cad

[chef brian] time. it holds us in its grasp like a giant koala with dentures. we are slaves. slaves to denture koala and his army of lightbulbs with feet. butternut pop-tarts are my favorite
[tomato] i am a giant tomato filled with love. i have come to sell you a house made of pancakes
[chef brian] and a garage made from the souls of little children?
[tomato] ...yes
[chef brian] HISSSSS!
[tomato] pork
[chef brian] the cactus shall call it stupendiferous! let us achieve!
[tomato] jubilation!

[chef brian] gasp!
[tomato] your flavor is maple
[chef brian] it's as beautiful as a newborn hubcap
[tomato] tell me your thoughts, that i may ingest them
[chef brian] i am thinking .... (imagine a fork fucking a spoon while the spoon says 'oh, fork me baby! fork me!
[tomato] my chewy center weeps
[chef brian] i shall live in these commodious cakes of the pan!

[chef brian] what must i do?!
[tomato] you know what you must do
[chef brian] what must i do?!
[tomato] you know what you must do
[chef brian] what must--
[tomato] DANCE!
[chef brian] little do you know that pudding is my middle name! your downfall is my winter coat! SHOCK!
[lightbulb with feet] begone. this is not for your brains