2/8/12

eàrr

when the world ends, collect your things, you're coming with me
when the world ends, you tuckle up yourself with me
watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
the day the world is over, we'll be lying in bed

i'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
we will rise as the buildings crumble, float there and watch it all
amidst the burning we'll be churning, you know love will be our wings
the passion rises up from the ashes when the world ends

when the world ends you're gonna come with me, we're going to be crazy
like a river bends, we're going to float through the criss–cross of the mountains
watch them fade to nothing
when world ends, you know, that's what's happening now
i'm going to be there with you, somehow

i'm gonna tie you up like a baby in a carriage car
your legs won't work 'cuz you want me so, you just lie spread to the wall
the love you got is surely all the love that i would ever need
i'm going to take you by my side, and love you tall 'til the world ends

you here with me, just you and me, floating through the empty empty
but don't you worry about a thing 'cuz i got you here with me
oh graces, oh grace,
when the world ends we'll be burning one,
when the world ends we'll be sweet makin' love

we're gonna dive into the emptyness, we'll be swimming
i'm going to walk you through the pathless roads
i'm going to take you to the top of the mountain that's no longer there
i'm going to take you to bed and love you, i swear, like the end is here

i'm going to take you up to,
i'm going to take you down on you
i'm going to hold you like an angel, angel
i'm going to love you, i'm going to love you
when the world ends i'm going to hold you
when the world is over, we'll just be beginning

1/20/12

dominium eminens

today, at long last, is the day i talk about my thesis.
just under a year after i decided to undertake my final project,
it's completed, graded, and i've graduated.
and i've decided to give you lot the chance to hear about it one last time.

let me say this at the outset:
i'm putting my thesis on this blog post by including it as a downloadable link.
there would be no point in talking about it if i didn't let you read it for yourself.
even though i've included a copyright on every page to avoid it being stolen/plagiarized,
i'm placing no restrictions on who can link to it, distribute it, or post it elsewhere,
so long as i am properly credited, and this post is directly linked to [if applicable].
i do this not to be egotistical and demand credit at every turn,
but so comments, criticism, feedback, &c can go directly to me,
as well as providing proof that i gave permission to freely distribute it.
i have no problem with my thesis finding its way through the vast and magical interwubs,
i just want to make sure everyone knows who and where it came from.
as such,
i hereby grant written permission for my thesis,
"chicken littleisms: kelo v. city new london and the meaning of 'public use',
to be freely distributed on the internet, provided proper credit and links are given.


with that out of the way, let's get to it.
buckle up, it's gonna be a long post.


i suppose i owe you more than a few words on my thesis,
but, in the interest of both space and getting you to read it,
i'll give you the basic rundown of it.

in 1997, new london, ct, which had been suffering an economic downturn,
was informed of pfizer pharmaceutical's interest in building a new research hq.
they lobbied hard and got pfizer to announce plans to build it in fort trumbull,
one of new london's small waterfront neighborhoods.
trouble was, the area around the pfizer site was rather destitute.
in addition to pfizer remediating the site they'd ultimately use,
they asked the city to rejuvenate some of the surrounding land.
since said land contained rundown buildings, business, and a residential neighborhood,
the city needed a plan for how it would go about fixing up the neighborhood,
and it turned to its newly–restarted development corporation to create one.
the nldc drafted a thorough plan to rejuvenate the neighborhood
[the municipal development plan, or mdp],
and it was approved by the city council in february 2000.
the plan revolved around the use of eminent domain:
by using eminent domain to acquire all the land in the fort trumbull neighborhood,
they could then demolish all the businesses and residences.
this would allow them to build businesses and accommodations near the fort instead,
complementing pfizer and creating a smaller business district south of downtown.

the way new london was able to use eminent domain came down to interpretation.
eminent domain's power comes from the 5th amendment's takings clause
['...nor shall private propery be taken for public use, without just compensation],
and in connecticut, 'public use' has been consistently been interpreted broadly,
incorporating many different definitions of 'use' by the public.
thus, in ct, it is legal to use eminent domain for economic redevelopment,
since the economic benefits of doing so have been deemed of public use.
so, new london used eminent domain in that way to reinvigorate its economy,
and provide public use by way of jobs, increased tax revenue, and strengthened economy.
understandably, that mindset didn't sit well with the fort trumbull residents,
and they began protesting the mdp and the nldc's use of eminent domain.
their protests grew in scope and publicity,
and they eventually partnered with the institute for justice,
a washington d.c. law firm specializing in libertarian issues.
the fight revolved around whether nldc's use of eminent domain was valid,
and ij ultimately filed suit against the city on behalf of eleven residents.

the case [kelo v. city of new london] started in the ct superior court,
where the judge decided that eminent domain for economic redevelopment was valid,
but only in some parts of nldc's plan, and not others.
both sides appealed to the ct supreme court,
which ruled that the city's use of eminent domain was valid across the board.
ij again appealed the csc ruling to the us supreme court,
where the csc ruling was upheld, to much publicity and press coverage.
that ruling sparked a spree of litigation across the country to address eminent domain,
which has continued to this day.

what i argue is that much of the reaction to kelo is misguided and misinformed.
while i respect and acknowledge various interpretations of the takings clause,
many who protest kelo do not.
critics, pundits, and lawyers have skewed and misrepresented kelo consistently
and have allowed it to become a big–government bogeyman,
convincing people that the government can wantonly take your home for any reason,
or, scarier yet, for no reason at all.
i believe that there are far too many uninformed voices screeching about kelo,
and i wanted to provide a thoughtful, measured, factual account of the case and its origin.
the only way to understand the case is by understanding the city and the people,
the circumstances surrounding the mdp, the lawsuit,
and most importantly, the 5th amendment and the meaning of 'public use'.
not only did i want people to know how kelo came about and why,
i also wanted them to know what the kelo ruling does and doesn't mean.

hyperbole and parroted information can only get us so far.
at some point someone has to tell the truth in an honest and concise way,
and that's what i set out to do.
i know this case seems like an obscure topic to write about,
but it's come to mean a lot to me,
and hopefully will mean something to you to once you've finished reading it.
i'm sure there are at least some who are wondering how i chose this in the first place,
so, as follow up, the story of how i came to write this.


a little over a year ago,
the time had arrived for me to pick a topic for my senior honors thesis.
my thesis would be required to graduate from the honors college,
and i needed to pick a topic i could write at least 50 pages on.
considering that my longest paper to that point had been only 20 pages
[my interesting–yet–maddening paper on norway and denmark during wwII],
i needed something i knew i would like, be passionate about, and stick with.
i'd had a number of ideas float through my head,
from something russian history related, to something about the progressive era,
to something regarding the state of the labor movement
[i was fresh off my labor studies internship in new york at the time].
after meeting with my honors advisor and talking to her about it,
she recommended i meet with dr fine, a professor i'd never met.
dr fine was an american/labor/women's history prof,
and we briefly fleshed out possible topics i could write about.
i kept having nagging doubts about the themes we were hitting on,
and knew that if i wasn't vested in what i was writing about,
it would be half–assed and boring.
after a few meeting with her and dr moch,
a recurring topic kept popping into my head: my hometown.
i could write something about the history of where i'm from,
and it was then that i realized:
i should write about kelo.

kelo was something i'd known about all my life, but knew little about.
i knew my mom had worked at nldc, the corporation at the heart of the case,
and that my dad had worked, for a time, at the pfizer complex near fort trumbull.
i also knew that the case was near–infamous and usually misconstrued.
i did a little light research into the case,
and the only articles i could find on it were from legal journals and publications,
the same went for books: almost solely published by legal groups and law scholars
[with the exception of one or two questionable non–fiction books].
i knew that primary research was the focal point of the thesis requirement,
since their goal is to make academics out of us,
and decided that there was no better topic to write about:
there was no historical literature on kelo, very few popular writings,
and none of them seemed to put all the pieces of the case together.
i'd found the perfect topic.

once i'd decided on kelo and figured out what i was gonna write about,
i was faced with an unfortunate realization:
i knew jack shit about eminent domain.
before i could even conceive of writing anything about kelo,
i first had to figure out what in the hell the basics of eminent domain were.
so, for a full three weeks over the summer,
i spent my time in the law library with a 2 foot high stack of legal texts.
much to my surprise, i found the topic both interesting and easy to pick up on,
which made my transition from federal to connecticut law that much easier.
of all the things i'm grateful for concerning this thesis,
i'm most grateful that i was genuinely interested in the legal aspect of it.
if i'd found eminent domain law boring and dry and imcomprehensible,
there's a decent chance i would've changed topics about six months ago.

after i'd slogged through about 5000 pages worth of legal text
[i promise you that is not an overstatement
i read 3 books that were 1000+ pages, and four that were between 400–700 pages],
and as i started reading primary and secondary sources about kelo,
i was again faced with a rather stark reality:
virtually all of my sources were one–sided.
they almost all took up arms against the city and against the kelo ruling.
there was very little diversity in their opinions,
and there was a metric shit–tonne of rhetoric and biased sprinkled into their writings.
the books and articles all became one angry haze after another,
and took none of the context or circumstances of the case into consideration.
i was basically reading publication after publication lambast my hometown,
and i was staggered by it.
i had never known new london to be as egregious and uncaring as it was portrayed,
and i refused to believe that the city was flagrantly abusive and willfully acting illegally,
at least not without concrete and indisputable proof.
and so it was that i changed my focus and goal:
i wasn't simply going to explain the case as a legal decision,
i was going to tell the story of new london, fort trumbull,
and explain what happened leading up to the decision to use eminent domain.
it wasn't enough to explain what eminent domain was and how it was legal:
i had to show what new london was like, what it had gone through,
what the people of fort trumbull were like, what they had gone through,
and how the city planned to change its waterfront.
so much for struggling to figure out how to write 50 pages.

writing my thesis was by far one of the biggest challenges i've ever faced.
first off, how do you even tackle something that massive?
i knew it would take lots of organization and planning,
but that means nothing when you're staring at a blank word document,
completely at a loss on how to begin.
i had no idea how to do justice to everything that was involved with this project,
and constantly struggled with how to be fair to everyone involved.
i couldn't victimize or demonize the residents of fort trumbull,
any more than i could  demonize or apologize for the city.
objectivity is a tricky thing to utilize.
you have have to be detached, appraising, and not take anything for granted,
but you can't let yourself dehumanize people or circumstances.
you have to give all the facts, but not skew them for others,
and you have to present both sides of the argument, while taking only one side.
no matter what anyone else says,
that is the single most difficult thing to achieve in writing.
i won't lie to you and say i achieved optimal objectivity when writing this,
because, after all, i'm human like the rest of you,
but i strove for it nonetheless.
i know i haven't managed to eliminate bias from it
[and, truthfully, you could argue that i wouldn't be able to,
considering where my parents worked],
but i did my damnedest to be factual and honest about kelo.
i did my diligence in researching the hell out of my topic,
and did as much as i could for a student with limited resources.


for a while now i've been unsure what to do with my thesis.
should i try publishing it? should i try to make it into a book?
i didn't want the last eight months to ultimately result in nothing
[and by nothing i mean sitting in a library surrounded by other theses not being read],
so i decided that the best thing to do would be to publish it myself [so to speak].
it's a good paper that tells an important story and provides important information,
and it would be selfish and stupid to keep it to myself.
i hope that at least some of find this thesis informative and interesting,
and that it helps change at least a few preconceived notions.
or, at the very least, makes you think.


okay, rambling over. please read my thesis and pass it along. kthnxbai.

namnlösa

i was born in a big gray cloud screamin' out a love song
all the broken chords and unnamed cries, what a place to come from
i wish to remain nameless and live without shame
cuz what's in a name? oh, i still remain the same

you can call it what you want, you can call me anything you want

everybody lets you down in this brief hole of a town
what a difference of the rushing out, tell me what you're running from
i know everybody lets you down, i'll do the same
but know i'll always be around, this can remain the same

call me when you need me, call me anything you want
darling, believe me, nothing i haven't done before

1/16/12

ströddes

been climbing trees, i've skinned my knees
my hands are black, the sun is going down
she scruffs my hair in the kitchen steam
she's listening to the dream i weaved today

crosswords through the bathroom door,
while someone sings the theme tune to the news
and my sister buzzes through the room,
leaving perfume in the air
and that's what's triggered this

a high–back chair, he sits and stares,
a thousand yards and whistles marching band
kneeling by and speaking up,
he reaches out and i take a massive hand

disjointed tales that flit between
short trousers and a full dress uniform,
and he talks of people ten years gone
like i've known them all my life
,
like scattered black and whites

i come back here from time to time,
i shelter here somedays

1/14/12

tân yn llŷn

it's been a while since i've posted twice in twelve hours,
and i actually don't remember the last time i did so
though i'm sure a quick scroll through my archive would tell me,
i'm too lazy/apathetic to actually bother looking
mostly cuz it's all the way on another tab
WHO HAS THE ENERGY FOR THIS SHIT?

[a quick interlude, because this is too priceless not to share
as i'm talking with a friend of mine online, this little gem comes my way:
"i listened to judy and watched jackass at the same time.
most peculiar experience - it's the one where ryan dunn stick the car up his ass"
i really hope 'the man that got away' was playing during that particular stunt]

i had a really long phone conversation tonight with a friend of mine,
we were actually talking long enough for me to get slightly hoarse
[which is why i'm now enjoying a delicious cup of tea]
i have to say, i enjoyed it more than i thought i would
i'm normally not a fan of phone conversations being longer than they have to be,
but it was nice to just have a long, free–wandering conversation,
talking about our worries, motivations, our accomplishments, current state of affairs
i'm glad i'm not as insane as i keep fearing i am
there isn't a particular reason i'm sharing this,
nor i am building up for a tantalizing and shocking revelation,
it's just a thought that sounded better in my head than it looks in type
but there's no real point in deleting it,
so instead i'll just keep rambling until i get to something else

this may not be interesting, but it is on a different topic:
the delightfully folksy tale of how ian mcshane got me to reread 'wicked'
so this christmas i was gifted with a metric shit–tonne of dvds
[a friend of mine recently got a blu–ray player and is steadily replacing his collection]
one of the dvds i got was the miniseries 'the pillars of the earth'
[which, by the way, is fucking awesome and incredibly riveting]
i wasn't initially that interested in it,
but i gave it a shot because ian mcshane is in it, along with a few others
[i've loved ian mcshane ever since i first watched deadwood]
so i watched it, and ended up almost marathoning all 8 hours of it
and then resolved to read the book its based on
so i went up to the mount's pitifully–stocked library hoping to get lucky,
and of course its checked out [though the fact that they had it is a small miracle]
so while i was perusing the shelfs for something vaguely interesting to read,
i found out quite by surprise that gregory maguire wrote a fourth 'wicked' book
i didn't even know he was planning to write a fourth one,
let alone that it had been out for damn near two months
so, since my life has lately consisted of applying for jobs and watching espn,
i figured i'd reread the series in one go and finally get around to reading the third book
[which i've had since christmas 2008, the year it was published]
it's less exciting than you probly imagined,
but considering that i like in the boring, rednecky asshole of genesee county
[itself the boring, rednecky asshole of michigan,
which in turn the boring, rednecky asshole of america]
that's about as exciting an adventure as one can have here

[for the record, while the mount may be the boring, redneck asshole of the county,
flint is the hellish, post–apocalyptic eye of the shit hurricane
a nightmarish vortex from which there is no return]

as much as i really, REALLY, want to,
i'm not going to go off on a psychotic rant about the average gander's aversion to winter
because really, what's the point?
people i know keep having the same fucking reaction every year,
so instead of complaining about it, i'm going to offer a little bit of insight
hopefully it'll make their eternally–suffering lives better:
michigan has winter
winter comes every year at the same time
every winter is roughly the same: cold, windy, wet, snowy, and icy
occasionally there's lots of snow, sometimes there's not that much
but it's always cold, always wind, and always icy
winter has come every single year you've been alive,
and will continue until some sort of catastrophic climate event prevents it
thus, i recommend you stock up on whatever you need to,
in order to best prepare yourself for the calamity that is winter
if you're prone to being cold, buy warmer clothes and/or put on more layers
if you don't care for the wind, wear a scarf and a hooded coat
if the ice befuddles you, buy ice melter and sand
and if you don't like the snow, shut the fuck up and move somewhere else
those are the most practical ways to survive winter in michigan,
a winter that is both harsh and perennial
now that you are no longer caught off guard by its inevitable coming,
hopefully next year will be less complainy and more proactive
thus concludes my newest blog segment,
"SHUTTHEFUCKUPGODIEINAFIREYOUSTUPIDPRICK"

now that i've exorcised that particular dæmon,
let's wax philosophic for a moment:
what is it about winter that causes such anguish among the average gander?
seriously, i don't get it
winter comes every fucking year, like clockwork
it's always a bit harsh and is always treacherous
why is it a constant source of complaint and whining for people who live here?
are they living in some sort of victimized delusion,
where they are plagued with snow for their sins and transgressions?
do they think if they wish really hard that winter won't come this year?
or is it simply trendy and socially acceptable to bitch about it online,
and that is their only collective chance to fit in and go with the flow?
elucidation completely eludes me on this one
thoughts?

in other news,
i just realized i apparently don't take notice of anniversaries anymore,
and i think that's for the best
that probly makes no sense to any of you [hopefully, at least]
but take my word for it that it's for the better

on that oddly–cryptic–yet–heartening note,
i promise that i'm done putting off my thesis post
[which was incidental, not intentional
not that any of you are interested in eminent domain at all]
i'll probly get around to it in the next few days
and i promise that i'll blog more if one of you will hire me
and i'll blog about everything and anything you want
kthnxbai? kthnxbai


ADDENDUM
after going back over this,
i realized it reads like i'm either drunk, high, or both
i promise you that i was neither,
mostly i was just tired and insomnia–laden [as is often the case]

1/13/12

colloquy

i was looking for something to read the other day,
mostly because i miss reading for my own enjoyment,
and i came across a book of short stories by shirley jackson
many of you may know her for the story 'the lottery',
which is a wonderful and intriguing story in its own right,
but i love her for a different reason:
she is the author of hands–down my favorite short story ever
and because i am in a generous mood, i'm sharing it with you
"Colloquy", Shirley Jackson, ©1944, The New Yorker




The doctor was competent-looking and respectable. Mrs Arnold felt vaguely comforted by his appearance, and her agitation lessened a little. She knew that he noticed her hand shaking when she leaned forward for him to light her cigarette, and she smiled apologetically, but he looked back at her seriously.

“You seem to be upset,” he said gravely.

“I’m very upset,” Mrs Arnold said. She tried to talk slowly and intelligently. “That’s one reason I came to you instead of going to Doctor Murphy—our regular doctor, that is.”

The doctor frowned slightly. “My husband,” Mrs Arnold went on. “I don’t want him to know that I’m worried, and Doctor Murphy would probably feel it was necessary to tell him.” The doctor nodded, not committing himself, Mrs Arnold noted.

“What seems to be the trouble?”

Mrs Arnold took a deep breath. “Doctor,” she said, “how do people tell if they’re going crazy?”

The doctor looked up.

“Isn’t that silly,” Mrs Arnold said, “I hadn’t meant to say it like that. It’s hard enough to explain anyway, without making it so dramatic.”

“Insanity is more complicated than you think,” the doctor said.

“I know it’s complicated,” Mrs Arnold said. “That’s the only think I’m really sure of. Insanity is one of those things I mean.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“That’s my trouble, Doctor.” Mrs Arnold sat back and took her gloves out from under her pocketbook and put them carefully on top. Then she took them and put them underneath the pocketbook again.

“Suppose you just tell me all about it,” the doctor said.

Mrs Arnold sighed. “Everyone else seems to understand,” she said, “and I don’t. Look.” She leaned forward and gestured with one hand while she spoke. “I don’t understand the way people live. It all used to be so simple. When I was a little girl I used to live in a world where a lot of other people lived too and they all lived together and things went along like that with no fuss.” She looked at the doctor. He was frowning again, and Mrs Arnold went on, her voice rising slightly. “Look. Yesterday morning my husband stopped on his way to his office to buy a paper. He always buys the Times and he always buys it from the same dealer, and yesterday the dealer didn’t have a Times for my husband and last night when he came home for dinner he said the fish was burned and the dessert was too sweet and he sat around all evening talking to himself.”

“He could have tried to get it at another dealer,” the doctor said. “Very often dealers downtown have papers later than local dealers.”

“No,” Mrs Arnold said, slowly and distinctly, “I guess I’d better start over. When I was a little girl—” she said. Then she stopped. “Look,” she said, “did there use to be words like psychosomatic medicine? Or international cartels? Or bureaucratic centralization?”

“Well,” the doctor began.

“What do they mean?” Mrs Arnold insisted.

“In a period of international crisis,” the doctor said gently, “when you find, for instance, cultural patterns rapidly disintegrating…”

“International crisis,” Mrs Arnold said. “Patterns.” She began to cry quietly. “He said the man had no right not to save him a Times,” she said hysterically, fumbling in her pocket for a handkerchief, “and he started talking about social planning on the local level and surtax net income and geopolitical concepts and deflationary inflation.” Mrs Arnold’s voice rose to a wail. “He really said deflationary inflation.”

“Mrs Arnold,” the doctor said, coming around the desk, “we’re not going to help things any this way.”

“What is going to help?” Mrs Arnold said. “Is everyone really crazy but me?”

“Mrs Arnold,” the doctor said severely, “I want you to get a hold of yourself. In a disoriented world like ours today, alienation from reality frequently—”

“Disoriented,” Mrs Arnold said. She stood up. “Alienation,” she said. “Reality.” Before the doctor could stop her she walked to the door and opened it. “Reality,” she said, and went out.

1/11/12

meritxell

blogablogablogaOH LOOK I'M BACK
actually, that's a bit of a fallacy, since i never went away
i was merely attending to more important thing, such as
–my goddamn sanity
–my thesis [revisions and I SHOULD PUT IN A MAP OR FIFTY HARGHLBLARGH]
–re–moving into my house
–watching goddamn football
–doing productive things

and for those of you who have had to suffer through listening to me yammer about it,
yes, my thesis is done and turned in and graded and all that jazz
for those of you who give a shit, or those of you with my kind of crazy,
[namely those who find this shit interesting as well]
my next post will be all about it
so we'll just leave that particular topic be for now


what we will get back to is football,
because the college football season is officially over now
after that riveting national championship game [SARCASM],
my precious bowl season is over and i must again bid adieu to that truest of sports,
young men beating the piss out of each other, fully funded by institutes of higher learning
life is good, no?
since i continued my ever–foolish trend of making predictions,
let's look back over them shall we?

first off all, i'm proud to say i finished the bowl season with a winning record
8–5, a .615 percentage, which isn't too bad
especially considering my great showing last year and my dismal picks from two years ago
and since i didn't embarrass myself in the futuresight department,
let's take a gander at some of my finer and more idiotic predictions:
  • boise state 56, arizona state 24 [picked boise]. this one was out of reach in 14 seconds [very literally], and arizona state never even came close. it was [at that point] the highest scoring bowl game and the most lopsided, but that was to be expected. boise was a powerhouse, asu was a cripple, and sometimes things just go the way they're supposed to.
  • southern miss 24, nevada 17 [picked southern miss]. this game was just odd. not that there was anything particularly wrong with it, it was just felt weird. maybe because it was two teams that should have been better this season and inexplicably weren't, i dunno. at any rate, even though it didn't look it initially, i did pick the winner. so there's that.
  • nc state 31, louisville 24 [picked nc state]. this game nearly had me for the fool. i knew nc state was gonna bring it, because i watched them take down clemson in a brutally efficient way, but i had no idea louisville was gonna play as well or as spirited as they did. this was one of the more evenly matched bowl games this season, and definitely one of the more exciting to watch. if louisville hadn't been intercepted with 52 seconds to go, they very easily could've finished their comeback and tied the game. thankfully for my record's sake, they didn't, and i started out 3–0.
  • florida state 18, notre dame 14 [picked fsu]. i felt like a goddamn fool just after halftime of this bowl. notre dame was up 14–0 and the 'noles looked like group of bumbling invalids. thankfully, in true florida state fashion, they rattled off a pair of touchdowns in the first two minutes of the 4th quarter, gave themselves a 4 point lead with a field goal, and finally showed tommy rees that no one pulls that comeback shit on jimbo fisher. nobody. except mike london, tom o'brien, and butch davis. NOBODY.
  • baylor 67, washington 56 [picked baylor]. christ on a crutch in january, i've never seen a game so perfectly epitomize the term 'basketball on grass'.washington's qb threw for 438 yards, baylor had three different 100+ yard rushers, they set an alamo bowl record for the most points scored in a half [59], broke the all–time bowl record for points scored in regulation [123], shattered the record total combined offense [1397], and featured the 2011 heisman winner [baylor's qb]. i was utterly blown away watching it. just after halftime, it looked like washington very literally would run away with the game [they were up 42–24], but like i prophecied, washington's defense was a goddamn train wreck. this was by far my most entertaining bowl pick, though not my favorite.
  • oklahoma 31, iowa 14 [picked iowa]. after flying high at 5–0 to start the bowl season, my first loss was a resounding thud of a pick. i was expecting iowa to play like they did against michigan and northwestern, not like they did against nebraska and msu. christ. i understand that they were missing a key offensive component in marcus coker [who just today left the program], but they still had their qb and their stud of a wideout. apparently that just wasn't enough, though. at any rate, iowa sucked, oklahoma played like they weren't overrated, and a skycam tried to behead marvin mcnutt. overall, just a boring game. [SARCASM]
  • texas a&m 33, northwestern 22 [picked a&m]. this pick was purely and simply a guess. i'd seen some of a&m's implosions over the course of the season [namely against arkansas and ok state], i'd watched northwestern slice their own achilles against army, michigan, and msu [see what i did there?] it was really a crapshoot, but every good series of picks needs a meaningless, could–go–either–way game, yeah? so this was mine. for the record, i took a&m because it was in texas, and i figured they'd want to do mike sherman proud.
  • auburn 43, virginia 24 [picked virginia]. my second 'GODDAMN IT' moment of the bowl season came after auburn scored three straight touchdowns in the 2nd quarter. how am i supposed to keep lambasting teams for being overrated and under–talented when they keep winning impressively? cocksucking bastards. at any rate, auburn came to play with a couple really nice trick plays and real motivation, while virginia came to do some other kind of... fuck, i dunno. insert something scathing and witty in there for me, would ya? i have nothing left to give.
  • houston 30, penn state 14 [picked houston]. this was my 'padding the stats' pick. as dearly as i love penn state football, i was well aware of their lackluster offense throughout the season. their defense really lived up to their name, but mcgloin/bolden couldn't do shit with any kind of consistency, even after mcgloin won himself the starter spot. so, with him sidelined due to a lockerroom–fight concussion, and the blonde bomber from houston prepping himself for another flawless performance, this one was a foregone conclusion. houston was gonna win this as easy as you please because they were plainly better.
  • msu 33, georgia 30 [picked msu]. even today, a full week after it was played, it delights me to no end to say that my msu pick was right. they proved that they were worthy of accolades and notoriety after coming back from a 16–0 deficit to take the lead, tie the game, and finally win it in overtime. georgia gave them a run for their money [three overtimes' worth], but they pulled it out and gave the B1G its sole win on january 2nd. but enough with that, watch this blocked kick one more time, and tell me it doesn't bring a smile to your face bigger than dantonio's
  • south carolina 30, nebraska 13 [picked nebraska]. after my elation at watching my team finally win in the postseason, after sitting at a glorious 8–2, the wheels came off my prediction bus. i knew what to expect out of south carolina [the team that beat both georgia and clemson this year], but i also knew what nebraska was capable of, or so i thought. apparently they just couldn't pull off another solid victory [like the ones they put up against msu, iowa, and ohio state]. so instead of becoming the B1G's twelth man to add parity, power, and respect, big red ends up giving them an extra bowl loss. what fun.
  • arkansas 29, k state 16 [picked k state]. the 2 of the 1–2 punch was this game. the whole thing made no sense: k state didn't play at all like they did during the season, and arkansas played exactly like they did during the season. the wildcats stout defense was porous, their qb was mediocre at best at passing and completely mitigated out of the pocket, and the rest of their offense was simply unproductive. GAH FOOTBALL Y U NO MAKE SENSE SOMETIMES?!
  • smu 28, pitt 6 [picked pitt]. the grand finale of my predictions was as bad a choice as i could make. pitt gave exactly zero reasons to be picked to win a bowl this season [see their back–to–back home losses to iowa and notre dame], and after having their coach bail on them in a positively randy edsall–esque showing, they were probly unhappy to not be done with their season. so basically i picked them because they're pitt and i love pittsburgh and i root for those teams whether i should or not.

what a rollercoaster of picks this year turned out to be
5 straight correct picks, 5 split picks, 3 straight losing picks
though i'm certainly glad to have not sucked at predictions,
i can only imagine what my numbers would look like had i not boycotted the bcs
i was pulling for both michigan and ok state in their respective games
i would very likely have picked west virginia over clemson
[more because i wanted clemson to lose more than i wanted them to win
and boy did they ever]
so that's three more wins right there
i honestly don't know who i would've picked in the rose bowl,
but i would likely have leaned towards wisconsin,
[more out of the need for the big ten to win a goddamn bowl game than anything else]
and i wouldn't have bothered with the ncg, because that was the farce of all farces
i may have boycotted the games,
but i did keep up with the gamecasts and see the highlight reels
man that game was a piece of shit
so shitty, in fact, it was the worst–rated bcs championship ever
game, set, and match bcs


since my beloved college football,
it's time to give most of my attention to pro football
though it'll be getting less of my attention from here on out,
thanks to a team that shall remain nameless [FUCK YOU, STILLERS]
i retain my overwhelming addiction to the sport,
but it's a little less fun when your team isn't in the playoffs anymore
on the plus side, i kinda know how falcons fans feel now
all those one–and–dones must get really tiring

once that's done,
my full attention will yet again return to the beauty that is college basketball
i've enjoyed watching msu and uconn's play this year [men's and women's]
and i'm getting all hot and bothered for conference tourneys to begin
they're still a long way off, but there's nothing wrong with looking forward
especially since on the other side of them is the championship tourney,
and past THAT is the sports winter known as 'baseball season',
during which i whimper and moan about there being no sports to watch,
and generally am somewhat unpleasant because of it
good thing that's not till mid–april, yes?
in other words, BRING IT, SUPERBOWL/MARCH MADNESS
i survived yet another bowl season, and now i'm coming for you

1/10/12

pluèja

und der regen rinnt, und der regen rinnt,
ich denk im dunklen an dich, mein kind.
hoch sind die berge und tief ist das meer,
mein herz ist müd und sehnsuchtsschwer.
und der regen rinnt, und der regen rinnt,
warum bist du so fern, mein kind?

und der regen rinnt, und der regen rinnt,
gott selbst hat uns getrennt, mein kind.
du sollst nicht leid und elend sehn,
sollst nicht auf steinigen gassen gehn,
und der regen rinnt, und der regen rinnt,
hast du mich nicht vergessen, kind?

12/28/11

bowling

shame of shames,
i haven't posted anything football related since bowl season started
and i call myself a football fanatic
i hope yinz can forgive me
[see what i did there?]

at any rate,
since the glorious and wonderful bowl season is upon us in full force,
i did my annual tradition of picking winners for bowl games i care about
and here in about a month of so,
i plan to continue that with my tradition of posting about how wrong i was
cuz where's the fun in predictions without lambasting your own stupid choices?

surprisingly enough, i'm off to a 3–0 start
i actually don't remember when i got off to that good of a start
the three games i picked up till now were:
–las vegas: boise state over asu [final: boise 56, asu 24]
–hawai'i: southern miss over nevada [final: usm 24, nevada 17]
–belk: nc state over louisville [final: ncsu 31, louisville 24]
admittedly, all three of those bowls weren't on most peoples' radar,
but that's half the fun of this shit: picking games you have no vested interest in
so now that i've gotten those three out of the way,
let's take a look at the upcoming bowl slate

[a quick word:
i only picked games i cared about to some degree
games with teams i don't give a shit about aren't on here
and there's no bcs games due to my ongoing boycott]

here it is, my list in all its glory:
–champs sports: florida state over notre dame
–alamo: baylor over washington
–insight: iowa over oklahoma
–meineke: texas a&m over northwestern
–chick-fil-a: virginia over auburn
–ticketcity: houston over penn state
–outback: msu over georgia
–capital one: nebraska over south carolina
–cotton: kansas state over arkansas
–compass: pitt over smu

some of those were easy picks, some were excruciating
and here's the method behind my madness
–i'll always pick the noles over the irish, just cuz
–washington's defense has been super susceptible to high–powered offenses all season
the amount of points they gave up to stanford/nebraska/usc was just absurd
–my gut feeling is that iowa will show up and oklahoma won't
iowa's a better team than their production has shown,
and oklahoma was wildly overrated this year
–i don't think northwestern has it in them to win this game
it's in texas, and their defense won't stand up against the aggies balanced offense
–virginia's beaten more ranked teams than auburn has,
AND has the more balanced and talented team
–i love penn state, i really do, but they're gonna get embarassed in this game
we all saw how many points they gave up at wisconsin
it's gonna be that game all over again against houston
–there's no way i pick against msu, no way
–connor shaw may be an illusive little shit,
but the blackshirts will be the best defense they've faced since georgia
and i think nebraska can shut him down
–arkansas may have the better qb, but k state is the better all around team
plus k state has played better on the road than the hogs
–this one's more emotional than logical, but what the hell
i think if pitt shows up like they want to play, they'll get it done

as always, rant away if you disagree
GO GREEN

12/17/11

domain

blogablogablogaBLOGaBLOGABLOGABLOGablogablog
why? because i haven't in a while,
and there is no word more fun to say than 'blog'

as much as i hate doing that sentimental, end–of–my–time–here bullshit nonsense,
since i am, after all, averse to prolonged goodbyes and maudlin displays of emotion,
i decided to temporary suspend my aversion
[yes, i am able to suspend such things, for i am both amazing and powerful]
this isn't going to be a list of things i'll miss most about msu,
people i'm going to miss, things i wish i'd done, и так дальше
i don't have time for that sappy shit

what i have decided to do is write an open letter to the profs who've affected me most
true, quality education is most apparent when students like their teachers,
and carry on knowledge and skills they learned from those teachers
so instead of the stock 'college is ending oh no sadface' reflections
i present: ben says thank you to his favorite profs
they are not in order of preference or ranking, they just are

dr thomas
you were my first history prof at msu, and man am i glad of that
the way you approached your discipline is was perfect for me to learn from:
decidedly old school, but in a refreshing sort of way
you didn't get caught up in all the technological ways to teach or lecture,
you had us sit in a circle and talk and analyze and discuss
you taught me how to read like a historian [yes, that is a thing],
and you taught me how to use the library well, as opposed to just using it
but beyond what you taught me, you showed me just as much
your passion for history is what sets you apart,
and it's what drew me back to you for my second history class
you love everything about it, from the analysis, the effects,
and more importantly, the quirky little shit that makes you go 'huh'
you were the most enthusiastic teacher of history i had at msu,
and if nothing else, you helped foster that in me
i loved history before, and i still love it today
hopefully i'll continue loving it my entire life
i don't know that i would've stuck with it all these years, though, if you hadn't taught me to
you gave me a lot, which is really more important than teaching me subject matter
you didn't lend out your time, or grudgingly agree to help me when i needed it
you GAVE me the tools and resources i needed to be a good student and great historian
i wouldn't have traded my classes with you for anything
i only wish i took your classes more
enjoy your retirement — of everyone i know, you've earned it the most

dr breedlove
i gotta say, you were the most unexpectedly likable prof i've had here
beyond the fact that your name is hilarious [especially considering your subject],
you have the most ridiculously engaging way of teaching:
telling dirty jokes before class, encouraging us to talk about our sex lives,
hell, even lambasting ignorant folks who open their mouths when they shouldn't
your class was worth getting up early and trudging across campus for
and THAT, let me tell you, is a rare thing
and what's more, you taught your subject in a way that unabashedly intrigued me
i'm not an overly sciencey person, unfortunately
while i do love maths and natural sciences, i can't do them to save my life
but i've never been closer to trying than i was after your class was done
you completely sold me on neurobiology and sexual psychology
i've never been as good at science as i was when i took your course,
[to this day, i can still remember what 5α–reductase is]
and i've never wanted to be a scientist more than i did that semester
if nothing else, thank you for reminding me that science is something i can love
though truly, thank you for being both hilarious and insightful
would that every scientist i knew was like you

dr khalil
you are by far the most recent addition to this list,
considering i just took your final yesterday,
but you are definitely deserving of a spot on this list
your charisma and expertise mixed with humerous humility were just too much
i don't know if anyone could not enjoy having you as a prof
you mixed in personal anecdotes seamlessly with lectures,
and you left me wanting to learn more about islam every day
i wasn't expecting my last semester to be graced with as good of a prof as you,
and that pleasant surprise practically saved me through this semester
you're another prof i'll wish i'd gotten another chance to have,
but this one is all on you, since this is your first semester back at msu since 2007
you better believe i'd jump into your class next semester in a heartbeat
thank you for giving me a class worth going to this last semester,
and thank you for just being an all–around awesome guy

dr merrill
purely and simply, you are the reason i'm a russian major
there's really no other way i can describe it
every aspect of you class was perfect for me to learn russian,
and frankly, that's a rare gift for language professors
you made me want to keep learning after class was over,
and you pushed me in just the right way to keep my interest piqued
your knowledge extends far beyond what your class taught,
and it was all i could do to not keep talking and questioning you after every class
you made the challenges fun, accessible and worth doing,
you sold me on studying abroad when i was unsure about doing it,
you broadened my horizons in ways i can't even fathom
and you did it all within a year and a half
it's amazing to think that i only had you for three semesters,
and that i haven't taken one of your classes since spring of 2010,
because every time i was in russian i'd think of you and the way you helped me learn
спасибо большое for being an overall wonderful man,
and for convincing me to take chances when i was unsure

honorable mentions: dr fine and dr moch
you two are here by virtue of my thesis
i'd had dr moch before in a class and loved her
[even though it was team taught, so she only taught about half the lectures],
and was excited to get to work with her again on my academic magnum opus
she was the one who got me to meet with dr fine to discuss her possibly advising my thesis,
and i'm eternally grateful for that
dr fine, you were everything i could've hoped for any more in an advisor
you were understanding, challenging, resourceful, and supportive
the advice you gave me was always sound and pertinent,
and you gave me the space i needed to do my best work [and occasionally, my worst]
you were never hard on me when i did something wrong or wasn't meeting deadlines
and you gave me extremely help and constructive criticism when i needed it most
you and dr moch were both understanding about my time issues at the end,
and i am grateful for your leeway in getting the goddamn thing done
you two are both wonderful, intelligent people
and i'm glad that you were the two i got to finish my undergrad work with

12/6/11

addendum

as much as i stand behind what i previously said,
i feel like i owe you guys some clarification,
if for no other reason than because i should

my irritation with the bcs doesn't extend to most teams playing bcs bowls
many of them have proven worthy of being there,
[with a few notable exceptions]
and i have nothing but respect for their achievements
so even though i won't be watching them play this year,
i wish nothing but success for those teams
ok state, stanford, clemson, west virginia, oregon, and wisconsin
you guys proved you were worthy of competing with the best
so go out there, play your asses off,
and don't take my bcs anger to heart

the one exception i have is this year's sugar bowl
and wouldn't ya know it, my problem ISN'T that michigan is playing
[though i will get to them in a minute]
first off, let me point out this particular fact:
this is the first year the acc has gotten an at–large bcs bid
[miami wasn't in the acc the year they won the national championship,
and neither was virginia tech when they played in one]
and who gets chosen for this particularly vaunted spot?
virginia tech
the same virginia tech that lost the acc championship by FOUR TOUCHDOWNS
the same virginia tech whose only losses were to clemson, by a combined 62–13
so, as everyone made the case that msu shouldn't be given a bcs birth,
namely due to the fact that they lost the b1g championship,
[which, by the way, was far more competitive than the acc championship]
va tech does get an at–large birth for the exact same reason
if you were going to give at at–large berth to a conference championship loser,
why not msu? or georgia?
why would you give that at–large spot to a conference with no real parity?

COMPARISON TIEMZ!
–the acc had only two teams to reach the 10–win plateau
pac12, b1g had 3, the sec had 5; none of those ccg loses got at–large bids
–va tech ended up ranked higher ranked than the team that beat it [by 4 spots]
the other three conference losers all ended up ranked lower than the team that beat them
–boise state's biggest non–conference win was [in practice] at georgia
va tech's was hosting arkansas state
[boise also happens to be ranked four spots above va tech]
–south carolina actually managed to beat clemson this year [and is ranked above va tech]
believe me, i could go on

so, with the wholly unworthy va tech filling the bcs at–large void
[which it truly only got because the sec filled its two spots in the ncg
which, if you'll recall, is BULLSHIT NONSENSE]
who do they get to play them?
that would be the b1g at–large team, naturally
and this, that happens to be michigan
now, i'm not going to bitch and moan about how michigan got picked before msu
[mostly because i don't believe ccg losers should play in bcs games]
but i will say this:
having michigan play in the bcs again is good for the big ten
as you also may recall, i said that michigan playing well makes msu look better
and in this case, michigan playing well makes the big ten look better too
when a conference's biggest team plays like shit, it reflects poorly on all of them
case in point: the big 12 last year when texas went 5–7
so as much as i wish that msu was playing in the sugar bowl this year,
i'm glad that michigan is [kind of] back to playing like they used to
cuz if nothing else, after last year's bowl season,
the big ten's gonna need every win it can get

by the way, what i WILL bitch about is this
as much as i'll enjoy if michigan wins the sugar bowl
i will absolutely loathe the michigan fanbase for it
many a michigan fan is already insufferable to me,
and if they get a quality bowl win this year,
they'll be back to bragging and boasting like the last three years didn't happen
and while it's completely understandable that they'd want to put it behind them,
they do it in a way that collectively makes them the most insufferable pricks i know
it will also make the offseason a long, drawn–out pain in the ass
mostly because they'll go back to talkin' smack about next year's paul bunyan game
so i'm at an impasse:
i root for michigan [again, finally], and then i have to deal with the fans
what's a spartan to do?


as a pertinent aside:
what in fuck's name is up with the way michigan fans interact with msu fans?
we are, apparently, michigan's "third-most-important rival"
[behind ohio state and notre dame]
never mind the fact that msu has been playing michigan longer than notre dame
and michigan fans treat the msu game with such disdain that it leads me to ask:
what's up witht that?
when you guys were losing to ohio state, you acted like the games never happened,
and went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day
but when you lost to michigan state,
you bitched about the fanbase and wrote off the wins as fluke
[and still went back to your rah–rah–we're–michiganness the next day]
i dunno if it's because disliking msu is somehow wired into your brains,
but let me break it down for you to the point where you can get it:
msu is the perennial and historic second–best team
and when the second–best team beats the best team,
it warrants some bragging
when the second–best team slowly becomes equal to the best team,
it's a big fucking deal
i'm sorry if you can't wrap your minds around that,
but that's basically what it comes down to
of course msu fans are gonna be high on themselves when they beat michigan
we've gotten shit for SO LONG about who we root for,
that we're gonna savor every last moment of those wins

i'll tell you what's gonna be really sad
the next time you beat msu,
i can GUARANTEE the big house is gonna act exactly like they did after 'the game'
people are gonna go nuts and celebrate like it's the second coming
and truthfully, it will be deserved
but believe me when i say i will be watching that celebration,
and will truly enjoy reminding you guys just how hypocritical you are

oh, and by the way,
notre dame is OUR main rival
and we have a better rivalry with them than you do
msu has played them far more than michigan has,
[and they happen to have beaten them more times than michigan has]
additionally, although msu has played michigan more times than notre dame
the msu–notre dame games tend to be better than the msu–michigan games
not just recently, but historically
so trust me, this 'you're not our biggest rival' bullshit goes both way
besides, nothing pisses off michigan fans like being ignored or overlooked
and what kind of msu fan would i be if i didn't use that to its fullest extent?

12/5/11

fallout

so guess what?
it's sunday night, and the final regular season bcs rankings are out
know what that means?
yup: MORE FOOTBALL RANTING
[seryusly, if you guys aren't sick of it yet, than you never will be
which means i may as well just make it happen more often]

first off, let me proffer some organization for my decidedly unorganized thoughts
i'm gonna bitch about the weird as fuck rankings,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bowl selections,
then i'm gonna bitch about the bcs
cool? cool. so let's get to it

right off the bat,
it becomes extremely obvious that the bcs absolutely hates non–aq teams
and thus relishes punishing them
case in point: the until–yesterday unbeaten houston cougars
they were ranked #6 last week when they played the #24 souther miss golden eagles,
and then houston proceeded to lose to them. badly. [by 21 points]
so where's the problem?
the bcs dropped them THIRTEEN places to #19 in this week's bcs
and southern miss? they got a bump ALL THE WAY up to #21
how fucking bullshit is that?
by comparison, georgia was #14 when they lost to lsu, and are now ranked #16
msu was #13 when they lost to wisconsin, and are now #17
va tech was #5 when the lost to clemson, and now they are #11
oh, and btdubs, oklahoma was #10 when they lost by 34 FUCKING POINTS to osu
and now, they're all the way down to #14
believe me when i say i could go on and on
i'm not arguing that houston doesn't deserve to drop spots for their loss,
nor do i believe they are less deserving because they play in a [relatively] weaker conference,
i'm arguing that the bcs is complete and utter horseshit when it comes to non–aq teams
how does southern miss only move up by three when they knocked off the #6 team?
how does houston drop 13 spots by losing to a ranked team?
i can GUARANTEE you, if lsu had lost to georgia by 3 tds yesterday,
that they'd still be in the top 5
so let's just take that wool off our eyes and admit it ourselves and the world:
if you aren't an sec team, the bcs won't like you and will underrate you
if you aren't an automatic–qualifying team, fuck you go die in a fire
and that is our supposedly unbiased, fair, computerized ranking system

oh, and by the way
there are four 9–win teams in the top 25 [the highest one, baylor, is #12]
and there are only two teams that have 12+ wins
one is the current #1, lsu, at 13–0; the other, houston, is #19 at 12–1
ready for the real kicker?
there are two [TWO!] 7–5 teams in the latest bcs top 25
texas [24] and auburn [25]
how does THAT not scream bias?
texas shot itself in the foot yesterday at home by 24 points to baylor,
and auburn got destroyed [28 points] by alabama two weeks ago
they were both ranked in the low 20s last week,
so how in fuck's name are they still included in the top 25?
texas has lost to every ranked team they've played this year
and auburn beat one [south carolina] in week 5
and just to put the cherry on top of this particular bullshit sundae,
arkansas moved up 2 places after NOT EVEN PLAYING this week,
[by virtue of the fact that their blowout to lsu had them slip only five spots to #8]
which means they got rewarded for other teams losing,
solely because they got preferential treatment in the first place

and now, to the bowl games,
because i can't believe this shit
first up, our nc game: lsu and alabama
i simply refuse to believe that alabama is better than oklahoma state
i flat out deny that line of thinking
yes, alabama's only loss was to lsu, whereas ok state's sole loss was to unraked iowa state
BUT, ok state has a MUCH more productive offense than alabama
and they've played arguably just as tough of a slate as the crimson tide
more importantly, they finished the season stronger than the tide did
you could even make the argument that stanford would make an equally strong #2
what it comes down to for me, though, is the hypocrisy of punishment
do you remember how many spots alabama dropped from their lsu loss? just 2 [to #4]
how many spots did oregon fall with their loss to lsu? 10 [#3 to #13]
how many did arkansas fall? 5
how about west virginia? 6
florida? over 8 [#17 to out of the bcs]
i don't care if alabama's loss to lsu was closer than anyone else's
in this case, a loss is a loss, and they aren't treated with any kind of congruity
which means the sport's media's darling sec west gets yet another national title
while ok state is left with the fiesta bowl [though that is a good consolation prize]

and while we're on the subject of bowls,
how the hell did boise state end up in such a shitty bowl game?
it's not like they're ranked #7 at 11–1 that started with a win over #19 georgia
i understand that they didn't win the mountain west this year [tcu did]
but the fact that they're stuck playing a 7–5 arizona state is ludicrous
especially since the sun devils have dropped four straight games to weak teams
boise should be playing a strong big ten or big 12 team
like nebraska, penn state, oklahoma, or baylor
they should return their bowl game for a full refund and get an upgrade
and speaking of bowl games with TERRIBLE teams,
how about this year's kraft fight hunger bowl,
which has the must–see matchup of 6–6 illinois and 6–7 ucla
two of the most embarrassing teams that bothered playing this year
seriously, illinois has lost six straight games and fired its head coach,
along with being the laughing stock of the entire big ten
[seriously, even indiana and minnesota are more respected right now]
and ucla? the team that had to get a special waiver to play a bowl with a losing record?
[for the record, how is that a thing? bowl games are for winner who deserve it
ucla, you are most definitely not a winner, and you do not deserve a bowl
i don't give a flying fuck if you "won" the pac12 south,
you've given up 99 points in the past two games, and only scored 31
no right–minded indvidual would ever reward you for that hideous performance]
i dunno about the rest of you,
but of all the boring bowl games i'll be actively ignoring this month,
that one will be at the top of the list

all that being said, there are some bowls to look forward to this month
and though there are some that i'll be more interested in watching than others,
here's my list of bowls worth watching:
–nevada v. souther miss [sheraton hawai'i, 12/24]
–louisvile v. nc state [belk, 12/27]
–florida state v. notre dame [champs sports, 12/29]
–washington v. baylor [valero alamo]
–iowa v. oklahoma [insight]
–northwestern v. texas a&m [meineke]
–virginia v. auburn [chick–fil–a]
–houston v. penn state [ticketcity]
–msu v. georgia [outback]
–nebraska v. south carolina [capital one]
–kansas state v. arkansas [cotton]
–smu v. pittsburgh [bbva compass]
it seems like a short list [at least to me],
but with a lack of bcs bowls, it's gonna be a little bit paltry
speaking of bcs bowls...

an open letter to the bcs:
dear bcs, my name is ben and i'm an avid college football fan.
i spend all year impatiently waiting for football to finally begin,
and look forward to bowl season like a 6 year old looks forward to christmas.
this year, though, christmas will seem a little less magical thanks to you.
you've grinched me out of quality national championship game,
just as you've given me 'unbiased' formulaic rankings for the past 8 weeks [and 13 years].
you've tried to tell me that my conference, the big ten, just isn't good enough,
and have consistently screwed us out of fair rankings for our most quality teams.
i'd say i feel alone in that, but unfortunately the big ten isn't the only one to feel this way:
i imagine the acc and pac12 have quite the bone to pick you, not to mention the big 12.
and even though you've put me through this for more years than i'd care to remember,
this year finally feels like you've taken it too far.
i've seen good teams go underrated and underranked this entire season,
and i've seen incredibly overrated teams be unfairly highly ranked for long stretches of time.
so, i say to you, for all to see, that i'm done with your bullshit.
i'm declaring an all–encompassing boycott on the bcs for the foreseeable future.
i will not watch the national championship, the fiesta, sugar, or orange bowls,
and as much as it pains me to do so, i will not be watching the rose bowl.
i refuse to go along with your charade any longer.
even if, in the coming years, my team manages to win it all and play in the rose bowl,
i will not be watching them, because of you,
and i encourage the fanbases of teams you've spurned to do the same.
the only thing that has proven influential over you is money, ratings, and attendance,
and i steadfastly refuse to provide you with any of them.
so go ahead, give the sec west their sixth straight national championship.
go ahead and give undeserving teams bcs bowls and deserving teams the cold shoulder.
go ahead and claim objective superiority with your computerized formulas.
you overshadow on–field accomplishments with off–the–field choices,
you've created way more controversy than support in the past 13 years,
you've been accused of virtually every impropriety known to american law,
and yet you still claim superiority over the rest of us.
i'm done giving you that satisfaction, and i'm done with you.
please, stop ruining college football for me and my fellow fans,
and let us get back to enjoying the games without your nonsense hovering over our heads.

12/3/11

грінго

father says head down, we don't want them finding you
mother says practice now all the words you now
oh, arizona's burning, they say the fence turned round
and now the razor wire keeps us out
mother says with luck we'll sleep under a roof tonight
father says in the truck we'll be crushed in tight

oh chicago, don't forget me as the miles between us grow
keep the maple tree carved with the name of my love
the hills we would sled down
lake michigan stay endless and painted in sky, goodbye

mother says years ago, the whole world was ours to rule
father says let it go those days are gone for good
all the signs read 'no gringo', but somehow we'll find out way
maybe waiting at dawn by the factory doors,
sun burnt and bent in the fields
hey don't us in, we'll be silent as the grave this time

no gringo, no gringo aquí, words as levies against the flood
hoy cerrado, there's too many to feed, room for only our kind, our own blood
no gringo, no gringo aquí, you have stayed in this land for too long
tan amargo, but there's no time to grieve, you just pack up your things and move on

12/1/11

battle assembly

this past month was INSANE with pageviews this month
like i said before, it was mostly spam sites that somehow started linking to me,
so there was an abnormally large spike in traffic
i'm just gonna pretend that i'm famous now and people value my opinion now
so good to you guys?

we start with an aside because i couldn't believe this when i saw it
for those of you who don't know him,
jeremy clarkson is the host of top gear,
by far the most popular car show on the planet
he also happens to be a complete too (or, as the brits might say, a horse's arse)
now, i have no idea what in fuck's name he was originally talking about,
but somehow an aside got started about unionized public sector workers,
and how some are currently striking over changes to their pensions,
and this was his response to that topic:
"frankly, i'd have them all shot.
i would take them out and execute them in front of their families.
i mean how dare they go on strike,
when they've got these gilt–edged pensions that are guaranteed,
when the rest of us have to work for a living."
now, truthfully, i could care less what he thinks about public unions and union workers,
but that's not something you say on fucking tv
i don't care if he's known for making satirical or controversial statements
that's not something you joke about
his joke about less traffic at the airport? no problem there (though kinda unoriginal)
joking about killing them all? decidedly not so
i don't think he should be fired [because of that whole free speech thing], but seriously,
what the hell, jeremy clarkson? how stupid can you be on live tv?
do us a favor and just shut the hell up

[oh, and for the record,
i love how he insinuates that he's a regular working stiff
the man makes hundreds of thousands of pounds a year hosting a tv show
hardly the kind of work that justifies having a pension, eh?
no wonder he said that stuff – he's jealous he doesn't get retirement]


now we get to the part i actually intended to blogablog about
[another aside: i love the word 'blog' an almost unhealthy amount
seriously, let it loll about on your tongue for a while
it's almost as much to say as 'lesbian']
i first planned to write this post about a month and a half ago,
but then other things happened that took up my time
[like other blog topics]
at any rate, let's get to it now

one of the reasons i enjoy big ten football is that it's spoiler–tastic
there's at least one beautiful, impossible probably EVERY. YEAR.
usually more than one [lookin' at you, northwestern]
but what's even more exciting than that is playing the one spot you can never win at
there's at least one stadium each team can just NEVER win at,
especially when it's a place they should be able to no problem
it's kind of a hackneyed term nowadays [especially since it's after halloween],
but every team has their own personal 'house of horrors'
so let's take a jaunt through the big ten,
and relish in the frustration these places inevitably bring
i'll start with msu, because it's a convenient [and biased] place to start

msu: at iowa
if ever there was a stadium that had msu's number,
it would be kinnick stadium in iowa city
good as iowa's team is, kinnick isn't exactly the most imposing place to play
especially considering iowa hasn't historically been better than msu
[though in my lifetime they've been equal to better than da spartans]
for whatever reason, though, msu just cannot win there
this year's win was the first for msu at iowa since 1989
i was five months old the last time msu had won there
and the sad part is, most of those games weren't even close
most of them ended win scores closer to last year's blowout in week 9
ultimately though, i'm okay with iowa being our only real problem
[i don't consider our problem to be penn state,
because our losses to iowa are usually inexplicable
losses to penn state at beaver stadium are expected by everyone]
especially considering iowa's problem...

iowa: at northwestern
you wanna talk about inexplicable?
how about the fact that kirk ferentz has only won in evanston twice in seven tries?
iowa has completely owned the series between them and northwestern
thanks in part to 21 straight victories from '74 to '94
but man, ever since northwestern won the rose bowl in '95,
iowa's been faceplanting at northwestern like it's their JOB
it can partially be attributed to the fact that northwestern is a spoiler EXPERT
[they pull off at least one amazing spoiler each and every year, case in point:
nebraska '11, iowa '10, wisconsin '09, minnesota '08, msu '07, you get the point]
but even that doesn't explain how the hawkeyes manage to consistently fall flat
must just be one of those things,
kinda like...

northwestern: at indiana
...seriously? indiana?
the indiana that last had a coach with a winning record in 1947?
the indiana that doesn't have a winning record in any of its rivalries?
yup, that indiana
consider: northwestern has lost to indiana only thrice since 1993
where have all three of those losses come? at indiana, naturally
in fact, in my lifetime, northwestern is 5 for 10 in bloomington
to which i say... how is that possible?
seriously. SERIOUSLY. it's fucking indiana
i mean, great job hoosiers, but seriously, how did you manage that?
then again, indiana doesn't really have room to boast
especially when you bring up...

indiana: at minnesota
sweet and holy jesus is this a funny series
there's nothing like the two perennially terrible teams duking it out
even though there's a couple multi–year gaps in this set of games,
indiana hasn't won at minnesota since 1993,
and they're a pitiful 2 for 6 in minneapolis
again, it's not like the humphrey dome was the most intimidating environment
i don't know that i have any more words to dedicate to this one
it feels like picking on little kids
speaking of being picked on...

minnesota: at purdue
[i was tempted to make this one at wisconsin instead,
but i'm trying to keep this to schools these teams should be able to beat, but can't]
minnesota and purdue are roughly equal as far as football has been concerned,
but man, if there's one place minnesota can never get traction, its at purdue
sure, the gophers have lost at the big house a shit ton [like everyone else]
and have had recent issues at camp randall,
but c'mon, they should at least able to make something happen in west lafayette
but no
instead, they've gone a spectacularly horrendous 2 for 10 playing at purdue
i know minnesota's had it issues recently, but so has purdue
you'd think there'd be more equity in their respective mediocrity
but then you'd be wrong, you wrong person, you
besides, purdue has to have stumbled somewhere along the line too, yeah?
yes indeed, and it just happens to be...

purdue: at iowa
yeah, we're not the only ones that faceplant at kinnick
but unlike us, purdue has been playing iowa for twice as long
and thus has the funnier fail streak
the last time purdue won at iowa was '92, and the time before that was '79
which makes them 2 for the past 13 at kinnick
man do those iowans love their streaks or what?
again, no words, just... damn, that's sad
so much for being the 'spoilermakers', huh?
actually, yes, because...

ohio state: at purdue
i'm pretty sure every big ten fan relishes this particular gem
ohio state has lost 4 times at purdue in the past decade,
whereas their second highest loss total is at wisconsin, where they've lost twice
no one seems to know the logic behind this one
this year ohio state was down, but still should've probly won
in 2009 they were fucking undefeated at ranked #7
in 2004 they just didn't show up to play,
and in 2000 they were 5–1 and ranked #12
there's no logical way purdue manages to beat them,
and yet, there it is for all to see
talk about embarrassing,
which just happens to lead me to...

penn state: at ohio state
this one is REALLY the one that really boggles the mind
penn state, the most successful big ten school of the past 50 years,
champions of the mid–atlantic, heaviest of the heavy hitters,
and they've won OHIO in columbus in my lifetime, out of nine tries
what the fuckin' fuck?
how could the buckeyes have that ridiculous of a streak against penn state?
how is that even possible? i just... there has to be... i mean—GODDAMN IT
this one makes so little sense it hurts my head
christ on a bike, penn state, this is just pathetic
though there are more pathetic things out there, e.g....

illinois at: illinois
if any team has a confusion–inducing home–loss tendency, it would the illini
i dunno how they do it, i really don't
while they've had problems with big ten road games [like most teams],
they've only won nine b1g home games since 2006
NINE
in that same time span, here's how other teams have fared at home against b1g teams:
msu 16, wisconsin 21, michigan 14, indiana 7, ohio state 20 [16 after vacated wins]
i can't believe illinois only got two more wins than indiana in that stretch
oh, and it goes back a lot farther, believe you me
i just don't want to have to count back that far
at any rate, no one beats illinois quite like it beats itself at home

wisconsin: michigan state
as an msu fan, i love this so hard it hurts
not only has wisconsin lost four straight games in east lansing,
they've only won 3 games in east lansing in the past 20 years,
making them a wonderfully paltry 3 out of 10,
and only slightly better than minnesota when it plays purdue
not only does wisconsin have that unfortunate 4 game losing streak,
three of those games have been lost in the final three minutes of the game
2011 it was the td pass in the last four seconds,
2010 it was the td pass 40 seconds before the two minute warning,
2008 it was the last second field goal,
[and 2004 was a 35 blowout]
talk up the badgers all you want before the championship this saturday,
but we all know what happens when the badgers come to town

michigan: ohio state
i didn't really have much of a choice to make with this one
even though michigan has a couple active losing streaks at various b1g stadiums,
none sticks out quite like the one in columbus
regardless of the 7 game losing streak michigan just snapped,
they've had some serious woes at ohio state over the course of my life
how woeful? something to the tune of being 3 for 11 since 1989
yeah, you didn't read that wrong, 3 of 11
i understand that michigan/ohio state is the best and most competitive rivalry out there,
[yeah, every single other yearly rivalry can SUCK. IT.]
but even so, that's quite lopsided
i understand that a rivalry this intense will go back and forth,
but i would've expected better from the winningest program ever
i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin'

also, i'm not doing one for nebraska
mostly because i don't want to
SO THERE

11/28/11

malefic

guess what time it is?
if you guessed "...fuck, not more football",
put on the crown, today you're the king
the college football regular season is almost officially over,
so what better way to celebrate than hardcore raging?
it is, after all, what you've come to expect from me
so why deny you all that you've come to love and cherish

first up, fired coaches
you've gotta hand it to athletic directors these days
they've got to be some of the most efficient people on the face of the earth
three coaches were confirmed fired before noon on sunday, NOON
that's some pretty quick decision making
really, ads? couldn't even get through the weekend before making announcements?
what happened to announcing that shit on monday morning?
christ, at least give the coach you're firing a day to clear out his desk
btdubs, for those that are wondering,
the three coaches are ron zook [illinois], turner gill [kansas], and larry porter [memphis]
at the moment, those are the only three that are confirmed
and OH BOY, are there a shit ton more on their way
if following college football has taught me anything,
it's to expect double digit coach firings in the two weeks after the season ends
and we've started the carousel srong this year with a nice trifecta
who's next, i wonder?

i'm not one to normally speculate on the future of coaches
mostly because i find it pedantic and usually pretty mean–spirited
[these are, after all, people, and regardless of how you feel about them,
they deserve a modicum of respect and dignity, even in being fired]
but man oh man, this year's projected slate is MASSIVE
from all i've been able to garner from at least quasi–credible sources,
[and yes, espn, that absolutely includes you]
here's the 'possibly fired/hotseat' coaches list:
4 from the big 12, 2 from the big east, 3 from the b1g
4 from conference usa, 3 from mac, 2 from mountain west, 4 from pac12,
3 from sec, 2 from sun belt, and 2 from wac
that, ladies and gents, is a full 29 coaches
29 men with the massive media spotlight shining right in their eyes
surely that many people don't deserve to be fired
so how about we just collectively chill the hell out, hmm?
i'm sure the school will fill us in very soon
[since they are loathe to wait so long]

and since everyone else is blowing up the interwubs with it,
this is my two cents on urban meyer:
urban, you're being an ass
if you think florida was stressful and detrimental to your health,
then you ain't seen nothin' yet
how could ohio state possibly be any less stressful than that?
also, i hope your girls and wife enjoyed the past 11 months with you,
cuz they'll probly never see you again
so much for being a family man and spending more quality time with them, eh?
please, do me and the rest of the big ten a favor:
actually spend some time with your family, look after yourself,
and fuck's sake, stay the hell out of my conference

in other football news,
my b1g champsionship prediction is half wrong, much to our collective chagrin
[thanks a lot, penn state, for proving me SUPER WRONG
maybe it was your succesful wildcat plays last week at ohio state,
but i believed you could kick ass on the road
guess last year wasn't an offensive fluke after all]
i gotta say, i'm not nearly as excited as everyone else about this rematch
first off, i'm not a fan of post–season rematchs of regular–season games
they just aren't as enjoyable as the first time around,
and they tend to get WAY over–hyped [case in point, '97 sugar bowl]
plus, who wants to see the same game twice in one season?
college football's season is already short enough,
why cheapen it with rematches?
secondly, i wanted a match up with penn state SO BAD
that would've a great goddamn game
the big ten's two best defenses going head to head on a neutral field?
i'd watch that so hard ALL DAY LONG
and what self–respecting team could pass up the chance to play penn state?
seryusly, i'd take them over wisconsin any day

secondly, and this is related,
am i really going to have to put up with this 'msu's inferior' bullshit AGAIN?
how fucking stupid and/or blind are you people?
beyond the fact that msu has TWICE derailed wisconsin's perfect season dreams,
they've played better on the road than wisconsin has
consider:
msu has beaten ohio state, iowa, and northwestern on the road
wisconsin has beaten illinois and minnesota on the road
msu has the league's top–ranked defense, wisconsin the top–ranked offense
there is no plausible way you can say that either team is superior
they're virtually even as far as talent and on–field performance
yes it'll be a hard–fought game, and yes msu might lose
but to count msu out before it begins is foolish to the point of idiocy
might i remind all of you that msu was counted out of the 10/22 game?
might i remind you that msu wasn't predicted to win the legends division?
and might i remind i remind you that both of those were proven wrong?
so please, give credit where credit is due
and admit that wisconsin will meet its match in indianapolis
because it will, and i'm gonna watch every second of it

finally, a message to michigan football:
thank you, thank you, thank you
thanks for finally giving me a michigan team i can root for
thank you for FINALLY ending that ridiculous streak against ohio state
and thanks for helping the state of michigan to its most successful b1g season ever
it was about fucking time you guys played like a michigan team,
and not some pansy half–southern whining spread–offense–running sons o' bitches
remember how i said that michigan playing well makes msu better too?
well, i'm glad you took it to heart
you guys actually played like you wanted to win, and then did it
[i bet a few of you had forgotten what that felt like]
too bad you hadn't thought to get brady hoke four years ago, eh?
at any rate, congrats on a stellar season, and good luck in your bowl game
[p.s.—if/when msu wins the b1g championship on saturday,
i hope you guys get the bcs at–large bid,
that way the b1g's bcs contingent is pure michigan
i could totally live with that]