pavlove

i am sore as shit today
apparently, stabbing the fuck out of someone really tenses the muscles
i'll have to remember to stretch first next time
but in that regard, the movie's finished [at least my part]
so we'll see how it turns out
also, it was cool to hang out with mr mike again
i hadn't seen him since before he left for his internship
i think he's the only '04 senior i still talk to
that's ridiculous, i can't believe i've known him for six years

on that vein, i can't believe i've lived in michigan for six years
it hasn't seemed like i've spent a third of my life here
and yet, i have
we completed the move to mt morris six years ago this week
i spent pretty much until 2005 pining for 'back home'
and since then, i've tried to take what good i can from here
which, around flint, is barely anything,
though there have been a few scant things i'll take with me
but when i do finally leave here, i won't feel the same about it
i won't miss it nearly as much as missed my home town
i suppose i can be thankful for the that fact,
that moving that far won't bother me as much as that first time
i don't think i'll ever ingrain myself that much in one place again
most of me really wants the ability to leave a place quickly
no real ties to cut, no drawn out departures
i don't usually settle down in one place for long, anyway
so we'll see what that brings me
or rather, i will

speaking of six year old things,
my trusty [and incredibly battered] laptop is up for replacement
it's served me well, much better than i ever would've expected
through the many scrapes, slaps, falls, knocks, bangs,
the swearing, the beatings, incessant tapings,
the binder clips on the monitor,
the broken cd–drive housing,
the forever–loose bottom metal covering
and that FUCKING HEADPHONE JACK stuck in my audio jack,
it's stood strong and resilient, ever dependable
and soon, i'll bid it a fond, though not untimely farewell
so long, little buddy,
my first mac and my first laptop
i'll miss you, and hope you enjoy retirement

school is nigh,
and though i'm looking forward to living on my own,
i'm not looking forward to a lack of a/c
also not looking forward to commitments i've made,
but there's really nothing i can do about those
beyond ignoring them, which is tempting
also not looking forward to my school sleep schedule
it's never easy to get back into it after summer
[the ONLY reliably good thing about summer,
besides a ridiculous amount of slurpees,
is my ability to sleep in every day]
but every year it gets harder and harder to revert back
sleep is my version of a long distance relationship:
i only get it when i go back home,
and i'm gone so long i forget what it's like to get it on a regular basis

i can't wait until i turn 21
then, instead of writing things like this,
i can just drink 'till i pass out
who says unhealthy behavior isn't preferable?
i'll take an alcoholic stupor to dealing with my thoughts any day