theismann for heisman

football fun fact:
there exists a player named joe theismann
maybe you've heard of him
he's considered to be the best quarterback the redskins ever had,
along with one of the best qbs from notre dame
he also happens to have a name that rhymes perfectly with 'heisman'
coincidence? not so much
his name was originally pronounced theez–man [rhymes with 'cheese man']
but, due to his stellar senior year
a pr guy for notre dame told him to change his name's pronunciation
thus creating the wonderful slogan 'theismann for heisman' [he didn't win, btdubs]
incidentally, 'theez-man' isn't the correct pronunciation at all
since his father was austrian,
the original german pronnunciation is almost the same as the current one
tice [as in 'vice]–mahn
his name'spronunciation has been just one long circular route back to square one
that's why i'm glad my name is monosyllabic


there are days, truly,
where i feel i'm the only person who doesn't give a flying fuck about the heisman
maybe it's just my disinclination towards mvp awards,
[i'm not a fan of the superbowl mvp either]
but i'm not overly impressed by people who win the heisman
don't get me wrong, i respect their accomplishments
especially since winning the heisman often coincides with breaking records,
but the speculation over it is, in a word, INSANITY
so let's take a gander at why it's gone off the deep end

with the heisman, as with every meritorious achievement these days
is subject to intense public scrutiny and speculation
people looooooooove to predict things,
and with the vast and wonderful interwubs at their disposal
[along with airwaves, tv shows, and random shouting on blogs (ME!)]
anyone can spout off to any degree about their inscrutable analysis
and so, we are left with a glut of people deciding something they have no say in,
which, as it always does, ruins it for the rest of us

the biggest thing that gets me is the week–by–week 'heisman watch'
while espn is the worst about it, they are FAR from the only one
every idiot following college football seems to do it,
and to me, it's absurd, unfair, and really unwarranted
i'm all for mentioning heisman–worthy statistics and playmaking abilities
but come on
weekly heisman predictions? preseason heisman predictions?
entire blogs of nothing but heisman predictions?
do you really have nothing better to do with your lives?
[i say while blogging about football during class]

beyond being exceptionally annoying,
where does all this heisman predicting go awry?
i'll tell you where: intrinsically
players, just like normal people, are not predictable
you can't expect someone to live up to lofty expectation out of the gate
and usually, the people who win aren't the expected ones
cam newton won last year after transferring from a junior college
[a terrible example, i know, but it works in this instance]
carson palmer was terrible his first three years at usc
barry sanders didn't even start his first two years at oklahoma state
and i could go on and on
point is, there's really no statistic or scientific way to predict who's gonna make it
case in point: denard robinson

[just for the record, this isn't gonna be bashing example
or a biased one, fully disclosing my michigan state fandom
merely one that proves my point]

so at the start of the 2010 season,
denard robinson had one year of play at michigan under his belt
and it was underwhelming to say the least
[10 games played, 14 completions/188 yds, 69 runs/409 yds, 5 tds
basically he was a decent backup running back]
so after winning the starting qb job,
he proceeds to blow the fuck up on michigan's first four opponents
he set a school record for 197 rushing yards by a qb at the opener against uconn
he put of 502 yards [258 rushing/244 passing] of offense at notre dame
[breaking his own record in the process]
and managed to rack up 930 rushing/1008 passing yards in 5 games

by all accounts,
he was putting up heisman numbers
sports media was falling all over themselves to praise him
and most had declared him to be the heisman heir apparent,
even better at rushing than the previous year's heisman winner, mark ingram jr.
but, all them media folk forgot one crucial common denominator for heisman winners:
not only are they good,  but their team is good too
and that is something michigan, in a word, wasn't

after torching the defenses of five woefully overmatched teams,
michigan actually had to compete on the conference level
[indiana, umass put up more of a fight than you,
so i'm not including you in that latter category]
and, unlike the predictions, denard and michigan fell flat
in those last 8 games [since, praise be, they actually made it to a bowl game]
he put up about 800 more rushing yards and 1400 more passing yards
while his performance took a dive, his team basically flatlined
and allowed so many points that their one–dimensional offense couldn't keep up
and ultimately, he finished middle of the pack:
he was ranked 7/10 at the passing game,
was 6/10 on passing efficiency,
and was 7/10 on scoring,
though he did top the conference in rushing and all–purpose yards
in short, though he had a good season,
it wasn't heisman worthy
so much for that, right?

the worst part about that wasn't even his performance decline
it was his utter abandonment at the hands of the sports media
they dropped him faster than [insert analogy here]
they went from doing heisman spotlights/interviews with him one week
and literally two weeks later there was nary a word about him
all heisman discussion about him had all but evaporated
and he was left out to dry
that's a pretty shitty thing to do to a 20 y/o kid
especially when everyone does it at once

does anyone ever stop to think about that?
these are generally 19–22 y/o kids they're talking about
they put amazing amounts of pressure on them due to the coverage,
and hold them to lofty, often impossible standards
add on the pressure of having to appease a rabid fanbase
[in michigan's case, a nationwide one that's EXTREMELY vocal
see: the hunt for richrod's replacement]
and this kid could've been eaten alive
in his case, the fact that he's continued to perform is to his credit
but can you imagine what would've happened if he didn't?
if he'd fallen completely flat after those first four games?
he'd have been run out of ann arbor by a goddamn mob
and would've endured week after week of story about his failures
[this is michigan fans and the sports media we're talking about
so it's a guarantee that it would've happened]
it'd be enough to make me stop playing


basically, my disdain for coverage of the heisman trophy is absolute
but it's time now to dissect the other half of that particular pie:
the heisman winners themselves
if one thing seems to be true for football players, it's this
you either among the elite in college or pro
not both

to date there have been 75 award winners
[archie griffin has the distinction of having won the heisman twice in consecutive years]
and you'd think that the heisman would be their stepping stone to greatness
well, you'd be wrong
it took 13 years before the heisman trophy produced a standout nfl player
that player would be doak walker, known for the [college] trophy that bears his name
from the 1935 to 1966, only 7 winners played on championship–winning teams
since then, only 6 have played on superbowl–winning teams
only 8 of those winners have been inducted into the pro football hall of fame
[one of whom happens to be a convicted felon]
and finally, only 11 winners have won other prestigious awards while in the nfl
of the 75 winners, 32 of them have gone on to have any sort of notable pro career
that leaves 43 that either didn't amount to anything,
did bother having a pro football career,
or were simply consigned to medicrity

while this might seem like a specious argument,
winning the heisman doesn't translate into pro success
think of some of the most successful pros of the past two decades
tom brady, peyton manning, randy moss, ben roethlisberger
ray lewis, clay matthews, kurt warner, jerry rice, brett favre, rod woodson,
even older names like terry bradshaw, kenny stabler, joe greene,
mike singletary, emmitt smith, walter payton, jim brown, bruce smith
classics such as jack lambert, jim brown, eric dickerson, dan marino, dan fouts,
night train lane, deion sanders, joe montana, warren moon, and lawrence taylor
and again, i could go on and on
most of them had great college careers too
but they weren't considered the 'best'

all in all, what i'm trying to say is this
let the process be what it is
speculate if you want, but for fuck's sake, don't get carried away with it
and goddamn it, wait until november before you start spouting off predictions
but more generally, just fucking enjoy football, would you please?
turning it into a predicition contest ruins it for the rest of us


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