jacobs cavern

maybe someday i'll update this thing regularly again
but, i highly doubt it'll be anytime soon
my ability to remember to update this has gotten horrible
it's like ronald reagan trying to beat alzheimer's:
i'd love to, but i just can't... wait, what?




[i have no idea where to start with this
so i'm going to fill until i think of something...]




classes are starting to pick up, i suppose that's something
november's gonna be my month for cranking out papers
and photo projects, and apparently interviews
at least it won't be mostly reading
that'll be a nice change [for once]

i passed the 10,000 song mark on my computer
i suppose that's something too
i'm not sure what to think about how much music i now have
on one hand, that's a shit-ton of music to have
it's starting to border on unnecessarily large
on the other, i'm glad i have such varied tastes
and i keep on downloading music
so it's only gonna get bigger

i also haven't been going to sleep before 5 am
that's definitely something
s'been going on about a week and a half or so
i should probly try to not let that happen
since all it does is fuck me up [worse than normal]
and since i'm rarely productive when i do stay up

i've decided i'm not going to any parties for a while
[the only exception being halloween]
even though i saw a lot of people this weekend,
including some i haven't seen in about a month or so
all the places i went had franzia, shitty beer, and people i don't know
first off:
i hate franzia, it's disgusting
if you drink booze from a box, you have a problem. period.
second:
shitty beer is shitty for a reason, and that's because it's cheap
so i don't care how much money you're trying to save
pitch in some cash so i can drink something that doesn't taste like piss
and third:
people i know are fine, people i don't know are fine
people i don't know aren't fine when they make up a majority
it makes me feel out of place, and all i do is drink and look awkward/creepy
i go to parties to enjoy myself, not talk to friends of friends of friends
oh, and a fourth:
cheap booze FUCKING SUCKS

i changed my voicemail a few weeks back
just to get this out in the open, so there's no ambiguity:
i am perfectly aware of what my old voicemail said
i know it said i was still in russia until the end of june
it also said that i'd be back after that, and that i'd return calls
apparently EVERYONE who called me felt the need to point that out
i'm aware of where i am people, trust me
so please, if you wanna try to be clever or cute on my voicemail
don't

politics is the same [irritating]
news is the same [unbelievable]
classes are the same [hard/easy/painful/awesome]
jobs are the same [nonexistant]
weather is the same [cold, how i like it]
the only thing that seems to be different is sports
and oh boy, is it exciting
i have to say, i'm grateful msu decided to start winning again
it's a step in the right direction, i gotta say
same thing goes for the steelers
nice choice, guys, helps to keep the rep going strong

also, what the fuck happened to the titans?
a 59–0 shutout? by the patriots, of all teams?
they've allowed 198 points in just six games
even the LIONS haven't allowed that many
to commemorate this ridiculous feat,
i'll end with the sentiments of a pissed–off anonymous:

addendum:
due to popular demand [by that, i mean the one person who asked],
and due to the fact that i haven't done it in almost two years,
i'm bringing back the potatoes
and since i already posted about their stunning fall,
i'm making the titans the potatoe of this post
because it takes incredible skill to go from 13–3 to 0–6

zsasz

i think my head is trying to mount an insurrection
the last couple days i've woken up with splitting headaches
my excedrin supply is running low

[insert obligatory complaint about a/b]

i was relatively dry when i got back from work today
'relatively' meaning only my pants were wet, below the knees
which is good
usually i'm soaked

i wonder how the election went today
hopefully, for the sake of flint
williamson wasnt reelected
yet somehow, i cant help thinking he was

before i forget, i have a 'potatoe'
from sunday, so forgive the lateness:
i'm working at ciao
trying to get through a line of about ten people
some girl was asking about what kinds of cheese we had
i told her what they were (mozzarella, swiss, monterey jack and american)
and she says
swear to god
'what, y'all ain't got no canadian cheese?'
...

как ты сказал?

nine songs

this is a conversation i had with someone a few days back
honestly
it was one of the more bizarre i've had lately

17`50 [person] hey how was work?
17`57 [me] uneventful
18`07 [person] why
18`10 [me] because nothing happened?
18`10 [me] just served sandwiches for three hours
18`11 [person] what were you expecting to happen?
18`11 [me] nothing
18`12 [person] well then why sound so dissapointed
18`12 [me] i'm not
18`12 [person] it sounded like you were
18`12 [me] nope
18`12 [me] i dont really care one way or the other
18`12 [person] ok
18`12 [me] since that shift is usually boring
18`13 [person] so you are used to it
18`14 [me] ...yeah

then later, after talking about concerts we both have

18`25 [person] when are your concerts
18`28 [me] only one
18`28 [me] in december
18`28 [person] what date
18`28 [person] and time
18`28 [me] dunno
18`28 [me] and dunno
18`28 [person] how dont you know
18`29 [me] because i dont remember
18`30 [me] and i dont have the sheet with me that says when it is
18`30 [person] oh
18`30 [person] where is the sheet
18`31 [me] i...dont...know
18`31 [me] thus not having it
18`31 [person] oh

obviously, said person wasnt operating on all wavelengths that night

so
after long and dubious consideration
...thats a complete lie
after having the thought briefly cross my mind
i'm not going to complain about work anymore
since its really not as bad as i first thought
i guess its jaded me

i dont think my emotions have clocked in lately
ive felt very neutral for the past couple days
not that i mind
the last thing i need is emotional contingencies
god those fuckers get in the way
maybe if i bribe them enough
they'll stay away

before i forget, we have multiple 'potatoes':
today's potatoes are my coworkers who worked dishroom tonight
i was supposed to close at ciao [grinders/pizza] tonight
but, because there was only one person closing in dish
i volunteered to go back and help them
so i go back and do the pots and pans
i told the girl who was rinsing/loading to put the hoods from brimstone [burgers] through twice
and i get this blank stare like i was speaking greek
'you know, after they go through once, the girl will bring them back; put them through again'
'ooooooooh'
...
and the girl who was unloading
i swear to christ
you'd think she'd never had an independent thought
'what should i do now?'
'what needs to be done now?'
'how much is left to do?'
truly a wonder
which is why we didnt leave until 1`45 tonight
jesus

devanagari

i was at 7/11
buying some cokes for emily and i
and i overheard these two guys talking about gum
and one guy was bitching about the ingredients
and said
"man, everyone's got pomegranate in their stuff now
pomegranate's like the new ketchup"
bizarre? yes
stupid? check

you know
since i spend every wednesday at emily's
i wonder what my roommate does while i'm gone
i should ask him sometime
though, if i was to wager a guess
i'd say he probly watches smallville
maybe does homework if he has any
and, just maybe
naughty naughty things
like orgies with five women
covered in peanut oil, with one brandishing a large trout
...ok, maybe that last part was my imagination
but still, i can hope

it seems i havent posted a 'potatoe' in a while
so i'm going to now:
today's 'potatoe'
is a very intelligent individual
one who
though he can sometimes be well motivated
tends to skip class
so he skipped two classes in a row
and then went to class the day of a quiz
but didnt study
so
he went to class expecting an easy quiz
but, it was ridiculously difficult
becuase it covered the chain rule
and this person hates the chain rule
and all it stands for
so he likely failed the test completely
the individual? me
the class? calc
the result? FAIL

i
am going to seek solace in cap'n
yarrrrrrrrr

baronet

so, after a month away from home
i appreciate my moms cooking more
cuz, damn
she makes some good fucking food

so
for history, i have to write a paper
detailing the book we read
we got the assignment last tuesday
i planned to have it done by friday
so i could print it while i was home
did i?
no, because i
am a fucking procrastinator
shall it ever be cured?
doubtful
since i'm posting this
instead of actually writing it

i realized i haven't had a 'potatoe' in a while
so, denizens of ether, i bring you another:
my friend akemi has a friend named jordan
who just happens to be a diabetic
so, over the weekend
he proceeding to drink himself stupid
then, the next day at meijer
decided to binge on candy and sweets
he was hospitalized earlier today
with a blood sugar level of over 600
which is way too fuckin high
since its not supposed to be over 110
so, jordan, while you try to regain normal body function
and proceed to miss the tests you have tomorrow
enjoy your status as today's 'potatoe'
you deserve it

jiāngběi

apparently, one of the people on my floor has a piano
an electric one, not an upright
and he plays it all the time, it seems
i'd be fine with this normally
but i'm not
why?
BECAUSE HE ALWAYS PLAYS THE SAME FUCKING SONG
dont mind a good song
but every time i hear him play
its the same chord progression
and the same quarter notes in the left hand
learn a new song, jackass
and stop trying to sing

remember what i said a couple days ago
about not thinking people were going to do well in russian?
definitely gonna stand by that belief
goddamn

it was really gray today
and humid, and hot
it needs to rain
no, fuck that
it needs to SNOW

so, today's 'potatoe' is not so much a person
as it is a thing:
i was working at brimstone today
[the burger place]
and while i was cooking some burgers
i noticed smoke around the ceiling over the salad bar
which was odd, since theres no cooking equipment over there
so the smoke reaches the detectors
and the fire alarm goes off
the reason?
a toaster caught its crumbs on fire, apparently
and some jackass yakking on his phone
who apparently runs our complex
was bitching at the brimstone cook to shut down the charbroiler
.........
fast forward 8 hours
walking back to phillips from south complex with stacy killian
get past fairchild theater
and i see a large group of people outside the dorm
apparently the fire alarm went off again
and everyone evacuated
we were even passed by a fire truck when we were on shaw lane
just as we got back, they let everyone back in
the official cause? still under investigation
so, today's 'potatoe' is our fire alarm

голоса

not mine, goddamn it
why, you ask?
because after yelling at the top of my voice
for three and a half hours in the dishroom
i am sans voice
i should be fine by tomorrow
if not, i'll get over it eventually
nothing could be as bad as the TWO MONTHS i fucking had laryngitis
god that sucked
[by the way, 'голоса' means voices
just in case youdont speak russian/can't infer meanings]

you know, this may be a ridiculous notion
maybe even a laughable
but i am of the opinion
and stop me if this is impractical
of people not leaving important shit on their trays
school ids, keys, wallets, shit like that
you'd think it was a given
is it?
no
which leads me to...

TODAY'S POTATOE:
so, i was working in the dish room, yeah yeah
tray comes down with a key on it
a master key, belonging to our head chef
caught it, and gave it to the snyder 'host' [person at the check-in]
bout 20 minutes later
a tray comes down with some guy's id on it
caught it, gave it to the snyder 'host'
the best one though, and today's potatoe
was the girl who left:
her ID, KEYS, and WALLET on the tray
she wouldve been completely fucked
if us dishroom people werent in possession of cat-like reflexes

thinking back to this past weeked
i can positively say i did four things
ate, slept, worked, and bathed
man, i'm a lazy bastard

спасибо

i need to change the name of my award
since 'murphy's champion' only covers those who have things go wrong on them
i need something else,
that encompasses that and complete acts of stupidity
and other moments lacking in brain function
actually, now that i think about it
i'm going to make it in honor of an illustrious man
a man who ispired us to adhere to the written word
a man who proved improvisation isnt always best
a true beacon of caustic wit, intelligence, and poor spelling
james danforth quayle
they'll be known as 'quayle's potatoes'

today's 'potatoe' was, yet again, someone in the gallery
a girl came up to the pizza area
and asked when the cheese pizza was going to be done
my coworker with said 'they'll be up in a couple minutes'
the girl said 'ok, i'll wait, cuz i'm a vegetarian, and i wont eat pepperoni'
my coworker said '...you could just pick the pepperonis off the pizza'
to which the girl replied, glaring fiercely 'THERE'D STILL BE PEPPERONIS ON THERE...I'LL JUST WAIT!'
so
the girl leaves, does god knows what, then comes back
she asks a different coworker when the cheese pizza will be up
my coworker said it'll be up in a little bit, it just has to be cut
which my first coworker was in the process of doing
the girl asked 'well, how long is that going to take?'
my coworker replied 'it'll just be a couple seconds'
to which the girl says 'welll...how many seconds? 4? 5?'
...
the same girl came up about half an hour later
looked at the pizzas we had out on the warmer
which were cheese and pepperoni
looked up at us and asked, 'what kind of pizzas are these?'


i went back up to sbs today to return a mathlab cd thing
apparently i ended up with two
since i didnt realize my calc book came with one
and i bought one separate
so i sold it back to them
$67 goddamn dollars
which means i have money now
which i can spend frivolous shit

speaking of the gallery
it seems that this weekend, they are woefully understaffed
so woefully understaffed, it seems
that they're paying people an extra $1/hour
i was supposed to work this weekend anyway
but now i'm getting an extra dollar every hour
which means i'll make an extra $15
which will probly go into the 'slurpee/coffee' fund

galleria

i've decided to establish a new award
somewhat along the lines of the darwin awards
i'm going to call it 'murphy's champion of the day'
murphy's law, anything that can go wrong will
you all know it

and with that, i inaugurate it with today's murphy's champion:
anonymous person at the gallery
this anonymous person at dinner at the gallery, bout 9`00 tonight
had some pizza and cookies [from what was left on the tray]
this person, like every other spartan, used his/her ID to get it
this person, unlike every other spartan, LEFT IT ON THE TRAY
whilst performing my cleaning duties
i happened to notice a card slide off the tray as i was hastily stacking it
i saw the magnetic bar along the back
and a [somewhat] smiling face on the front
just before it went down the drain to the garbage disposal
so, anonymous person at the gallery
you're fucked

speaking of the gallery
i'm gonna try to get this past kurt [my boss]
the next fucking person who asks me whats on the menu
while standing in front of a menu
is going to get a punch in the face
on a similar vein
any person[s] who decides to just randomly stop while walking
or stand in the middle of the floor looking around
while blocking someone who's trying to do their job
will get a punch to the back of the head

so
'africa'
good song
for some reason i like hymns
even though i'm not christian
or religious at all, for that matter
dunno
something about their formulaic construction appeals to me
that and
i just like william billings
go figure