though you've put me through this for more years than i'd care to remember,
this year finally feels like you've taken it too far.
i've seen good teams go underrated and underranked this entire season,
and i've seen incredibly overrated teams be unfairly highly ranked for long stretches of time.
so, i say to you, for all to see, that i'm done with your bullshit.
i'm declaring an all–encompassing boycott on the bcs for the foreseeable future.
i will not watch the national championship, the fiesta, sugar, or orange bowls,
and as much as it pains me to do so, i will not be watching the rose bowl.
i refuse to go along with your charade any longer.
even if, in the coming years, my team manages to win it all and play in the rose bowl,
i will not be watching them, because of you,
and i encourage the fanbases of teams you've spurned to do the same.
the only thing that has proven influential over you is money, ratings, and attendance,
and i steadfastly refuse to provide you with any of them.
so go ahead, give the sec west their sixth straight national championship.
go ahead and give undeserving teams bcs bowls and deserving teams the cold shoulder.
go ahead and claim objective superiority with your computerized formulas.
you overshadow on–field accomplishments with off–the–field choices,
you've created way more controversy than support in the past 13 years,
you've been accused of virtually every impropriety known to american law,
and yet you still claim superiority over the rest of us.
i'm done giving you that satisfaction, and i'm done with you.
please, stop ruining college football for me and my fellow fans,
and let us get back to enjoying the games without your nonsense hovering over our heads.

horst

[today's post is brought to you by: awkwardrealizations.com™]
i found out walking to class that my mustache is longer than i thought
parts of it can actually touch my chin without being pulled
now that i no longer have to grow my beard out to be opie
it's time to kick off no–shave november right:
with a goddamn trim

for the record, i don't participate in no–shave november
partially because i haven't shaved since 2006
so fuck all of you and your worthless 'months'
if you were real men you'd just grow a beard and be done with it,
and not do it under some idiot pretense
especially since your equating yourselves with people who shouldn't grow facial hair
namely guys who have splotchy stubble, guys with porn staches,
and this bag of douche
so just remember ladies and gentlemen
those worthy of beard shall be endowed with its grace
and those who are not shall be resigned to shaving forevermore
and NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET, MOTHERFUCKERS
so for fuck's sake, enough with no–shave november

moving right along,
if i ever, EVER find out who designed earbuds to be like this
i'm going to retroactively stab them in the eardrum
how in the name of auditory happyness is it supposed to stay in my ear?
seriously, seriously, what's the trick?
i got a pair of earbuds with that design about a month ago
apparently ignorant of my upcoming strife
and have been battling with them every since
i've tried all three different silicone attachments,
but they all just fall out of my ear after about five second of half–assed attempts
i refuse to accept their halfassery,
but i know not how to rectify this situation
does anyone have some sort of epiphanic solution?
or is this the fate i've been consigned to?
because i fucking REFUSE to be bested by a piece of plastic shit
you won this round skullcandy, but you shan't win the war

[here's a question for those of you who've read my writing for a long time:
is my writing style really confusing?
after reading that last paragraph, i'm inclined to think it is
i'll use increasingly abstruse words like epiphanic and shan't (and abstruse)
with increasingly awkward syntactical structure
and then just start swearing for a while before i move on
believe me when i say it's an accurate representation of the way i normally speak,
but i feel like it loses its subtle beauty when i put it in type
any comments from the blogasaurs would be welcome
(apparently that's a thing now)]

in other news,
espn has spent the ENTIRE. FUCKING. DAY. covering lsu's football team
the entire. fucking. day.
as in, 24 hours of highlighting a singular football team
and boy have they been thorough:
they've dedicated time to lsu's dual–qb system [one they lambasted],
their ability to overcome their myriad off–the–field issues,
[and, btudbs, their myriad off–the–field issues]
an appraisal of the entire lsu tigers program
and even les miles's ridiculous habit of chewing on grass
beyond the obvious unfairness to alabama preceding their matchup,
is this really fucking warranted?
i understand that every sports media personality gives lip service sec teams,
[and by that i mean they suck sec cock so deep it wears their appendices as hats]
but this is going WAY overboard
this isn't even the end of their goddamn season
it's only week fucking 9 for them
apparently they've already decided that lsu's our national champ
at least they saved us the stress of having to watch them play
how thoughtful of them
hey espn, can you do something for me?
exhale that long stripy tiger cock from your esophagus,
and report on actual sports news, would ya please?
i know this is your normal m/o,
but i appreciate it when you at least give it a slight veil of legitimacy
sincerely,
EVERY NON–LSU FAN EVER

speaking of espn,
this was a story they had on their front page around noon
i enjoyed the story less than i enjoyed the top comment:
"bad comparison. the mafia has more consistency in carrying out its discipline."
sad, harsh, and very true

as a parting wish,
i want all of you to go get a copy of the new florence + the machine cd RIGHT NOW
it's fantastic and something you won't regret in the slightest
in fact, it's so very much something you won't regret,
i'm gonna spend my entire next post telling you why you won't
so there
...
well? go fucking do it
I SEE YOU SITTING THERE NOT DOING IT

grand meadow

two quick things before i finally begin my halloweekend:

[i preface this by reminding you that i am one of you]
hey mid–atlantics/new englanders:
guess what? weather fucking happens
quit acting like this october snowstorm is the end of days
the fact is that you guys got snow in october
GET THE FUCK OVER IT, WOULD YOU PLEASE?
for christ's sake, michigan gets snow nearly every october
[except for this one apparently;
i will admittedly say that it's weird you got snow and we didn't]
so, put on your big boy/girl pants and quit yer bitchin'
chances are you've got plenty more a–comin' before the season's through
so just enjoy the nice wintery weather,
take a few extra minutes to make sure you're driving safely,
and get on with your lives
and please, leave the complaining about weather to californians
it is, after all, what they do best


... i have now forgotten the second thing
goddamn it, i knew that would happen
let's hope i remember it before i have to leave


ah, yes, i remember now:
baseball is officially done
apparenly st louis decided to win the world series in game seven,
denying us the chance to be rid of that boring sport a week ago
i know there are baseball fans out there
i'm sure there's at least one who trolls my ramblings
but seriously, and i mean this in the least judgmental way possible:
your sport is boring, it's playoff is boring
and your championship is boring
and it's on ALL THE TIME
seryusly, your season has 162 FUCKING GAMES over SIX MONTHS
what kind of self–respecting bullshit is that?
football fans have to wait EIGHT MONTHS for 16 GAMES
[or in college, 12–14 games]
college basketball has to wait SEVEN MONTHS for 30
you've been monopolizing the sports channels for waaaaaaaaay too long
so please, gtfo of my sports world
and let me watch my college basketball and football in peace
also, please have a lockout next spring so i can see less of you
kthnxbai


[in completely unrelated news,
florence + the machine's new cd comes out monday
best get yourself prepared for it
god knows i am]

lingg

i was planning to write a long entry in here
one where i blow off steam and explain my anger
and i got most of the way through it,
when i decided a summation was more in order

i am a loyal person, extremely loyal in most cases
i take my involvement in groups/organizations/ideologies seriously
when you imply that i don't, and that i'll betray when it's convenient for me,
it really fucking bothers me
especially when i've done nothing but committed myself to it,
and taken great pains to become involved and leave my mark
it's about as close to being offended as i can get
so don't. EVER. fucking do it

i can take a joke, and i can grasp sarcasm,
but there is a major difference between those and passive seriousness
and believe me, i can tell which is which
especially when it's been bandied around for a while
so if you're going to make implications about me on the sly,
just know that i take it very seriously,
and it is not something i forgive easily


not exactly a summation,
but it's a hell of a lot shorter than what i had before

iron horse

i learned a few things today:
—i can actually finish a crossword on my own accord, and
—i can finish two crosswords, a sudoku, a word find, and a number puzzle in an hour
—my coat isn't waterproof anymore
—i actually like the music of john tavener
—i found a word that perfectly sums up my feelings about my relationships with other people [even the sound of the word fits perfectly]
—it's never too cold to walk in a thunderstorm [though, truthfully, that was more a reminder than anything else]
—i don't ever want to read russian literature in russian


i feel like everyone i know is tired of hearing me bitch about russian
[this is where most people would promise to stop doing it so much]
well, i dunno what to tell you
on the plus side, i only have it for another two weeks
and then, very literally, NEVER AGAIN
[this is where most people would offer some sort of nostalgia]
i can't really remember shit about what i've learned these four years
other than dr merrill is a godsend, zarema is a nightmare
and i have the memory capacity of a retarded howler monkey
so, if you've suffered though me complaining about it this long,
at least be comforted in the fact that the end is nigh
and the beginning of me complaining about how much i've forgotten is at hand

if i didn't find its studiousness extremely tedious,
and its endless intricacies mind–numbing,
i'd honestly consider some sort of career in psychology
[and no, not as a clinical psychologist
would you want me psychoanalyzing your problems?]
the neurobiological sciences fascinate the fuck out of me,
and i love how they co–habitate with human psychology
if i felt like going through eons more schooling,
and actually had some sort of idea about what i could study,
maybe i'd take that route in the future
but i highly doubt it

there's a little drawing of me on the wall next to my desk
my friend eric drew it while we were working at our internships in new york
[it's one of my facebook profile photos, for those who can see them]
i've always kinda liked him
couldn't tell you why, i just do
i imagine this was going somewhere in my head,
but as words on the interwubs it seems to be just another dead–end thought
oh well


because i mentioned how much i've taken a shine to tavener,
and because i've been listening to this the entire time i've been writing this,
here's a composition of his i particularly enjoy


alleluia
may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest
alleluia
remember me, o lord, when you come into your kingdom
alleluia
give rest, o lord, to your handmaid, who has fallen asleep
alleluia
the choir of saints have found the well–spring of life and door of paradise
alleluia
life: a shadow and a dream
alleluia
weeping at the grave creates the song: alleluia
come, enjoy the rewards and crowns i have prepared for you
alleluia

route 8

it's 5`30 in the morning on a saturday
and i'm doing homework

am i the only person who can go out to a party on a friday night,
drink, hang out with people, have all–around good time
come home around 4`30 in the morning
then almost immediately start doing this?

i feel like this kind of behavior is frowned upon
some sort of intervention should probly take place

brooke marine

no, i'm not

peregrination

i feel the need to share this,
mostly because i can,
and partly because i'll forget to if i don't now

i just got back from the longest trek i've ever taken in e/l
in short:
i started at knob hill apartments in okemos
i ended at phillips hall in east lansing
i left at 3`30 a/m
i got back at 5`06 a/m
distance? 5 miles
temperature? –2º
beard? frozen
it was well worth it

and now, to bed
cuz i'm fucking tired

maimonides

i did my civic duty today
yup. i voted.
this was the second time i've done it by absentee ballot
[i did in 2008 too]
it seems to be developing into a trend
in my three years as a registered voter,
i've yet to step foot in an actual voting booth
granted, there were a couple local elections i missed
mostly cuz i never know when the fuck they are, but still
maybe someday i'll actually vote where i live

also speaking of absentee ballots
i have a bone to pick with the gub'ment about them:
it gets sent to us very quickly, quicker than normal mail]
you provide three envelopes with it
[the one it comes it, the return envelope, and the privacy sleeve]
you have the actual printed paper ballot,
which, by the way, is pretty long and always double sided
you give us all these instructions to fill them out and send them back
and yet, when i go to mail it back in the envelopes provided,
why in the hell do i have to pay the postage?
seriously, you go through all the trouble of mailing this shit to me
and you pay for it to get mailed to me, but not back?
the hell is that?
is it really that hard to pay the 61¢ postage?
our tax dollars at work, apparently

also, since we're on the subject of politics,
words can't describe how out of place i feel here
everyone goes on and on about the city and state officials
bloomberg this, albany that, holy christ it's paladino,
d'you hear what cuomo said yesterday,
and hot damn about that there working families party
they could be talking about scandinavian bear wrestling for all i know
i like to think i'm moderately informed about politics,
but i have enough problems keeping up with michigan politics
[which, by the way, nearly gives me a stroke to think about]
and trying to keep up with what connecticut does these days?
it's a wonder i even know who's running
but damn, even trying to understand new york politics gives me a headache
bullshit nonsense is what it is

viscount

WHY I HATE RAINSTORMS
a rant and rage in four acts

movement 1 — people
people are invariably the most irritating part about rainstorms
they always act like it's the end of their existence
because getting wet is SUCH the tragedy
god forbid your hair get frizzy,
or your dress shirt get wrinkled
also, they automatically start bitching about the weather,
and it's always really loud and whiny
like i give a shit about how much you don't like precipitation
if you were smart and paid attention to the forecasts
OR LOOKED OUT YOUR FUCKING WINDOWS
you'd know that clouds are a–comin' and a storm's a–brewin'
and, generally while being whining like pissy kindergartner,
they start run–walking [or actually running] out of the rain
that's actually funny to me, not annoying
watching white people run is always funny
especially when they're ill–suited to do so
portly men in badly–proportioned suits are normally funny
but in a dead sprint, they're fucking comedy gold
but that's only if they don't have their protection with them
which leads to...

entr'acte — umbrellas
there is no crueler invention for city life than umbrellas
granted, they are a moderately–convenient invention
especially when keeping your upper half pristine is important
but they are more than just an irritation for the rest of us
they can be downright life–threatening
consider the following example:
it's starting to drizzle a little bit, not really that hard
a small woman walking towards you pulls out a massive umbrella,
an umbrella that could fit four people under it,
and opens it, holding it about a foot over her head
she's not watching where she's going
[or she's in too much of a rush to care]
it's a small sidewalk, and somewhat crowded
and as this woman passes,
you get hit square in the face [sometimes the eye] with her umbrella
ever happen to you?
cuz it happens to me all the fucking time
and i'm goddamn sick of it

movement 2 — resulting humidity
there's nothing like a rainstorm to help change up the weather
it's like nature's 'reset' button
in the summertime, they're a godsend
they take all the heat and stickiness out of the air
and for a glorious while, you get a respite from the oppressive temps
but then, about fifteen minutes after it's done,
you start to breathe in, and you can taste the moisture
then it gets worse
then it starts getting really bad,
to the point where you feel like you're in the everglades
the humidity comes back with a fucking vengeance
as if in defiance of the rain that just left
saying 'you can't make me leave,
and for trying, you get extra punishment
AHAHAHAHA'
what the hell is that?
if the rain was truly beneficial and kind to us
it'd kick humidity in the balls and make it evaporate
but no
rain is the picador to the humidity's bull
all it's doing is giving it more resolve to make us miserable

rondo — duration
rain is a fickle* beast, and it does whatever it damn well pleases
and normally want it wants is not what you want
especially in terms of how long it'll rain
when you want it to, it's never long enough
but when you do,
that's shit over quicker than an honest politician's career
it always goes on forever when you need it to stop
when you've got an armful of books or important documents
or maybe you're carrying something electronic
it rains like it'll never get the chance to again
but when you're bored and have the free time,
maybe decide to go out, get soaked, and splash in the puddles,
then the rain quits after about five minutes
and that MOTHERFISTFUCKING HUMIDITY comes back
it feel like you took a swan dive into a turkish bath
and just feel all sticky and slightly damp
why can't that ever be reversed?
why can't rain let us appreciate it when we want to?
and piss off when it's really, REALLY problematic?
is that so goddamn hard?


i love rain, i really do
thunderstorms are my favorite natural phenomenon
and rain in general is something that'll brighten my day
but goddamned if it doesn't piss me off in the process
it's like a really cool person you've known for a long time
and you love hanging out with them, especially just the two of you
but they always have to bring their fucking friends
and they're ALWAYS complete pricks,
and it just ruins it for you
i guess i'll have to get used to it,
cuz that's not gonna change anytime soon




*when i was writing the last part,
i initially wrote 'fuckle' instead of fickle,
and i immediately started to wonder how that would work
i imagined some unholy combo of suckling and fucking
and then imagined is as the logical follow up to cuddling
i bet some cutesy motherfucker is gonna start using that
'hey baby, i just wanna cuddle with you,
and then maybe, if things start to get hot,
we can fuckle a little bit, then maybe cuddle again'
don't think it won't happen

trawler

as much as i really want to
and i do mean REALLY WANT TO
i'm not going to bitch about the new big ten divisions
i'm not going to complain about the new championship game
i am, however, gonna bitch about opening week matchups
on second thought, i'm not gonna bitch about that either
i'll just say that i have serious issues with all of them
and i don't want to waste you people's time with lots of cursing
[though, let's face it, you're all used to it by now]

it's kinda sad,
i'm one of the only people out here that's really into sports
so i have no one to yell at the tv with,
BUT
i did find a steelers bar on third ave
[they had an inflatable hines ward on the sidewalk in front of their window]
which i am going to frequent with great regularity come the nfl season
mostly since i don't have cable,
and i am NOT going without football this fall, goddamn it

my hard drive is rapidly approaching too full
[too many movies/much music]
which means here in the not–too–distant future
i'z gonna need a external
maybe someday i'll actually be able to afford it

al–fallujah

i normally try not to d this,
and i can't promise i'll never do it again,
but i want to draw you guys' attention to something:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-10547610
please, read the article all the way through,
then be as pissed about it as i am,
and continue

in short:
if you are a member of the u.s. military,
you were given training, given a paid position,
and never had the misfortune of being in combat,
be fucking thankful
be grateful, be relieved, and quit being an asshole
if you are a person who enlisted in the military,
and you are 'frustrated, disappointed, or shamed',
then you obviously didn't sign up for the right reasons
you should never sign up for the military for the following reasons:
–'misguided rage'
–xenophobia
–racism
–the urge to kill someone
–desire to be wounded
–desire to see combat, or
–recognition and/or achievement

if you enlist for any of the above,
then there's a reason you never saw combat
if you are so angry that you enlist solely to kill 'the enemy'
then there's no difference between you and a serial killer
the people in this article are not who should be representing the u.s.
these are bloodthirsty murderers who wanted to get away with it
i repeat: if you are so lucky that you serve a stint without seeing combat,
be fucking grateful
because i would rather die at the hands of al–qaeda
than be fought for by any of the people in that article

keirle house

are you guys ready for this?
there's no way you can be, but too fucking bad
this is mostly just going to be a really long bitching
you've been warned





PSYCHE
[christ, that's really 90s of me]
that's my version of false advertising
like really stupid headlines that make you read an article
like this one: 'aspirin can reduce migraine symptom pain'
[which is also a big NO SHIT from those of who get them]

apparently, for people i know,
this is the week for shit just not going right [myself included]
at least a dozen people are just having a shitty time of it
which sucks, cuz we're so close to being done
and also shouldn't be a surprise, since it's fucking april
i can't speak for anyone else,
but my profs have played a big part in mine
my history prof got all indignant cuz we didn't read all her extraneous bullshit
and zarema's gotten mad at us three classes in a row,
which is a record for at [with our class, at least]
i guess we just aren't up to her expectations,
which is just shocking
that, and everyday this week i've felt like i've made bad decisions
but today, i made two good ones:
i opened a window during rehearsal to get a goddamn breeze,
and i made myself a delicious sammich
slowly but surely, i'm getting better

i'm slowly becoming covered in bruises,
mostly around my elbows and knees
i really need to stop throwing myself on the floor with such vigor
that or i need to not do it as often
oh well, s'what i get for being 'dedicated to my craft'
also, i need to learn to not be so goddamn awkward
i'm currently out–awkwarding a freshman gal,
which really speaks volumes, doesn't it?

i have a russia–tastic weekend coming up,
don't go getting jealous, now
friday i have russian club, russian class, then russian food party
saturday i have a presentation on russia to give to high schoolers
then sunday is the zolotoj plyos concert
i haven't had that much russia shoved into that little time since i was there
let me tell you, it's not as much fun as it sounds
and it doesn't really sound like fun at all

final thought:
if it gets up to 80º today,
i will murder something with a cotton candy bucket

odpoczynek

holy shit, son

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8612825.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/8612888.stm

i wonder how many conspiracy theories are out there already
god knows there's gonna be plenty
especially since they were flying back after the katyń memorial
the worst part of this is, it wasn't just the president and his wife
there was an 85 member delegation with them
including members of the polish cabinet, military chiefs of staff, and others
thankfully the prime minister wasn't on that flight, too
shit's gonna be really heavy in eastern europe for the next few weeks
damn


[for those of you who don't know,
the katyń massacre happened in april 1940;
soviet soldiers and officers received a letter signed by the entire soviet politburo:
it authorized them to gather polish prisoners, politicans, intelligentsia and police,
and then kill them all
around 22,000 were shot in all, and buried in mass graves
all this happened in a large forest outside the village of katyń on russia's border
it was covered up for years,
then, in 1943, while they were scouting the area,
nazi wehrmacht officers discovered the graves, and radioed it in
it caused a huge firestorm between the poles and soviets,
the soviets denying responsibility and blaming germany,
with everyone else [including germany and poland] blaming the soviets
they continued denying these claims until the soviet union fell,
and then, in 1990, the russians finally admitted culpability
there's been tumultuous treatment ever since,
with some russian newspapers still blaming the nazis,
but all three russian presidents have memorialized the event,
this year they invited polish president kaczyński and p/m tusk to the memorial,
since this was the 70th anniversary]

jagjaguwar

we meet again, four a/m
you and i really got to know each other well this year
normally we'd only meeting fleetingly
maybe once or twice a week
sometimes, very rarely, not for a few weeks at a time
but our relationship changed, big time
i didn't know it, but apparently we're going steady
and we have been for over half a year now
glad you finally clued me in

i have to say, though, you could've been less bitchy about it
i understand that you don't like when i don't give you attention
and my hanging out with other times must cut deep
i understand
i think you're too goddamn sensitive,
and it's not that a huge of a deal
but still, i get it,
you're hurt, you felt abandoned maybe?
i'd say i'm sorry, but it was beginning to feel abusive
you had a stranglehold over my mornings
you'd never let me take a nap around you
never let me go and do other things without you
we don't have to see each other every day to be good together
sometimes, time apart helps strengthen the relationship
at least in theory

you'd never let me test that though, would you?
i tried telling you, but you just wouldn't listen to me
so here it is again, and i really need to you to listen this time:
i need some time on my own, away from you
and we need to not hang out again for a while
maybe in a week or so, but definitely not the coming days
you're starting to drive me a little batshit
your constant neediness and mid–night rendezvous are taxing
i can only give you so much, you know
and i don't have much to give

at first you only took up free time
and that's fine, less time spent fucking around on the interwubs is okay
but then, you slowly started creeping into my study time
and i get it, maybe i was being a little neglectful,
but i have other priorities, you know?
then a little study time turned into a lot of study time
and i started falling a bit behind
it wasn't too major, i could make up for it later
but i felt a little used, you know?
like i had no say in what was going on between us
and now? you've taken it to far
i try to sleep at other points during the day to spend time with you,
and you fucking refuse to let me
what the hell?
are you so controlling that i can't spend time with anyone else?
do i constantly need to be in an insomniac stupor to please you?
this is ridiculous

no, you never listen to what i have to say
i've had it with you, and your constant need for attention
you show up unannounced, you always butt in,
i can never get away from you anymore
and you're fucking rude to my friends
i'm calling it off, four a/m
you can pick your stuff up off the curb,
cuz i'm done with you and you using me
i'm my own man
and i demand the ability to sleep around you again
don't make me turn this into an even bigger mess
just let me loose, and find some other poor asshole to siphon off of




needless to say,
my weekday sleep schedule is completely fucked up now
it's become me passing out for an hour or two every six to eight hours
which is not beneficial in any way
i do tend to make up for it on the weekends,
but man is it a bitch five days a week
at this point i'm in need of a hard system reboot
that or the six–inch drop test
cuz this is goddamn ridiculous
off to studying i go, i guess

couvertpuis

i got a surprise today when i got up:
a bloody nose, which hasn't happened to me in years
then, walking back from the bathroom about ten minutes ago,
i got another one
i've never had two in one day before,
it's kinda disconcerting
i think it's a sign:
my nostrils are probly too dry

after much wrangling and bribing
i got me some pączki last night [apple and blueberry]
and they are fucking delicious
it's too bad they're only widely available around mardi gras
i'd eat my weight in these things in a year easy if i could
maybe i'm just not looking in the right spots

also, a note to everyone ever:
'pączki' is already a plural,
so you don't need to add an 's' to it
those delicious cake donuts we all know and love are pączki, not pączkis
a single one is called a 'pączek', lots of them are called 'pączki'
got it?
and, just cuz i'm feeling like dick,
it's pronounced 'paunch-key'
not 'punch-key', not 'patch-key', not 'paz-key'
it's a polish word, and slavic languages pronounce shit weird
trust me, i would know

one of my friends is having trouble with a girl he likes
at the moment, the whole asking–her–out thing
it's starting to get annoying, cuz it's been going on so long
and he's not the only one i've been hearing about lately, either
i've been told about so many people's relationships this semester
and i don't get why there was such a sudden increase
i really don't care about most of them in the least
and yet people still come to me to talk about them
i don't understand
also, on a similar note:
why do people keep asking me for relationship advice?
i really am the second–to–last person you want to ask
i've been single for almost three years now
i haven't actively pursued anyone in that time
haven't even had a fling
would you really want your relationship resting in my hands?
didn't think so

also, the olympics are on now
whoo?
one more thing for me not to watch

с ума сошёл

fucking draft is finally taken care of

all it needs now is some editing and some citations thrown in

[it needs to be good too, but no amount of editing's gonna help that]

so, in honor of this heinous crackwhore of a paper being done

i share with you people my outline,

which has seen many long, long nights of reading

this is what happens when i get bored,

and have norway and denmark on the brain

for those of you who can't see decipher what it says

here's a complimentary transcription:

Military

Planning Weserübung  >>> [the fuck is an übung?]

       –Why Norway?

              •UK [AltMark, BoB]

              •USSR [Finalnd] + who cares?

              •Economics [ore n fish n shit]

       –Denmark too!

              •Resources [that's it]

The Day Arrives

       –Landings up the coast

              •Beating back the Brits

       –Sea powers ––––– Sea powers clash [clash powers clash]

       –Air power vs the navy [battle of the bitches]

       –Three Dimensions of Victory

                ^

                |    /

                |  /

                .______>   [0,0,0]

Occupying the Völkergemeinschaft [ha, German]

       –SS Standarte Nordland

       –Nothin gets to the Russkies

       –Protecting the Economy  ---------------> damn

              •Supply/Demand? suck it

       –Norway – No Way

              •ha your stupid, Germans dont care bout chu

Politics/Econ

Völker, not Volks

       –Denmark autonomous?

              •Full control of day-to-day

              •Kept King + parliament

              •'43 martial [really wasn't]

       –Norway – Terboven and beyond

              •Reichskommisar's in town

              •Holy crap it's Quisling

                  ~Governing w/ Samling

                  ~NO ONE LIKED HIM

Supplying the Machine

       –Goods from Denmark

              •Nothing happened, 'cept for no imports [coal, gas]

       –Norway has stuff

damn-->•Eye-ron Ore

              •Fishes [not gay fishes Kanye]

              •Norsk Hydroelectric

                [Heavy water is delicious]

Christ on a Crutch end goes here I'm done

wolff's law

with this semester coming to a close,
i can finally say that i can empathize with people who hate history
i've had the two types of profs that most stereotype our discipline:
the boring, rambling, all-over-the-place, grades-hard-as-balls prof [last fall]
and the condescending, meddling, i'm-better-than-you'll-ever-be prof [this fall]
i swear to god, they've both made me crazy as shit
they even make me wonder whether i even want to go into history
cuz god knows i'll never get away from people like them
i won't be able to get away from the one i have this fall even if i try
he's fucking married to my advisor, and they both know my majors
which means they're probly gonna try to stick me with him next year
and i'll be damned if i'm gonna write a 50-75 page paper for this man
20 pages is giving me enough trouble

it's also never been clearer to me that i don't want to go into russian history
i'm perfectly content just being fluent in another language
russia doesn't need to have a stranglehold on my entire academic life
i don't wanna be another siegelbaum

this semester's contained a first for me
i honestly don't give a shit how well i do in my history class
my motivation for that class just evaporated,
and i couldn't say when or why
normally something happens that makes me not care anymore
like, 'hey, this prof obviously doesn't care how good this work is,
he's gonna be a dick when he grades regardless'
or, 'this class has absolutely no effect on my major at all
it's boring and i just don't give a damn anymore'
but not this time
if i can just throw together a paper and hand it in i'll be perfectly content
and i know fucking up in this class is gonna screw me over later on
but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it

if i can survive another week, i'll be home free
very literally, too
i get to leave on monday of finals week cuz i don't have any finals
thank god for projects, even though they're kicking my ass
especially that poli/sci honors project i forgot about till last thursday
that's due this coming thursday
thank god i already have all the info for that
my photojournalism project, thankfully, came together perfectly
that one was a bitch to pull together, but that'll be done by tomorrow
i'm gonna survive this with my sanity intact, goddamn it

as a complete side-note
i have to make a website over break
anybody want to help/give me pointers/do it for me?

and this makes number eight
damn it
what a fucking way to start the day


спасение соделал еси посреде земли, боже. аллилуия.

linn valley

it's that time of the year again
classes start, and what a treat it will be

the thing that kills me,
of all the shit that professors do [un]intentionally,
is when they over–format the syllabus.
it's a goddamn course outline
it doesn't need to be pretty, it doesn't need photos
it doesn't need to be 10 goddamn pages long
i don't need clipart and cutesy sayings to help me understand class
every semester i go through this shit
i download all my syllabi and i reformat them
i can usually cut them down about 25% just getting rid of graphics
if this really was a 'green university'
they'd forbid any syllabus longer than three pages, double sided
that's how you save paper

i will say, i'm pleased with my start times this semester
only one class starts before noon
shit ton better than another 8`30
i' never want to go through that again

also, a big fuck you goes out to kim wilcox, our provost
our welcome 'days' fucking sucked
this year's freshmen got screwed, royally
also, what the fuck was up with those fireworks?
is that really what they're using our tuition money for?
because i can think of better ways to spend $18k

christ
is it december yet?