–drinking coffee way too early in the morning
–not giving a shit about valence shells and solar absorption
–a surplus of things to rage about
–pitiful desires to make you pay attention to me
a quick side note before we begin:
how is msu not in the ap top 25 this week?
they're sitting atop their big ten division at 4–1 alongside michigan
they've played two quality teams in the past three weeks
[and, admittedly, got completely owned by one of them]
and they don't even crack the 25 stop?
texas a&m is sitting at 24 at 2–2 after back to back blowouts after being ahead?
florida state is at the same win total after being uncompetitive in both their big games?
c'mon now
i understand that the ohio state score was 'only' 10–7
but we still beat ohio state AT columbus
the last team to do that was usc in 2009
and hasn't been done by a big ten team since penn state in 2008
[which, by the way, was by a score of 13–6]
all i'm saying is, give them some fucking credit, would ya please?
and now, to the main attraction
DA B1G
[yes, i realize that i'm being a dick spelling it that way,
get over it, cuz i don't give a damn]
the big ten is the ONLY fbs conference to not be involved in realignment shenanigans
every other conference has gotten involved in one way or other
but the big ten has remained ignorantly above the fray
why?
because everyone else is rabble, and the big ten is STUPID
i have
[turns out i did, but in a muted way]
but i've never cared for the big ten's decision to invite nebraska in
and by that, i mean i was consumed by confusion and annoyance
it was a move that was universally applauded by the sports media
and even the other schools
but i never fucking got it
yeah, nebraska has a rich football history
yeah, it's by far the most popular thing in the state of nebraska
[next to their fervent zeal for any and all things corn]
and yeah, it's a new tv market for the big ten
but seriously? nebraska
granted,
much of my disdain may be over the fact that they,
LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING TEAM IN THE GODDAMN FBS
have red/white uniforms
[yes, i know it's officially 'scarlet' and cream',
however, they use neither, so they can go jump off a cliff]
but ultimately, i just don't think it was the best get for us
consider:
the big ten is as much a cultural and academic a conference as it is athletic
something no other conference can say
all 11 members are members of the american association of universities
[see what i did there?]
easily the most prestigious research colloquium in the united states
nebraska happened to be a member of the aau, but guess what?
they weren't in good standing with the rest of the institutions
and actually became the first school to get kicked the fuck out
not only did the chancellor say that it was ten years coming,
he also said that nebraska's aau membership was the factor that got them accepted
so, if it's true the big ten only gave nebraska the time of day because they were in the aau,
since they're no longer a part of it,
does that mean we can redact and rescind their big ten membership?
consider also:
the big ten is firmly rooted in the midwest
and its universities very closely reflect midwestern culture
nebraska can hardly be considered midwestern
it's a fucking plains state [again, see what i did there?]
i know that geographic cohesion has barely bothered other conferences,
but i feel like if any conference valued that, it would be the big ten
at any rate, we are now stuck with the huskers
[NOT big red; cornell is big red, you guys are huskers
they got their first, so back the fuck off]
and, since every other conference hopping on the realignment bandwagon
everyone seems to be wondering when the big ten will
despite jim delany [big ten conference commish] repeatedly saying:
we are not expanding
which, by the way, is the right response to all this bullshit nonsense
apparently, unlike every other conference in the goddamn fbs,
the big ten actually values its members, and values them equally
which means they won't just jump into the realignment rumors on a whim
by the way, i dunno if anyone's noticed
not only has the big ten not been involved in any realignment
none of the big ten teams have been targeted by other conferences
[and no, the penn state to the acc rumor doesn't count
because a–it's a fucking rumor, and b–why would they step down to the acc?]
that really says a lot about conference cohesion, dontcha think?]
for the sake of arguing [which i so love to do]
let's take a look at some of the 'proposed' expansion teams
mostly so i can point out the stupidity of others
because honestly, when isn't that fun?
and just so i can get this off my chest and move on with my life:
why in FUCK's name would the big ten get rutgers?
since when is rutgers is a valuable commodity?
the only thing going for it is their aau membership
[and i do mean only]
their football is terrible, their basketball is the posterchild for mediocrity
and for fuck's sake, it's in new jersey
if ever there was a place you don't want to expand to
it's fucking new jersey
[...my new england disdain for the mid atlantic might be showing a bit]
all right, let's take a gander at some of the more seriously rumored schools:
louisville, kansas, kansas state, syracuse, pitt,
kentucky, uconn, rutgers [hah just kidding], texas, oklahoma
notre dame, iowa state, cincinnati, virginia tech
let's start with the more obviously bad choices
first up: the big east schools
–pitt and syracuse are no longer an option
[truth be told, i'm not sure how pitt would fit in, or even if they would]
–louisville is only good at basketball, and the big ten needs more than that
–kentucky would be a great basketball addition, but that's it
–uconn, beyond being too far away, is great at basketball but that's it
[it hurts to type that, but it's true: uconn football is sporadic at best; see last season]
–cincy doesn't really have competitive sports teams or good market share
–only uconn and would be academically on par with the big ten as a 'public ivy'
–of these, pitt has the best all–around athletics department
[my feelings on pitt in the big ten are surprisingly conflicted
like i said before, they are a great school with great athletics
but also like i said before, you have to really make a splash
while pitt is a good catch, it's in a state the big ten already has access too
and most pixburghers who watch college football already watch penn state
the only way i can see pitt working seamlessly in the big ten is with west virginia
but, i'll address that later]
our next batch: the big twelve/ten/nine/eight[?] schools
–texas? really? we've been through this, big ten, and it ain't gonna happen
[despite how well texas compares to big ten schools]
–oklahoma's football would be the only plus
[academically, they'd be like high school junior taking 300 level college courses]
–iowa state is consistently mediocre at most sports
–kansas would be a great basketball addition, but that's it
[certainly seems to be a pattern, doesn't it?]
–kansas state's success is passing, and everyone knows it [them included]
–kansas, iowa state, texas, and mizzou are the only aau members
–only texas and mizzou field competitive teams in multiple sports on a yearly basis
finally, the hodgepodge: notre dame, virginia tech, rutgers others?
–hah, rutgers
–notre dame is by far the most sought after among potential candidates,
[but at this point it's like chasing a snooty prom queen who thinks you're grody]
–what possible reason could virginia tech having for jumping ship? c'mon now
now that i got tha out of my system,
let's switch gears and engage in a hypothetical:
imagine, if you will, the big ten does decide to expand again
it's extremely likely they will push for two teams,
not only to retain even numbers,
but also to increase overall competitiveness
what, then, are they to do?
the big twelve is literally falling apart faster than anyone can patch it
the big east is being raided harder than coastal france was to the vikings
and the sec and acc are actively pushing for bigger conferences
though the big ten is more than secure in its current membership,
it decides to be proactive about the future,
and not watch the football landscape change without them
thus, they are stuck figuring out just who in fuck's name to invite
if i was writing this a year[ish] ago, there'd be no doubt:
you get mizzou, hands down, and go to 12 members
if i was writing this a month ago, there'd still be no doubt:
you get pitt and west virginia to round up to 14
but, since those particular pipe dreams were rudely interrupted
[FUCK YOU ACC]
the only two logical choices you have are west virginia and mizzou
let's explore
i'll give mizzou the first nod, since they were my original choice
off the bat, i'll say that i have no problem ganking yet another team from the big twelve
[FUCK YOU, MAAAAAN]
especially since they don't seem to care about their own at all
god knows that would change
also, mizzou fits much better into the big ten on all levels than nebraska does
it's actually a midwestern state [though admittedly at the western extreme]
AND it's already got a 114 year old rivalry [the 'arch rivalry', get it?] with illinois
along with its 118 year old rivalry with nebraska
that's a pretty good transition, if you ask me
in a nutshell, their athletics are pretty solid compared with the big ten teams
they're almost akin to a big 8/big twelve version of wisconsin
football has a .545 overall record, won 12 bowl games and a national championship
men's basketball has about 1450 wins all time, and regularly plays in the ncaa tourney
they field 18 varsity teams, just a little below big ten average
it plays near two major tv markets [all big ten teams are near at least one]
fielded teams in other non–revenue sports are all relatively competitive,
but that's just one side of the coin
mizzou is also a member of the aau [in good standing, too, i might add]
they've got nationally ranked schools of journalism, law, and medicine
they're would be the third oldest school in the big ten, founded in 1839
and was the first land–grant school west of the mississippi
it has an endowment of almost $1 billion [which is almost dead last for the big ten]
basically, it's dead on par with the big ten schools in almost every way
it may just be me, but that's a pretty impressive rundown
god knows most schools don't have all that in one [looking at you, nebraska]
it just feels like mizzou would fit right in with the rest of the big ten schools
plus, given its athletic history with illinois [and, to a lesser degree, iowa],
it's transition to big ten play would be a lot smoother than nebraska's
they've sure as shit got my vote
my other preferred member [god, i sound like a sam's club] is west virginia
the mountaineers are also a very solid all–around athletics university with 17 teams
football has a perfect .600 overall record with 13 bowl wins
[and is actually the winningest fbs program that's never won a national championship]
and, more importantly, has been consistently good for a long time
men's basketball is also very solid, just coming off a big east conference championship
it's also in a surprisingly large tv market,
with large shares of southwestern pa, west virginia, kentucky, ohio, and virginia
obversely, though
they aren't quite up to the same academic level as the rest of the big ten
they aren't a member of the aau,
though they are rated as having 'highl research activity' by the carnegie foundation,
it also has a $400 million endowment, almost half the sizest of the smallest big ten one
admittedly, west virginia is a much better athletic fit than academic fit
but in this case i believe the pros outweight the cons
besides, bringing them to the big ten would reignite their rivalry with penn state
can't go wrong with more rivalry games with the nittany lions
so, yeah
that's what i think
at least i have reasons beyond 'herpderpherp MOARBIG10FUHBAL'
i think those two actually have a genuine chance,
were that hypothetical scenario to come true
unfortunately for mizzou, it doesn't seem too likely
i suppose we'll just have to wait and see
UP NEXT:
realignment rigmarole
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