kanādos

i feel nothing i say could sum up my emotional state
i think i've cycled through most of my normal emotions today
all compressed into about six hours
all except sadness, haven't had that one at all
the reason behind that eludes me
i've been hitting the same couple since about lunchtime
anger, resignation, confusion, disillusionment, depravity,
determination, and an odd optimism
i don't know why, i really don't
and i wish i could explain it, but i can't
oh well

after running out of adjectives to dance around the subject
i feel there's only one way to describe 'oppenheimer':
unmotivated
no one has the drive to do well
no one wants to stand out as an actor
they all seemed to just stop caring about a week ago
which is fine, it happens to the best actors
[they, as a group, obviously aren't]
i just wish i could've known they'd be like that sooner
i don't want to have to sit through more of this mediocre crap
i have better things to waste my time with

a subject has resurfaced that i don't particularly care for
people have started commenting about 'if i was straight...' again
i've gotten it at least five times this month
'you know, if you were straight, you'd get so much action'
'man, if you were straight, she'd totally be all over you in a second'
what possibly makes people think that's true?
i am, after all, a bisexual, and people know that
if i wanted to bang someone, i/we would
it's as simple as that
the plain truth is that i just don't want to, i seriously don't
i do flirt with a lot of people; it just seems to [somehow] be my nature
but i rarely feel like going beyond it
i could have a ridiculous amount of sex, but i don't
i just choose not to

and, for the record, people
i don't lead people on to no end, only to disappoint in the end
anyone who's around me a decent amount of time should get that
if i wanted to fuck someone, i make it plainly obvious
such as 'hey, i really want to have sex with you; you want to?'
and if i don't do that, then i don't want to fuck that person
it's a very unambiguous system, and it works
so please, before telling me something like that [yet again]
please, just stop, think, and then let the desire pass
because i'm tired of hearing about it