рождество

i heard there is no christmas in the silly middle east
no trees, no snow, no santa claus, they have different religious beliefs
they believe in muhammad and not in our holiday
and so every december i go to the middle east and say...

hey there mr muslim, merry fucking christmas
put down that book, the koran, and hear some holiday wishes
in case you haven't noticed, it's jesus's birthday
so get off your heathen muslim ass and fucking celebrate

there is no holiday season in india, i've heard
they don't hang up their stockings, and that is just absurd
they've never read a christmas story, they don't know what rudolph is about
and that's why in december i'll go to india and shout...

hey there mr hinduist, merry fucking christmas
drink eggnog and eat some beef, and pass it to the missus
in case you haven't noticed it's jesus's birthday
so get off your heathen hindu ass and fucking celebrate

now i heard that in japan everyone just lives in sin
they pray to several gods and put needles in their skin
on december twenty fifth all they do is eat a cake
and that is why i'll go to japan and walk around and say...

hey there mr shintoist, merry fucking christmas
god is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum
in case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do
so lets all rejoice for jesus, and merry fucking christmas to you

on christmas day i travel round the world and say
taoists, krishnas, buddhists, and all you atheists too
merry fucking christmas to you

——————

well i'll tell you what,
maybe we should have ourselves a little christmas, right here
c'mon everybody, gather round!

string up the lights and light up the tree, we're gonna make some revelry
spirits are high, so i can tell, it's christmas time in hell!
demons are nicer as you pass them by, there's lots of demon toys to buy
the snow is falling and all is well, it's christmas time in hell!

there goes jeffrey dahmer with a festive christmas ham
after he has sex with it, he'll eat up all he can
and there goes john f kennedy caroling with his son
reunited for the holidays, god bless us, everyone!
everybody has a happy glow, let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow!
even mao tse tung is under the spell, it's christmas time in hell!

[satan] adolf, here's a present for you!
[hitler] oh? ein tannenbaum?!
[satan] yes, ein tannenbaum!

god cast me down from heaven's door to rule in hell forevermore
but now i'm kinda glad that i fell, cuz it's christmas time in hell!
here's a rack to have the stockings on, we still have to shop for genghis khan
michael landon's hair looks swell, it's christmas time in hell!

there's princess diana holding burning mistletoe
over poor gene siskel's head, just watch his weenie grow!
for one day we all stop burning, and the flames are not so thick
all the screaming and the torture stops as we wait for old saint nick!

so string up the lights and light up the trees, we're damned for all eternity
but for just one day, all is well, it's christmas time in hell!
get a toast together and make it quick, we gotta make room for andy dick
wake his mother and ring the bell
it's christmas time...
christmas time...
it's christmas time in hell!

yalnızlık

he was born on a summer day 1951
and with a slap of a hand
he had landed as an only son
his mother and father said what a lovely boy
we'll teach him what we learned
ah yes just what we learned
we'll dress him up warmly and
we'll send him to school
it'll teach him how to fight
to be nobody's fool

in the summer of '53 his mother
brought him a sister
and she told him we must attend to her needs
she's so much younger than you
well he ran down the hall and he cried
oh how could his parents have lied
when they said he was an only son
he thought he was the only one

he left home on a winter day 1969
and he hoped to find all the love
he had lost in that earlier time
well his sister grw up
and she married a man
he gave her a son
ah yes a lovely son
they dressed him up warmly
they sent him to school
it taught him how to fight
to be nobody's fool

oh what a lonely boy

önceki

it's been a while since the two of us talked
about a week since the day that you walked
knowing things would never be the same
with your empty heart and mine full of pain
so explain to me, how it came to this
take it back to the night we kissed
it was dublin city on a friday night
you were vodkas and coke, i was guiness all night

we were sitting with our backs against the world
saying things that we thought but never heard
who would have thought it would end up like this
where everything we talked about is gone
and the only chance we have of moving on
is try to take it back before it all went wrong

there was a time that we'd stay up all night
best friends talking till the daylight
took the joys alongside the pain
with not much to loose, but so much to gain
are you hearing me, cause i don't wanna miss
set you adrift on memory bliss
it was grafton street on a rainy night
i was down on one knee and you were mine for life

we were thinking we would never be apart
with your name tattooed across my heart
who would have thought it would end up like this
where everything we talked about is gone
and the only chance we have of moving on
is try to take it back before it all went wrong

if the clouds don't clear
then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
heaven's gate is so near
come walk with me through
just like we used to, just like we used to
let's take it back before it all went wrong

before the worst, before we mend
before our hearts decide
it's time to love again
before too late, before too long
let's try to take it back
before it all went wrong

for all of us who aren't aware
which, until half an hour ago, included myself:

at 9`38 sunday night there was another school shooting
this time at the university of central arkansas, in conway
from what i've been able to gather
two people have died, and another was treated at the hospital
police have reported that they have caught at least one suspect
and there are at least three more currently being sought
the campus was locked down shortly after the shooting
and classes tomorrow have been cancelled


it took at least three different articles to find that much
what makes me angry about reading this
i had to scour every website i could find to get info
this story hasn't broken in at least two different major american news sources
and the ny times only has a few small paragraphs on it
what makes this even worse
there is an article in an australian paper posted two and half hours ago
12`30 am local time, a full hour and a half before the ny times did
you know who else has a longer article than the american news?
the fucking london times
how the fuck does that happen?
how are american news sources that reluctant to break these stories?
and, if the do
why do they bury the headline?

this is absolutely unacceptable
there is no reason for this, none at all
this, of all things, should be THE headline right now
not some blurb buried under sports scores

one more reason to love this country, i guess

достопримечательности

currently, that is the longest word i've encountered in russian
the english equivalent? hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

so, hell week has finally began
the plus side?
this time next week it will be completely done with
the down side?
that's another 168 hours from now
fuck
though, class wise, this week should be relatively light
here's fucking hoping

also, this is a general note for everyone
everyone who has worked/works with me:
never listen to anything i tell you
apparently i'm completely stupid
so stupid, in fact, i don't know how to do your job, let alone mine
so please, if i tell you to do something
or i tell you something can be done later
for the love of god, just ignore me
always just ask a manager, because they're infallible
they will never steer you wrong, and know all things
and i'm just a lying, moronic supervisor
I HATE THE MANAGERS SO GODDAMN MUCH

only two more weeks till the election
then only two and a half months till inauguration
then only two years till the next legislative elections
then only four years till the next federal elections
then only the rest of my life until i could actually give a damn
so fucking tired of hearing about it

i need some booze, and about two days to sleep
also, someone to just fall asleep with/next to
but that's an emo rant even i don't want to hear
so, in lieu of all those
i will have some junk food, sleep about 5 hours
and sleep next to my body pillow
which just happens to be incredibly soft and warm

to reverse the continuous downward slide of my posts
i leave you with this little anecdote/plan:
andy and i have decided we need to have a penguin
not just any penguin, we'll have you know
this penguin, will be a butler penguin
he will also have attack capabilities with attachable weapons
we will teach him to say the phrase 'penguin made a sticky'
he will also be well schooled in the game of jump rope
his name is still in the works, but it will be an epic one

¡joe biden!

easily the most amusing part of the vp debate:
joe biden referring to himself in the third person at least thrice

i really need to think of a decent topic for my history honors option
what with my first kinda topic being shot down
damn him and his specificity and pickiness

honest to god
even though i hate getting up early for any reason
i should probly open the caf more often
sure as hell beats closing all the time

i have an unusually specific anxiety about the upcoming play
and its pretty disconcerting
oh well
it'll happen or it won't, nothing i can do

i've become more social with the guys on my floor?
good thing? bad thing?
up for speculation i suppose
but its pretty decent to have friends who are neighbors
[speaking of neighbors
we really need to weld the door to 2 north shut
very, very soon]

i believe my angry work demeanor may be shifting slightly
i gave my commons workers donuts tonight
along with the two over at brimstone
on second thought, i doubt that it is
cuz i can still go on forever about those i hate
and how i'd like to kill them and dispose of their bodies

i've been really irritated lately
i'm in a very creative mood lately
i've had some [i thought] decent ideas for short stories
but i just can't get anywhere with them
it fucking drives me insane when that happens
perhaps another creative depression is in order

i really need to start doing russian homework again
i haven't done any for at least two weeks

the more often i go to improv practices
the more i feel i don't really say much that's funny
at least not on the fly
i just feel like i'm yelling profanity a lot
that or slinging slurs at someone
neither are necessarily bad
but they're usually not very funny

sometimes i wonder if i'm qualified to teach history
not because i don't think i'll teach well
but because i'm always afraid what i know is subjective
that or its just plain wrong
i dunno why, but it always fucking happens
in every single history class i've had
i always get apprehensive that what i know is wrong
even if its impossible for that to be the case

i think i need to lay off the ink for a while
its not causing any problems
but i've been having some every day
and thats not a good habit to have

and i'm done

uzhasnyj

and now, because i can
some dead baby jokes
[mostly because i'm a horrible person]:


how do keep a baby from crawling in a circle?
nail its other hand to the floor

how do you make a baby float?
take your foot off its head

whats blue, red, and crawling up your leg?
an aborted baby trying to go home

whats worse than a baby?
a dead baby
whats worse than a dead baby?
a pile of dead babies
whats worse than a pile of dead babies?
a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath
whats worse than a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath?
a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath eating its way out

what 11 inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night?
a sids baby

how are babies and popcorn alike?
they both pop if they're microwaved long enough

what's funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in clown costume

whats brown and gurgles?
a baby casserole

how can you keep a baby from falling down a manhole?
shove a javelin through its head

how many babies does it take to paint a barn?
depends on how hard you throw them

how do you fit ten babies in a glass?
put them in the blender

why do you unload a truckful of dead babies with a pitchfork?
so you can tell which ones are still alive

hymn

i know it seems cliché
but i could honestly give a damn

i'll probly always feel the need to say something
it may not be much, it may not be meaningful
but i still feel like i should say something
it's not something any of us will be able to forget, yeah?
our parents have those moments
so do our grandparents
our children will someday too, its how it goes
i'd love to forget it someday, but i won't
neither will anyone else
so i guess all i can say is remember it
because if we forget, we'll make the same mistakes
and it'll happen again, but it'll be much worse
here's hoping

in memoriam, victims of september 11, 2001
спасение соделал еси посреде земли, боже. аллилуия.

ผัดไทย

so katie came down on saturday
she wanted to check out the campus

i showed her around a bit
took her to most of the sights
she really seemed to take too it
perhaps i may have made a new spartan?
we'll see

what struck me, though, was when we ate
i took her over to noodles & c.
they have incredibly good pad thai.
pad thai like i haven't had since living in n/l
anyway, while we were eating
she said to me that i actually seemed happier
happier than i have been in a long time
and that it kinda surprised her
it sounds stupid, but she's right
i really do like living here, and it shows

идиот

jeheezus christ
today, after getting up at 7`30 [unheard of]
i was clocked in for 14 1/2 hours
14 1/2!
7 of that was training
the rest was working on the floor
shit my legs hurt
but, by my calculations
it comes to $108.75 for today
[almost] well worth it

epic fail

summertime? the livin' ain't easy, not for me
this summer? it blows

this is what i've managed to accomplish:
—i've beaten 18 video games [likely about 14 games, i beat some twice]
—i had no jobs [i applied for ten]
—i manage to blow in excess of $1000 this summer, a new personal best
—i've read all of two books, while i bought over two dozen
[to be fair, i read those two books within the last three weeks]
—i've gained at least 25 pounds, probly more
—i've also gotten paler [yes it is possible]

i only have two positive things i can say for summer '08:
i discovered a new composer, and i finally got san andreas
ok, three:
i'll be at state for another year
not a positive as much as an incredible mercy

i need to live somewhere where there is no summer
its unnecessary and i don't enjoy it
perhaps sweden, or maybe alaska

eden roc

its a weird news week


–they finally found radovan karadžić, of all people... apparently he was hiding in belgrade as a practicing doctor for 13 years, [for those who don't know, he's a bosnian politician who's been charged with committing war crimes during the bosnian civil war in the 90s]

–zimbabwe introduced a new currency: the 100 billion dollar note [currently the exchange rate for $1 US is 425,276,250,000 zimbabwean dollars]

–the first ever nepali presidential election was won by ram baran yadav of the nepali congress party [a centrist democratic socialism party], only two months after the communist party of nepal abolished nepal's 240 monarchy

–estelle getty died [apparently she had dementia]

–paul mccartney of all people told the parti québécois to 'smoke the pipes of peace and to just put away your hatchets', and was received with upset and hostility when he arrived in montreal to play for the 400th anniversary of quebec city [the parti québécois is internationally known for its attempts to gain national sovereignty and secede from canada]

–christian bale was arrested and released on bail for allegations that he assaulted his mother and sister [he was arrested in london]

–a man in jerusalem went on a rampage while driving a backhoe, and rammed into cars and buses before being shot and killed by border police

–the first trial of salim hamdan [former driver for osama bin laden] began in guantanamo bay, with hamdan pleading not guilty to charges of conspiracy and supporting terrorism

–a case was brought forward in may by three citizens of the greek island of lesbos allegating that the term 'lesbian' referring to gay women was an insult to their identity and asked that it be banned. a judge in athens saw it differently, and ruled against them

–a man who was angry about a proposed third runway an heathrow airport in london superglued himself to gordon brown, the english prime minister. when that failed, he tried to glue himself to the gates of downing street, but he didn't have enough glue

–in iran, a man and eight woman have been sentenced to death by stoning for committing adultery [iranian law states that men must be buried up to the waist and women up to the chest before being stoned, and the rocks must not be big enough to kill the person immediately]

–researchers from chichester university in england discovered that being a drummer in a rock band is the equivalent of being a top athlete; drummers tested had heart rates around 190 bpm after 90 minutes of playing, and an hour in concert can burn up to 600 calories [smith also the stamina of rock drummers needs to be outstanding since they can play hundreds of concerts a year, while athletes play only once or twice week for the duration of their season]

小辛

its just like him
to wander off in the evergreen park
slowly searching
for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he's got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know

she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
and she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green
and she seems to be happy that she is here
and this time i think you'll know

you're not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell

you are not alone
you're not, you're not
alone

brevity

i'd like it to be known
that i have nothing to say

πλασίμπο

it doesn't hurt me
you want to feel how it feels?
you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
you want to hear about the deal i'm making?

you don't want to hurt me
but see how deep the bullet lies
unaware that i'm tearing you asunder
there's a thunder in our hearts, baby

so much hate for the ones we love
tell me, we both matter, don't we?
you, you and me, won't be unhappy

come on baby, come on, come one darling
let me steal this moment from you now
come on angel, come on, come on darling
let's exchange the experience

and if i only could
make a deal with god
get him to swap our places
be running up that road
be running up that hill
be running up that building
with no problems
if i only could