sovetsk

today, blogasaurs, i finally completed my goal
THE MUSIC CULL HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL
it means so much to me, it's in all caps
[it is a meaningless accomplishment]

so, for those of us keeping score [read: no one], here's the tally:
i started with 90.72 gigs, 15102 songs, >1038 hours worth of music,
i have now 70.22 gigs, 11618 songs, and ~787 hours
which, if you're counting, is a 22.6% decrease
so yeah, a fifth of my music is gone now
AND my entire library will fit on my ipod again

so yeah, that's what i've done for the past month,
what about you?


ADDENDUM:
the new blogger interface is TERRIBLE
they were going for minimalist, they achieved confusing
way to go fixing something that wasn't broke, blogger

èirinn

or, an update on culling and other things

first up, since none of you really care but i'm gonna post it anyway
after round 1 of the music pogrom [taking approximately one month],
i've trimmed my library down to 79.77 gigs, 13418 songs, and ~904 hours
which, for those of us keep score,
means i've knocked out 12 gigs, 1684 songs, and 104 hours
i gotta say, i feel good about this so far
it's going much smoother [and faster] than the great cull of 2008
in which i deleted a full fourth of my music over the course of fall semester
and now that the first round has come and gone,
it's time to pull out all the stops and move to round 2
dun dun dunnnnn

in my only other news,
i have loved this week of basketball SO. GODDAMN. HARD.
i wish that every weekend in march was like this one
i haven't enjoyed sports this much since the weekend of the msu/wiscy game [part 1]
half of the reason i like college bball is tourney upsets,
and boy has this weekend delivered
it's made my depressing reality of unemployment/brokeness much more bearable
and for that, i thank it
and as such, i'm looking forward to plenty more of it for the next three weeks
ladies and gents of the tourney, bring it on

well damn, i lied
one more thing:
in the spirit of the occasion [st paddy's], i leave you all with this:
alba gu bràth, you fake irish cocksuckers



ADDENDUM:
round 2 has been a rousing success
at the end of this five day lighting round,
i'm down to 75.78 gigs, 12724 songs,  ~856 hours
screw weight loss, athletic training, and other self-improvement activities
this is the way you improve your own life
at least, in my own twisted mind it is

romany

after a quick glance around the blogzorz,
i noticed that it's been about 2 months since my last real post
[i enjoy posting lyrics, but that's a cheap cop–out and doesn't count]
so, instead of posting yet another song for you to [not] listen to,
i'll just talk about music instead, specially my music collection
because I'M SO GODDAMN BORED I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO

[this post is brought to you by the above theme]

because i've had little to nothing to do these past three months,
i've had to resort to making my own entertainment
most of my waking time has been devoted to the following activities:
listening to music, surfing the internet, playing flash games, occasionally reading,
and filling out job applications [and drinking tea]
pros of that: it's a great change of pace from the past two/three semesters
cons: i'm not paid to do any of that, i have no car, and no money

so because i've been in my house alone for the past quarter–year,
i've been strapped for things to accomplish
[quick understanding of the way my mind works:
if i'm not getting something done, i feel inordinately guilty for wasting time
it doesn't have to be big or meaningful, it just has to be something]
and i've started doing trivial things to give myself something to do
i rearranged my house's first floor [kitchen/living room/sitting room]
i chopped a metric shit–tonne of wood and kindling,
and [weather permitting] done yard work when necessary
but as useful as those things are,
they're one–and–dones, so there's no follow up or continuous attention needed
so i'm back to square one once they're done
which is how i got on my current kick

once i was finally done with school work and no longer in need of all my files,
i cleaned out my classwork folder from the past 4 1/2 years,
and got all that shit organized, lest i need it again at some point in the future
i would've left it at that, but i came across a horrifying realization that same day:
my hard drive was almost full
my 350gb hard disk, a full 875% more space than my previous laptop had,
was down to its last 800 megabytes
i was completely flummoxed, so i did the one thing i could do:
i started swearing aloud at my computer,
and then i started swearing at myself

since that day, i've gone on a space–saving binge of unmatched proportion
i've delved into all my files and documents, photo albums, and movie folders,
trimming corners and downsizing file sizes where possible,
deleting things i no longer liked/wanted in an attempt to regain some breathing room
most of the space i regained came from my massive movie folder,
since each movie i had was ~700mb, and i deleted about a dozen of them
[except for one movie file, which is grotesquely large and unendingly cumbersome
i'm lookin' at you, history of the devil, all 30.65 gigs of you]
i got myself some spatial breathing room
now i'm down to the movies i like and the movies i want to watch,
as opposed to those plus movies i didn't like, hadn't watched, or didn't want to
but it was downsized nonetheless
but even in the face of all this bulemic bit shit going down like a sweet muffin,
[archaic inside joke, anyone?]
there was one behemoth left untouched, unscathed, and daring me to touch it:
my music library

blogasaurs, my crippling music addiction is both well–documented and unashamed,
but it's time i gave you some numbers to quantify my melodic slavery:
at the start of 2012, my music totaled 90.72 gigs, 15102 songs, and >1038 1/2 hours
it was the product of years of musical attrition starting in august of 2003,
subject to every musical whim i've had since then,
from wanton free itunes downloads, to ganking friends' burned cds,
to shameless mass downloading, to other's massive music collections,
to my own selfish musical hoarding
i'm like the old guy who never throws away newspapers,
like the lady who adopts every cat she finds,
like the people who keep making lolcats
i must have every good piece of music ever made
which is how i ended up with such a leviathan parasite on my hard drive

that was two weeks ago, and i have made serious strides in slaying the fell beast
i've been nothing short of ruthless in culling my music,
deleting everything from albums i was tepid about, to songs i no longer liked,
to shit i never even bothered listening to
it's been a long, ongoing [i'm actually doing it as i type this]
and man is it making all the difference
my itunes is less cluttered, my playlists aren't as bloated,
and there's far less music i don't like on my computer
at current count, i'm down to 84.42 gigs, 14243 songs, ~954 hours,
and the culling ain't over yet
i wouldn't be surprised to see another 6 gigs hit the recycle bin before i'm done
because nothing comes between me and my music, especially my music


i realize i sound like some sort of inspiration weight–loss jagoff about this,but i have to sap every bit of meaning i can from this
remember: i have nothing to do and no one to hang out with
if i can clean up/out my hard drive, it'll at least distract me from being in the mount
besides, i take pride in my musical taste and organization
[as anyone who has seen what i do to my next music can attest to],
and it's high time i get rid of the shit that doesn't deserve to have me listen to it

besides, if i don't clear out enough space,
how am i supposed to keep up with all the new cds that are coming out?
that shit's not gonna catalogue and listen to itself

tân yn llŷn

it's been a while since i've posted twice in twelve hours,
and i actually don't remember the last time i did so
though i'm sure a quick scroll through my archive would tell me,
i'm too lazy/apathetic to actually bother looking
mostly cuz it's all the way on another tab
WHO HAS THE ENERGY FOR THIS SHIT?

[a quick interlude, because this is too priceless not to share
as i'm talking with a friend of mine online, this little gem comes my way:
"i listened to judy and watched jackass at the same time.
most peculiar experience - it's the one where ryan dunn stick the car up his ass"
i really hope 'the man that got away' was playing during that particular stunt]

i had a really long phone conversation tonight with a friend of mine,
we were actually talking long enough for me to get slightly hoarse
[which is why i'm now enjoying a delicious cup of tea]
i have to say, i enjoyed it more than i thought i would
i'm normally not a fan of phone conversations being longer than they have to be,
but it was nice to just have a long, free–wandering conversation,
talking about our worries, motivations, our accomplishments, current state of affairs
i'm glad i'm not as insane as i keep fearing i am
there isn't a particular reason i'm sharing this,
nor i am building up for a tantalizing and shocking revelation,
it's just a thought that sounded better in my head than it looks in type
but there's no real point in deleting it,
so instead i'll just keep rambling until i get to something else

this may not be interesting, but it is on a different topic:
the delightfully folksy tale of how ian mcshane got me to reread 'wicked'
so this christmas i was gifted with a metric shit–tonne of dvds
[a friend of mine recently got a blu–ray player and is steadily replacing his collection]
one of the dvds i got was the miniseries 'the pillars of the earth'
[which, by the way, is fucking awesome and incredibly riveting]
i wasn't initially that interested in it,
but i gave it a shot because ian mcshane is in it, along with a few others
[i've loved ian mcshane ever since i first watched deadwood]
so i watched it, and ended up almost marathoning all 8 hours of it
and then resolved to read the book its based on
so i went up to the mount's pitifully–stocked library hoping to get lucky,
and of course its checked out [though the fact that they had it is a small miracle]
so while i was perusing the shelfs for something vaguely interesting to read,
i found out quite by surprise that gregory maguire wrote a fourth 'wicked' book
i didn't even know he was planning to write a fourth one,
let alone that it had been out for damn near two months
so, since my life has lately consisted of applying for jobs and watching espn,
i figured i'd reread the series in one go and finally get around to reading the third book
[which i've had since christmas 2008, the year it was published]
it's less exciting than you probly imagined,
but considering that i like in the boring, rednecky asshole of genesee county
[itself the boring, rednecky asshole of michigan,
which in turn the boring, rednecky asshole of america]
that's about as exciting an adventure as one can have here

[for the record, while the mount may be the boring, redneck asshole of the county,
flint is the hellish, post–apocalyptic eye of the shit hurricane
a nightmarish vortex from which there is no return]

as much as i really, REALLY, want to,
i'm not going to go off on a psychotic rant about the average gander's aversion to winter
because really, what's the point?
people i know keep having the same fucking reaction every year,
so instead of complaining about it, i'm going to offer a little bit of insight
hopefully it'll make their eternally–suffering lives better:
michigan has winter
winter comes every year at the same time
every winter is roughly the same: cold, windy, wet, snowy, and icy
occasionally there's lots of snow, sometimes there's not that much
but it's always cold, always wind, and always icy
winter has come every single year you've been alive,
and will continue until some sort of catastrophic climate event prevents it
thus, i recommend you stock up on whatever you need to,
in order to best prepare yourself for the calamity that is winter
if you're prone to being cold, buy warmer clothes and/or put on more layers
if you don't care for the wind, wear a scarf and a hooded coat
if the ice befuddles you, buy ice melter and sand
and if you don't like the snow, shut the fuck up and move somewhere else
those are the most practical ways to survive winter in michigan,
a winter that is both harsh and perennial
now that you are no longer caught off guard by its inevitable coming,
hopefully next year will be less complainy and more proactive
thus concludes my newest blog segment,
"SHUTTHEFUCKUPGODIEINAFIREYOUSTUPIDPRICK"

now that i've exorcised that particular dæmon,
let's wax philosophic for a moment:
what is it about winter that causes such anguish among the average gander?
seriously, i don't get it
winter comes every fucking year, like clockwork
it's always a bit harsh and is always treacherous
why is it a constant source of complaint and whining for people who live here?
are they living in some sort of victimized delusion,
where they are plagued with snow for their sins and transgressions?
do they think if they wish really hard that winter won't come this year?
or is it simply trendy and socially acceptable to bitch about it online,
and that is their only collective chance to fit in and go with the flow?
elucidation completely eludes me on this one
thoughts?

in other news,
i just realized i apparently don't take notice of anniversaries anymore,
and i think that's for the best
that probly makes no sense to any of you [hopefully, at least]
but take my word for it that it's for the better

on that oddly–cryptic–yet–heartening note,
i promise that i'm done putting off my thesis post
[which was incidental, not intentional
not that any of you are interested in eminent domain at all]
i'll probly get around to it in the next few days
and i promise that i'll blog more if one of you will hire me
and i'll blog about everything and anything you want
kthnxbai? kthnxbai


ADDENDUM
after going back over this,
i realized it reads like i'm either drunk, high, or both
i promise you that i was neither,
mostly i was just tired and insomnia–laden [as is often the case]

colloquy

i was looking for something to read the other day,
mostly because i miss reading for my own enjoyment,
and i came across a book of short stories by shirley jackson
many of you may know her for the story 'the lottery',
which is a wonderful and intriguing story in its own right,
but i love her for a different reason:
she is the author of hands–down my favorite short story ever
and because i am in a generous mood, i'm sharing it with you
"Colloquy", Shirley Jackson, ©1944, The New Yorker




The doctor was competent-looking and respectable. Mrs Arnold felt vaguely comforted by his appearance, and her agitation lessened a little. She knew that he noticed her hand shaking when she leaned forward for him to light her cigarette, and she smiled apologetically, but he looked back at her seriously.

“You seem to be upset,” he said gravely.

“I’m very upset,” Mrs Arnold said. She tried to talk slowly and intelligently. “That’s one reason I came to you instead of going to Doctor Murphy—our regular doctor, that is.”

The doctor frowned slightly. “My husband,” Mrs Arnold went on. “I don’t want him to know that I’m worried, and Doctor Murphy would probably feel it was necessary to tell him.” The doctor nodded, not committing himself, Mrs Arnold noted.

“What seems to be the trouble?”

Mrs Arnold took a deep breath. “Doctor,” she said, “how do people tell if they’re going crazy?”

The doctor looked up.

“Isn’t that silly,” Mrs Arnold said, “I hadn’t meant to say it like that. It’s hard enough to explain anyway, without making it so dramatic.”

“Insanity is more complicated than you think,” the doctor said.

“I know it’s complicated,” Mrs Arnold said. “That’s the only think I’m really sure of. Insanity is one of those things I mean.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“That’s my trouble, Doctor.” Mrs Arnold sat back and took her gloves out from under her pocketbook and put them carefully on top. Then she took them and put them underneath the pocketbook again.

“Suppose you just tell me all about it,” the doctor said.

Mrs Arnold sighed. “Everyone else seems to understand,” she said, “and I don’t. Look.” She leaned forward and gestured with one hand while she spoke. “I don’t understand the way people live. It all used to be so simple. When I was a little girl I used to live in a world where a lot of other people lived too and they all lived together and things went along like that with no fuss.” She looked at the doctor. He was frowning again, and Mrs Arnold went on, her voice rising slightly. “Look. Yesterday morning my husband stopped on his way to his office to buy a paper. He always buys the Times and he always buys it from the same dealer, and yesterday the dealer didn’t have a Times for my husband and last night when he came home for dinner he said the fish was burned and the dessert was too sweet and he sat around all evening talking to himself.”

“He could have tried to get it at another dealer,” the doctor said. “Very often dealers downtown have papers later than local dealers.”

“No,” Mrs Arnold said, slowly and distinctly, “I guess I’d better start over. When I was a little girl—” she said. Then she stopped. “Look,” she said, “did there use to be words like psychosomatic medicine? Or international cartels? Or bureaucratic centralization?”

“Well,” the doctor began.

“What do they mean?” Mrs Arnold insisted.

“In a period of international crisis,” the doctor said gently, “when you find, for instance, cultural patterns rapidly disintegrating…”

“International crisis,” Mrs Arnold said. “Patterns.” She began to cry quietly. “He said the man had no right not to save him a Times,” she said hysterically, fumbling in her pocket for a handkerchief, “and he started talking about social planning on the local level and surtax net income and geopolitical concepts and deflationary inflation.” Mrs Arnold’s voice rose to a wail. “He really said deflationary inflation.”

“Mrs Arnold,” the doctor said, coming around the desk, “we’re not going to help things any this way.”

“What is going to help?” Mrs Arnold said. “Is everyone really crazy but me?”

“Mrs Arnold,” the doctor said severely, “I want you to get a hold of yourself. In a disoriented world like ours today, alienation from reality frequently—”

“Disoriented,” Mrs Arnold said. She stood up. “Alienation,” she said. “Reality.” Before the doctor could stop her she walked to the door and opened it. “Reality,” she said, and went out.

meritxell

blogablogablogaOH LOOK I'M BACK
actually, that's a bit of a fallacy, since i never went away
i was merely attending to more important thing, such as
–my goddamn sanity
–my thesis [revisions and I SHOULD PUT IN A MAP OR FIFTY HARGHLBLARGH]
–re–moving into my house
–watching goddamn football
–doing productive things

and for those of you who have had to suffer through listening to me yammer about it,
yes, my thesis is done and turned in and graded and all that jazz
for those of you who give a shit, or those of you with my kind of crazy,
[namely those who find this shit interesting as well]
my next post will be all about it
so we'll just leave that particular topic be for now


what we will get back to is football,
because the college football season is officially over now
after that riveting national championship game [SARCASM],
my precious bowl season is over and i must again bid adieu to that truest of sports,
young men beating the piss out of each other, fully funded by institutes of higher learning
life is good, no?
since i continued my ever–foolish trend of making predictions,
let's look back over them shall we?

first off all, i'm proud to say i finished the bowl season with a winning record
8–5, a .615 percentage, which isn't too bad
especially considering my great showing last year and my dismal picks from two years ago
and since i didn't embarrass myself in the futuresight department,
let's take a gander at some of my finer and more idiotic predictions:

• boise state 56, arizona state 24 [picked boise]. this one was out of reach in 14 seconds [very literally], and arizona state never even came close. it was [at that point] the highest scoring bowl game and the most lopsided, but that was to be expected. boise was a powerhouse, asu was a cripple, and sometimes things just go the way they're supposed to.
• southern miss 24, nevada 17 [picked southern miss]. this game was just odd. not that there was anything particularly wrong with it, it was just felt weird. maybe because it was two teams that should have been better this season and inexplicably weren't, i dunno. at any rate, even though it didn't look it initially, i did pick the winner. so there's that.
• nc state 31, louisville 24 [picked nc state]. this game nearly had me for the fool. i knew nc state was gonna bring it, because i watched them take down clemson in a brutally efficient way, but i had no idea louisville was gonna play as well or as spirited as they did. this was one of the more evenly matched bowl games this season, and definitely one of the more exciting to watch. if louisville hadn't been intercepted with 52 seconds to go, they very easily could've finished their comeback and tied the game. thankfully for my record's sake, they didn't, and i started out 3–0.
• florida state 18, notre dame 14 [picked fsu]. i felt like a goddamn fool just after halftime of this bowl. notre dame was up 14–0 and the 'noles looked like group of bumbling invalids. thankfully, in true florida state fashion, they rattled off a pair of touchdowns in the first two minutes of the 4th quarter, gave themselves a 4 point lead with a field goal, and finally showed tommy rees that no one pulls that comeback shit on jimbo fisher. nobody. except mike london, tom o'brien, and butch davis. NOBODY.
• baylor 67, washington 56 [picked baylor]. christ on a crutch in january, i've never seen a game so perfectly epitomize the term 'basketball on grass'.washington's qb threw for 438 yards, baylor had three different 100+ yard rushers, they set an alamo bowl record for the most points scored in a half [59], broke the all–time bowl record for points scored in regulation [123], shattered the record total combined offense [1397], and featured the 2011 heisman winner [baylor's qb]. i was utterly blown away watching it. just after halftime, it looked like washington very literally would run away with the game [they were up 42–24], but like i prophecied, washington's defense was a goddamn train wreck. this was by far my most entertaining bowl pick, though not my favorite.
• oklahoma 31, iowa 14 [picked iowa]. after flying high at 5–0 to start the bowl season, my first loss was a resounding thud of a pick. i was expecting iowa to play like they did against michigan and northwestern, not like they did against nebraska and msu. christ. i understand that they were missing a key offensive component in marcus coker [who just today left the program], but they still had their qb and their stud of a wideout. apparently that just wasn't enough, though. at any rate, iowa sucked, oklahoma played like they weren't overrated, and a skycam tried to behead marvin mcnutt. overall, just a boring game. [SARCASM]
• texas a&m 33, northwestern 22 [picked a&m]. this pick was purely and simply a guess. i'd seen some of a&m's implosions over the course of the season [namely against arkansas and ok state], i'd watched northwestern slice their own achilles against army, michigan, and msu [see what i did there?] it was really a crapshoot, but every good series of picks needs a meaningless, could–go–either–way game, yeah? so this was mine. for the record, i took a&m because it was in texas, and i figured they'd want to do mike sherman proud.
• auburn 43, virginia 24 [picked virginia]. my second 'GODDAMN IT' moment of the bowl season came after auburn scored three straight touchdowns in the 2nd quarter. how am i supposed to keep lambasting teams for being overrated and under–talented when they keep winning impressively? cocksucking bastards. at any rate, auburn came to play with a couple really nice trick plays and real motivation, while virginia came to do some other kind of... fuck, i dunno. insert something scathing and witty in there for me, would ya? i have nothing left to give.
• houston 30, penn state 14 [picked houston]. this was my 'padding the stats' pick. as dearly as i love penn state football, i was well aware of their lackluster offense throughout the season. their defense really lived up to their name, but mcgloin/bolden couldn't do shit with any kind of consistency, even after mcgloin won himself the starter spot. so, with him sidelined due to a lockerroom–fight concussion, and the blonde bomber from houston prepping himself for another flawless performance, this one was a foregone conclusion. houston was gonna win this as easy as you please because they were plainly better.
• msu 33, georgia 30 [picked msu]. even today, a full week after it was played, it delights me to no end to say that my msu pick was right. they proved that they were worthy of accolades and notoriety after coming back from a 16–0 deficit to take the lead, tie the game, and finally win it in overtime. georgia gave them a run for their money [three overtimes' worth], but they pulled it out and gave the B1G its sole win on january 2nd. but enough with that, watch this blocked kick one more time, and tell me it doesn't bring a smile to your face bigger than dantonio's
• south carolina 30, nebraska 13 [picked nebraska]. after my elation at watching my team finally win in the postseason, after sitting at a glorious 8–2, the wheels came off my prediction bus. i knew what to expect out of south carolina [the team that beat both georgia and clemson this year], but i also knew what nebraska was capable of, or so i thought. apparently they just couldn't pull off another solid victory [like the ones they put up against msu, iowa, and ohio state]. so instead of becoming the B1G's twelth man to add parity, power, and respect, big red ends up giving them an extra bowl loss. what fun.
• arkansas 29, k state 16 [picked k state]. the 2 of the 1–2 punch was this game. the whole thing made no sense: k state didn't play at all like they did during the season, and arkansas played exactly like they did during the season. the wildcats stout defense was porous, their qb was mediocre at best at passing and completely mitigated out of the pocket, and the rest of their offense was simply unproductive. GAH FOOTBALL Y U NO MAKE SENSE SOMETIMES?!
• smu 28, pitt 6 [picked pitt]. the grand finale of my predictions was as bad a choice as i could make. pitt gave exactly zero reasons to be picked to win a bowl this season [see their back–to–back home losses to iowa and notre dame], and after having their coach bail on them in a positively randy edsall–esque showing, they were probly unhappy to not be done with their season. so basically i picked them because they're pitt and i love pittsburgh and i root for those teams whether i should or not.

what a rollercoaster of picks this year turned out to be
5 straight correct picks, 5 split picks, 3 straight losing picks
though i'm certainly glad to have not sucked at predictions,
i can only imagine what my numbers would look like had i not boycotted the bcs
i was pulling for both michigan and ok state in their respective games
i would very likely have picked west virginia over clemson
[more because i wanted clemson to lose more than i wanted them to win
and boy did they ever]
so that's three more wins right there
i honestly don't know who i would've picked in the rose bowl,
but i would likely have leaned towards wisconsin,
[more out of the need for the big ten to win a goddamn bowl game than anything else]
and i wouldn't have bothered with the ncg, because that was the farce of all farces
i may have boycotted the games,
but i did keep up with the gamecasts and see the highlight reels
man that game was a piece of shit
so shitty, in fact, it was the worst–rated bcs championship ever
game, set, and match bcs


since my beloved college football,
it's time to give most of my attention to pro football
though it'll be getting less of my attention from here on out,
thanks to a team that shall remain nameless [FUCK YOU, STILLERS]
i retain my overwhelming addiction to the sport,
but it's a little less fun when your team isn't in the playoffs anymore
on the plus side, i kinda know how falcons fans feel now
all those one–and–dones must get really tiring

once that's done,
my full attention will yet again return to the beauty that is college basketball
i've enjoyed watching msu and uconn's play this year [men's and women's]
and i'm getting all hot and bothered for conference tourneys to begin
they're still a long way off, but there's nothing wrong with looking forward
especially since on the other side of them is the championship tourney,
and past THAT is the sports winter known as 'baseball season',
during which i whimper and moan about there being no sports to watch,
and generally am somewhat unpleasant because of it
good thing that's not till mid–april, yes?
in other words, BRING IT, SUPERBOWL/MARCH MADNESS
i survived yet another bowl season, and now i'm coming for you

addendum

as much as i stand behind what i previously said,
i feel like i owe you guys some clarification,
if for no other reason than because i should

my irritation with the bcs doesn't extend to most teams playing bcs bowls
many of them have proven worthy of being there,
[with a few notable exceptions]
and i have nothing but respect for their achievements
so even though i won't be watching them play this year,
i wish nothing but success for those teams
ok state, stanford, clemson, west virginia, oregon, and wisconsin
you guys proved you were worthy of competing with the best
so go out there, play your asses off,
and don't take my bcs anger to heart

the one exception i have is this year's sugar bowl
and wouldn't ya know it, my problem ISN'T that michigan is playing
[though i will get to them in a minute]
first off, let me point out this particular fact:
this is the first year the acc has gotten an at–large bcs bid
[miami wasn't in the acc the year they won the national championship,
and neither was virginia tech when they played in one]
and who gets chosen for this particularly vaunted spot?
virginia tech
the same virginia tech that lost the acc championship by FOUR TOUCHDOWNS
the same virginia tech whose only losses were to clemson, by a combined 62–13
so, as everyone made the case that msu shouldn't be given a bcs birth,
namely due to the fact that they lost the b1g championship,
[which, by the way, was far more competitive than the acc championship]
va tech does get an at–large birth for the exact same reason
if you were going to give at at–large berth to a conference championship loser,
why not msu? or georgia?
why would you give that at–large spot to a conference with no real parity?

COMPARISON TIEMZ!
–the acc had only two teams to reach the 10–win plateau
pac12, b1g had 3, the sec had 5; none of those ccg loses got at–large bids
–va tech ended up ranked higher ranked than the team that beat it [by 4 spots]
the other three conference losers all ended up ranked lower than the team that beat them
–boise state's biggest non–conference win was [in practice] at georgia
va tech's was hosting arkansas state
[boise also happens to be ranked four spots above va tech]
–south carolina actually managed to beat clemson this year [and is ranked above va tech]
believe me, i could go on

so, with the wholly unworthy va tech filling the bcs at–large void
[which it truly only got because the sec filled its two spots in the ncg
which, if you'll recall, is BULLSHIT NONSENSE]
who do they get to play them?
that would be the b1g at–large team, naturally
and this, that happens to be michigan
now, i'm not going to bitch and moan about how michigan got picked before msu
[mostly because i don't believe ccg losers should play in bcs games]
but i will say this:
having michigan play in the bcs again is good for the big ten
as you also may recall, i said that michigan playing well makes msu look better
and in this case, michigan playing well makes the big ten look better too
when a conference's biggest team plays like shit, it reflects poorly on all of them
case in point: the big 12 last year when texas went 5–7
so as much as i wish that msu was playing in the sugar bowl this year,
i'm glad that michigan is [kind of] back to playing like they used to
cuz if nothing else, after last year's bowl season,
the big ten's gonna need every win it can get

by the way, what i WILL bitch about is this
as much as i'll enjoy if michigan wins the sugar bowl
i will absolutely loathe the michigan fanbase for it
many a michigan fan is already insufferable to me,
and if they get a quality bowl win this year,
they'll be back to bragging and boasting like the last three years didn't happen
and while it's completely understandable that they'd want to put it behind them,
they do it in a way that collectively makes them the most insufferable pricks i know
it will also make the offseason a long, drawn–out pain in the ass
mostly because they'll go back to talkin' smack about next year's paul bunyan game
so i'm at an impasse:
i root for michigan [again, finally], and then i have to deal with the fans
what's a spartan to do?


as a pertinent aside:
what in fuck's name is up with the way michigan fans interact with msu fans?
we are, apparently, michigan's "third-most-important rival"
[behind ohio state and notre dame]
never mind the fact that msu has been playing michigan longer than notre dame
and michigan fans treat the msu game with such disdain that it leads me to ask:
what's up witht that?
when you guys were losing to ohio state, you acted like the games never happened,
and went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day
but when you lost to michigan state,
you bitched about the fanbase and wrote off the wins as fluke
[and still went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day]
i dunno if it's because disliking msu is somehow wired into your brains,
but let me break it down for you to the point where you can get it:
msu is the perennial and historic second–best team
and when the second–best team beats the best team,
it warrants some bragging
when the second–best team slowly becomes equal to the best team,
it's a big fucking deal
i'm sorry if you can't wrap your minds around that,
but that's basically what it comes down to
of course msu fans are gonna be high on themselves when they beat michigan
we've gotten shit for SO LONG about who we root for,
that we're gonna savor every last moment of those wins

i'll tell you what's gonna be really sad
the next time you beat msu,
i can GUARANTEE the big house is gonna act exactly like they did after 'the game'
people are gonna go nuts and celebrate like it's the second coming
and truthfully, it will be deserved
but believe me when i say i will be watching that celebration,
and will truly enjoy reminding you guys just how hypocritical you are

oh, and by the way,
notre dame is OUR main rival
and we have a better rivalry with them than you do
msu has played them far more than michigan has,
[and they happen to have beaten them more times than michigan has]
additionally, although msu has played michigan more times than notre dame
the msu–notre dame games tend to be better than the msu–michigan games
not just recently, but historically
so trust me, this 'you're not our biggest rival' bullshit goes both way
besides, nothing pisses off michigan fans like being ignored or overlooked
and what kind of msu fan would i be if i didn't use that to its fullest extent?

battle assembly

this past month was INSANE with pageviews this month
like i said before, it was mostly spam sites that somehow started linking to me,
so there was an abnormally large spike in traffic
i'm just gonna pretend that i'm famous now and people value my opinion now
so good to you guys?

we start with an aside because i couldn't believe this when i saw it
for those of you who don't know him,
jeremy clarkson is the host of top gear,
by far the most popular car show on the planet
he also happens to be a complete too (or, as the brits might say, a horse's arse)
now, i have no idea what in fuck's name he was originally talking about,
but somehow an aside got started about unionized public sector workers,
and how some are currently striking over changes to their pensions,
and this was his response to that topic:
"frankly, i'd have them all shot.
i would take them out and execute them in front of their families.
i mean how dare they go on strike,
when they've got these gilt–edged pensions that are guaranteed,
when the rest of us have to work for a living."
now, truthfully, i could care less what he thinks about public unions and union workers,
but that's not something you say on fucking tv
i don't care if he's known for making satirical or controversial statements
that's not something you joke about
his joke about less traffic at the airport? no problem there (though kinda unoriginal)
joking about killing them all? decidedly not so
i don't think he should be fired [because of that whole free speech thing], but seriously,
what the hell, jeremy clarkson? how stupid can you be on live tv?
do us a favor and just shut the hell up

[oh, and for the record,
i love how he insinuates that he's a regular working stiff
the man makes hundreds of thousands of pounds a year hosting a tv show
hardly the kind of work that justifies having a pension, eh?
no wonder he said that stuff – he's jealous he doesn't get retirement]


now we get to the part i actually intended to blogablog about
[another aside: i love the word 'blog' an almost unhealthy amount
seriously, let it loll about on your tongue for a while
it's almost as much to say as 'lesbian']
i first planned to write this post about a month and a half ago,
but then other things happened that took up my time
[like other blog topics]
at any rate, let's get to it now

one of the reasons i enjoy big ten football is that it's spoiler–tastic
there's at least one beautiful, impossible probably EVERY. YEAR.
usually more than one [lookin' at you, northwestern]
but what's even more exciting than that is playing the one spot you can never win at
there's at least one stadium each team can just NEVER win at,
especially when it's a place they should be able to no problem
it's kind of a hackneyed term nowadays [especially since it's after halloween],
but every team has their own personal 'house of horrors'
so let's take a jaunt through the big ten,
and relish in the frustration these places inevitably bring
i'll start with msu, because it's a convenient [and biased] place to start

msu: at iowa
if ever there was a stadium that had msu's number,
it would be kinnick stadium in iowa city
good as iowa's team is, kinnick isn't exactly the most imposing place to play
especially considering iowa hasn't historically been better than msu
[though in my lifetime they've been equal to better than da spartans]
for whatever reason, though, msu just cannot win there
this year's win was the first for msu at iowa since 1989
i was five months old the last time msu had won there
and the sad part is, most of those games weren't even close
most of them ended win scores closer to last year's blowout in week 9
ultimately though, i'm okay with iowa being our only real problem
[i don't consider our problem to be penn state,
because our losses to iowa are usually inexplicable
losses to penn state at beaver stadium are expected by everyone]
especially considering iowa's problem...

iowa: at northwestern
you wanna talk about inexplicable?
how about the fact that kirk ferentz has only won in evanston twice in seven tries?
iowa has completely owned the series between them and northwestern
thanks in part to 21 straight victories from '74 to '94
but man, ever since northwestern won the rose bowl in '95,
iowa's been faceplanting at northwestern like it's their JOB
it can partially be attributed to the fact that northwestern is a spoiler EXPERT
[they pull off at least one amazing spoiler each and every year, case in point:
nebraska '11, iowa '10, wisconsin '09, minnesota '08, msu '07, you get the point]
but even that doesn't explain how the hawkeyes manage to consistently fall flat
must just be one of those things,
kinda like...

northwestern: at indiana
...seriously? indiana?
the indiana that last had a coach with a winning record in 1947?
the indiana that doesn't have a winning record in any of its rivalries?
yup, that indiana
consider: northwestern has lost to indiana only thrice since 1993
where have all three of those losses come? at indiana, naturally
in fact, in my lifetime, northwestern is 5 for 10 in bloomington
to which i say... how is that possible?
seriously. SERIOUSLY. it's fucking indiana
i mean, great job hoosiers, but seriously, how did you manage that?
then again, indiana doesn't really have room to boast
especially when you bring up...

indiana: at minnesota
sweet and holy jesus is this a funny series
there's nothing like the two perennially terrible teams duking it out
even though there's a couple multi–year gaps in this set of games,
indiana hasn't won at minnesota since 1993,
and they're a pitiful 2 for 6 in minneapolis
again, it's not like the humphrey dome was the most intimidating environment
i don't know that i have any more words to dedicate to this one
it feels like picking on little kids
speaking of being picked on...

minnesota: at purdue
[i was tempted to make this one at wisconsin instead,
but i'm trying to keep this to schools these teams should be able to beat, but can't]
minnesota and purdue are roughly equal as far as football has been concerned,
but man, if there's one place minnesota can never get traction, its at purdue
sure, the gophers have lost at the big house a shit ton [like everyone else]
and have had recent issues at camp randall,
but c'mon, they should at least able to make something happen in west lafayette
but no
instead, they've gone a spectacularly horrendous 2 for 10 playing at purdue
i know minnesota's had it issues recently, but so has purdue
you'd think there'd be more equity in their respective mediocrity
but then you'd be wrong, you wrong person, you
besides, purdue has to have stumbled somewhere along the line too, yeah?
yes indeed, and it just happens to be...

purdue: at iowa
yeah, we're not the only ones that faceplant at kinnick
but unlike us, purdue has been playing iowa for twice as long
and thus has the funnier fail streak
the last time purdue won at iowa was '92, and the time before that was '79
which makes them 2 for the past 13 at kinnick
man do those iowans love their streaks or what?
again, no words, just... damn, that's sad
so much for being the 'spoilermakers', huh?
actually, yes, because...

ohio state: at purdue
i'm pretty sure every big ten fan relishes this particular gem
ohio state has lost 4 times at purdue in the past decade,
whereas their second highest loss total is at wisconsin, where they've lost twice
no one seems to know the logic behind this one
this year ohio state was down, but still should've probly won
in 2009 they were fucking undefeated at ranked #7
in 2004 they just didn't show up to play,
and in 2000 they were 5–1 and ranked #12
there's no logical way purdue manages to beat them,
and yet, there it is for all to see
talk about embarrassing,
which just happens to lead me to...

penn state: at ohio state
this one is REALLY the one that really boggles the mind
penn state, the most successful big ten school of the past 50 years,
champions of the mid–atlantic, heaviest of the heavy hitters,
and they've won OHIO in columbus in my lifetime, out of nine tries
what the fuckin' fuck?
how could the buckeyes have that ridiculous of a streak against penn state?
how is that even possible? i just... there has to be... i mean—GODDAMN IT
this one makes so little sense it hurts my head
christ on a bike, penn state, this is just pathetic
though there are more pathetic things out there, e.g....

illinois at: illinois
if any team has a confusion–inducing home–loss tendency, it would the illini
i dunno how they do it, i really don't
while they've had problems with big ten road games [like most teams],
they've only won nine b1g home games since 2006
NINE
in that same time span, here's how other teams have fared at home against b1g teams:
msu 16, wisconsin 21, michigan 14, indiana 7, ohio state 20 [16 after vacated wins]
i can't believe illinois only got two more wins than indiana in that stretch
oh, and it goes back a lot farther, believe you me
i just don't want to have to count back that far
at any rate, no one beats illinois quite like it beats itself at home

wisconsin: michigan state
as an msu fan, i love this so hard it hurts
not only has wisconsin lost four straight games in east lansing,
they've only won 3 games in east lansing in the past 20 years,
making them a wonderfully paltry 3 out of 10,
and only slightly better than minnesota when it plays purdue
not only does wisconsin have that unfortunate 4 game losing streak,
three of those games have been lost in the final three minutes of the game
2011 it was the td pass in the last four seconds,
2010 it was the td pass 40 seconds before the two minute warning,
2008 it was the last second field goal,
[and 2004 was a 35 blowout]
talk up the badgers all you want before the championship this saturday,
but we all know what happens when the badgers come to town

michigan: ohio state
i didn't really have much of a choice to make with this one
even though michigan has a couple active losing streaks at various b1g stadiums,
none sticks out quite like the one in columbus
regardless of the 7 game losing streak michigan just snapped,
they've had some serious woes at ohio state over the course of my life
how woeful? something to the tune of being 3 for 11 since 1989
yeah, you didn't read that wrong, 3 of 11
i understand that michigan/ohio state is the best and most competitive rivalry out there,
[yeah, every single other yearly rivalry can SUCK. IT.]
but even so, that's quite lopsided
i understand that a rivalry this intense will go back and forth,
but i would've expected better from the winningest program ever
i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin'

also, i'm not doing one for nebraska
mostly because i don't want to
SO THERE

malefic

guess what time it is?
if you guessed "...fuck, not more football",
put on the crown, today you're the king
the college football regular season is almost officially over,
so what better way to celebrate than hardcore raging?
it is, after all, what you've come to expect from me
so why deny you all that you've come to love and cherish

first up, fired coaches
you've gotta hand it to athletic directors these days
they've got to be some of the most efficient people on the face of the earth
three coaches were confirmed fired before noon on sunday, NOON
that's some pretty quick decision making
really, ads? couldn't even get through the weekend before making announcements?
what happened to announcing that shit on monday morning?
christ, at least give the coach you're firing a day to clear out his desk
btdubs, for those that are wondering,
the three coaches are ron zook [illinois], turner gill [kansas], and larry porter [memphis]
at the moment, those are the only three that are confirmed
and OH BOY, are there a shit ton more on their way
if following college football has taught me anything,
it's to expect double digit coach firings in the two weeks after the season ends
and we've started the carousel srong this year with a nice trifecta
who's next, i wonder?

i'm not one to normally speculate on the future of coaches
mostly because i find it pedantic and usually pretty mean–spirited
[these are, after all, people, and regardless of how you feel about them,
they deserve a modicum of respect and dignity, even in being fired]
but man oh man, this year's projected slate is MASSIVE
from all i've been able to garner from at least quasi–credible sources,
[and yes, espn, that absolutely includes you]
here's the 'possibly fired/hotseat' coaches list:
4 from the big 12, 2 from the big east, 3 from the b1g
4 from conference usa, 3 from mac, 2 from mountain west, 4 from pac12,
3 from sec, 2 from sun belt, and 2 from wac
that, ladies and gents, is a full 29 coaches
29 men with the massive media spotlight shining right in their eyes
surely that many people don't deserve to be fired
so how about we just collectively chill the hell out, hmm?
i'm sure the school will fill us in very soon
[since they are loathe to wait so long]

and since everyone else is blowing up the interwubs with it,
this is my two cents on urban meyer:
urban, you're being an ass
if you think florida was stressful and detrimental to your health,
then you ain't seen nothin' yet
how could ohio state possibly be any less stressful than that?
also, i hope your girls and wife enjoyed the past 11 months with you,
cuz they'll probly never see you again
so much for being a family man and spending more quality time with them, eh?
please, do me and the rest of the big ten a favor:
actually spend some time with your family, look after yourself,
and fuck's sake, stay the hell out of my conference

in other football news,
my b1g champsionship prediction is half wrong, much to our collective chagrin
[thanks a lot, penn state, for proving me SUPER WRONG
maybe it was your succesful wildcat plays last week at ohio state,
but i believed you could kick ass on the road
guess last year wasn't an offensive fluke after all]
i gotta say, i'm not nearly as excited as everyone else about this rematch
first off, i'm not a fan of post–season rematchs of regular–season games
they just aren't as enjoyable as the first time around,
and they tend to get WAY over–hyped [case in point, '97 sugar bowl]
plus, who wants to see the same game twice in one season?
college football's season is already short enough,
why cheapen it with rematches?
secondly, i wanted a match up with penn state SO BAD
that would've a great goddamn game
the big ten's two best defenses going head to head on a neutral field?
i'd watch that so hard ALL DAY LONG
and what self–respecting team could pass up the chance to play penn state?
seryusly, i'd take them over wisconsin any day

secondly, and this is related,
am i really going to have to put up with this 'msu's inferior' bullshit AGAIN?
how fucking stupid and/or blind are you people?
beyond the fact that msu has TWICE derailed wisconsin's perfect season dreams,
they've played better on the road than wisconsin has
consider:
msu has beaten ohio state, iowa, and northwestern on the road
wisconsin has beaten illinois and minnesota on the road
msu has the league's top–ranked defense, wisconsin the top–ranked offense
there is no plausible way you can say that either team is superior
they're virtually even as far as talent and on–field performance
yes it'll be a hard–fought game, and yes msu might lose
but to count msu out before it begins is foolish to the point of idiocy
might i remind all of you that msu was counted out of the 10/22 game?
might i remind you that msu wasn't predicted to win the legends division?
and might i remind i remind you that both of those were proven wrong?
so please, give credit where credit is due
and admit that wisconsin will meet its match in indianapolis
because it will, and i'm gonna watch every second of it

finally, a message to michigan football:
thank you, thank you, thank you
thanks for finally giving me a michigan team i can root for
thank you for FINALLY ending that ridiculous streak against ohio state
and thanks for helping the state of michigan to its most successful b1g season ever
it was about fucking time you guys played like a michigan team,
and not some pansy half–southern whining spread–offense–running sons o' bitches
remember how i said that michigan playing well makes msu better too?
well, i'm glad you took it to heart
you guys actually played like you wanted to win, and then did it
[i bet a few of you had forgotten what that felt like]
too bad you hadn't thought to get brady hoke four years ago, eh?
at any rate, congrats on a stellar season, and good luck in your bowl game
[p.s.—if/when msu wins the b1g championship on saturday,
i hope you guys get the bcs at–large bid,
that way the b1g's bcs contingent is pure michigan
i could totally live with that]

entrecôte

i did something last night that i thought i never would:
i actually made myself a twitter
this may strike some of you as a surprise
[given my vocal opponence to posting statuses online
see: my moratorium on facebook statuses]
but i may yet find it convenient and useful
that or it'll rot away like so many unused websites of yesteryear
[i'm lookin' at you, myspace and aol]
so let's collectively begin the grand experiment that is me on the twitterverse,
and begin with the obligatory webspeak:
HGARGLHBLARGHFOLLOWMEONTWITTERBLARGHKTHNXBAI

now that i got that out of the way,
here's the actual link:
[in case, for some reason, you're averse to clicking the one at right]
twitter.com/djemsojedi
you'll notice that the name is the same as both this blog AND my facebook
[or, as mr michael calls it, teh fezbuk]
yes, i am that unoriginal,
but it also makes it easier to find my collective online presence,
which really only facilitates a ridiculous, unachievable pipe dream i have,
namely that someday i'll be like stephen fry
a boy can dream, right?

we begin today with a romp around the interwubs,
cuz it's little more than my virtual playground
so let's take a romp through the psychotic sandbox, shall we?

first up: FUHBAL, because i fucking can
after enduring a hilariously awful plummet into the depths of football hell,
the arizona wildcats fired their coach, mike stoops, partway through the season
despite my unrestrainable apathy towards them and their football team
i suddenly find myself vaguely interested in their future,
because as a replacement, they hired rich rodriguez
which is possibly the only act that could make the entire michigan fanbase gag at once
what surprises me, though, is not that they got him
it's that they got him considering what his strength[s] are
richrod is by and large an offensive guy
say what you will about his michigan squads [and believe me, i could say a lot],
he honed that offense into quite the machine
that surprises me because from what i've seen, arizona's offense was fine
they've got a good quarterback in nick foles, their receiving corps is explosive,
but their defense was what was getting them into trouble
so why you'd get an offensive–minded coach is beyond me
though maybe his choice in defensive coordinator will be better this go–around
at any rate, i'll be interested to see how his tenure goes
he'll be on a shorter leash, given his issues at michigan
but his time at west virginia, as we've collectively forgotten, was very succesful
maybe arizona will provide him the clemency he needs

in other news,
politically minded folk are up in arms at maine and wisconsin republicans
[...not that this is out of the norm, mind you]
but this time, it's for a reason i'm kinda in favor of
many of you are aware that we have both federal– and state–level child labor laws
what you may not know is that we have them for a goddamn reason
children shouldn't be made to do dangerous work when they are still developing,
they should be compelled to work instead of going to school,
and they shouldn't spend as much time at work as they do at school
gilded and progressive era activists and politicians were able to recognize that,
and passed legislation to limit its scope
in the currently–popular trend of reducing the federal gov't to a drooling husk,
certain states politicians are trying to scale back the scope of child labor laws,
in maine, for example, some are trying to make the following changes in maine:
—eliminating maximum # of working hours for 16+ y/0 students during school days
—establishes a 'training wage' $2/hr lower than minimum wage for the first 180 days for everyone under 20
—removes certain exemptions from disallowed labor for minors


speaking of trying to reduce child labor laws,
wisconsin is trying to do something similar
the downside of federal child labor laws is that they're kind of antiquated
they haven't been kept as up–to–date as the state laws over the past few decades
as such, they're not particularly stringent or comprehensive
because of that reality,
states have passed their own child labor laws that are more restrictive and specific
[which, by the way, IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO FUCKING WORK]
apparently, though, the state of wisconsin's ruling party no longer cares for them
the wisconsin grocers association proposed scaling back their child labor laws,
essentially taking away all specifics to make it identical to the federal law
and it was added to the state's budget proposal

i'm not sure about the rest of you,
but i'm not a fan of this particular trend
if we as a society have decided that, with childhood, education is more important than work,
[which, by the way, we have, what with our public school system and all]
then we have to stick by it
you can throw out arguments about how teens aren't children,
or that teens will need the work experience and/or the money,
or that they need to be 'graced' into the world of work,
but it basically comes down to this:
as a child/teen, your singular legal priority is to attend and graduate from school
and your parents are legally obligated to care for you until you do
if you want to start working when you're 16, fine
but it needs to not consume your life to the point of being detrimental to school
when you reduce the restrictions on the kind of work you can do as a minor,
you're basically incentivizing working over getting an education
not to mention you're glutting the labor market with cheap labor
[which really does wonders for unemployment, let me tell you]
and to mention the fact that if you work for pay when under 18,
you're being taxed without representation by being under the voting age
ultimately, there are too many potential negatives with scaling back these laws
and if nothing else, we need to remember this:
if we did it once, we'll do it again
if kids once worked in canneries and factories, they will again
and it will benefit no one

in other news,
i'm FINALLY all caught up on the big bang theory
the last episode i remembered watching was the season 4 pilot,
and while everyone else i knew kept up on it,
i let it fall by the wayside like the slacker i am
but, with fluke free time thanks to a crippling bought of writer's block,
i decided to catch up, and spent 8 hours on sunday watching season 4,
and a decent amount of yesterday watching season 5
i now know what in fuck's name is going on in geekland once more
and i am the better for it
hozallah and praise be

to bring this post full circle,
it's time to return to football, because i fucking can
sweet and holy jesus was the bcs beat up this weekend
christ on a bike
4 top ten teams lost [one of them by an embarrassing margin],
a number of teams won when they weren't supposed to,
and somehow texas and auburn are still listed in the top 25
[to which i say: ...are you fucking kidding me?
both have four losses and in the bottom half of their respective conferences
unbiased rankings my hairy ass]
and as a result of all that nonsense,
the sec west has the top 3 bcs spots [lsu, alabama, and arkansas]
again... are you fucking kidding me?
if that happened to any other conference or division,
the football world would collectively cry foul and boycott the bcs
i don't even have words for how much this irritates the bejeezus out of me
because this means that the sec is basically shoed in to the national championship
both spots, not just one
i would bet tons of money that if arkansas beats lsu on saturday,
all that happens is that they switch spots, maybe bump alabama down
and we'd still have an all–sec national championship
i dunno about you, but i'm tired of this shit

i say it here and now, for all to see
if the sec gets both spots in the national championship,
i'm boycotting the bcs [with the exception of the rose bowl if msu or psu play]
and i'd ask you to as well
there's no reason for them to keep taking advantage of us
i want quality teams from all over that are deserving to play in the championship,
not just whoever wins the goddamn sec championship
i might make a concession to lsu, because they did have a tough schedule this year,
but i refuse to believe alabama or arkansas are on par
stanford, ok state, and oregon have played just as well, if not better
[okay, maybe oregon's a stretch at this point]
even so, if we're gonna have a one loss team in the national title game,
[cuz god forbid undefeated houston play in it]
i would much rather see stanford/lsu, lsu/ok state, or even stanford/ok state
c'mon people, there are tons of great teams out there
give me a title game i'll actually want to watch,
not whatever sec team tickles your balls this week

slightly related to this topic:
the big ten
msu's holding steady in the mid–teens, which is fine with me
the only good game they've played since nebraska was iowa
[though this weekend at northwestern is a guaranteed good time]
michigan, wisconsin, penn state, and nebraska round out the top 25's B1G contingent
and ya know what, i don't give a shit about all that's gone down this month
i stand by my earlier prediction for the championship in indy
msu and penn state all the way, and msu to the rose bowl
and it will be so sweet
[also, make sure you watch big ten football this week:
michigan/ohio state, iowa/nebraska, msu/northwestern, penn state/wisconsin
tell me THAT isn't a slate worth spending a weekend on the couch for
sec, you can take arkansas/lsu and shove it
i'll take the heroes game, penn state, msu/northwestern, or the game any day

hypervisor

DEAR EVERYONE I GO TO SCHOOL WITH:
we live in michigan
most of you are from michigan
many more have spent a significant amount of time in michigan [e.g. me]
as such, i am utterly baffled by your anger at the weather
it is ALWAYS this cold in mid–november
it ALWAYS snows way before thanksgiving
and there's ALWAYS a few times when it snows randomly in the middle of the day
so why the FUCK are you constantly so angry about it?
you are more than powerless when it comes to the weather,
so what good is bitching gonna do?
seriously, this happens EVERY FUCKING YEAR
why is it always a fresh bout of hell every fall?
so please, at the risk of sounding like an angry and intolerant man,
shut the hell up and quit your bitching
it's michigan, this is it how it goes, get over it
christ

now that i got that out of the way,
[sweet and holy jesus, girl sitting in front of me
shut the fuck up right now
no one cares how cold you are]
today is going to be a random mashup
because why the fuck not?
i'm not gonna throw any links up today, though
because i don't really want the random spamming to continue
but, rest assured that my reporting is accurate


today i found out that there is a mountain range completely under an ice sheet
it's called the gamburtsev range [stress on the first syllable],
and it's roughly the size of the alps
they're roughly 4 kilometers below the antarctic ice sheet,
and scientists believe they are over a billion [!] years old
based on the studies they've undertaken the past seven years,
said scientists believe they were originally created from 'rodinia',
the supercontinental precursor to pangæa
[rodinia comes from the words 'rodina' (mother) and 'rodit' (to give birth)]
then, as the supercontinent changed over the millenia,
stresses and erosion cut down the mountain range's size,
which was then rejuvenated with continental separation and warming trends
as glaciers began to retreat, and the continents continued to shift,
the gamburtsevs got buried under a 2.5 mile thick layer of ice,
where it currently resides today
cool, no?
also, they've found lakes down there too
the closest one to the gamburtsevs is called 'lake vostok'
[i love how much russian is involved with these mountains]

random segue #1
direct quote from classmates regarding two kirk cousins articles in the state news:
girl: "i liked him a lot more before he got all religious and stuff"
guy: "yeah, i know, he went all tebow on us. he tebowed us!"
[for the record,
kirk cousins has been a deeply religious guy his entire time at msu
just cuz you didn't pay attention to it doesn't mean it randomly sprouted up
plus, from post game comments and conferences i've seen him in,
he's more likely to give credit for sports success to dantonio and his teammates, not god
he doesn't view msu as 'god's team' or that the football team is for proselytizing,
he just has a deep faith and is vocal about its impact on his life
and believe you me, he isn't going tebow
i haven't seen any chapters/verses written on kirk's eye black
can't say the same for ol' timmy boy]

back to sports
two years ago, msu's women's basketball team recruited a girl named madison williams
a 6'7" center from detroit county day,
she's was michigan's 2010 gatorade player of the year,
and made usa today's second–team all–america team
thus, she was a huge recruit for them to get
then, at the beginning of last season, she tore her right acl
she ended up sitting out the season and redshirting
cut to this season:
having recovered from her injury and surgery, and wearing a brace on her right knee,
she gets the starting center job
then, only three games into the season, she goes down and tears her left acl
and is again done for the season and will again need surgery
talk about a terrible bout of luck
i hope she can stay injury free next year
our team will really need her

speaking of basketball,
apparently the nba lockout continues unabated
i'll be the first to admit that i'm not following it,
and also that i don't give even a hundredth of a shit about it
i've never liked professional basketball, so i'm not missing out on anything
also, it feels like everyone involved is just trying to show up the nfl
after football's months–long lockout that had everyone on pins and needles,
i guess the nba was feeling left out and wanted to get some attention
news flash, pro basketball:
college basketball is better, and way more people watch it
believe me when i say that you won't be missed if you forgo this season
personally i'd prefer if you did, but that's just me

also, i just read an article correlating intelligence and heavy drinking
from what i've been able to glean from the actual articles
[which were surprisingly difficult to find]
cognitive function can be a latent factor in how often you drink
this finding is the result two decades–long studies, one in the uk and one in the us
they controlled for a huge number of demographic variables [even life satisfaction],
and found that intelligent children are more likely to develop a propensity to drink heavily
in the british study,
they found that 'dull' children are much less likely to develop that same propensity
children considered 'very dull' were .5 below standard deviation for frequent drinking,
while children considered very bright were .4 above s/d
and that result was found in both studies for all ages groups
seriously, an almost 1 pt difference between dumb and brilliant kids
when they came back to those same british kids decades later,
they found that differential had stayed virtually the same
the american results basically mirror that finding,
the only difference being that 'very bright' children were only about .25 above s/d
beyond all the pop–psychology bullshit nonsense this will foster,
there are some very interesting implications that can come out of these findings
i can't wait to see the follow up studies

IN OTHER NEWS:
a texan invented deep fried beer
deep. fried. beer.
apparently it's a bit of guinness in middle of a pretzel dough ball,
which is then dunked in 375º oil for about 20 seconds,
as repugnant as this sounds, i want to try it
anyone up for a texas road trip?

here's a fun fact:
in the last five days,
call of duty's latest iteration has grossed almost $800 MILLION dollars
...are you fucking kidding me?
it's a first person shooter that [to me] doesn't look that different from the other two
and not only is it the third modern warfare game,
it's the eighth call of duty game
sweet jesus, how many war fps can we possibly need?
call me a snob [or an idiot or what have you],
but need more than just some contrite, semi–futuristic plot to satisfy my needs as a gamer
i mean, come on, it's only set four years from now,
and it's set during world war III [...really? you're that unoriginal, activision?]
if you're gonna get an fps, get one that brings something unique to gamplay
like left4dead, half–life, portal, bioshock, fallout, SOMETHING ELSE
don't just settle for yet another call of duty game

i'm sure there's more i could cover,
but class is over and i'm hungry


ADDENDUM:
apparently i was wrong
theory #2 wasn't confirmed,
considering this post went through the roof too
i'm not sure what the hell is going on, but i don't like it

¿por qué?

okay, i'm not really sure what's going on,
but this blog has been BLOWING UP on the interwubs the past two days,
and three non–sites are the reason for all the traffic
i'm not really sure what's going on,
but i have a theory [well, two actually]:
one, i accidentally got myself listed on some ad–spamming site, or
two, some ad–spamming site is leeching off the links i've been posting

i dunno why this is happening now all of a sudden,
but i'm trying to figure that out
this post is actually serving a dual purpose
not only am i giving voice to my confusion,
but i'm also experimenting with theory #2 [note the lack of links]
¡SCIENCE!

ADDENDUM:
theory #2 is confirmed

collation

after spending the better part of a month and a half doing regular posts,
not putting anything up for a week feels really odd,
though i suppose it was inevitable
i just wasn't meant for long–term regular posting,
as evidenced by my relatively low numbers from the past four years
at any rate, here i be, ready to placate what audience i have

i had a couple different ideas about what to write for today,
but after a number of different things struck my irritation,
[including but not limited to: my inability to fucking type]
i decided that today is 'open letter day'
so please, read my ramblings
but if any of you are people this is applicable to,
i'm going to biotic kick you in the teeth

with that in mind,
let's start this off the right way:
dear bioware and creators of mass effect:
stop making such addicting games
i'm already facing the prospect of not being able to play mass effect 3
if i find out that it puts the previous to games to shame,
garrus–envy–rage boner is going to rage fuck you TO. DEATH.
so please, keep doin' what chu doin'
but for the sake of my sanity, don't keep talking about it,
kthnxbai

dear people everywhere:
if we're in a narrow stairway and you people are walking two–abreast,
it means i can't fucking get around you
thus, when i glare at you for being in my way,
don't get pissy, just move out and let me by
it's pretty simple, especially with that 'keep to the right' mantra
in fact, you should be doing it all the time
if for some reason that strikes you as bizarre and alien,
i refer you to the following training video: sidewalking, by michael jordan
[the cool one, not the basketball player]
the beginning is especially succinct at getting my point across
kthnxbai fuck you

dear american citizens,
today is election day,
that means it's time to enact one of those constitutional liberties
as much as i believe in doing some measurable amount of civic duty,
just remember this little tidbit:
if you vote for something/someone, and it turns out to be shit
that burden is on YOU
and you don't get to bitch about it, because you facilitated its existence
so please, make good decisions today in the voting booth
cuz god knows no one else is gonna
kthnxbai

speaking of voting,
dear citizens of ohio:
please make sure you repeal sb5 by voting 'no' on issue 2
under most prevailing circumstances i would keep my politics to myself
but come on
i don't really care what your opinion of unions and organized labor is,
any time you restrict workers ability to voice themselves is a serious transgression
if you aren't allowed to strike and aren't allowed to bargain collectively in good faith,
you lose the ability to speak out if your employer is transgressing you
again, regardless of your opinions on labor, that's what those are meant to do
allow you to speak out against things you believe to unfair at work
and doing this to public employees is a SERIOUS limitation of rights
if the government is your employer, and you aren't allowed to protest its treatment of you,
it gives off a vibe that's dangerously close to limiting freedom of speech
and if that wasn't enough,
certain public employees are being pinged to contribute more to their health benefits,
namely public employees that are currrently unionized:
police/fire/emergency, health care workers, teachers, municipal employees, &c
again, regardless of your opinion on organized labor,
i think we can all agree that those are people who often fall are subject to:
understaffing/overworking, being underpaid, and having sometimes hazardous work conditions
i don't know about the rest of you,
but if ANYONE on this earth shouldn't have to pay for health care benefits [at all],
it would be people like that
if you save people from fires, take down criminals, administer health care,
teach/deal with kids, and keep our government running day–to–day,
your employer [said government] should at the very least pay for your healthcare
so, long rant short, you many want to repeal this law
[unless of course all that strikes you as hunky–dory,
in which case don't, but again, i don't want to hear about it if you don't like it]
kthnxbai

[also, for disclosure purposes,
i linked to that site because the bill only comes in pdf form
you can download it from the ohio legislature's website if you so desire]

now that i got that off my chest,
let's get back to it, shall we?

dear professors who lecture quietly:
if i can't hear you, i can't learn
simple as that
and if i can't hear you, and i ask for you to speak louder,
i don't appreciate snide responses and looks
it's your goddamn job to be audible so i can figure out what the hell you're talking about
especially if it's something i know nothing about
so please, do me a goddamn favor and project,
don't make me give you a lesson in diaphragmatic control
kthnxbai

[ADDENDUM:
dear professors who make interesting things boring:
i will slay you if you do it again
kthnxbai]

dear sports media:
i hate to interrupt whatever sec deep–throating you're doing at the moment,
but i gotta tell ya, the lsu–alabama game hardly lived up to the hype
yes, it was an incredible defensive display
but it was offensively woeful
seriously, neither team got more than 300 total offensive yards?
they combined for 8/24 3rd down conversions?
they both threw two interceptions?
alabama was 2/6 on field goal attempts [are you fucking kidding me]?
lsu's two quarterbacks were 9/17 for 91 yards?
call me a snob but that sounds like a mediocre–encroaching–on–bad game
so much for a titanic duel of the nation's two best teams
i dunno about the rest of you, but this game fails to live up to the 1 v. 2 standard
i'd rather see the 2006 michigan–ohio state game again
the 1996 florida–florida state game
the 1971 nebraska–oklahoma game
the 1945 army–navy game
or the 1966 michigan state–notre dame game
basically, ANY OTHER 1/2 MATCHUP EVER
so shut the hell up about it already
kthnxbai

back to a serious note,
dear penn state alumni/fans [myself included]:
i understand that this has been the week from hell for you,
and i am in no way diminishing the severity of what's been alleged,
but you've got to take a breath and step back
there's no way to say to say this diplomatically, so here goes:
don't take your anger out on the wrong people, namely joe paterno
yes he has given you plenty of reasons to hold him to a higher standard,
namely decades of the most successful student–athletes in the ncaa,
but you also have to consider his relationship with the accused
this was a man he's known for almost 40 years,
someone he trusted with the care and training of his football team
and someone who apparently has some rather disturbing sexual predilictions
which are now suddenly being paraded for public outrage
do more than put yourself in his position for a minute
what if this scenario happened to you?
what if someone you trusted dearly and were decades–long friends with did this?
despite all your revulsion and shock and anger and sadness,
could you throw them out on their ass like our penal system requires?
i don't blame him for not wanting to make that decision himself
i don't know that i could do that were i in his situation
i'm not absolving him of his culpability, because he is culpable
but that is not for me or you to decide
if it's ultimately found that paterno was involved in the coverup,
and/or that he was responsible for shielding the guy to some extent,
then paterno will step down, whether he wants to or not
because it will be required of him
but you've got to let the process play itself out
because that's what it's there for
it will be hard, and you will probly endure lots of disgust and shame before it's done
but you cannot indict him before/in lieu of the courts
so please, for your own sake as well as my own,
be penn state proud, and let this process proceed to its inevitable conclusion
we will all be the better for it
kthnxbai

horst

[today's post is brought to you by: awkwardrealizations.com™]
i found out walking to class that my mustache is longer than i thought
parts of it can actually touch my chin without being pulled
now that i no longer have to grow my beard out to be opie
it's time to kick off no–shave november right:
with a goddamn trim

for the record, i don't participate in no–shave november
partially because i haven't shaved since 2006
so fuck all of you and your worthless 'months'
if you were real men you'd just grow a beard and be done with it,
and not do it under some idiot pretense
especially since your equating yourselves with people who shouldn't grow facial hair
namely guys who have splotchy stubble, guys with porn staches,
and this bag of douche
so just remember ladies and gentlemen
those worthy of beard shall be endowed with its grace
and those who are not shall be resigned to shaving forevermore
and NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET, MOTHERFUCKERS
so for fuck's sake, enough with no–shave november

moving right along,
if i ever, EVER find out who designed earbuds to be like this
i'm going to retroactively stab them in the eardrum
how in the name of auditory happyness is it supposed to stay in my ear?
seriously, seriously, what's the trick?
i got a pair of earbuds with that design about a month ago
apparently ignorant of my upcoming strife
and have been battling with them every since
i've tried all three different silicone attachments,
but they all just fall out of my ear after about five second of half–assed attempts
i refuse to accept their halfassery,
but i know not how to rectify this situation
does anyone have some sort of epiphanic solution?
or is this the fate i've been consigned to?
because i fucking REFUSE to be bested by a piece of plastic shit
you won this round skullcandy, but you shan't win the war

[here's a question for those of you who've read my writing for a long time:
is my writing style really confusing?
after reading that last paragraph, i'm inclined to think it is
i'll use increasingly abstruse words like epiphanic and shan't (and abstruse)
with increasingly awkward syntactical structure
and then just start swearing for a while before i move on
believe me when i say it's an accurate representation of the way i normally speak,
but i feel like it loses its subtle beauty when i put it in type
any comments from the blogasaurs would be welcome
(apparently that's a thing now)]

in other news,
espn has spent the ENTIRE. FUCKING. DAY. covering lsu's football team
the entire. fucking. day.
as in, 24 hours of highlighting a singular football team
and boy have they been thorough:
they've dedicated time to lsu's dual–qb system [one they lambasted],
their ability to overcome their myriad off–the–field issues,
[and, btudbs, their myriad off–the–field issues]
an appraisal of the entire lsu tigers program
and even les miles's ridiculous habit of chewing on grass
beyond the obvious unfairness to alabama preceding their matchup,
is this really fucking warranted?
i understand that every sports media personality gives lip service sec teams,
[and by that i mean they suck sec cock so deep it wears their appendices as hats]
but this is going WAY overboard
this isn't even the end of their goddamn season
it's only week fucking 9 for them
apparently they've already decided that lsu's our national champ
at least they saved us the stress of having to watch them play
how thoughtful of them
hey espn, can you do something for me?
exhale that long stripy tiger cock from your esophagus,
and report on actual sports news, would ya please?
i know this is your normal m/o,
but i appreciate it when you at least give it a slight veil of legitimacy
sincerely,
EVERY NON–LSU FAN EVER

speaking of espn,
this was a story they had on their front page around noon
i enjoyed the story less than i enjoyed the top comment:
"bad comparison. the mafia has more consistency in carrying out its discipline."
sad, harsh, and very true

as a parting wish,
i want all of you to go get a copy of the new florence + the machine cd RIGHT NOW
it's fantastic and something you won't regret in the slightest
in fact, it's so very much something you won't regret,
i'm gonna spend my entire next post telling you why you won't
so there
...
well? go fucking do it
I SEE YOU SITTING THERE NOT DOING IT

chamkar leu

[this first paragraph is brought to you by shamelessselfpromotion.com™]
this month holds two notable events for zis blog:
—this particular post is number 300, making it officially the longest blog i've kept
—i got 1000 pageviews in one month [way to go, october]
i'd say i feel like i've broken into the bigtime, but i know i haven't
i probly just got more visitors due to the INSANE amount of links i posted
so worry not blogasaurs,
my humility and modesty is intact

[after writing that,
i'm REALLY tempted to call you readers blogasaurs
but i shall resist, because i need not label you
however, if ever there is a reference to 'blogasaurs' in the future
you'll know what i'm refering to]


i realize that most of my recent posts have been ranty and opinionated
and while it's not an inaccurate description of me in my normal state,
i need to break it up some in order to keep it from getting old hat
so not ranty opinions today, folks
just a long and unabbreviated status update

i've hit crunch time with my thesis,
in that i have just about one calendar month to get it done
i'm not stressing about it [not yet, at least]
but i am kind of excited for it
i'm interested to see how i put all these ideas together on paper
and what kind of argument i'll actually be making
[i know the basics, for the record,
but i dunno how their gonna manifest into an overall milieu]
i got a hold of a few more interesting books and documents
so hopefully they'll prove useful instead of a time waster
but it's at the point where i need to spend more time writing
which is gonna be a fun roller coaster of productivity and procrastination
[like my normal writing process,
only with more at stake]
let's see how the month shakes out, shall we?

in other news,
carter roommate brought up a great point last night:
how am i gonna get my mass effect 3 fix come march?
seeing as how i am sans xbox 360, tv, and likely me3
dear god do i hope i have some sort of job come january
cuz damn, i dunno how i'm gonna make it without
especially since MAX PAYNE FUCKING 3 comes out in march too
it's gonna be tough going if i don't have access to it
[this is where i'd put in an obnoxious hashtag reference]

also?
there was a disheartening lack of costumes on campus today
i dunno why, especially since past halloweens have had plenty of costumes
but this year there was a notable lack
maybe it was because halloween was on a monday this year
but seryusly, WAY TO FAIL MSU STUDENTS
i felt like such a standout with my opie cut on
[approximation of what i look like here and here]
especially sitting in the law library all afternoon
but you know what?
it's fucking halloween, and i'll do as i damn well please

grand meadow

two quick things before i finally begin my halloweekend:

[i preface this by reminding you that i am one of you]
hey mid–atlantics/new englanders:
guess what? weather fucking happens
quit acting like this october snowstorm is the end of days
the fact is that you guys got snow in october
GET THE FUCK OVER IT, WOULD YOU PLEASE?
for christ's sake, michigan gets snow nearly every october
[except for this one apparently;
i will admittedly say that it's weird you got snow and we didn't]
so, put on your big boy/girl pants and quit yer bitchin'
chances are you've got plenty more a–comin' before the season's through
so just enjoy the nice wintery weather,
take a few extra minutes to make sure you're driving safely,
and get on with your lives
and please, leave the complaining about weather to californians
it is, after all, what they do best


... i have now forgotten the second thing
goddamn it, i knew that would happen
let's hope i remember it before i have to leave


ah, yes, i remember now:
baseball is officially done
apparenly st louis decided to win the world series in game seven,
denying us the chance to be rid of that boring sport a week ago
i know there are baseball fans out there
i'm sure there's at least one who trolls my ramblings
but seriously, and i mean this in the least judgmental way possible:
your sport is boring, it's playoff is boring
and your championship is boring
and it's on ALL THE TIME
seryusly, your season has 162 FUCKING GAMES over SIX MONTHS
what kind of self–respecting bullshit is that?
football fans have to wait EIGHT MONTHS for 16 GAMES
[or in college, 12–14 games]
college basketball has to wait SEVEN MONTHS for 30
you've been monopolizing the sports channels for waaaaaaaaay too long
so please, gtfo of my sports world
and let me watch my college basketball and football in peace
also, please have a lockout next spring so i can see less of you
kthnxbai


[in completely unrelated news,
florence + the machine's new cd comes out monday
best get yourself prepared for it
god knows i am]