1/3/10

the university of football

i had a first today, and i think it's worth sharing:
i got so angry at football commentators that i started to scream
i have never, EVER, in my life
heard college commentating as bad as the msu/texas tech game on espn
honest to fucking christ
they sounded like texas tech paid them off to be complimentary
they were fuckin sucking ruffin mcneill's cock on the airwaves tonight
talking about how hard texas tech's had it this week
only mentioned dantonio in passing,
completely marginalized our entire team
only complimented us a record five times
at one point they ever referred to it as the 'controversy bowl'
i wish i could get my goddamn hands on them,
because i'd love to fucking wring both of their necks
they're a disgrace to commentators, and that's saying something
because commentators always suck

i'm starting a posting theme today
it'll continue for as long as i feel like
i'm basically going to be ranting about football [pro and college],
because i feel like letting it all out
so, if you don't like football or don't like my rants
feel free to check back in a week or so

——————————

i will never understand the way coaches handle staff changes, ever
because it's always handled so poorly
and it makes me question their loyalty and integrity


first up to the plate tonight is brian kelly
brian kelly, once upon a time, coached for cmu
he started in 2004, with very limited success
he put in the effort, and in 2006 they won the mac championship
they headed off to the motor city bowl
BUT
kelly resigned his post to accept the head coach job at cincinnati
a post left vacant by the departure of mark dantonio
as he leaves, kelly states he will not coach cmu at their bowl game
[they did win, by the way]

he spends the next three years at cincinnati
and by all accounts, it was an amazing tenure
in his first two years, cincy had only six losses
in his last year, they were completely undefeated
they ranked #3 in the bcs, and were invited to play in the sugar bowl
but, surprise surprise, kelly wouldn't be there
after PUBLICLY STATING that he would stay at cincy,
kelly accepted the head coaching job at notre dame
and guess what? he wouldn't coach cincy in their bowl game
this was kelly's first bcs game ever
it was his opportunity to pummel the florida gators on national tv
but, being brian kelly, he passed on it
now he's preparing to turn around the ailing notre dame program
who wants to bet he bails on them in three years too?

congratulations brian kelly
you've abandoned two teams you helped push to success
you've basically left an entire university high and dry
AFTER you publicly promised you'd stay there
[shades of bobby petrino, anyone?]
ALSO, during their loss to florida yesterday,
i heard a commentator talk about you during the second half
saying you were the 'biggest cincy fan out there',
and that it 'broke your heart to not be on that sideline'
you abandon your team, and still come out looking like a good guy?
you are officially an asshole

[it's worth noting, too,
that kelly had great success at his first coaching job,
grand valley state had .725 winning percentage under him
they won four conference championships
and were national champions in division II his final two years
obviously the man is very talented
he just doesn't appear to have a soul]


on deck, we have urban meyer
everybody has heard about the urban meyer thing by now
everybody who follows college football, at least
on boxing day, he announced he was resigning from the florida gators
he'd ignored his health too long, he said, and his family was suffering from it
he'd had a great tenure, and it would be hard for him to let go of his boys
everyone down in florida was gonna miss him,
and it threw a lot of questions into the air about his successor
.....
WAITNOHOLDONNEVERMINDSTOPHOLDONASEC
the next day he took it back
the very next day, after a 'spirited practice', he retracted his resignation
instead, he said, he'd take an indefinite leave of absence
and he would leave the team in the hands of his offensive coordinator
better yet, he basically said he'd come back this coming season
he said he felt in his gut he would come back

all that took place over about 26 hours worth of time
all before the bowl game on new year's day,
in which they resoundingly destroyed cincinnati
[by the way, you could see the disappointment in their faces
every cincy player just looked defeated from the very start
i'm amazed they even bothered to keep playing till the very end]
i don't question the validity of meyer's condition,
being a head coach of a team like that is extremely stressful
BUT
why make that announcement before the end of the season?
what good does that accomplish?
all it does is monopolize the media coverage solely on your team
i didn't hear jack shit about kelly after that, not once [cept in the game]
all it does is disingenuously make you seem like a flawed hero
and it absolves the team on accountability of any potential collapses
if florida won, it would be a bittersweet sendoff
if florida lost, it was because they lost their longtime friend and mentor

urban meyer, i call bullshit on your sincerity and motives
a true friend and mentor lets his guys play their hearts out
and he does it without crushing them before they do it
he doesn't drop a bomb on them a week beforehand,
and then reneg on it the next day
make up your goddamn mind before you open your mouth
i hope your health clears up, and i wish you no ill will
but don't pull this shit again
it's contemptible, and it's beneath you


next on my list, we have florida state university
despite whatever press they've released on the matter
they basically forced bobby bowden out the door
and they did so in the worst possible way
bobby is the sole person i'm not mad at on this [first] list
he'll go down as one of the best college coaches ever
he's a legend, and he's in a class of his own
which is why you never do to him what they did

back in early october, i read an article on espn
the fsu trustees chairman called on bobby bowden to retire
said the current system with the 'coach-in-waiting' wasn't working
and that bowden was past his prime, and needed to go
now, i don't care who you are or what you do
you do NOT dictate orders to a man like that
bowden's career put fsu on the national stage for good
he took what bill petersen did, and took it a huge step further
he created what we now know as the florida state seminoles
he's the second highest all-time winningest coach ever
he's tied for the most winning seasons ever
not a college football fan in the country doesn't know his name
why would you ever try to force that man out?

this isn't to say i don't understand their reasoning
bowden's success rate this decade hasn't matched their past
BUT
you can't measure the present on the past, not in this respect
you can't expect to be national champions every year,
you can't expect to be conference champions every year,
and you can't expect to win a bowl game every year
yes, his record this decade was 85–44 [.659]
and yes they 'only' won five bowl games this decade
[including his final win yesterday against his alma mater, west virginia]
but that's not the success you should measure him by

the man is a huge draw to fsu football, and the university in general
he is the epitome of what it means to be a seminole
he has absolutely earned the right to go out his way
that doesn't mean he should go as long as possible
we've all seen what happens when a coach just doesn't know when to quit
he said it himself this year:
he wanted to stay one more year, and that was it
how could they not grant him that?
if it's a losing season, then you don't need to say anything
he'll know he doesn't have it anymore, and he'll say goodbye
but if you come out and win big all season, what a great sendoff
you'll have a huge turnout every game
you'll have a great season [which will end in a bowl game]
and if you win a bowl game [maybe a big one],
what a great way to hang up your big ol' hat
but now we'll never know

THAT is how you let a coach end his life on the sidelines
you don't piss and moan about his rocky start in public
you don't bitch that his successor is having a tough time in public
and you don't fucking call for his retirement in public
fsu should be ashamed of themselves for how this was handled
bowden's retirement was definitely on their terms
i don't care what they say to the contrary
he was forced to retire before they were forced to fire him
[which would've killed the admin, no question]
he could've fought it, sure
he could've flat out said 'no', like paterno did in 2004
but that's just not his style

farewell, bobby bowden
may you enjoy your retirement longer than bear bryant did
seminole faithful with always remember what you did for them
and to florida state, the spineless seminoles atop the totem,
you are officially assholes

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Due to the title of this post, I am taking these football rants of yours to be lessons on college football, which I know next-to-nothing about. Rant away, mein Professor.

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