bowling again

well, hi
certainly been a while since i've said, well, anything
[i think april was my last actual blog post]
so i think today i'll break that streak and actuall write something
and that something obviously isn't going to why i don't have a job yet,
it's gonna be football
it's goddamn bowl season, son,
let's get rolling with the picks.

a quick note, to those who remember from last year:
my bcs bowl boycott has come to an end ,
since they finally decided to institute something else
[whether the four-team playoff will be good is anyone's guess,
but it's sure as shit better than the system we have now]
which means i can watch and prognosticate them again
[hah, prognosticate, like i'm a fucking expert]

at any rate, here's my list in all its glory:
1] las vegas: boise state over washington
2] holiday: ucla over baylor
3] russell athletic: rutgers over virginia tech
4] meineke car care: minnesota over texas tech
5] pinstripe: west virginia over syracuse
6] fight hunger: navy over arizona state
7] alamo: oregon state over texas
8] buffalo wild wings: michigan state over texas christian
9] chick-fil-a: louisiana state over clemson
10] gator: northwestern over mississippi state
11] outback: michigan over south carolina
12] capital one: georgia over nebraska
13] rose: wisconsin over stanford
14] orange: florida state over northern illinois
15] fiesta: oregon over kansas state
16] cotton: texas a&m over oklahoma
17] ncg: notre dame over alabama

obviously i'm hoping for a lot of b1g/pac12 wins
as well as simply hoping instead of objectively picking a winner
so, let's get down to why

1] purely at simply, washington has been far too erratic this year for me to pick them
they lost to unranked arizona by 35 and unranked wazzu 3 in overtime
they beat ranked stanford and oregon state by 4 and 3 respectively
boise, at least, has been playing consistently
and their pair of losses [at msu and at sdsu] is much more understandable

2] ucla/baylor is a complete crapshoot
ucla won their division outright for the first time since '98,
and followed it promptly with back-to-back losses to a ranked stanford team
baylor barely beat louisiana-monroe by 3,
but also upset then-#1 k-state by 28 points
i just think ucla has a better chance of pulling this out

3] rutgers won their first big east championship this year [albeit shared with 3 other teams]
va tech's 3 conference wins came against teams that are combined 12–24
simple as that

4] this one is more wishful thinking, i suppose
texas tech's beaten two ranked teams this year, but also lost 3 straight to ranked teams
minnesota's got an intact coaching staff, but also only beat illinois and purdue this year
course, last time texas tech had a coaching team, they beat msu by 10, so who knows

5] i guess i just have faith in wvu's ability to run up the score yet again
they were uncompetive in just two of their games against better competition
whereas syracuse was co-big east champion at 7–5 [at least rutgers was 9–3]

6] this one's also mostly just wishful thinking,
mostly cuz i've always cheered for navy, and todd graham is an ass

7] oregon state has played better football all year long,
and i think they're less susceptible to a season-ending disappointment
this game is in texas, though, so it might go down to the wire

8] just have to have faith that msu will pull this out
msu and tcu have been equally terrible this year, so it's really anyone's game

9] this one is simple: lsu is just the better team that's played better all year

10] again, wishful thinking, but one of the more realistic ones i think
northwestern's had its best season since 2008, played competitively in all 3 losses
and came damn close to winning its division
mississippi state, on the other hand, only beat the four worst teams in the sec
and lost their other four conference games by at least 17 points

11] again wishful thinking, but i think michigan does have a shot
i don't really have much to say about this other than i hope michigan wins

12] i really, REALLY want to go with nebraska on this [mostly for the b1g's bowls' sake]
but there's just no way i can justify it
georgia came within five yards of playing for a national title,
nebraska lost the b1g championship to the 3rd place leaders team by halftime

13] picking the upset in this one purely off gut instinct
i think the badgers will have enough emotion riding on this to finally get over the hump
remember, they've lost the past two rose bowls by 2 and 3 points, respectively
so it's not like they rolled over to their competition either time
besides, with their a/d back as one-time coach, it'll be a hell of a show

14] the only no-brainer of my group of picks
i'm not gonna berate niu for being chosen, because i do think they played well this year
and they've earned their spot in a quality bcs game
i just think they're insanely overmatched [like uconn and oklahoma two years ago]

15] k-state and oregon did give me pause for a while, but i had to go with the ducks
even though both teams ultimately failed to go undefeated and play for the ncg,
i think oregon has more of a chip on their shoulder
[they also lost their game at home by 3, instead of on the road by 28]

16] i love this matchup simply because last year it was a regular season game
though i think tamu takes it because they've played better competition
the sec is deeper than the big12, after all

17] purely because i want the sec's ncg streak to end asap,
and who better than the traditional independent power of notre dame?
[even though i think notre dame needs to get off their high horse,
i'm willing to let them have this moment if they stop alabama in their tracks]




ADDENDUM:
it seems boise beat washington by 2 as i was compiling this ridiculous thing
i'm off to a good start at least
let's see how badly i do this year

sweet gee-sus

or, the hilarious hijinks of the b1g's most dickish president

today's post is made possible by the man in the bow-tie
that most snobbish and rambunctious of school presidents,
the man that can make everyone say in unison 'SHUT THE FUCK UP',
e gordon gee, president of ohio state

yesterday, because he apparently had to get it off his chest,
gee sat down with osu's student newspaper, the lantern,
and offered his measured, carefully chosen words on a recent article
[namely, the sn article blasting the shit out of urban meyer]
and by that, i mean in turn blasted the new outlet that published the story:
after admitting that he hadn't even read the story all the way through,
he dismisses it as bad journalism laced with false information
[while offering no explanantion about what was false]
he also lambasted sports illustrated for an article about tressel from last year
 which he also said was nothing but false info passed as objective journalism
again with no explanation about what was incorrect about the story

i would love to say that this was simply isolated insanity,
but that would not give NEARLY enough credit to our ol' pal gordon,
who has quite the impressive track record of putting his foot up his ass
i now submit, for your viewing pleasure/insanity,
an brief list of his choicer comments

on the difficulties of centrally organizing osu's colleges: "when we had these 18 colleges all kind of floating around. they were like... boats, they were shooting each other. it was kind of like the polish army"

on bret bielema's complaints about meyer's recruiting tactics: "we hired the best coach and we went out and got the best kids so get a life."

on the scrutiny facing jim tressel before he was fired: "let me be very clear: i'm just hoping the coach doesn't fire me."

on whether tcu or boise state was worthy of playing in the ncg: "well, i don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football. i do know, having been both a southeastern conference president and a big ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools. we do not play the little sisters of the poor. we play very fine schools on any given day."

on the necessity of religious diversity in universities [especially vanderbilt]:  "yes, we’re targeting jewish students. there’s nothing wrong with that. that’s not affirmative action, that’s smart thinking."

on the 1992 michigan/osu game's 13–13 tie: 'if character is a mark of greatness, then this is our greatest victory."


oh, gordon

kispalád

blogablogaBLOGablogablog
it's been a while since i've said anything of note
[note being me not posting lyrics]
and now seems as good a time as any
why? because b1g spring football kicked off this weekend
[except at purdue, who cancelled due to potential death storms]
and since there aren't any enjoyable sports until august,
i need to fill the athletic void somehow

thankfully, i needn't look far,
because the the 2012 schedules b1g schedules have been released
which means now that i've had a chance to look through all of them,
it's time to scope out which matchups will be best WAY too early
for the sake of organization, we'll go week by weekare you ready for this shit?
ARE you READYfor THIS SHIT?!
goddamn right you are. let's get to it


week 1:
msu v. boise state
quick poll: can the b1g season start out any better than this game?
quick answer: no way, no how
here we have a matchup of two teams that ended 2011 in the top 10,
one is the perennial bcs at–large team that takes down an aq team every single year,
the other is the defending division champ with back-to-back 11 win seasons
both teams are starting new kids at key positions [qb/rb/wr/safety],
and both are looking to start the season with a quality win over a ranked opponent
and best of all, the game is nationally televised on a friday from spartan stadium
whether you love or hate msu, you will be watching this game
you know you will

michigan v. alabama
we can be sure that, of all the things michigan was planning on when they scheduled this,
they weren't planning on facing an alabama squad fresh of a national championship
beyond the fact that this is a special opening week game [the cowboys classic],
which means that a ton of people will be watching,
this is the perfect statement game for both of these teams:
it could be michigan's unequivocal announcement that they are 'back',
knocking off an sec powerhouse in the process,
or bama's opportunity to beat yet another b1g team,
and in so doing defend their championship in the biggest of ways
both conferences proclaim to be the best in college football,
so what better way to determine it than a head to head?

week 2:
illinois @ arizona state
some of you may think i put this game here to be a cynical bastard,
and you'd be right
illinois is fresh of being the first team to star 6–0 and finish 0–6,
as well as completely overhauling their coaching staff
the sun devils are fresh off completely imploding down the stretch,
and losing their division to the first ever 6–8 team, ucla
last year, the teams were rather evenly matched
[basically being the same team in two different conferences]
and the rematch in tempe will be a good gauge of how each is restarting
plus, since the b1g/pac12 non–con matchups don't start till 2017,
this is all we get to look forward to until the rose bowl

iowa v. iowa state
the cyhawk trophy is one of the better non–con b1g trophy games
[regardless of what the trophy itself will look like],
and no self–respecting football fan misses out on a good, intrastate football rivalry
especially since, after 3 straight losses where they failed to score more than 7 points,
iowa state beat the piss out iowa last year at home
so you can be sure iowa will be out for blood this year in iowa city

penn state @ virginia
this one seems like kind of a longshot, but i'd put money on it being a great game
penn state, as we all know, is in complete transition from the joepa era,
and everyone's gonna be all over bill o'brian to start off the season well
meanwhile, virginia put together one of the better seasons in the acc last year
and was playing [but lost] for the chance to face clemson in the title game
they may have ended the season with a thud [19 point loss to auburn],
but i'd bet they'll be at least as good this year as last
which means penn state will probly have its hands full when it goes to charlottesville

week 3:
msu v. notre dame
does this one even need an explanation?
msu/notre dame has been one of the best b1g rivalries in the past 10 years
and with both teams striving to be nationally elite,
this game has huge implications for the rest of both teams' seasons
so you better believe spartan stadium will be packed for this game

nebraska v. arkansas state
this game ought to be very interesting
arkansas state won its first conference championship last year,
their new head coach is the o/c from auburn [the same guy who coached cam newton],
and nebraska's non–con schedule is otherwise very soft
this game may be in lincoln, but i think it'll be a tough game for the huskers to pull off

week 4:
michigan @ notre dame 
again, is this really worthy of a full explanation?
notre dame's other rivalry against the state of michigan is usually a good game,
and michigan will be hard pressed to follow up their home performance last year
if they manage to beat both alabama and notre dame in september,
i imagine they'd find themselves ranked in the top 5

week 5:
iowa v. minnesota
this is another game that initially may not seem like a good one,
but considering how this game played out last year,
i expect as good of a show this time around
minnesota's beaten iowa twice in a row,
something that that hasn't happened in a dozen years
this game is suddenly falling under the 'inexplicable loss' category for iowa
which means it might be fun to watch the hawkeyes get flustered yet again

ohio state @ msu
i might as well just start listing every msu game now,
since it's only week 5 and i've already listed 3 of them
but there's no doubt in my mind that this game will be incredible
last year's was a defensive show case with 59 minutes of rather plodding play,
[with 1 minute of excitement near the end]
but this year will be better for two reasons:
msu hasn't lost at home since 2009
and this will be ohio state's first b1g game with urban meyer
if there's really any team that has the capability to beat msu in e/l, it's ohio state
BUT, with mr. egotistical at the helm of the buckeyes now,
replete with spread offense and unabashed indifference to rules,
ohio state should get a pretty good spanking to start off the b1g schedule,
not unlike nebraska's opener last year at wiscy

wisconsin v. nebraska
speaking of nebraska and wisconsin,
they both kick off their respective seasons against each other again this year
though this time they'll be playing in lincoln
wisconsin's got themselves a new acc qb in danny o'brian,
marking this their third starting qb in as many years,
while nebraska's chomping at the bit to be competitive in the b1g title race
plus, after last october's 31-point loss,
i can only imagine that the huskers wish to return the favor

week 6:
msu v. indiana
hah, just kidding, this game will be a total blowout

nebraska @ ohio state
considering that very few b1g fans actually like the buckeyes,
and that urban meyer is the coach now,
i bet this game will get tons of interest from non–husker fans,
specifically hoping they beat the piss out of ohio state at the shoe
and considering how competitive last year's game was,
i bet this one will be just as good

week 7:
iowa @ msu
week 7 and it's already the fourth msu game
but whatcha gon' do?
iowa and msu have been rather evenly matched of late
[in terms of talent and playing style, at least],
and this promises to be yet another smash–mouth game of b1g football
and who would want to miss that?

week 8:
penn state @ iowa
ah yes, iowa, bane of nittany lions' fans for two decades
how much of a bane, you may ask?
penn state has only won in iowa city only thrice since joining the b1g [out of 7 tries]
and only a grand total of ONCE since 1995
their games are usually good and close,
and this one should be especially enticing what with all the coaching changes:
penn state having an entirely new staff, iowa having a new o/c and d/c
plus, it's penn state, and you should ALWAYS watch penn state play

michigan v. msu
and there it is, the paul bunyan trophy
paul's been in e/l long enough to get an undergrad degree,
after having been at michigan long enough to get a master's
this game is a bit later in october than it has been in recent years
[the last three being held on october 15, 9, and 3, respectively]
but that should have no bearing on quality
while i wouldn't bet on either team being undefeated by the time this game is played
[each is likely going to play 3 ranked opponents before week 8],
i would bet on it being one of the best games of the season
why? michigan hasn't beaten msu at the big house since 2006
which is flat out embarrassing

nebraska @ northwestern
we all know that northwestern's made a habit of pulling a big upset every year
it seems to be pat fitzgerald's specialty
last year's was nebraska, which was confounding as it was funny
i want to see these two play again simply to see if the wildcats can do it again
welcome to the b1g, nebraska, northwestern is our iowa state

purdue v. ohio state
this one, you may remember, falls under the 'house of horrors' heading,
because the buckeyes have had some tremendous failures in west lafayette
and we all like seeing ohio state inexplicably lose, yes?
so even though most purdue games tend to fall on the 'meh' end of the scale,
this one will certainly be worth watching

week 9:
iowa @ northwestern
and speaking of inexplicable losses to inferior opponents
['inexplicable' repetition meter: 4 times],
iowa and northwestern really typifies this problem for b1g teams
i think will simply be a fun game to watch,
because spoilers are ALWAYS fun to watch [unless they're happening to you]
also, for the record, i'm calling this as northwestern's yearly spoiler game
hear me now, believe me late

nebraska v. michigan
this game is michigan's first real road game of the season
[purdue doesn't count because michigan isn't the buckeyes],
and it should be a doozy
michigan, msu, and nebraska are all variously expected to win the legends,
and this game will go a long way in establishing who does win it
last year, michigan's win over the huskers gave msu the division championship,
so there's little reason to think it won't matter again

wisconsin v. msu
this will be the first time since 2009 that msu travels to camp randall,
a place no b1g has won since iowa two weeks after the above mentioned game 
[wiscy holds the longest b1g home winning streak at 10,
followed by msu at 8 and michigan at 4]
given the intensity of the last five matchups between these teams,
culminating in last year's two insanely watchable games,
you can be damn sure this one will be just as good

ohio state @ penn state
this game is the leaders division's version of nebraska/michigan
even though wisconsin is going to be favored win leaders again,
osu and penn state are gonna be right there challenging for it,
so it naturally holds that this game will go a long way to determining who wins it
plus, with both teams getting completely new staffs this season,
it'll be a good barometer for how far they've come

week 10:
nebraska @ msu
another one? why not
this week's actually kinda starved for good matchups,
what with um/minnesota, iowa/indiana, osu/illinois, and psu/purdue being the others
so this one stands out because, again, it will mean a lot in the legends division race
plus, nebraska is the last remaining b1g opponent a dantonio team hasn't beaten,
so you can be sure they'll try to make it a reality

week 11:
penn state @ nebraska
another lone standout against a week of 'meh' games,
this one ought to be fantastic
in fact, i'm not even gonna bother selling you on it
if you aren't already compelled to watch either penn state or nebraska play football,
then i really want nothing to do with you

week 12:
michigan v. iowa
i put this game on the list for a very specific reason:
iowa is currently riding it's longest win streak over michigan EVER
michigan state's streak over michigan gets more press,
but this one is just as impressive
iowa's never won twice in a row in ann arbor,
brady hoke's team has yet to lose at home
something's gotta give, yeah?

ohio state @ wisconsin 
this game, not unlike msu/michigan, will probly determine the leaders division winner
ohio state usually comes into this game heavily favored,
but we all remember the last time the buckeyes went to camp randall, don't we?
the long and short of it is that this game is gonna be hard fought,
will likely go down to the wire, and is probly gonna be awesome
and who would want to miss a game like that?

week 13:
iowa v. nebraska
i was a huge fan of this game when it was announced as a series,
and i continue to be to this day
granted, last year's game was a rather underwhelming start,
but this has all the makings of a great rivalry
and, really, what better way is there to spend the day after thanksgiving?

michigan @ ohio state
last year, this game finally got a shot in the arm as far as watchability,
when michigan beat the buckeyes for the first time in 8 tries
who was on the last team that beat ohio state for michigan, you might [not] ask?
john navarre, braylon edwards, chris perry, david bass, and lloyd carr
yeah, it'd been a while
now the wolverines have to go to columbus to prove it wasn't a fluke
this is a game you should watch regardless,
but now you have even less of an excuse

penn state v. wisconsin
you really couldn't ask for a better b1g season wrap up
these teams have been phenomenal the past few years,
and last year this game decided who would represent the leaders in the ccg
[i know, wiscy won in a blowout, but that wasn't the point]
and i'm positive it will be the deciding factor again this year


tl;dr: watch ALL the games

meritxell

blogablogablogaOH LOOK I'M BACK
actually, that's a bit of a fallacy, since i never went away
i was merely attending to more important thing, such as
–my goddamn sanity
–my thesis [revisions and I SHOULD PUT IN A MAP OR FIFTY HARGHLBLARGH]
–re–moving into my house
–watching goddamn football
–doing productive things

and for those of you who have had to suffer through listening to me yammer about it,
yes, my thesis is done and turned in and graded and all that jazz
for those of you who give a shit, or those of you with my kind of crazy,
[namely those who find this shit interesting as well]
my next post will be all about it
so we'll just leave that particular topic be for now


what we will get back to is football,
because the college football season is officially over now
after that riveting national championship game [SARCASM],
my precious bowl season is over and i must again bid adieu to that truest of sports,
young men beating the piss out of each other, fully funded by institutes of higher learning
life is good, no?
since i continued my ever–foolish trend of making predictions,
let's look back over them shall we?

first off all, i'm proud to say i finished the bowl season with a winning record
8–5, a .615 percentage, which isn't too bad
especially considering my great showing last year and my dismal picks from two years ago
and since i didn't embarrass myself in the futuresight department,
let's take a gander at some of my finer and more idiotic predictions:

• boise state 56, arizona state 24 [picked boise]. this one was out of reach in 14 seconds [very literally], and arizona state never even came close. it was [at that point] the highest scoring bowl game and the most lopsided, but that was to be expected. boise was a powerhouse, asu was a cripple, and sometimes things just go the way they're supposed to.
• southern miss 24, nevada 17 [picked southern miss]. this game was just odd. not that there was anything particularly wrong with it, it was just felt weird. maybe because it was two teams that should have been better this season and inexplicably weren't, i dunno. at any rate, even though it didn't look it initially, i did pick the winner. so there's that.
• nc state 31, louisville 24 [picked nc state]. this game nearly had me for the fool. i knew nc state was gonna bring it, because i watched them take down clemson in a brutally efficient way, but i had no idea louisville was gonna play as well or as spirited as they did. this was one of the more evenly matched bowl games this season, and definitely one of the more exciting to watch. if louisville hadn't been intercepted with 52 seconds to go, they very easily could've finished their comeback and tied the game. thankfully for my record's sake, they didn't, and i started out 3–0.
• florida state 18, notre dame 14 [picked fsu]. i felt like a goddamn fool just after halftime of this bowl. notre dame was up 14–0 and the 'noles looked like group of bumbling invalids. thankfully, in true florida state fashion, they rattled off a pair of touchdowns in the first two minutes of the 4th quarter, gave themselves a 4 point lead with a field goal, and finally showed tommy rees that no one pulls that comeback shit on jimbo fisher. nobody. except mike london, tom o'brien, and butch davis. NOBODY.
• baylor 67, washington 56 [picked baylor]. christ on a crutch in january, i've never seen a game so perfectly epitomize the term 'basketball on grass'.washington's qb threw for 438 yards, baylor had three different 100+ yard rushers, they set an alamo bowl record for the most points scored in a half [59], broke the all–time bowl record for points scored in regulation [123], shattered the record total combined offense [1397], and featured the 2011 heisman winner [baylor's qb]. i was utterly blown away watching it. just after halftime, it looked like washington very literally would run away with the game [they were up 42–24], but like i prophecied, washington's defense was a goddamn train wreck. this was by far my most entertaining bowl pick, though not my favorite.
• oklahoma 31, iowa 14 [picked iowa]. after flying high at 5–0 to start the bowl season, my first loss was a resounding thud of a pick. i was expecting iowa to play like they did against michigan and northwestern, not like they did against nebraska and msu. christ. i understand that they were missing a key offensive component in marcus coker [who just today left the program], but they still had their qb and their stud of a wideout. apparently that just wasn't enough, though. at any rate, iowa sucked, oklahoma played like they weren't overrated, and a skycam tried to behead marvin mcnutt. overall, just a boring game. [SARCASM]
• texas a&m 33, northwestern 22 [picked a&m]. this pick was purely and simply a guess. i'd seen some of a&m's implosions over the course of the season [namely against arkansas and ok state], i'd watched northwestern slice their own achilles against army, michigan, and msu [see what i did there?] it was really a crapshoot, but every good series of picks needs a meaningless, could–go–either–way game, yeah? so this was mine. for the record, i took a&m because it was in texas, and i figured they'd want to do mike sherman proud.
• auburn 43, virginia 24 [picked virginia]. my second 'GODDAMN IT' moment of the bowl season came after auburn scored three straight touchdowns in the 2nd quarter. how am i supposed to keep lambasting teams for being overrated and under–talented when they keep winning impressively? cocksucking bastards. at any rate, auburn came to play with a couple really nice trick plays and real motivation, while virginia came to do some other kind of... fuck, i dunno. insert something scathing and witty in there for me, would ya? i have nothing left to give.
• houston 30, penn state 14 [picked houston]. this was my 'padding the stats' pick. as dearly as i love penn state football, i was well aware of their lackluster offense throughout the season. their defense really lived up to their name, but mcgloin/bolden couldn't do shit with any kind of consistency, even after mcgloin won himself the starter spot. so, with him sidelined due to a lockerroom–fight concussion, and the blonde bomber from houston prepping himself for another flawless performance, this one was a foregone conclusion. houston was gonna win this as easy as you please because they were plainly better.
• msu 33, georgia 30 [picked msu]. even today, a full week after it was played, it delights me to no end to say that my msu pick was right. they proved that they were worthy of accolades and notoriety after coming back from a 16–0 deficit to take the lead, tie the game, and finally win it in overtime. georgia gave them a run for their money [three overtimes' worth], but they pulled it out and gave the B1G its sole win on january 2nd. but enough with that, watch this blocked kick one more time, and tell me it doesn't bring a smile to your face bigger than dantonio's
• south carolina 30, nebraska 13 [picked nebraska]. after my elation at watching my team finally win in the postseason, after sitting at a glorious 8–2, the wheels came off my prediction bus. i knew what to expect out of south carolina [the team that beat both georgia and clemson this year], but i also knew what nebraska was capable of, or so i thought. apparently they just couldn't pull off another solid victory [like the ones they put up against msu, iowa, and ohio state]. so instead of becoming the B1G's twelth man to add parity, power, and respect, big red ends up giving them an extra bowl loss. what fun.
• arkansas 29, k state 16 [picked k state]. the 2 of the 1–2 punch was this game. the whole thing made no sense: k state didn't play at all like they did during the season, and arkansas played exactly like they did during the season. the wildcats stout defense was porous, their qb was mediocre at best at passing and completely mitigated out of the pocket, and the rest of their offense was simply unproductive. GAH FOOTBALL Y U NO MAKE SENSE SOMETIMES?!
• smu 28, pitt 6 [picked pitt]. the grand finale of my predictions was as bad a choice as i could make. pitt gave exactly zero reasons to be picked to win a bowl this season [see their back–to–back home losses to iowa and notre dame], and after having their coach bail on them in a positively randy edsall–esque showing, they were probly unhappy to not be done with their season. so basically i picked them because they're pitt and i love pittsburgh and i root for those teams whether i should or not.

what a rollercoaster of picks this year turned out to be
5 straight correct picks, 5 split picks, 3 straight losing picks
though i'm certainly glad to have not sucked at predictions,
i can only imagine what my numbers would look like had i not boycotted the bcs
i was pulling for both michigan and ok state in their respective games
i would very likely have picked west virginia over clemson
[more because i wanted clemson to lose more than i wanted them to win
and boy did they ever]
so that's three more wins right there
i honestly don't know who i would've picked in the rose bowl,
but i would likely have leaned towards wisconsin,
[more out of the need for the big ten to win a goddamn bowl game than anything else]
and i wouldn't have bothered with the ncg, because that was the farce of all farces
i may have boycotted the games,
but i did keep up with the gamecasts and see the highlight reels
man that game was a piece of shit
so shitty, in fact, it was the worst–rated bcs championship ever
game, set, and match bcs


since my beloved college football,
it's time to give most of my attention to pro football
though it'll be getting less of my attention from here on out,
thanks to a team that shall remain nameless [FUCK YOU, STILLERS]
i retain my overwhelming addiction to the sport,
but it's a little less fun when your team isn't in the playoffs anymore
on the plus side, i kinda know how falcons fans feel now
all those one–and–dones must get really tiring

once that's done,
my full attention will yet again return to the beauty that is college basketball
i've enjoyed watching msu and uconn's play this year [men's and women's]
and i'm getting all hot and bothered for conference tourneys to begin
they're still a long way off, but there's nothing wrong with looking forward
especially since on the other side of them is the championship tourney,
and past THAT is the sports winter known as 'baseball season',
during which i whimper and moan about there being no sports to watch,
and generally am somewhat unpleasant because of it
good thing that's not till mid–april, yes?
in other words, BRING IT, SUPERBOWL/MARCH MADNESS
i survived yet another bowl season, and now i'm coming for you

bowling

shame of shames,
i haven't posted anything football related since bowl season started
and i call myself a football fanatic
i hope yinz can forgive me
[see what i did there?]

at any rate,
since the glorious and wonderful bowl season is upon us in full force,
i did my annual tradition of picking winners for bowl games i care about
and here in about a month of so,
i plan to continue that with my tradition of posting about how wrong i was
cuz where's the fun in predictions without lambasting your own stupid choices?

surprisingly enough, i'm off to a 3–0 start
i actually don't remember when i got off to that good of a start
the three games i picked up till now were:
–las vegas: boise state over asu [final: boise 56, asu 24]
–hawai'i: southern miss over nevada [final: usm 24, nevada 17]
–belk: nc state over louisville [final: ncsu 31, louisville 24]
admittedly, all three of those bowls weren't on most peoples' radar,
but that's half the fun of this shit: picking games you have no vested interest in
so now that i've gotten those three out of the way,
let's take a look at the upcoming bowl slate

[a quick word:
i only picked games i cared about to some degree
games with teams i don't give a shit about aren't on here
and there's no bcs games due to my ongoing boycott]

here it is, my list in all its glory:
–champs sports: florida state over notre dame
–alamo: baylor over washington
–insight: iowa over oklahoma
–meineke: texas a&m over northwestern
–chick-fil-a: virginia over auburn
–ticketcity: houston over penn state
–outback: msu over georgia
–capital one: nebraska over south carolina
–cotton: kansas state over arkansas
–compass: pitt over smu

some of those were easy picks, some were excruciating
and here's the method behind my madness
–i'll always pick the noles over the irish, just cuz
–washington's defense has been super susceptible to high–powered offenses all season
the amount of points they gave up to stanford/nebraska/usc was just absurd
–my gut feeling is that iowa will show up and oklahoma won't
iowa's a better team than their production has shown,
and oklahoma was wildly overrated this year
–i don't think northwestern has it in them to win this game
it's in texas, and their defense won't stand up against the aggies balanced offense
–virginia's beaten more ranked teams than auburn has,
AND has the more balanced and talented team
–i love penn state, i really do, but they're gonna get embarassed in this game
we all saw how many points they gave up at wisconsin
it's gonna be that game all over again against houston
–there's no way i pick against msu, no way
–connor shaw may be an illusive little shit,
but the blackshirts will be the best defense they've faced since georgia
and i think nebraska can shut him down
–arkansas may have the better qb, but k state is the better all around team
plus k state has played better on the road than the hogs
–this one's more emotional than logical, but what the hell
i think if pitt shows up like they want to play, they'll get it done

as always, rant away if you disagree
GO GREEN

addendum

as much as i stand behind what i previously said,
i feel like i owe you guys some clarification,
if for no other reason than because i should

my irritation with the bcs doesn't extend to most teams playing bcs bowls
many of them have proven worthy of being there,
[with a few notable exceptions]
and i have nothing but respect for their achievements
so even though i won't be watching them play this year,
i wish nothing but success for those teams
ok state, stanford, clemson, west virginia, oregon, and wisconsin
you guys proved you were worthy of competing with the best
so go out there, play your asses off,
and don't take my bcs anger to heart

the one exception i have is this year's sugar bowl
and wouldn't ya know it, my problem ISN'T that michigan is playing
[though i will get to them in a minute]
first off, let me point out this particular fact:
this is the first year the acc has gotten an at–large bcs bid
[miami wasn't in the acc the year they won the national championship,
and neither was virginia tech when they played in one]
and who gets chosen for this particularly vaunted spot?
virginia tech
the same virginia tech that lost the acc championship by FOUR TOUCHDOWNS
the same virginia tech whose only losses were to clemson, by a combined 62–13
so, as everyone made the case that msu shouldn't be given a bcs birth,
namely due to the fact that they lost the b1g championship,
[which, by the way, was far more competitive than the acc championship]
va tech does get an at–large birth for the exact same reason
if you were going to give at at–large berth to a conference championship loser,
why not msu? or georgia?
why would you give that at–large spot to a conference with no real parity?

COMPARISON TIEMZ!
–the acc had only two teams to reach the 10–win plateau
pac12, b1g had 3, the sec had 5; none of those ccg loses got at–large bids
–va tech ended up ranked higher ranked than the team that beat it [by 4 spots]
the other three conference losers all ended up ranked lower than the team that beat them
–boise state's biggest non–conference win was [in practice] at georgia
va tech's was hosting arkansas state
[boise also happens to be ranked four spots above va tech]
–south carolina actually managed to beat clemson this year [and is ranked above va tech]
believe me, i could go on

so, with the wholly unworthy va tech filling the bcs at–large void
[which it truly only got because the sec filled its two spots in the ncg
which, if you'll recall, is BULLSHIT NONSENSE]
who do they get to play them?
that would be the b1g at–large team, naturally
and this, that happens to be michigan
now, i'm not going to bitch and moan about how michigan got picked before msu
[mostly because i don't believe ccg losers should play in bcs games]
but i will say this:
having michigan play in the bcs again is good for the big ten
as you also may recall, i said that michigan playing well makes msu look better
and in this case, michigan playing well makes the big ten look better too
when a conference's biggest team plays like shit, it reflects poorly on all of them
case in point: the big 12 last year when texas went 5–7
so as much as i wish that msu was playing in the sugar bowl this year,
i'm glad that michigan is [kind of] back to playing like they used to
cuz if nothing else, after last year's bowl season,
the big ten's gonna need every win it can get

by the way, what i WILL bitch about is this
as much as i'll enjoy if michigan wins the sugar bowl
i will absolutely loathe the michigan fanbase for it
many a michigan fan is already insufferable to me,
and if they get a quality bowl win this year,
they'll be back to bragging and boasting like the last three years didn't happen
and while it's completely understandable that they'd want to put it behind them,
they do it in a way that collectively makes them the most insufferable pricks i know
it will also make the offseason a long, drawn–out pain in the ass
mostly because they'll go back to talkin' smack about next year's paul bunyan game
so i'm at an impasse:
i root for michigan [again, finally], and then i have to deal with the fans
what's a spartan to do?


as a pertinent aside:
what in fuck's name is up with the way michigan fans interact with msu fans?
we are, apparently, michigan's "third-most-important rival"
[behind ohio state and notre dame]
never mind the fact that msu has been playing michigan longer than notre dame
and michigan fans treat the msu game with such disdain that it leads me to ask:
what's up witht that?
when you guys were losing to ohio state, you acted like the games never happened,
and went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day
but when you lost to michigan state,
you bitched about the fanbase and wrote off the wins as fluke
[and still went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day]
i dunno if it's because disliking msu is somehow wired into your brains,
but let me break it down for you to the point where you can get it:
msu is the perennial and historic second–best team
and when the second–best team beats the best team,
it warrants some bragging
when the second–best team slowly becomes equal to the best team,
it's a big fucking deal
i'm sorry if you can't wrap your minds around that,
but that's basically what it comes down to
of course msu fans are gonna be high on themselves when they beat michigan
we've gotten shit for SO LONG about who we root for,
that we're gonna savor every last moment of those wins

i'll tell you what's gonna be really sad
the next time you beat msu,
i can GUARANTEE the big house is gonna act exactly like they did after 'the game'
people are gonna go nuts and celebrate like it's the second coming
and truthfully, it will be deserved
but believe me when i say i will be watching that celebration,
and will truly enjoy reminding you guys just how hypocritical you are

oh, and by the way,
notre dame is OUR main rival
and we have a better rivalry with them than you do
msu has played them far more than michigan has,
[and they happen to have beaten them more times than michigan has]
additionally, although msu has played michigan more times than notre dame
the msu–notre dame games tend to be better than the msu–michigan games
not just recently, but historically
so trust me, this 'you're not our biggest rival' bullshit goes both way
besides, nothing pisses off michigan fans like being ignored or overlooked
and what kind of msu fan would i be if i didn't use that to its fullest extent?

fallout

so guess what?
it's sunday night, and the final regular season bcs rankings are out
know what that means?
yup: MORE FOOTBALL RANTING
[seryusly, if you guys aren't sick of it yet, than you never will be
which means i may as well just make it happen more often]

first off, let me proffer some organization for my decidedly unorganized thoughts
i'm gonna bitch about the weird as fuck rankings,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bowl selections,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bcs
cool? cool. so let's get to it

right off the bat,
it becomes extremely obvious that the bcs absolutely hates non–aq teams
and thus relishes punishing them
case in point: the until–yesterday unbeaten houston cougars
they were ranked #6 last week when they played the #24 souther miss golden eagles,
and then houston proceeded to lose to them. badly. [by 21 points]
so where's the problem?
the bcs dropped them THIRTEEN places to #19 in this week's bcs
and southern miss? they got a bump ALL THE WAY up to #21
how fucking bullshit is that?
by comparison, georgia was #14 when they lost to lsu, and are now ranked #16
msu was #13 when they lost to wisconsin, and are now #17
va tech was #5 when the lost to clemson, and now they are #11
oh, and btdubs, oklahoma was #10 when they lost by 34 FUCKING POINTS to osu
and now, they're all the way down to #14
believe me when i say i could go on and on
i'm not arguing that houston doesn't deserve to drop spots for their loss,
nor do i believe they are less deserving because they play in a [relatively] weaker conference,
i'm arguing that the bcs is complete and utter horseshit when it comes to non–aq teams
how does southern miss only move up by three when they knocked off the #6 team?
how does houston drop 13 spots by losing to a ranked team?
i can GUARANTEE you, if lsu had lost to georgia by 3 tds yesterday,
that they'd still be in the top 5
so let's just take that wool off our eyes and admit it ourselves and the world:
if you aren't an sec team, the bcs won't like you and will underrate you
if you aren't an automatic–qualifying team, fuck you go die in a fire
and that is our supposedly unbiased, fair, computerized ranking system

oh, and by the way
there are four 9–win teams in the top 25 [the highest one, baylor, is #12]
and there are only two teams that have 12+ wins
one is the current #1, lsu, at 13–0; the other, houston, is #19 at 12–1
ready for the real kicker?
there are two [TWO!] 7–5 teams in the latest bcs top 25
texas [24] and auburn [25]
how does THAT not scream bias?
texas shot itself in the foot yesterday at home by 24 points to baylor,
and auburn got destroyed [28 points] by alabama two weeks ago
they were both ranked in the low 20s last week,
so how in fuck's name are they still included in the top 25?
texas has lost to every ranked team they've played this year
and auburn beat one [south carolina] in week 5
and just to put the cherry on top of this particular bullshit sundae,
arkansas moved up 2 places after NOT EVEN PLAYING this week,
[by virtue of the fact that their blowout to lsu had them slip only five spots to #8]
which means they got rewarded for other teams losing,
solely because they got preferential treatment in the first place

and now, to the bowl games,
because i can't believe this shit
first up, our nc game: lsu and alabama
i simply refuse to believe that alabama is better than oklahoma state
i flat out deny that line of thinking
yes, alabama's only loss was to lsu, whereas ok state's sole loss was to unraked iowa state
BUT, ok state has a MUCH more productive offense than alabama
and they've played arguably just as tough of a slate as the crimson tide
more importantly, they finished the season stronger than the tide did
you could even make the argument that stanford would make an equally strong #2
what it comes down to for me, though, is the hypocrisy of punishment
do you remember how many spots alabama dropped from their lsu loss? just 2 [to #4]
how many spots did oregon fall with their loss to lsu? 10 [#3 to #13]
how many did arkansas fall? 5
how about west virginia? 6
florida? over 8 [#17 to out of the bcs]
i don't care if alabama's loss to lsu was closer than anyone else's
in this case, a loss is a loss, and they aren't treated with any kind of congruity
which means the sport's media's darling sec west gets yet another national title
while ok state is left with the fiesta bowl [though that is a good consolation prize]

and while we're on the subject of bowls,
how the hell did boise state end up in such a shitty bowl game?
it's not like they're ranked #7 at 11–1 that started with a win over #19 georgia
i understand that they didn't win the mountain west this year [tcu did]
but the fact that they're stuck playing a 7–5 arizona state is ludicrous
especially since the sun devils have dropped four straight games to weak teams
boise should be playing a strong big ten or big 12 team
like nebraska, penn state, oklahoma, or baylor
they should return their bowl game for a full refund and get an upgrade
and speaking of bowl games with TERRIBLE teams,
how about this year's kraft fight hunger bowl,
which has the must–see matchup of 6–6 illinois and 6–7 ucla
two of the most embarrassing teams that bothered playing this year
seriously, illinois has lost six straight games and fired its head coach,
along with being the laughing stock of the entire big ten
[seriously, even indiana and minnesota are more respected right now]
and ucla? the team that had to get a special waiver to play a bowl with a losing record?
[for the record, how is that a thing? bowl games are for winner who deserve it
ucla, you are most definitely not a winner, and you do not deserve a bowl
i don't give a flying fuck if you "won" the pac12 south,
you've given up 99 points in the past two games, and only scored 31
no right–minded indvidual would ever reward you for that hideous performance]
i dunno about the rest of you,
but of all the boring bowl games i'll be actively ignoring this month,
that one will be at the top of the list

all that being said, there are some bowls to look forward to this month
and though there are some that i'll be more interested in watching than others,
here's my list of bowls worth watching:
–nevada v. souther miss [sheraton hawai'i, 12/24]
–louisvile v. nc state [belk, 12/27]
–florida state v. notre dame [champs sports, 12/29]
–washington v. baylor [valero alamo]
–iowa v. oklahoma [insight]
–northwestern v. texas a&m [meineke]
–virginia v. auburn [chick–fil–a]
–houston v. penn state [ticketcity]
–msu v. georgia [outback]
–nebraska v. south carolina [capital one]
–kansas state v. arkansas [cotton]
–smu v. pittsburgh [bbva compass]
it seems like a short list [at least to me],
but with a lack of bcs bowls, it's gonna be a little bit paltry
speaking of bcs bowls...

an open letter to the bcs:
dear bcs, my name is ben and i'm an avid college football fan.
i spend all year impatiently waiting for football to finally begin,
and look forward to bowl season like a 6 year old looks forward to christmas.
this year, though, christmas will seem a little less magical thanks to you.
you've grinched me out of quality national championship game,
just as you've given me 'unbiased' formulaic rankings for the past 8 weeks [and 13 years].
you've tried to tell me that my conference, the big ten, just isn't good enough,
and have consistently screwed us out of fair rankings for our most quality teams.
i'd say i feel alone in that, but unfortunately the big ten isn't the only one to feel this way:
i imagine the acc and pac12 have quite the bone to pick you, not to mention the big 12.
and even though you've put me through this for more years than i'd care to remember,
this year finally feels like you've taken it too far.
i've seen good teams go underrated and underranked this entire season,
and i've seen incredibly overrated teams be unfairly highly ranked for long stretches of time.
so, i say to you, for all to see, that i'm done with your bullshit.
i'm declaring an all–encompassing boycott on the bcs for the foreseeable future.
i will not watch the national championship, the fiesta, sugar, or orange bowls,
and as much as it pains me to do so, i will not be watching the rose bowl.
i refuse to go along with your charade any longer.
even if, in the coming years, my team manages to win it all and play in the rose bowl,
i will not be watching them, because of you,
and i encourage the fanbases of teams you've spurned to do the same.
the only thing that has proven influential over you is money, ratings, and attendance,
and i steadfastly refuse to provide you with any of them.
so go ahead, give the sec west their sixth straight national championship.
go ahead and give undeserving teams bcs bowls and deserving teams the cold shoulder.
go ahead and claim objective superiority with your computerized formulas.
you overshadow on–field accomplishments with off–the–field choices,
you've created way more controversy than support in the past 13 years,
you've been accused of virtually every impropriety known to american law,
and yet you still claim superiority over the rest of us.
i'm done giving you that satisfaction, and i'm done with you.
please, stop ruining college football for me and my fellow fans,
and let us get back to enjoying the games without your nonsense hovering over our heads.

battle assembly

this past month was INSANE with pageviews this month
like i said before, it was mostly spam sites that somehow started linking to me,
so there was an abnormally large spike in traffic
i'm just gonna pretend that i'm famous now and people value my opinion now
so good to you guys?

we start with an aside because i couldn't believe this when i saw it
for those of you who don't know him,
jeremy clarkson is the host of top gear,
by far the most popular car show on the planet
he also happens to be a complete too (or, as the brits might say, a horse's arse)
now, i have no idea what in fuck's name he was originally talking about,
but somehow an aside got started about unionized public sector workers,
and how some are currently striking over changes to their pensions,
and this was his response to that topic:
"frankly, i'd have them all shot.
i would take them out and execute them in front of their families.
i mean how dare they go on strike,
when they've got these gilt–edged pensions that are guaranteed,
when the rest of us have to work for a living."
now, truthfully, i could care less what he thinks about public unions and union workers,
but that's not something you say on fucking tv
i don't care if he's known for making satirical or controversial statements
that's not something you joke about
his joke about less traffic at the airport? no problem there (though kinda unoriginal)
joking about killing them all? decidedly not so
i don't think he should be fired [because of that whole free speech thing], but seriously,
what the hell, jeremy clarkson? how stupid can you be on live tv?
do us a favor and just shut the hell up

[oh, and for the record,
i love how he insinuates that he's a regular working stiff
the man makes hundreds of thousands of pounds a year hosting a tv show
hardly the kind of work that justifies having a pension, eh?
no wonder he said that stuff – he's jealous he doesn't get retirement]


now we get to the part i actually intended to blogablog about
[another aside: i love the word 'blog' an almost unhealthy amount
seriously, let it loll about on your tongue for a while
it's almost as much to say as 'lesbian']
i first planned to write this post about a month and a half ago,
but then other things happened that took up my time
[like other blog topics]
at any rate, let's get to it now

one of the reasons i enjoy big ten football is that it's spoiler–tastic
there's at least one beautiful, impossible probably EVERY. YEAR.
usually more than one [lookin' at you, northwestern]
but what's even more exciting than that is playing the one spot you can never win at
there's at least one stadium each team can just NEVER win at,
especially when it's a place they should be able to no problem
it's kind of a hackneyed term nowadays [especially since it's after halloween],
but every team has their own personal 'house of horrors'
so let's take a jaunt through the big ten,
and relish in the frustration these places inevitably bring
i'll start with msu, because it's a convenient [and biased] place to start

msu: at iowa
if ever there was a stadium that had msu's number,
it would be kinnick stadium in iowa city
good as iowa's team is, kinnick isn't exactly the most imposing place to play
especially considering iowa hasn't historically been better than msu
[though in my lifetime they've been equal to better than da spartans]
for whatever reason, though, msu just cannot win there
this year's win was the first for msu at iowa since 1989
i was five months old the last time msu had won there
and the sad part is, most of those games weren't even close
most of them ended win scores closer to last year's blowout in week 9
ultimately though, i'm okay with iowa being our only real problem
[i don't consider our problem to be penn state,
because our losses to iowa are usually inexplicable
losses to penn state at beaver stadium are expected by everyone]
especially considering iowa's problem...

iowa: at northwestern
you wanna talk about inexplicable?
how about the fact that kirk ferentz has only won in evanston twice in seven tries?
iowa has completely owned the series between them and northwestern
thanks in part to 21 straight victories from '74 to '94
but man, ever since northwestern won the rose bowl in '95,
iowa's been faceplanting at northwestern like it's their JOB
it can partially be attributed to the fact that northwestern is a spoiler EXPERT
[they pull off at least one amazing spoiler each and every year, case in point:
nebraska '11, iowa '10, wisconsin '09, minnesota '08, msu '07, you get the point]
but even that doesn't explain how the hawkeyes manage to consistently fall flat
must just be one of those things,
kinda like...

northwestern: at indiana
...seriously? indiana?
the indiana that last had a coach with a winning record in 1947?
the indiana that doesn't have a winning record in any of its rivalries?
yup, that indiana
consider: northwestern has lost to indiana only thrice since 1993
where have all three of those losses come? at indiana, naturally
in fact, in my lifetime, northwestern is 5 for 10 in bloomington
to which i say... how is that possible?
seriously. SERIOUSLY. it's fucking indiana
i mean, great job hoosiers, but seriously, how did you manage that?
then again, indiana doesn't really have room to boast
especially when you bring up...

indiana: at minnesota
sweet and holy jesus is this a funny series
there's nothing like the two perennially terrible teams duking it out
even though there's a couple multi–year gaps in this set of games,
indiana hasn't won at minnesota since 1993,
and they're a pitiful 2 for 6 in minneapolis
again, it's not like the humphrey dome was the most intimidating environment
i don't know that i have any more words to dedicate to this one
it feels like picking on little kids
speaking of being picked on...

minnesota: at purdue
[i was tempted to make this one at wisconsin instead,
but i'm trying to keep this to schools these teams should be able to beat, but can't]
minnesota and purdue are roughly equal as far as football has been concerned,
but man, if there's one place minnesota can never get traction, its at purdue
sure, the gophers have lost at the big house a shit ton [like everyone else]
and have had recent issues at camp randall,
but c'mon, they should at least able to make something happen in west lafayette
but no
instead, they've gone a spectacularly horrendous 2 for 10 playing at purdue
i know minnesota's had it issues recently, but so has purdue
you'd think there'd be more equity in their respective mediocrity
but then you'd be wrong, you wrong person, you
besides, purdue has to have stumbled somewhere along the line too, yeah?
yes indeed, and it just happens to be...

purdue: at iowa
yeah, we're not the only ones that faceplant at kinnick
but unlike us, purdue has been playing iowa for twice as long
and thus has the funnier fail streak
the last time purdue won at iowa was '92, and the time before that was '79
which makes them 2 for the past 13 at kinnick
man do those iowans love their streaks or what?
again, no words, just... damn, that's sad
so much for being the 'spoilermakers', huh?
actually, yes, because...

ohio state: at purdue
i'm pretty sure every big ten fan relishes this particular gem
ohio state has lost 4 times at purdue in the past decade,
whereas their second highest loss total is at wisconsin, where they've lost twice
no one seems to know the logic behind this one
this year ohio state was down, but still should've probly won
in 2009 they were fucking undefeated at ranked #7
in 2004 they just didn't show up to play,
and in 2000 they were 5–1 and ranked #12
there's no logical way purdue manages to beat them,
and yet, there it is for all to see
talk about embarrassing,
which just happens to lead me to...

penn state: at ohio state
this one is REALLY the one that really boggles the mind
penn state, the most successful big ten school of the past 50 years,
champions of the mid–atlantic, heaviest of the heavy hitters,
and they've won OHIO in columbus in my lifetime, out of nine tries
what the fuckin' fuck?
how could the buckeyes have that ridiculous of a streak against penn state?
how is that even possible? i just... there has to be... i mean—GODDAMN IT
this one makes so little sense it hurts my head
christ on a bike, penn state, this is just pathetic
though there are more pathetic things out there, e.g....

illinois at: illinois
if any team has a confusion–inducing home–loss tendency, it would the illini
i dunno how they do it, i really don't
while they've had problems with big ten road games [like most teams],
they've only won nine b1g home games since 2006
NINE
in that same time span, here's how other teams have fared at home against b1g teams:
msu 16, wisconsin 21, michigan 14, indiana 7, ohio state 20 [16 after vacated wins]
i can't believe illinois only got two more wins than indiana in that stretch
oh, and it goes back a lot farther, believe you me
i just don't want to have to count back that far
at any rate, no one beats illinois quite like it beats itself at home

wisconsin: michigan state
as an msu fan, i love this so hard it hurts
not only has wisconsin lost four straight games in east lansing,
they've only won 3 games in east lansing in the past 20 years,
making them a wonderfully paltry 3 out of 10,
and only slightly better than minnesota when it plays purdue
not only does wisconsin have that unfortunate 4 game losing streak,
three of those games have been lost in the final three minutes of the game
2011 it was the td pass in the last four seconds,
2010 it was the td pass 40 seconds before the two minute warning,
2008 it was the last second field goal,
[and 2004 was a 35 blowout]
talk up the badgers all you want before the championship this saturday,
but we all know what happens when the badgers come to town

michigan: ohio state
i didn't really have much of a choice to make with this one
even though michigan has a couple active losing streaks at various b1g stadiums,
none sticks out quite like the one in columbus
regardless of the 7 game losing streak michigan just snapped,
they've had some serious woes at ohio state over the course of my life
how woeful? something to the tune of being 3 for 11 since 1989
yeah, you didn't read that wrong, 3 of 11
i understand that michigan/ohio state is the best and most competitive rivalry out there,
[yeah, every single other yearly rivalry can SUCK. IT.]
but even so, that's quite lopsided
i understand that a rivalry this intense will go back and forth,
but i would've expected better from the winningest program ever
i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin'

also, i'm not doing one for nebraska
mostly because i don't want to
SO THERE

malefic

guess what time it is?
if you guessed "...fuck, not more football",
put on the crown, today you're the king
the college football regular season is almost officially over,
so what better way to celebrate than hardcore raging?
it is, after all, what you've come to expect from me
so why deny you all that you've come to love and cherish

first up, fired coaches
you've gotta hand it to athletic directors these days
they've got to be some of the most efficient people on the face of the earth
three coaches were confirmed fired before noon on sunday, NOON
that's some pretty quick decision making
really, ads? couldn't even get through the weekend before making announcements?
what happened to announcing that shit on monday morning?
christ, at least give the coach you're firing a day to clear out his desk
btdubs, for those that are wondering,
the three coaches are ron zook [illinois], turner gill [kansas], and larry porter [memphis]
at the moment, those are the only three that are confirmed
and OH BOY, are there a shit ton more on their way
if following college football has taught me anything,
it's to expect double digit coach firings in the two weeks after the season ends
and we've started the carousel srong this year with a nice trifecta
who's next, i wonder?

i'm not one to normally speculate on the future of coaches
mostly because i find it pedantic and usually pretty mean–spirited
[these are, after all, people, and regardless of how you feel about them,
they deserve a modicum of respect and dignity, even in being fired]
but man oh man, this year's projected slate is MASSIVE
from all i've been able to garner from at least quasi–credible sources,
[and yes, espn, that absolutely includes you]
here's the 'possibly fired/hotseat' coaches list:
4 from the big 12, 2 from the big east, 3 from the b1g
4 from conference usa, 3 from mac, 2 from mountain west, 4 from pac12,
3 from sec, 2 from sun belt, and 2 from wac
that, ladies and gents, is a full 29 coaches
29 men with the massive media spotlight shining right in their eyes
surely that many people don't deserve to be fired
so how about we just collectively chill the hell out, hmm?
i'm sure the school will fill us in very soon
[since they are loathe to wait so long]

and since everyone else is blowing up the interwubs with it,
this is my two cents on urban meyer:
urban, you're being an ass
if you think florida was stressful and detrimental to your health,
then you ain't seen nothin' yet
how could ohio state possibly be any less stressful than that?
also, i hope your girls and wife enjoyed the past 11 months with you,
cuz they'll probly never see you again
so much for being a family man and spending more quality time with them, eh?
please, do me and the rest of the big ten a favor:
actually spend some time with your family, look after yourself,
and fuck's sake, stay the hell out of my conference

in other football news,
my b1g champsionship prediction is half wrong, much to our collective chagrin
[thanks a lot, penn state, for proving me SUPER WRONG
maybe it was your succesful wildcat plays last week at ohio state,
but i believed you could kick ass on the road
guess last year wasn't an offensive fluke after all]
i gotta say, i'm not nearly as excited as everyone else about this rematch
first off, i'm not a fan of post–season rematchs of regular–season games
they just aren't as enjoyable as the first time around,
and they tend to get WAY over–hyped [case in point, '97 sugar bowl]
plus, who wants to see the same game twice in one season?
college football's season is already short enough,
why cheapen it with rematches?
secondly, i wanted a match up with penn state SO BAD
that would've a great goddamn game
the big ten's two best defenses going head to head on a neutral field?
i'd watch that so hard ALL DAY LONG
and what self–respecting team could pass up the chance to play penn state?
seryusly, i'd take them over wisconsin any day

secondly, and this is related,
am i really going to have to put up with this 'msu's inferior' bullshit AGAIN?
how fucking stupid and/or blind are you people?
beyond the fact that msu has TWICE derailed wisconsin's perfect season dreams,
they've played better on the road than wisconsin has
consider:
msu has beaten ohio state, iowa, and northwestern on the road
wisconsin has beaten illinois and minnesota on the road
msu has the league's top–ranked defense, wisconsin the top–ranked offense
there is no plausible way you can say that either team is superior
they're virtually even as far as talent and on–field performance
yes it'll be a hard–fought game, and yes msu might lose
but to count msu out before it begins is foolish to the point of idiocy
might i remind all of you that msu was counted out of the 10/22 game?
might i remind you that msu wasn't predicted to win the legends division?
and might i remind i remind you that both of those were proven wrong?
so please, give credit where credit is due
and admit that wisconsin will meet its match in indianapolis
because it will, and i'm gonna watch every second of it

finally, a message to michigan football:
thank you, thank you, thank you
thanks for finally giving me a michigan team i can root for
thank you for FINALLY ending that ridiculous streak against ohio state
and thanks for helping the state of michigan to its most successful b1g season ever
it was about fucking time you guys played like a michigan team,
and not some pansy half–southern whining spread–offense–running sons o' bitches
remember how i said that michigan playing well makes msu better too?
well, i'm glad you took it to heart
you guys actually played like you wanted to win, and then did it
[i bet a few of you had forgotten what that felt like]
too bad you hadn't thought to get brady hoke four years ago, eh?
at any rate, congrats on a stellar season, and good luck in your bowl game
[p.s.—if/when msu wins the b1g championship on saturday,
i hope you guys get the bcs at–large bid,
that way the b1g's bcs contingent is pure michigan
i could totally live with that]

entrecôte

i did something last night that i thought i never would:
i actually made myself a twitter
this may strike some of you as a surprise
[given my vocal opponence to posting statuses online
see: my moratorium on facebook statuses]
but i may yet find it convenient and useful
that or it'll rot away like so many unused websites of yesteryear
[i'm lookin' at you, myspace and aol]
so let's collectively begin the grand experiment that is me on the twitterverse,
and begin with the obligatory webspeak:
HGARGLHBLARGHFOLLOWMEONTWITTERBLARGHKTHNXBAI

now that i got that out of the way,
here's the actual link:
[in case, for some reason, you're averse to clicking the one at right]
twitter.com/djemsojedi
you'll notice that the name is the same as both this blog AND my facebook
[or, as mr michael calls it, teh fezbuk]
yes, i am that unoriginal,
but it also makes it easier to find my collective online presence,
which really only facilitates a ridiculous, unachievable pipe dream i have,
namely that someday i'll be like stephen fry
a boy can dream, right?

we begin today with a romp around the interwubs,
cuz it's little more than my virtual playground
so let's take a romp through the psychotic sandbox, shall we?

first up: FUHBAL, because i fucking can
after enduring a hilariously awful plummet into the depths of football hell,
the arizona wildcats fired their coach, mike stoops, partway through the season
despite my unrestrainable apathy towards them and their football team
i suddenly find myself vaguely interested in their future,
because as a replacement, they hired rich rodriguez
which is possibly the only act that could make the entire michigan fanbase gag at once
what surprises me, though, is not that they got him
it's that they got him considering what his strength[s] are
richrod is by and large an offensive guy
say what you will about his michigan squads [and believe me, i could say a lot],
he honed that offense into quite the machine
that surprises me because from what i've seen, arizona's offense was fine
they've got a good quarterback in nick foles, their receiving corps is explosive,
but their defense was what was getting them into trouble
so why you'd get an offensive–minded coach is beyond me
though maybe his choice in defensive coordinator will be better this go–around
at any rate, i'll be interested to see how his tenure goes
he'll be on a shorter leash, given his issues at michigan
but his time at west virginia, as we've collectively forgotten, was very succesful
maybe arizona will provide him the clemency he needs

in other news,
politically minded folk are up in arms at maine and wisconsin republicans
[...not that this is out of the norm, mind you]
but this time, it's for a reason i'm kinda in favor of
many of you are aware that we have both federal– and state–level child labor laws
what you may not know is that we have them for a goddamn reason
children shouldn't be made to do dangerous work when they are still developing,
they should be compelled to work instead of going to school,
and they shouldn't spend as much time at work as they do at school
gilded and progressive era activists and politicians were able to recognize that,
and passed legislation to limit its scope
in the currently–popular trend of reducing the federal gov't to a drooling husk,
certain states politicians are trying to scale back the scope of child labor laws,
in maine, for example, some are trying to make the following changes in maine:
—eliminating maximum # of working hours for 16+ y/0 students during school days
—establishes a 'training wage' $2/hr lower than minimum wage for the first 180 days for everyone under 20
—removes certain exemptions from disallowed labor for minors


speaking of trying to reduce child labor laws,
wisconsin is trying to do something similar
the downside of federal child labor laws is that they're kind of antiquated
they haven't been kept as up–to–date as the state laws over the past few decades
as such, they're not particularly stringent or comprehensive
because of that reality,
states have passed their own child labor laws that are more restrictive and specific
[which, by the way, IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO FUCKING WORK]
apparently, though, the state of wisconsin's ruling party no longer cares for them
the wisconsin grocers association proposed scaling back their child labor laws,
essentially taking away all specifics to make it identical to the federal law
and it was added to the state's budget proposal

i'm not sure about the rest of you,
but i'm not a fan of this particular trend
if we as a society have decided that, with childhood, education is more important than work,
[which, by the way, we have, what with our public school system and all]
then we have to stick by it
you can throw out arguments about how teens aren't children,
or that teens will need the work experience and/or the money,
or that they need to be 'graced' into the world of work,
but it basically comes down to this:
as a child/teen, your singular legal priority is to attend and graduate from school
and your parents are legally obligated to care for you until you do
if you want to start working when you're 16, fine
but it needs to not consume your life to the point of being detrimental to school
when you reduce the restrictions on the kind of work you can do as a minor,
you're basically incentivizing working over getting an education
not to mention you're glutting the labor market with cheap labor
[which really does wonders for unemployment, let me tell you]
and to mention the fact that if you work for pay when under 18,
you're being taxed without representation by being under the voting age
ultimately, there are too many potential negatives with scaling back these laws
and if nothing else, we need to remember this:
if we did it once, we'll do it again
if kids once worked in canneries and factories, they will again
and it will benefit no one

in other news,
i'm FINALLY all caught up on the big bang theory
the last episode i remembered watching was the season 4 pilot,
and while everyone else i knew kept up on it,
i let it fall by the wayside like the slacker i am
but, with fluke free time thanks to a crippling bought of writer's block,
i decided to catch up, and spent 8 hours on sunday watching season 4,
and a decent amount of yesterday watching season 5
i now know what in fuck's name is going on in geekland once more
and i am the better for it
hozallah and praise be

to bring this post full circle,
it's time to return to football, because i fucking can
sweet and holy jesus was the bcs beat up this weekend
christ on a bike
4 top ten teams lost [one of them by an embarrassing margin],
a number of teams won when they weren't supposed to,
and somehow texas and auburn are still listed in the top 25
[to which i say: ...are you fucking kidding me?
both have four losses and in the bottom half of their respective conferences
unbiased rankings my hairy ass]
and as a result of all that nonsense,
the sec west has the top 3 bcs spots [lsu, alabama, and arkansas]
again... are you fucking kidding me?
if that happened to any other conference or division,
the football world would collectively cry foul and boycott the bcs
i don't even have words for how much this irritates the bejeezus out of me
because this means that the sec is basically shoed in to the national championship
both spots, not just one
i would bet tons of money that if arkansas beats lsu on saturday,
all that happens is that they switch spots, maybe bump alabama down
and we'd still have an all–sec national championship
i dunno about you, but i'm tired of this shit

i say it here and now, for all to see
if the sec gets both spots in the national championship,
i'm boycotting the bcs [with the exception of the rose bowl if msu or psu play]
and i'd ask you to as well
there's no reason for them to keep taking advantage of us
i want quality teams from all over that are deserving to play in the championship,
not just whoever wins the goddamn sec championship
i might make a concession to lsu, because they did have a tough schedule this year,
but i refuse to believe alabama or arkansas are on par
stanford, ok state, and oregon have played just as well, if not better
[okay, maybe oregon's a stretch at this point]
even so, if we're gonna have a one loss team in the national title game,
[cuz god forbid undefeated houston play in it]
i would much rather see stanford/lsu, lsu/ok state, or even stanford/ok state
c'mon people, there are tons of great teams out there
give me a title game i'll actually want to watch,
not whatever sec team tickles your balls this week

slightly related to this topic:
the big ten
msu's holding steady in the mid–teens, which is fine with me
the only good game they've played since nebraska was iowa
[though this weekend at northwestern is a guaranteed good time]
michigan, wisconsin, penn state, and nebraska round out the top 25's B1G contingent
and ya know what, i don't give a shit about all that's gone down this month
i stand by my earlier prediction for the championship in indy
msu and penn state all the way, and msu to the rose bowl
and it will be so sweet
[also, make sure you watch big ten football this week:
michigan/ohio state, iowa/nebraska, msu/northwestern, penn state/wisconsin
tell me THAT isn't a slate worth spending a weekend on the couch for
sec, you can take arkansas/lsu and shove it
i'll take the heroes game, penn state, msu/northwestern, or the game any day

byzantine

i realize that on halloween i promised a rundown of ceremonials
[the new florence + the machine cd]
as much as i'd love to do so,
ultimately whatever words i use wouldn't do it justice
so instead, let me say this:
give this song a good listen,
and then make up your own mind about whether to get it
if your mind is like mine,
then you'll have the download queued up before the song ends

in addition to the florence post,
i've had a few other ideas floating around in my head
i've been tempted to do another music post,
offer a take on some current events
maybe even do a post on my life at the moment
[on reflection, i realized i haven't done one of those in a while]
but i think i'm gonna revert to what i harangue about best: football

also, as much as i'm temped to do so,
i won't be doing a post about the ever–worsening situation at penn state
partially because i don't feel like i have anything to add
the indictment was barely handed down before the media exploded with the story
cut to a week [A FUCKING WEEK] later,
and the amount of damage has grown exponentially
too many people are talking about it to make anything new have an effect,
and i doubt what i have to say would go over too well
so let's you and me make a deal:
you wait until some sort of case proceeding actually begins,
and i'll do my best to give you an honest appraisal of the whole thing
agreed?


so, what is there to talk about in the realm of msu sports?
just a little bit about breaking streaks,
something about win records,
and oh yeah, a game on a FUCKING AIRCRAFT CARRIER
i dunno about you, but i'm a fan of all the attention
always nice when our teams get some well–deserved notoriety

as i noted first,
the game at iowa was a streak breaker for msu football
they hadn't won there since 1989, a time when i couldn't even say the word 'football'
[which, in retrospect, is a depressing thought]
iowa had been their own particular 'house of horrors' within the big ten
[note to self: post on that?]
having lost seven straight games there,
some by embarrassingly large margins [see last year]
but now, like their losing streak at ohio state, it has come to an end
now all they've got to do is keep winning there
...if only it was that easy

also, for the second consecutive year,
msu's senior class leaves as the winningest class in football
last year it they achieved 33 wins, this year with 34
[with the possibility of four more]
i don't know about the rest of you, but i think that's pretty fucking impressive
beyond the impressive task of getting a class to that plateau
dantonio did it twice, in back–to–back years
if ever there was something to prove how much he changed the team's dynamic,
it would be this
regardless of what some will say about msu,
you can't deny that he's turned a perennial underachiever into a winner
they aren't elite, and they aren't national championship contenders
but they are upper echelon, and they are conference contenders
and that's good enough for me, for now

as a non–football aside,
if any of you didn't get to see the carrier classic game on veterans day,
man did you miss a good one
i'm really glad it lived up to its billing
yeah, they did lose, but that's how it goes when you play the #1 team
even so, they really played the shit out of that game
all in camo–patterned uniforms
even non–college basketball fans i know thought it was awesome
i'm just glad we got to be a part of it
that being said, i also hope they don't make this a thing
let it be an awesome one–time deal
just like the basketbowl, and just like the cold war
don't try to cheapen it by making it a yearly event [like everything fucking else]
just let it live on in its own right

another thing has happened lately that has been kind of surprising:
i've started rooting for michigan again
[not against msu, of course, i know where my loyalties lie]
it's not that i wasn't expecting to ever again,
it's that i wasn't expecting to do so so soon
and there's a perfectly legitimate reason to do so:
michigan playing well reflects better on msu
period

when it comes to sports, teams thrive on rivalries
it's impossible to find a sport that doesn't have them
everything from rugby to cricket [which i'm convinced isn't actually a thing] and beyond
it's what makes some teams get through the season
everything in texas is a warmup to the oklahoma game
in pittsburgh, the focus is always on west virginia,
and nothing boils the blood in washington quite like playing oregon
but beyond the inherent competitive and endorphine rush,
the competition makes the teams better all–around
consider the following:
michigan is the winningest football program in division I [both wins and win %]
ohio state is #6 in total wins and #3 in overall win %
the fact that both teams are so good is what makes the rivalry intense and watchable
would the same be true if both teams were god awful?
forget the fact that they've played each other over 100 times
would we care at all if these teams were perennial bottom feeders?
no, we wouldn't, and rightly so
the same holds true with the paul bunyan trophy

the problem for msu is relatively straightforward:
historically, they just weren't as good as michigan
[let the flaming commence]
they had an incredible period of dominance in the 1950s and '60s,
and saw a pretty decent resurgence in the late '80s and late '90s,
but the in between periods tend to languish in mediocrity,
while over the same periods michigan was consistently good
while msu did win during their down periods [like 1978 and 1990],
michigan had much more recurring success
then came the divergent year of 2007

in 2007, both teams hired new coaches
msu fired a terrible coach before the end of the season,
michigan replaced an incredibly successful coach ready to retire
and man they could not have had more difference in their impacts
mark dantonio has enjoyed success not seen since george perles in the '90s
and rich rodriguez had the most stunningly disastrous career of any michigan coach
that utter lack of success was exactly the void msu needed to further its success
if michigan hadn't floundered, i don't think msu would be as successful as it is
it offered msu better opportunities for recruiting, for serious competition,
and most of all for signature wins
[whether michigan is down and out or not,
winning in ann arbor is always a signature win]

the problem with those wins is that many see them as conditional
eloquently summed up as:
"harglblargh you guyz aren't that great pssht you suck
michigan gon' kick yer ass when they get better just you wait littel brother!!!1!1!1!!!!111
blarghlharghCOCKS"
[note: i may or may not have exagerrated that statement slightly]
and despite who usually spouts that particular wisdom,
[namely people i don't like and/or i think are stupid]
there is some truth to it
msu absolutely took advantage of michigan being the indiana kind of terrible
[seriously, michigan, the cleveland browns were better than you
it took until 2010 for you to win more games in a season than them]
but that's also to msu's credit
it would've been very much in character for msu to continue missing opportunities,
but they stepped up and actually positioned themselves to be the best team in the state
and they've done so for the past three years to great success,
culminating in last year's big ten championship
and now it's time for them to take the next step
and for them to do that, michigan needs to step up as well

with brady hoke at the helm,
michigan is finally in a position to be good again someda
[they aren't there yet, what with it being his first year and all]
and i hope that day comes sooner rather than later
i've been yearning for real, equal competition in this rivalry for a while
and i can't wait until both teams start coming into the game ranked every year
both have the past two years [overrated michigan squads aside],
and it absolutely needs to continue
that's the only real way msu erases all doubts about its legitimacy
[cuz sadly, beating notre dame is no longer good enough to do that]
and yes, playing a good michigan will invariably include us losing
but i would gladly lose to a good michigan squad if they play competitively
[and, of course, we win plenty of other games to offset the loss]
i want this interstate rivalry to smack of the iron bowl and the civil war,
not the bedlam series or notre dame–navy

so, michigan, this is your official call–to–arms
get your shit together [which you've been doing decently at thusfar],
put more quality games in your win column,
and bring it the fuck on
give us heartbreaking losses and empowering wins,
and remember that you're michigan, not the richrod academy of football shame
and give msu a team to be proud of beating [or losing to]
for all of our sakes