ihmisyyttä

not really sure why i've been writing in here so much lately
must be because i can't write anything else
or maybe i just have nothing else to do

i have the most bizarre relationship with opera
i can't listen to any all the way through, i just can't
though, when i discover an aria of sorts i like
i make myself listen to the whole thing
just so i can get a feel for it
and i hate doing that, but i always do
that, and, searching for someone good to sing is ridiculous
i really don't like the operatic voice
it's too unrefined
too reliant on vibrato, and never given color or support
so i have to search long and hard to find someone i like
it's been happening more lately, not really sure why

i've officially lost track of all sense of time
i can't keep days, weeks, or even months straight
this is the fifth day in a row i've seen 5 am
and i there's no reason for it, any of it
i'm just not keeping myself together anymore
this doesn't bode well for the coming month
fuck