fratino

oh sister, what's wrong with your mind?
you used to be so strong and stable
my sister, what made you fall from grace?
i'm sorry that i was not there to catch you

what have the demons done?
what have the demons done,
with the the luminous light that once shined from your eyes?
what makes you feel so alone?
is it the whispering ghosts that you feared the most?

oh sister, those lines etched in your hands
they're hardened and rough like a road map of sorrow
my sister, there is a sadness on your face
you're like a motherless child who's longing for comfort

what's running though your veins,
that's causing you such pain?
does it have something to do with the pills they gave to you?
what is eating at your soul?
was it the whispering ghosts that left you out in the cold?

but the blackness in your heart won't last forever
i know it's tearing you apart, but it's a storm you can weather

sweet gee-sus

or, the hilarious hijinks of the b1g's most dickish president

today's post is made possible by the man in the bow-tie
that most snobbish and rambunctious of school presidents,
the man that can make everyone say in unison 'SHUT THE FUCK UP',
e gordon gee, president of ohio state

yesterday, because he apparently had to get it off his chest,
gee sat down with osu's student newspaper, the lantern,
and offered his measured, carefully chosen words on a recent article
[namely, the sn article blasting the shit out of urban meyer]
and by that, i mean in turn blasted the new outlet that published the story:
after admitting that he hadn't even read the story all the way through,
he dismisses it as bad journalism laced with false information
[while offering no explanantion about what was false]
he also lambasted sports illustrated for an article about tressel from last year
 which he also said was nothing but false info passed as objective journalism
again with no explanation about what was incorrect about the story

i would love to say that this was simply isolated insanity,
but that would not give NEARLY enough credit to our ol' pal gordon,
who has quite the impressive track record of putting his foot up his ass
i now submit, for your viewing pleasure/insanity,
an brief list of his choicer comments

on the difficulties of centrally organizing osu's colleges: "when we had these 18 colleges all kind of floating around. they were like... boats, they were shooting each other. it was kind of like the polish army"

on bret bielema's complaints about meyer's recruiting tactics: "we hired the best coach and we went out and got the best kids so get a life."

on the scrutiny facing jim tressel before he was fired: "let me be very clear: i'm just hoping the coach doesn't fire me."

on whether tcu or boise state was worthy of playing in the ncg: "well, i don't know enough about the X's and O's of college football. i do know, having been both a southeastern conference president and a big ten president, that it's like murderer's row every week for these schools. we do not play the little sisters of the poor. we play very fine schools on any given day."

on the necessity of religious diversity in universities [especially vanderbilt]:  "yes, we’re targeting jewish students. there’s nothing wrong with that. that’s not affirmative action, that’s smart thinking."

on the 1992 michigan/osu game's 13–13 tie: 'if character is a mark of greatness, then this is our greatest victory."


oh, gordon

namnlösa

i was born in a big gray cloud screamin' out a love song
all the broken chords and unnamed cries, what a place to come from
i wish to remain nameless and live without shame
cuz what's in a name? oh, i still remain the same

you can call it what you want, you can call me anything you want

everybody lets you down in this brief hole of a town
what a difference of the rushing out, tell me what you're running from
i know everybody lets you down, i'll do the same
but know i'll always be around, this can remain the same

call me when you need me, call me anything you want
darling, believe me, nothing i haven't done before

battle assembly

this past month was INSANE with pageviews this month
like i said before, it was mostly spam sites that somehow started linking to me,
so there was an abnormally large spike in traffic
i'm just gonna pretend that i'm famous now and people value my opinion now
so good to you guys?

we start with an aside because i couldn't believe this when i saw it
for those of you who don't know him,
jeremy clarkson is the host of top gear,
by far the most popular car show on the planet
he also happens to be a complete too (or, as the brits might say, a horse's arse)
now, i have no idea what in fuck's name he was originally talking about,
but somehow an aside got started about unionized public sector workers,
and how some are currently striking over changes to their pensions,
and this was his response to that topic:
"frankly, i'd have them all shot.
i would take them out and execute them in front of their families.
i mean how dare they go on strike,
when they've got these gilt–edged pensions that are guaranteed,
when the rest of us have to work for a living."
now, truthfully, i could care less what he thinks about public unions and union workers,
but that's not something you say on fucking tv
i don't care if he's known for making satirical or controversial statements
that's not something you joke about
his joke about less traffic at the airport? no problem there (though kinda unoriginal)
joking about killing them all? decidedly not so
i don't think he should be fired [because of that whole free speech thing], but seriously,
what the hell, jeremy clarkson? how stupid can you be on live tv?
do us a favor and just shut the hell up

[oh, and for the record,
i love how he insinuates that he's a regular working stiff
the man makes hundreds of thousands of pounds a year hosting a tv show
hardly the kind of work that justifies having a pension, eh?
no wonder he said that stuff – he's jealous he doesn't get retirement]


now we get to the part i actually intended to blogablog about
[another aside: i love the word 'blog' an almost unhealthy amount
seriously, let it loll about on your tongue for a while
it's almost as much to say as 'lesbian']
i first planned to write this post about a month and a half ago,
but then other things happened that took up my time
[like other blog topics]
at any rate, let's get to it now

one of the reasons i enjoy big ten football is that it's spoiler–tastic
there's at least one beautiful, impossible probably EVERY. YEAR.
usually more than one [lookin' at you, northwestern]
but what's even more exciting than that is playing the one spot you can never win at
there's at least one stadium each team can just NEVER win at,
especially when it's a place they should be able to no problem
it's kind of a hackneyed term nowadays [especially since it's after halloween],
but every team has their own personal 'house of horrors'
so let's take a jaunt through the big ten,
and relish in the frustration these places inevitably bring
i'll start with msu, because it's a convenient [and biased] place to start

msu: at iowa
if ever there was a stadium that had msu's number,
it would be kinnick stadium in iowa city
good as iowa's team is, kinnick isn't exactly the most imposing place to play
especially considering iowa hasn't historically been better than msu
[though in my lifetime they've been equal to better than da spartans]
for whatever reason, though, msu just cannot win there
this year's win was the first for msu at iowa since 1989
i was five months old the last time msu had won there
and the sad part is, most of those games weren't even close
most of them ended win scores closer to last year's blowout in week 9
ultimately though, i'm okay with iowa being our only real problem
[i don't consider our problem to be penn state,
because our losses to iowa are usually inexplicable
losses to penn state at beaver stadium are expected by everyone]
especially considering iowa's problem...

iowa: at northwestern
you wanna talk about inexplicable?
how about the fact that kirk ferentz has only won in evanston twice in seven tries?
iowa has completely owned the series between them and northwestern
thanks in part to 21 straight victories from '74 to '94
but man, ever since northwestern won the rose bowl in '95,
iowa's been faceplanting at northwestern like it's their JOB
it can partially be attributed to the fact that northwestern is a spoiler EXPERT
[they pull off at least one amazing spoiler each and every year, case in point:
nebraska '11, iowa '10, wisconsin '09, minnesota '08, msu '07, you get the point]
but even that doesn't explain how the hawkeyes manage to consistently fall flat
must just be one of those things,
kinda like...

northwestern: at indiana
...seriously? indiana?
the indiana that last had a coach with a winning record in 1947?
the indiana that doesn't have a winning record in any of its rivalries?
yup, that indiana
consider: northwestern has lost to indiana only thrice since 1993
where have all three of those losses come? at indiana, naturally
in fact, in my lifetime, northwestern is 5 for 10 in bloomington
to which i say... how is that possible?
seriously. SERIOUSLY. it's fucking indiana
i mean, great job hoosiers, but seriously, how did you manage that?
then again, indiana doesn't really have room to boast
especially when you bring up...

indiana: at minnesota
sweet and holy jesus is this a funny series
there's nothing like the two perennially terrible teams duking it out
even though there's a couple multi–year gaps in this set of games,
indiana hasn't won at minnesota since 1993,
and they're a pitiful 2 for 6 in minneapolis
again, it's not like the humphrey dome was the most intimidating environment
i don't know that i have any more words to dedicate to this one
it feels like picking on little kids
speaking of being picked on...

minnesota: at purdue
[i was tempted to make this one at wisconsin instead,
but i'm trying to keep this to schools these teams should be able to beat, but can't]
minnesota and purdue are roughly equal as far as football has been concerned,
but man, if there's one place minnesota can never get traction, its at purdue
sure, the gophers have lost at the big house a shit ton [like everyone else]
and have had recent issues at camp randall,
but c'mon, they should at least able to make something happen in west lafayette
but no
instead, they've gone a spectacularly horrendous 2 for 10 playing at purdue
i know minnesota's had it issues recently, but so has purdue
you'd think there'd be more equity in their respective mediocrity
but then you'd be wrong, you wrong person, you
besides, purdue has to have stumbled somewhere along the line too, yeah?
yes indeed, and it just happens to be...

purdue: at iowa
yeah, we're not the only ones that faceplant at kinnick
but unlike us, purdue has been playing iowa for twice as long
and thus has the funnier fail streak
the last time purdue won at iowa was '92, and the time before that was '79
which makes them 2 for the past 13 at kinnick
man do those iowans love their streaks or what?
again, no words, just... damn, that's sad
so much for being the 'spoilermakers', huh?
actually, yes, because...

ohio state: at purdue
i'm pretty sure every big ten fan relishes this particular gem
ohio state has lost 4 times at purdue in the past decade,
whereas their second highest loss total is at wisconsin, where they've lost twice
no one seems to know the logic behind this one
this year ohio state was down, but still should've probly won
in 2009 they were fucking undefeated at ranked #7
in 2004 they just didn't show up to play,
and in 2000 they were 5–1 and ranked #12
there's no logical way purdue manages to beat them,
and yet, there it is for all to see
talk about embarrassing,
which just happens to lead me to...

penn state: at ohio state
this one is REALLY the one that really boggles the mind
penn state, the most successful big ten school of the past 50 years,
champions of the mid–atlantic, heaviest of the heavy hitters,
and they've won OHIO in columbus in my lifetime, out of nine tries
what the fuckin' fuck?
how could the buckeyes have that ridiculous of a streak against penn state?
how is that even possible? i just... there has to be... i mean—GODDAMN IT
this one makes so little sense it hurts my head
christ on a bike, penn state, this is just pathetic
though there are more pathetic things out there, e.g....

illinois at: illinois
if any team has a confusion–inducing home–loss tendency, it would the illini
i dunno how they do it, i really don't
while they've had problems with big ten road games [like most teams],
they've only won nine b1g home games since 2006
NINE
in that same time span, here's how other teams have fared at home against b1g teams:
msu 16, wisconsin 21, michigan 14, indiana 7, ohio state 20 [16 after vacated wins]
i can't believe illinois only got two more wins than indiana in that stretch
oh, and it goes back a lot farther, believe you me
i just don't want to have to count back that far
at any rate, no one beats illinois quite like it beats itself at home

wisconsin: michigan state
as an msu fan, i love this so hard it hurts
not only has wisconsin lost four straight games in east lansing,
they've only won 3 games in east lansing in the past 20 years,
making them a wonderfully paltry 3 out of 10,
and only slightly better than minnesota when it plays purdue
not only does wisconsin have that unfortunate 4 game losing streak,
three of those games have been lost in the final three minutes of the game
2011 it was the td pass in the last four seconds,
2010 it was the td pass 40 seconds before the two minute warning,
2008 it was the last second field goal,
[and 2004 was a 35 blowout]
talk up the badgers all you want before the championship this saturday,
but we all know what happens when the badgers come to town

michigan: ohio state
i didn't really have much of a choice to make with this one
even though michigan has a couple active losing streaks at various b1g stadiums,
none sticks out quite like the one in columbus
regardless of the 7 game losing streak michigan just snapped,
they've had some serious woes at ohio state over the course of my life
how woeful? something to the tune of being 3 for 11 since 1989
yeah, you didn't read that wrong, 3 of 11
i understand that michigan/ohio state is the best and most competitive rivalry out there,
[yeah, every single other yearly rivalry can SUCK. IT.]
but even so, that's quite lopsided
i understand that a rivalry this intense will go back and forth,
but i would've expected better from the winningest program ever
i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin'

also, i'm not doing one for nebraska
mostly because i don't want to
SO THERE

hypervisor

DEAR EVERYONE I GO TO SCHOOL WITH:
we live in michigan
most of you are from michigan
many more have spent a significant amount of time in michigan [e.g. me]
as such, i am utterly baffled by your anger at the weather
it is ALWAYS this cold in mid–november
it ALWAYS snows way before thanksgiving
and there's ALWAYS a few times when it snows randomly in the middle of the day
so why the FUCK are you constantly so angry about it?
you are more than powerless when it comes to the weather,
so what good is bitching gonna do?
seriously, this happens EVERY FUCKING YEAR
why is it always a fresh bout of hell every fall?
so please, at the risk of sounding like an angry and intolerant man,
shut the hell up and quit your bitching
it's michigan, this is it how it goes, get over it
christ

now that i got that out of the way,
[sweet and holy jesus, girl sitting in front of me
shut the fuck up right now
no one cares how cold you are]
today is going to be a random mashup
because why the fuck not?
i'm not gonna throw any links up today, though
because i don't really want the random spamming to continue
but, rest assured that my reporting is accurate


today i found out that there is a mountain range completely under an ice sheet
it's called the gamburtsev range [stress on the first syllable],
and it's roughly the size of the alps
they're roughly 4 kilometers below the antarctic ice sheet,
and scientists believe they are over a billion [!] years old
based on the studies they've undertaken the past seven years,
said scientists believe they were originally created from 'rodinia',
the supercontinental precursor to pangæa
[rodinia comes from the words 'rodina' (mother) and 'rodit' (to give birth)]
then, as the supercontinent changed over the millenia,
stresses and erosion cut down the mountain range's size,
which was then rejuvenated with continental separation and warming trends
as glaciers began to retreat, and the continents continued to shift,
the gamburtsevs got buried under a 2.5 mile thick layer of ice,
where it currently resides today
cool, no?
also, they've found lakes down there too
the closest one to the gamburtsevs is called 'lake vostok'
[i love how much russian is involved with these mountains]

random segue #1
direct quote from classmates regarding two kirk cousins articles in the state news:
girl: "i liked him a lot more before he got all religious and stuff"
guy: "yeah, i know, he went all tebow on us. he tebowed us!"
[for the record,
kirk cousins has been a deeply religious guy his entire time at msu
just cuz you didn't pay attention to it doesn't mean it randomly sprouted up
plus, from post game comments and conferences i've seen him in,
he's more likely to give credit for sports success to dantonio and his teammates, not god
he doesn't view msu as 'god's team' or that the football team is for proselytizing,
he just has a deep faith and is vocal about its impact on his life
and believe you me, he isn't going tebow
i haven't seen any chapters/verses written on kirk's eye black
can't say the same for ol' timmy boy]

back to sports
two years ago, msu's women's basketball team recruited a girl named madison williams
a 6'7" center from detroit county day,
she's was michigan's 2010 gatorade player of the year,
and made usa today's second–team all–america team
thus, she was a huge recruit for them to get
then, at the beginning of last season, she tore her right acl
she ended up sitting out the season and redshirting
cut to this season:
having recovered from her injury and surgery, and wearing a brace on her right knee,
she gets the starting center job
then, only three games into the season, she goes down and tears her left acl
and is again done for the season and will again need surgery
talk about a terrible bout of luck
i hope she can stay injury free next year
our team will really need her

speaking of basketball,
apparently the nba lockout continues unabated
i'll be the first to admit that i'm not following it,
and also that i don't give even a hundredth of a shit about it
i've never liked professional basketball, so i'm not missing out on anything
also, it feels like everyone involved is just trying to show up the nfl
after football's months–long lockout that had everyone on pins and needles,
i guess the nba was feeling left out and wanted to get some attention
news flash, pro basketball:
college basketball is better, and way more people watch it
believe me when i say that you won't be missed if you forgo this season
personally i'd prefer if you did, but that's just me

also, i just read an article correlating intelligence and heavy drinking
from what i've been able to glean from the actual articles
[which were surprisingly difficult to find]
cognitive function can be a latent factor in how often you drink
this finding is the result two decades–long studies, one in the uk and one in the us
they controlled for a huge number of demographic variables [even life satisfaction],
and found that intelligent children are more likely to develop a propensity to drink heavily
in the british study,
they found that 'dull' children are much less likely to develop that same propensity
children considered 'very dull' were .5 below standard deviation for frequent drinking,
while children considered very bright were .4 above s/d
and that result was found in both studies for all ages groups
seriously, an almost 1 pt difference between dumb and brilliant kids
when they came back to those same british kids decades later,
they found that differential had stayed virtually the same
the american results basically mirror that finding,
the only difference being that 'very bright' children were only about .25 above s/d
beyond all the pop–psychology bullshit nonsense this will foster,
there are some very interesting implications that can come out of these findings
i can't wait to see the follow up studies

IN OTHER NEWS:
a texan invented deep fried beer
deep. fried. beer.
apparently it's a bit of guinness in middle of a pretzel dough ball,
which is then dunked in 375º oil for about 20 seconds,
as repugnant as this sounds, i want to try it
anyone up for a texas road trip?

here's a fun fact:
in the last five days,
call of duty's latest iteration has grossed almost $800 MILLION dollars
...are you fucking kidding me?
it's a first person shooter that [to me] doesn't look that different from the other two
and not only is it the third modern warfare game,
it's the eighth call of duty game
sweet jesus, how many war fps can we possibly need?
call me a snob [or an idiot or what have you],
but need more than just some contrite, semi–futuristic plot to satisfy my needs as a gamer
i mean, come on, it's only set four years from now,
and it's set during world war III [...really? you're that unoriginal, activision?]
if you're gonna get an fps, get one that brings something unique to gamplay
like left4dead, half–life, portal, bioshock, fallout, SOMETHING ELSE
don't just settle for yet another call of duty game

i'm sure there's more i could cover,
but class is over and i'm hungry


ADDENDUM:
apparently i was wrong
theory #2 wasn't confirmed,
considering this post went through the roof too
i'm not sure what the hell is going on, but i don't like it

logomania

i have no idea why this is a goddamn story,
but bob kraft is pissed off at rob gronkowski
why? because he took a photo [yes, it's sfw] with a porn actress [relax, it's to espn]
those of us with any semblance of maturity will probly respond with "...so?"
but i must remind you folks, and i cannot stress this enough
bob kraft has no such sense
in all his years as owner of the patriots [full since '94, partial since '85],
he's been prone to childish and boorish behavior
partially because he's, ya know, bob kraft
so this whole 'blown out of proportion' thing shouldn't come as a surprise

the short version of this latest debacle is this:
gronkowski went to the university of arizona,
said porn start [bibi jones] went to the self–same university,
and apparently they have a mutual friend or two
since porn stars are regular people two, bibi's a fan of football
[or, at the very least, a fan of his]
so they posed for a couple photos while they were both in arizona,
and she posted them to her twitter account
because [unsurprisingly] she has more followers than he does
i dunno about you guys,
but i think his only lapse in judgment is the way he posed
he kinda looks like a broski douchebag
which seems to be a recurring theme


in other news, i find myself in a listy mood
i also find myself wanting to talk about football again
so, in the spirit of compromise, i'll do both
cuz who doesn't love a nice, clear cut, rage inducing list?
so let's get to it

today i shall be presenting the 10 best college logos, but with a twist:
no words, no letters, just actual logos [so no block m, no ou, no block s, &c]
why, you might ask?
because i appreciate and value creativity,
and what better way to show it by having an instantly recognizable symbol?
so, i took a good hard romp through division 1 [fbs and fcs]
to bring you the best non–word logos
[note: i will be including logos that include words if they are also used without
for example, missouri's logo is used both with and without the block m
thus, i could include the second one (even though it has writing at the bottom)
also, if a logo includes writing in it, but it is not the focal point of the logo,
it will also be considered a straight up logo (like maryland]
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:


honorable mentions:
siu edwardsville, southeastern louisiana, niu, youngstown state, and eastern washington
chances are that you haven't seen most of these logos before,
but that doesn't diminish their value
sometimes the best things languish in obscurity,
and that certainly holds true for these logos
siu e's logo is really slick, surprisingly so for such a small school [it's a cougar, btdubs]
s/e louisiana's is by far the best lion logo i've seen in division I
i give niu props because their husky is not only stylized,
it actually looks like the animal it's supposed to be
[as opposed to, say, kansas state's wildcat or delaware's hen]
eastern washington took a cue from wazzu and made their logo their acronym,
but they managed to make theirs look better
and finally, how can you not love a school who's mascot is a penguin?
especially one wearing a scarf and hat?


DA LIST:
#10 – san jose state
again, this is a logo you may not have seen before
but damn does it look cool
i think it's the mix of influence and originality that does it for me
there's obviously a little bit of influence from usc and msu in there
[especially since they made this iteration in 2000]
but they also took strides to make it their own,
like giving it sharper, more precise edges, and using both colors in the plume
the only real downside for sjsu is that their teams aren't particularly notable
which means they don't have much brand recognition
so for now, they'll have to take comfort in knowing their logo is bitchin'

#9 – arizona state
of all the redone logos of the past decades,
arizona state's is, in my opinion, the most successful
the previous sparky logo was really just kinda weird [and that mustache? creepy]
but the new trident is just sweet
what makes it work it is that they based it on a simple design,
and didn't go nuts with the embellishments
plus, they went back to a two–color scheme, which makes it much easier on the eyes
[cuz more colors can be a bit much, right florida and uab?
overall, it's a sleek design that'll go a long way
plus, it looks BADASS on their new football uniforms

#8 – usf
i've always been a sucker for cleverly used letters and words in logos,
and this one is by far one of the very best
it's not exactly subtle, but it looks great, and that's all you can really hope for
i think what makes it so good is the fact that they didn't anthropomorphize the bull
they could've made it more bull–like like buffalo,
[which, by the way, is a great logo in its own right]
but i think they made the right choice in encorporating the 'u'
in a league with such bland logos as syracuse and rutgers
usf's really stands out
plus, if usf football keeps it's meteoric rise going
we're gonna start seeing it everywhere

#7 – mizzou
regardless of what league or sport you follow
there is no lack of sports teams with tiger logos
which means that we are flooded with every stupid tiger logo ever made
but the one that always stood out to me was mizzou's
first off, it actually looks like a tiger
and secondly, it actually looks good
those two characteristics are notably lacking in most of the other tigers
plus, it looks like it's out for blood
[as opposed lsu's old one, which looks vaguely retarded
or memphis's, which looks like it's playing with something]
i have a little less to say about this one than the others,
but my liking mainly comes down to the fact that it just works

#6 – uconn
again, there are a number of huskies in the world of sports
but none so iconic as that beautiful blue husky of uconn
every college basketball fan in the country knows this logo,
especially during my lifetime,
in which men's/women's teams won 8 of the last 13 national championships
which is fucking absurd [in the good way]
the husky itself is a just a great work of art
they kept the stylizing muted, they bucked the trend of 'angry eyes'
[which has gotten RIDICULOUS in the past ten years
in what universe to dolphins, ducks, and chickens have angry eyes?]
and they threw in a nice splash of red to accent the blue and white
maybe it's because i was born and raised a huskies fan,
but uconn has one of the best animal logos out there

#5 – florida state
this logo is my main reason for involving that exception of included writing
cuz what greatest logos list would be complete without the seminoles?
college football fans will immediately recognize this one,
thanks in no small part to fsu's reign of dominance in the '90s
the screaming seminole is as cool as it is uniquethe facepaint, the hair feather with the school name
and the incorporation of the colors combine to make a really sweet look
plus, the more unique a logo is, the more it sticks in your mind
and instant recognition goes a long way towards distinguishing good from great
it was also one of the only native american logos to survive the ncaa axe
[unlike chief illinwek and the fighting sioux]
leaving florida state as one of the only remaining acceptable logos
and i, for one, and sure glad they did

#4 – southern california
reticent as i am to admit it,
usc's trojan makes it here by virtue of it's exceptional athletic history
every football fan has seen this logo at some point,
probly during a usc beatdown of their favorite team
its been that way since the early 1970s
and has had some of the best staying power of any college logo
it's design can be a bit dizzying at times [especially if you stare at it too long]
but there's no getting by the classic design
it really raised the bar in logo design
and it's influence can be seen in any number of helmet logos to this day
hard to beat a pedigree like that

#3 – michigan state
again, this may be a little bit biased
but again, it's one that college basketball fans will instantly recognize
along with an ever–growing college football fanbase
what makes the spartan helmet work so well is the clean-cut design:
one color, sharp edges, and a simple design with a few well–chosen stylish accents
[and, by the way, it looks just as good in white
the only other logo i can think of that looks good in two different colors is iowa]
it stands out in a way that few logos do,
AND it's one of the oldest helmet logos still in use
in fact, the original spartan helmet was created in 1965
a full six years before the usc trojan
[i have no idea if msu's influenced the creating of usc's at all,
but in my own mind, i like to think it did]
and this one's been in use since 1977
and there's just no escaping its brilliance

#2 – clemson
i have to put clemson high on this,
because seriously, this logo is fucking brilliant
while other colleges spent their time and energy making weird looking tigers,
clemson decided one up them all and use an actual tiger to make theirs
they took a mold of a paw print from tiger at a nearby zoo,
and used that as the basis for their logo
and i gotta say, it looks great
even with all the little lines around the edges of the print,
it's simple design makes it one of the best
everyone and their brother has used this logo at some point it seems
even mid michigan youth football programs have it on their helmets
if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,
then clemson should feel pretty goddamn flattered

#1 – penn state
yup, i did it
i forewent texas, florida, kansas state, and iowa for the nittany lions
and i don't give a shit
if you've watched college football in the past EVER, you know this logo
even if you're only a casual observer, you've seen it crop up
and damn is it a good one
like the best designs, it uses only two colors
and the design is simple with a few choice embellishments
it's far and away the best big cat logo out there,
[which does actually put it up against some stiff competition]
and represents one of the most visible and well–known athletic schools
couple all that with being unchanged for the past 30 years,
and you've got yourself a winning formula
for me, there is no other number one but penn state

[btdubs, this list took a metric shit–tonne of time to put together
i think i might've set a personal record with it
i started it four days ago]

LET IT [the screaming] BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!

grungy

can you say weird news week? cuz i can
WEIRD NEWS WEEK
—Mu'ammar al–Qaddafi is either dead, captured, or both
—after months of angry stonewalling, carson palmer finally got traded
—legal teams from the uk and us are argued the declaration of independence's legality
—some random guy in ohio had a 50+ menagerie of wild animals on his farm
—israeli soldier gilad shalit was released after 5 years in a palestinian prison
—nicholas sarkozy is the first french president to have a child during his term
—eta has declared a ceasefire to its armed resistance campaign [!]
methinks some crazy shit is going down

i'm gonna go ahead and deviate wildly from my last blog topic
and talk about music for a tic
mostly because i don't care much about what's happening in football this week
[beyond the carson palmer trade, which just made me confused,
nothing of note has really happened]
so instead, i'm going to proffer a list and some opinions,
cuz really, why not?
if you've stuck with me and continued reading my rants,
you either enjoy my opinions or are continuously enraged by them
so i might as well keep exploiting whichever emotion keeps you coming back

as some of you may know
[and as you all will shortly be made aware if you don't]
one of my favorite musical genres is grunge
being a child of the 90s and susceptible to my parents' musical tastes
[which, by the way, are fucking AWESOME]
i grew up listening to it,
which is why it holds such a special, unwashed place in my alternative heart
though there have been a plethora of really talented grunge musicians,
the singers are what have always stood out to me
the vocal quality of grunge is unlike most,
and those who really captured it are some of my favorite singers EVAR
and so, i present you with my top five grunge singers, plus honorable mentions
[as a side note, i'm not including any post–grunge singers on this list,
no paul mccoy, ed kowalczyk, kevin matisyn, or shimon ward
because, as much as i love them, there's a reason they're called 'post–grunge'
and this list is about the originals, and not the follow–ups
so yeah, let's get to it]



honorable mention #1: ben mcmillan [gruntruck]
unfortunately for ben, gruntruck is not a band most know
and though i could easily pull out the hipster card of 'i knew of them before you did',
i shan't, because there's no place for trust–fund hipster kids in grunge
but, that doesn't diminish the quality of his singing
gruntruck, like most of my favorite grunge bands, found their influence in metal
which meant that ben had metal–style vocals
i've always been a sucker for that particular brand of grunge,
and though he's not stellar, he has a really solid quality that fit their sound
his style was also pretty influential among later singers
so it's always good to give a nod to pioneers

honorable mention #2: kurt cobain [nirvana]
i can only imagine the shit i'm gonna catch from those with nirvana boners
but i'm gonna stick by this, because fuck you
now, nirvana is considered one of the seminal grunge bands,
and arguably the first to become popular in the mainstream
[though you could make equally strong cases for soundgarden and alice in chains]
though his vocals didn't have much to do with that
yeah, he's got a great rasp to his voice
but he's not a particularly great singer when he needs to be
and he doesn't have the strength needed to carry a good tune
again, it fits his band's sound, but it's not standout
so while i acknowledge his influence [especially his fashion sense]
i can't put him in with the best

now that i've got your dander up, let's get to it


#5: carrie akre [hammerbox]
sad as i am to say it, there really aren't any good female grunge singers
courtney love [hole] was okay for about five minutes before she cracked out
donita sparks [l7]  never really had it
and i've never really been a fan of selene vigil [7 year bitch]
but, there is one gal who can stand toe–toe–toe with the guys: carrie akre
hammerbox was more on the alt–rock side of grunge,
and carrie captured that sound with her style of vocals
and unlike most of her contemporaries, she can actually sing
albeit it with a little too much edge at times
[it's a shame that hammerbox never really found popular success
cuz they're pretty good out of the studio too]
anyway, back to carrie
what i find most endearing about carrie is that, unlike most other grunge musicians,
she kept singing with different bands over the years
which means that she actually grew as a musician when lots of others just quit
you gotta respect someone who's that dedicated to their craft
she may not do much grunge these days, but i'm all right with that

#4: gavin rossdale [bush]
here's the second [or third] choice that's probly gonna get some flared tempers
i, unlike a surprising number of people i know, actually like bush
which means, unlike said number of people, i like gavin rossdale,
and i'll tell you why
like kurt, gavin has a raspy edge to his voice that fits his band perfectly
[although, not unlike eddie, went not–in–the–good–way crazy with their music]
but unlike kurt, he also has the ability to belt with emotion
and, when need be, do both in the same song
i know that bush flamed out kinda fast after they released 'sixteen stone',
but it's hard to deny the talent that gavin has
especially when you couple it with those flowing locks and broody eyes
i will acknowledge that gavin does have some rigidity in his style
notably his inability to not sing the exact same way in most of bush's songs
[not unlike brian johnson of ac/dc]
but damn it, when he's on, he's on

#3: scott weiland [stone temple pilots]
scott, along with my top 2 picks, has one of the quintessential voice of grunge
seriously, when you hear him sing, you always know exactly who it is
whether its one of their most well–known songs
that song that no one fucking remembers the name of
or the song that you always forget is actually them
there's no mistaking scott's voice
what makes scott unique among grunge singers is his versatility
their first album, core, is very much in a heavy metal/hard rock style
while their next album, purple, encorporates a more straightforward rock style
and shangri–la dee da has a more psych rock sound to it
it's rare to find that among singers in general
and scott weiland happens to one of the most successful
unfortunately for us, his absurd drug issues tend to get in the way of it
and his outing with velvet revolver was not nearly as good as stp
but what's a successful rock singer without a drug problem?
as long as he keeps truckin', i'll keep listening

#2: chris cornell [soundgarden]
you've gotta love a guy who comes up with a band name like that
it was a hard decision to put chris a spot above scott,
[and it ultimately came down to the fact that i like soundgarden more]
but i think he deserves
chris is by far the most technically gifted singer on this list
he's got a killer high range like a metal singer,
a great midrange that he doesn't use nearly enough,
a nice sultry low range that crawls under your skin,
he has a great harmonic tone that compliments whoever he sings with,
and he puts them together in a way that'll blow you away
plus, the kicker is that he's been singing that way for damn near 30 years
he's almost 50 now, and sings like a goddamn 28 year old
if i have even half that staying power at anything, i'll consider myself lucky
let me put it this way:
anyone who can sing the shit out of billie jean is pretty fucking awome

#1: layne staley [alice in chains]
anyone who has EVER heard me talk about grunge should have seen this coming
seriously, i never miss a chance to mention how much i love layne staley
even with all the great names on this list,
he stands alone at the top as the most emotionally–resonant singer of the bunch
he knows your insecurities
he speaks to your despair
he makes you feel metal as fuck
he knows why you're angry, reaches out to you, and can even be uplifting
and through it all, he has a tremenedous vocal presence
like ben, alice in chains is very rooted in the metal side of grunge,
and he takes that metal technique to the next level and makes it his own
his sound is as varied as his emotion,
going from a snarling wail to subdued anger all areas in between
even at his most cracked out and psychotic, he sounded great
couple that with the most embattled personality in the scene,
and you've got the consummate grunge singer
[as an addendum,
i have to give lots of props to jerry cantrell
besides being a fucking genius with a guitar,
he also happens have a great voice
and part of what makes layne so great is his ability to harmonize with jerry
there was no better singing tandem in rock than those two]


so that's mah list
commence the screamings

theismann for heisman

football fun fact:
there exists a player named joe theismann
maybe you've heard of him
he's considered to be the best quarterback the redskins ever had,
along with one of the best qbs from notre dame
he also happens to have a name that rhymes perfectly with 'heisman'
coincidence? not so much
his name was originally pronounced theez–man [rhymes with 'cheese man']
but, due to his stellar senior year
a pr guy for notre dame told him to change his name's pronunciation
thus creating the wonderful slogan 'theismann for heisman' [he didn't win, btdubs]
incidentally, 'theez-man' isn't the correct pronunciation at all
since his father was austrian,
the original german pronnunciation is almost the same as the current one
tice [as in 'vice]–mahn
his name'spronunciation has been just one long circular route back to square one
that's why i'm glad my name is monosyllabic


there are days, truly,
where i feel i'm the only person who doesn't give a flying fuck about the heisman
maybe it's just my disinclination towards mvp awards,
[i'm not a fan of the superbowl mvp either]
but i'm not overly impressed by people who win the heisman
don't get me wrong, i respect their accomplishments
especially since winning the heisman often coincides with breaking records,
but the speculation over it is, in a word, INSANITY
so let's take a gander at why it's gone off the deep end

with the heisman, as with every meritorious achievement these days
is subject to intense public scrutiny and speculation
people looooooooove to predict things,
and with the vast and wonderful interwubs at their disposal
[along with airwaves, tv shows, and random shouting on blogs (ME!)]
anyone can spout off to any degree about their inscrutable analysis
and so, we are left with a glut of people deciding something they have no say in,
which, as it always does, ruins it for the rest of us

the biggest thing that gets me is the week–by–week 'heisman watch'
while espn is the worst about it, they are FAR from the only one
every idiot following college football seems to do it,
and to me, it's absurd, unfair, and really unwarranted
i'm all for mentioning heisman–worthy statistics and playmaking abilities
but come on
weekly heisman predictions? preseason heisman predictions?
entire blogs of nothing but heisman predictions?
do you really have nothing better to do with your lives?
[i say while blogging about football during class]

beyond being exceptionally annoying,
where does all this heisman predicting go awry?
i'll tell you where: intrinsically
players, just like normal people, are not predictable
you can't expect someone to live up to lofty expectation out of the gate
and usually, the people who win aren't the expected ones
cam newton won last year after transferring from a junior college
[a terrible example, i know, but it works in this instance]
carson palmer was terrible his first three years at usc
barry sanders didn't even start his first two years at oklahoma state
and i could go on and on
point is, there's really no statistic or scientific way to predict who's gonna make it
case in point: denard robinson

[just for the record, this isn't gonna be bashing example
or a biased one, fully disclosing my michigan state fandom
merely one that proves my point]

so at the start of the 2010 season,
denard robinson had one year of play at michigan under his belt
and it was underwhelming to say the least
[10 games played, 14 completions/188 yds, 69 runs/409 yds, 5 tds
basically he was a decent backup running back]
so after winning the starting qb job,
he proceeds to blow the fuck up on michigan's first four opponents
he set a school record for 197 rushing yards by a qb at the opener against uconn
he put of 502 yards [258 rushing/244 passing] of offense at notre dame
[breaking his own record in the process]
and managed to rack up 930 rushing/1008 passing yards in 5 games

by all accounts,
he was putting up heisman numbers
sports media was falling all over themselves to praise him
and most had declared him to be the heisman heir apparent,
even better at rushing than the previous year's heisman winner, mark ingram jr.
but, all them media folk forgot one crucial common denominator for heisman winners:
not only are they good,  but their team is good too
and that is something michigan, in a word, wasn't

after torching the defenses of five woefully overmatched teams,
michigan actually had to compete on the conference level
[indiana, umass put up more of a fight than you,
so i'm not including you in that latter category]
and, unlike the predictions, denard and michigan fell flat
in those last 8 games [since, praise be, they actually made it to a bowl game]
he put up about 800 more rushing yards and 1400 more passing yards
while his performance took a dive, his team basically flatlined
and allowed so many points that their one–dimensional offense couldn't keep up
and ultimately, he finished middle of the pack:
he was ranked 7/10 at the passing game,
was 6/10 on passing efficiency,
and was 7/10 on scoring,
though he did top the conference in rushing and all–purpose yards
in short, though he had a good season,
it wasn't heisman worthy
so much for that, right?

the worst part about that wasn't even his performance decline
it was his utter abandonment at the hands of the sports media
they dropped him faster than [insert analogy here]
they went from doing heisman spotlights/interviews with him one week
and literally two weeks later there was nary a word about him
all heisman discussion about him had all but evaporated
and he was left out to dry
that's a pretty shitty thing to do to a 20 y/o kid
especially when everyone does it at once

does anyone ever stop to think about that?
these are generally 19–22 y/o kids they're talking about
they put amazing amounts of pressure on them due to the coverage,
and hold them to lofty, often impossible standards
add on the pressure of having to appease a rabid fanbase
[in michigan's case, a nationwide one that's EXTREMELY vocal
see: the hunt for richrod's replacement]
and this kid could've been eaten alive
in his case, the fact that he's continued to perform is to his credit
but can you imagine what would've happened if he didn't?
if he'd fallen completely flat after those first four games?
he'd have been run out of ann arbor by a goddamn mob
and would've endured week after week of story about his failures
[this is michigan fans and the sports media we're talking about
so it's a guarantee that it would've happened]
it'd be enough to make me stop playing


basically, my disdain for coverage of the heisman trophy is absolute
but it's time now to dissect the other half of that particular pie:
the heisman winners themselves
if one thing seems to be true for football players, it's this
you either among the elite in college or pro
not both

to date there have been 75 award winners
[archie griffin has the distinction of having won the heisman twice in consecutive years]
and you'd think that the heisman would be their stepping stone to greatness
well, you'd be wrong
it took 13 years before the heisman trophy produced a standout nfl player
that player would be doak walker, known for the [college] trophy that bears his name
from the 1935 to 1966, only 7 winners played on championship–winning teams
since then, only 6 have played on superbowl–winning teams
only 8 of those winners have been inducted into the pro football hall of fame
[one of whom happens to be a convicted felon]
and finally, only 11 winners have won other prestigious awards while in the nfl
of the 75 winners, 32 of them have gone on to have any sort of notable pro career
that leaves 43 that either didn't amount to anything,
did bother having a pro football career,
or were simply consigned to medicrity

while this might seem like a specious argument,
winning the heisman doesn't translate into pro success
think of some of the most successful pros of the past two decades
tom brady, peyton manning, randy moss, ben roethlisberger
ray lewis, clay matthews, kurt warner, jerry rice, brett favre, rod woodson,
even older names like terry bradshaw, kenny stabler, joe greene,
mike singletary, emmitt smith, walter payton, jim brown, bruce smith
classics such as jack lambert, jim brown, eric dickerson, dan marino, dan fouts,
night train lane, deion sanders, joe montana, warren moon, and lawrence taylor
and again, i could go on and on
most of them had great college careers too
but they weren't considered the 'best'

all in all, what i'm trying to say is this
let the process be what it is
speculate if you want, but for fuck's sake, don't get carried away with it
and goddamn it, wait until november before you start spouting off predictions
but more generally, just fucking enjoy football, would you please?
turning it into a predicition contest ruins it for the rest of us


UP NEXT:
fuck if i know

big ten, y u do dis?!

part three of footballrage™ is brought to you by:
–drinking coffee way too early in the morning
–not giving a shit about valence shells and solar absorption
–a surplus of things to rage about
–pitiful desires to make you pay attention to me

a quick side note before we begin:
how is msu not in the ap top 25 this week?
they're sitting atop their big ten division at 4–1 alongside michigan
they've played two quality teams in the past three weeks
[and, admittedly, got completely owned by one of them]
and they don't even crack the 25 stop?
texas a&m is sitting at 24 at 2–2 after back to back blowouts after being ahead?
florida state is at the same win total after being uncompetitive in both their big games?
c'mon now
i understand that the ohio state score was 'only' 10–7
but we still beat ohio state AT columbus
the last team to do that was usc in 2009
and hasn't been done by a big ten team since penn state in 2008
[which, by the way, was by a score of 13–6]
all i'm saying is, give them some fucking credit, would ya please?
and now, to the main attraction




DA B1G
[yes, i realize that i'm being a dick spelling it that way,
get over it, cuz i don't give a damn]
the big ten is the ONLY fbs conference to not be involved in realignment shenanigans
every other conference has gotten involved in one way or other
but the big ten has remained ignorantly above the fray
why?
because everyone else is rabble, and the big ten is STUPID

i have no idea if i ever put my rage on teh blogzorz for everyone to see
[turns out i did, but in a muted way]
but i've never cared for the big ten's decision to invite nebraska in
and by that, i mean i was consumed by confusion and annoyance
it was a move that was universally applauded by the sports media
and even the other schools
but i never fucking got it
yeah, nebraska has a rich football history
yeah, it's by far the most popular thing in the state of nebraska
[next to their fervent zeal for any and all things corn]
and yeah, it's a new tv market for the big ten
but seriously? nebraska

granted,
much of my disdain may be over the fact that they,
LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING TEAM IN THE GODDAMN FBS
have red/white uniforms
[yes, i know it's officially 'scarlet' and cream',
however, they use neither, so they can go jump off a cliff]
but ultimately, i just don't think it was the best get for us

consider:
the big ten is as much a cultural and academic a conference as it is athletic
something no other conference can say
all 11 members are members of the american association of universities
[see what i did there?]
easily the most prestigious research colloquium in the united states
nebraska happened to be a member of the aau, but guess what?
they weren't in good standing with the rest of the institutions
and actually became the first school to get kicked the fuck out
not only did the chancellor say that it was ten years coming,
he also said that nebraska's aau membership was the factor that got them accepted
so, if it's true the big ten only gave nebraska the time of day because they were in the aau,
since they're no longer a part of it,
does that mean we can redact and rescind their big ten membership?
consider also:
the big ten is firmly rooted in the midwest
and its universities very closely reflect midwestern culture
nebraska can hardly be considered midwestern
it's a fucking plains state [again, see what i did there?]
i know that geographic cohesion has barely bothered other conferences,
but i feel like if any conference valued that, it would be the big ten

at any rate, we are now stuck with the huskers
[NOT big red; cornell is big red, you guys are huskers
they got their first, so back the fuck off]
and, since every other conference hopping on the realignment bandwagon
everyone seems to be wondering when the big ten will
despite jim delany [big ten conference commish] repeatedly saying:
we are not expanding
which, by the way, is the right response to all this bullshit nonsense
apparently, unlike every other conference in the goddamn fbs,
the big ten actually values its members, and values them equally
which means they won't just jump into the realignment rumors on a whim

by the way, i dunno if anyone's noticed
not only has the big ten not been involved in any realignment
none of the big ten teams have been targeted by other conferences
[and no, the penn state to the acc rumor doesn't count
because a–it's a fucking rumor, and b–why would they step down to the acc?]
that really says a lot about conference cohesion, dontcha think?]

for the sake of arguing [which i so love to do]
let's take a look at some of the 'proposed' expansion teams
mostly so i can point out the stupidity of others
because honestly, when isn't that fun?

and just so i can get this off my chest and move on with my life:
why in FUCK's name would the big ten get rutgers?
since when is rutgers is a valuable commodity?
the only thing going for it is their aau membership
[and i do mean only]
their football is terrible, their basketball is the posterchild for mediocrity
and for fuck's sake, it's in new jersey
if ever there was a place you don't want to expand to
it's fucking new jersey
[...my new england disdain for the mid atlantic might be showing a bit]

all right, let's take a gander at some of the more seriously rumored schools:
louisville, kansas, kansas state, syracuse, pitt,
kentucky, uconn, rutgers [hah just kidding], texas, oklahoma
notre dame, iowa state, cincinnati, virginia tech
let's start with the more obviously bad choices

first up: the big east schools
–pitt and syracuse are no longer an option
[truth be told, i'm not sure how pitt would fit in, or even if they would]
–louisville is only good at basketball, and the big ten needs more than that
–kentucky would be a great basketball addition, but that's it
–uconn, beyond being too far away, is great at basketball but that's it
[it hurts to type that, but it's true: uconn football is sporadic at best; see last season]
–cincy doesn't really have competitive sports teams or good market share
–only uconn and would be academically on par with the big ten as a 'public ivy'
–of these, pitt has the best all–around athletics department

[my feelings on pitt in the big ten are surprisingly conflicted
like i said before, they are a great school with great athletics
but also like i said before, you have to really make a splash
while pitt is a good catch, it's in a state the big ten already has access too
and most pixburghers who watch college football already watch penn state
the only way i can see pitt working seamlessly in the big ten is with west virginia
but, i'll address that later]

our next batch: the big twelve/ten/nine/eight[?] schools
–texas? really? we've been through this, big ten, and it ain't gonna happen
[despite how well texas compares to big ten schools]
–oklahoma's football would be the only plus
[academically, they'd be like high school junior taking 300 level college courses]
–iowa state is consistently mediocre at most sports
–kansas would be a great basketball addition, but that's it
[certainly seems to be a pattern, doesn't it?]
–kansas state's success is passing, and everyone knows it [them included]
–kansas, iowa state, texas, and mizzou are the only aau members
–only texas and mizzou field competitive teams in multiple sports on a yearly basis

finally, the hodgepodge: notre dame, virginia tech, rutgers others?
–hah, rutgers
–notre dame is by far the most sought after among potential candidates,
[but at this point it's like chasing a snooty prom queen who thinks you're grody]
–what possible reason could virginia tech having for jumping ship? c'mon now


now that i got tha out of my system,
let's switch gears and engage in a hypothetical:
imagine, if you will, the big ten does decide to expand again
it's extremely likely they will push for two teams,
not only to retain even numbers,
but also to increase overall competitiveness
what, then, are they to do?
the big twelve is literally falling apart faster than anyone can patch it
the big east is being raided harder than coastal france was to the vikings
and the sec and acc are actively pushing for bigger conferences
though the big ten is more than secure in its current membership,
it decides to be proactive about the future,
and not watch the football landscape change without them
thus, they are stuck figuring out just who in fuck's name to invite
if i was writing this a year[ish] ago, there'd be no doubt:
you get mizzou, hands down, and go to 12 members
if i was writing this a month ago, there'd still be no doubt:
you get pitt and west virginia to round up to 14
but, since those particular pipe dreams were rudely interrupted
[FUCK YOU ACC]
the only two logical choices you have are west virginia and mizzou
let's explore

i'll give mizzou the first nod, since they were my original choice
off the bat, i'll say that i have no problem ganking yet another team from the big twelve
[FUCK YOU, MAAAAAN]
especially since they don't seem to care about their own at all
god knows that would change
also, mizzou fits much better into the big ten on all levels than nebraska does
it's actually a midwestern state [though admittedly at the western extreme]
AND it's already got a 114 year old rivalry [the 'arch rivalry', get it?] with illinois
along with its 118 year old rivalry with nebraska
that's a pretty good transition, if you ask me

in a nutshell, their athletics are pretty solid compared with the big ten teams
they're almost akin to a big 8/big twelve version of wisconsin
football has a .545 overall record, won 12 bowl games and a national championship
men's basketball has about 1450 wins all time, and regularly plays in the ncaa tourney
they field 18 varsity teams, just a little below big ten average
it plays near two major tv markets [all big ten teams are near at least one]
fielded teams in other non–revenue sports are all relatively competitive,
but that's just one side of the coin
mizzou is also a member of the aau [in good standing, too, i might add]
they've got nationally ranked schools of journalism, law, and medicine
they're would be the third oldest school in the big ten, founded in 1839
and was the first land–grant school west of the mississippi
it has an endowment of almost $1 billion [which is almost dead last for the big ten]
basically, it's dead on par with the big ten schools in almost every way

it may just be me, but that's a pretty impressive rundown
god knows most schools don't have all that in one [looking at you, nebraska]
it just feels like mizzou would fit right in with the rest of the big ten schools
plus, given its athletic history with illinois [and, to a lesser degree, iowa],
it's transition to big ten play would be a lot smoother than nebraska's
they've sure as shit got my vote

my other preferred member [god, i sound like a sam's club] is west virginia
the mountaineers are also a very solid all–around athletics university with 17 teams
football has a perfect .600 overall record with 13 bowl wins
[and is actually the winningest fbs program that's never won a national championship]
and, more importantly, has been consistently good for a long time
men's basketball is also very solid, just coming off a big east conference championship
it's also in a surprisingly large tv market,
with large shares of southwestern pa, west virginia, kentucky, ohio, and virginia
obversely, though
they aren't quite up to the same academic level as the rest of the big ten
they aren't a member of the aau,
though they are rated as having  'highl research activity' by the carnegie foundation,
it also has a $400 million endowment, almost half the sizest of the smallest big ten one
admittedly, west virginia is a much better athletic fit than academic fit
but in this case i believe the pros outweight the cons
besides, bringing them to the big ten would reignite their rivalry with penn state
can't go wrong with more rivalry games with the nittany lions


so, yeah
that's what i think
at least i have reasons beyond 'herpderpherp MOARBIG10FUHBAL'
i think those two actually have a genuine chance,
were that hypothetical scenario to come true
unfortunately for mizzou, it doesn't seem too likely
i suppose we'll just have to wait and see



UP NEXT:
realignment rigmarole

dissing the twelve [ten... nine...]

it's time for more hotheaded football bullshit from me
i hope you're fucking ready for it,
cuz i sure as hell am


first up: the big twelve [disrespect intended]
what in FUCK's name is going on over there?
is there something in the beer out there,
or have you all lost your fucking minds simultaneously?
seryusly
i knew there was some serious tension among the schools
[see the last, i dunno, entire league's existence period]
but come on, there has to be a less public way of airing your dirty laundry

the way i've seen it unfold,
there are two main points of contention:
commissioner dan beebe, and the entire goddamn state of texas
we'll start with texas, because when aren't they the fucking problem?

the university of texas at austin is, as you might know, an athletic juggernaut
the longhorns have won almost 50 national championships in all its sports
it has the second–winningest football team ever
is considered the best sports school in the country
and is almost instantly recognizable thanks to that goddamn cow
[is it me, or does bevo look vaguely like a uterus?]
at any rate, texas is considered a college athletics elite
now, the problem here is that they've got egos roughly the size of their state
and it's athletic department, along with the university chancellory
[and, by the way, espn, a huge what–the–fuck on my part]
decided to follow in the steps of the big ten network, but in their own texas way:
they created the 'longhorn network'
a 24–hour sports channel dedicated to, you guessed it, texas sports
while that's all fine and dandy for those of us who leave south of the panhandle,
there's a catch: THE OTHER FUCKING BIG TWELVE SCHOOLS
pesky little bastards, always with a complaint

[quick segue:
the big ten network is the progenitor of conference sports channels
launched in 2007, it covers all sports played by big ten teams
from football all the way down to field hockey
what made it truly revolutionary in the tv realm was its profit–sharing:
every big ten school would receive equal revenue from the big ten network
to the tune of $22.6 MILLION in 2011
while this might strike some among us as pinko commie bullshit,
it proves yet again that the big ten believes in institutional equity
and that all of us make the big ten, not just michigan and ohio state]

back to the longhorn network,
the reason it's been surrounded in such a shitstorm is exceedingly simple:
they would be profitting off other schools without giving them a cut
there is no big 12 network to speak off,
and the current profit–sharing fiasco in the big twelve is, well, a fiasco
schools recoup profits based on the tv share of their games on major sports networks
which, while fair, leads to inequality and resentment
so, when you put that alongside the longhorn network,
you can see why the other 9 schools are pissed off
plus, to top it all off,
espn was trying to secure rights for the big twelve conference game on longhorn network
which means that texas could profit on a game they might not even play in
[like last year's title game of nebraska v. oklahoma]

thus, as the wronged and exploited tend to do,
the other schools of the big twelve pitched a collective bitch fit about it
and, might i add, rightfully so
regardles of how shitty your team may or may not be,
you don't want some elitist jerkoffs making one–sided profits off you
the arrogance of the texas athletic department is just dumbfounding
these people, who make more money than any one else in the big twelve,
would make an even more obscene amount just cuz they wanted to
no wonder no one fucking likes them


in other texas related sports news,
there's the ongoing saga of the texas a&m defection
for those not paying atttention to it,
a&m decided that they wanted the fuck out of the big twelve in a big, big hurry
so about a month ago they began shopping themselves around
their most open flirtations were with the pac 12 and sec,
with the sec becoming their sugar daddy of choice
it seems to me that a&m was taking advantage of the uncertainty
cuz god knows, ever since nebraska and colorado bolted like bats out of hell
[and, truthfully, since well before that]
the big twelve's been on pretty shaky ground
so whether a&m was trying to push it over the precipice,
or simply cutting their losses, we'll never know
at any rate, they decided the sec was their best opportunity,
and so off they went
except, not really

there's always someone who wants to kick you in the groin,
someone who never lets you get what you want
and that someone, in this case, is baylor
yes, that baylor
the one in waco with the 6'8" center on the women's team and ken starr as president
[and yes, that is the ken starr who investigated bill clinton's philandry]
they were so agrieved at a&m's anticipated departure that they threatened to sue
yeah, that's right
they want to sue a&m and the sec for leaving the big twelve
and they've got the backing of virtually all the schools left in the big twelve
[except oklahoma which, surprise surprise, is shopping itself around too]
add in the fact that the a&m ad was not shy about bashing the longhorn network,
and they've got some serious obstacles facing their departure
baylor hasn't backed down on their pledge to sue,
but a&m hasn't backed down on trying to bail the fuck out of the big twelve, either
granted, baylor and the big twelve schools do have legitimate issues,
not the least of which is the prospect of losing yet another big–name program
but either the big twelve or a&m has to cave,
and my bet is that it's the big twelve, and i'll tell you why:
dan beebe


conveniently rounding out my ranting is our second topic:
commissioner dan beebe
possibly the most hated man in athletics west of the mississippi
he's been on the job just over four years,
and he brought earthquakes to an already unstable fault line
he was seen as basically being texas's yes man,
allowing them to do virtually anything they wanted to
[and yes, that does include the creation of the longhorn network]
in addition, he allowed the inequity and frustration to boil over,
culminating in last year's loss of colorado and nebraska on consecutive days
while you could argue that both schools had machinations towards leaving,
that's not something you just allow to happen
for fuck's sake, nebraska's a marquee program, a huge name
i may not like the huskers, but goddamn it they're a keeper if ever there was one
there's so little love for the man,
oklahoma conditioned their non–departure on sacking him
that's right, oklahoma's willing to leave just to get the fuck away that guy
could you imagine being him if oklahoma left?
losing two of the biggest names in college football in one year,
all thanks to your nepotism and ineptitude?
christ, i'd throw myself into a fucking tornado
but, thankfully for us and our sanity,
beebe decided to get out before they showed up with lots of guns,
and reportedly decided last night to beat it the fuck of out the big twelve
i honestly don't know enough about the guy to judge whether this is good or not,
but it'll probly go a long way towards keeping the big twelve together
which, for my sanity's and rage's sake, i hope it does

[UPDATE]
i realized, after writing that last paragraph,
it sounds like oklahoma is a wronged party,
and simply trying to survive in an unfair system
that is WRONG, purely and simply
they're being just as fucking arrogant, if not more so, than texas
they tried beating it to the pac12, the sec,
basically anywhere they felt like they'd be 'valued'
with, btdubs, is complete and utter bullshit
they've been coddled almost as much as texas,
and then turned around and made demands for things instead of asking for them
so basically the big twelve is broken down as follows
texas is arrogantly successful and elitist pack leader
oklahoma is the equally as successful but much bitchier beta male
and then there's fucking everybody else
little wonder why that conference can't keep itself together]


UP NEXT:
acc–essing my inner rage at the acc

akarni

i'm always screaming my lungs out,
till my head starts spinning
playing my songs is the way i cope with life
won't keep my voice down
know the words i speak are the thoughts i think out loud

i like to keep things honest
i'm a safe bet like your life's staked on it, for real
i'd hate to keep you all wondering
i'm constant like the seasons, and i will never be forgotten, man

still got something left to prove
it tends to keep things moving
while everyone around me says my last days are looming overhead
but what the hell do they think they know?
i keep my head above water while they drown in the undertow

if you take it from me,
live your life for yourself
cause when it's all said and done, you don't need anyone else


so let's get back to when everything seemed perfect
not a worry in the world, tell me was it all worth it?
i get what i want, so everyone's always judging me
i'm not afraid of anything, i've got the whole world in front of me.

let's leave no words unspoken
and save regrets for the broken
will you even look back when you think of me?

all i want is a place to call my own
and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low

ici

a woman on the radio talks about revolution
when it's already passed her by
bob dylan didn't have this to sing about,
you know it feels good to be alive

i saw the decade end,
when it seemed the world would change in the blink of an eye
and if anything,
then there's your sign of the times

i was alive and i waited, waited
i was alive and i waited for this
right here, right now, there is no other place i wanna be
right here, right now, watching the world wake up from history

uísque

rye whiskey makes the band sound better,
makes your baby cuter,
makes itself taste sweeter, oh boy
rye whiskey makes your heart beat louder
makes your voice seem softer
makes the back room hotter, oh but

rye thoughts aren't good thoughts, boys
have i ever told you 'bout the time i…

rye whiskey wraps your troubles up
into a bright blue package
ties a bow around it, oh boy
just throw it on the pile in the corner, see
you're not alone in not being alone tonight, but

rye love isn't good love, boys
have i ever told you bout the time i…

i used to wake up bright and early
got my work done quickly,
held my baby tightly, oh boy
rye whiskey makes the sun set faster,
makes the spirit more willing,
but the body weaker, because

rye sleep isn't good sleep, boys
have i ever told you bout the time i
took it, and took her for granted?
how i took it and took her for granted?
so let's take some and take them all for granted,
oh boy

nehéz

now i've come to cry
shed your skin to rest my naked eye, and criticize,
all that i implore
seems to be one foot outside that door,
coming between me and waking

underneath the corset of your mystery
piece by piece, undress you from your history
i'm sleeping with seclusion in sweet disarray

born unto this pride,
silence is something you can't hide
you can't deny us,
nothing has been said,
yet so many words have filled my head
now they completely surround me

tie the lines of honest conductivity,
caught between the center of our gravity
i don't have that much time to burn anymore

you can go heavy on me,
and i will not weigh you down
you can be steady and clean,
i can take it
heavy on me, and i will not weigh you down

dunnaschda

all of my life i've tried so hard
doing my best with what i had
nothing much happened all the same

something about me stood apart
a whisper of hope that seemed to fail
maybe i'm born right out of my time
breaking my life in two

sometimes i cried my heart to sleep
shuffling days and lonesome nights
sometimes my courage fell to my feet

lucky old sun is in my sky
nothing prepared me for your smile
lighting the darkness of my soul
innocence in your arms

throw me tomorrow,
now that i've really got a chance
throw me tomorrow,
everything's falling into place
throw me tomorrow
seeing my past to let it go
throw me tomorrow
only for you i don't regret
that i was thursday's child

monday, tuesday, wednesday, born i was
monday, tuesday, wednesday, born i was
thursday's child

üzüntü

circle of sorrow, let me come in
your secret affair was whispered in there
don't charge me a fare to go back home
it's familiar to me, i'll go it alone

don't try to walk me, but lead me and see
my will is strong, but my heart is weak
hide in the shadows, i'll find you there
fall from the heavens, and i'll catch you in the air

and you'll find a home with me
oh, you'll find a home, with me

hide in the shadows, i'll find you there
fall from the heavens, i'll find you in the air
wait by the river that flows to the sea
swim in the water, that brought you home to me

and, you'll find a home, with me
you'll find a home, with me

circle of sorrow, let me come in
your secret affair was whispering there
don't charge any money to go back home
it's familiar to me, i'll go it alone

but you'll find a home here with me
i said you'll find a home, with me

wait by the river that flows to the sea
oh, swim in the water that brought you home to me
hide in the shadows, i'll find you there
fall from the heavens, and i'll catch you in the air

oh you'll find a home with me
you'll find a home, right here with me