this may be a shock to some of your systems,
so i urge, in the strongest possible terms,
listen to each video at your own discretion
in my never ending quest for good metal bands,
i end up looking through tons of wikipedia articles
and one of the bands i came across had a cool name
[i'm a sucker for well–named things]
so i look into them, and they're listed as being 'gothic rock'
normally this is not my cup of brutal, metallic tea
but i figured i'd give them a listen
[on youtube]
i wasn't just gonna download them on a whim,
because, just look at them
little did i know what i was in for
after a quick, innocent search,
i discovered something no man, woman, or child should ever hear:
the perfect emo/goth amalgam
they look like grown–up emo kids
but they dress in all black and have goth looking videos
musically, they're gothic rock all the way
but have lyrics that reek of emo–ness
they embody the worst of both emo and goth music,
with just a little bit of extra terribleness sprinkled on top
this is but a sampling
you've been warned
closure
my heart, your hands
i still lost
making the most
and, the coup de grâce, [i just] died in your arms
i told you, you shouldn't have listened
9/28/11
9/23/11
deurywioldeb
apparently today is celebrate bisexuality day
why today, though, i couldn't tell you
it's not as though september 23 has any special significance
[although it is the anniversary of mozilla's first public web browser, phoenix
perhaps a subtle outing of firefox as a multi–gender philanderer of a web browser?]
i'm not sure about the rest of you bi guys and gals out there,
but i'm sure as shit not celebrating
it's not really something deserving of a celebration, is it?
maybe if it was the cause of some fantastic achievement,
["bisexuality shown to provide perfect antidote to lupus"
or was the heretofore–unknown key to some human advancement
["invention of gunpowder linked to bisexuality, chinese researchers find"]
or maybe even provided some sort of tactical advantage
["bisexuals 78% more likely to become ornithologists, u.n. peacekeepers"]
if any of those were the case, i'd be more than willing to
but alas, it is not
so, instead of spending the day celebrating something i just am
[i also happen to be male, scottish, brunette, a yankee, hairy, snarky, and tall]
i'll be doing things that actually matter to me,
like homework and thesis research
...and toasting firefox's ninth birthday
naturally
why today, though, i couldn't tell you
it's not as though september 23 has any special significance
[although it is the anniversary of mozilla's first public web browser, phoenix
perhaps a subtle outing of firefox as a multi–gender philanderer of a web browser?]
i'm not sure about the rest of you bi guys and gals out there,
but i'm sure as shit not celebrating
it's not really something deserving of a celebration, is it?
maybe if it was the cause of some fantastic achievement,
["bisexuality shown to provide perfect antidote to lupus"
or was the heretofore–unknown key to some human advancement
["invention of gunpowder linked to bisexuality, chinese researchers find"]
or maybe even provided some sort of tactical advantage
["bisexuals 78% more likely to become ornithologists, u.n. peacekeepers"]
if any of those were the case, i'd be more than willing to
but alas, it is not
so, instead of spending the day celebrating something i just am
[i also happen to be male, scottish, brunette, a yankee, hairy, snarky, and tall]
i'll be doing things that actually matter to me,
like homework and thesis research
...and toasting firefox's ninth birthday
naturally
9/22/11
dissing the twelve [ten... nine...]
it's time for more hotheaded football bullshit from me
i hope you're fucking ready for it,
cuz i sure as hell am
first up: the big twelve [disrespect intended]
what in FUCK's name is going on over there?
is there something in the beer out there,
or have you all lost your fucking minds simultaneously?
seryusly
i knew there was some serious tension among the schools
[see the last, i dunno, entire league's existence period]
but come on, there has to be a less public way of airing your dirty laundry
the way i've seen it unfold,
there are two main points of contention:
commissioner dan beebe, and the entire goddamn state of texas
we'll start with texas, because when aren't they the fucking problem?
the university of texas at austin is, as you might know, an athletic juggernaut
the longhorns have won almost 50 national championships in all its sports
it has the second–winningest football team ever
is considered the best sports school in the country
and is almost instantly recognizable thanks to that goddamn cow
[is it me, or does bevo look vaguely like a uterus?]
at any rate, texas is considered a college athletics elite
now, the problem here is that they've got egos roughly the size of their state
and it's athletic department, along with the university chancellory
[and, by the way, espn, a huge what–the–fuck on my part]
decided to follow in the steps of the big ten network, but in their own texas way:
they created the 'longhorn network'
a 24–hour sports channel dedicated to, you guessed it, texas sports
while that's all fine and dandy for those of us who leave south of the panhandle,
there's a catch: THE OTHER FUCKING BIG TWELVE SCHOOLS
pesky little bastards, always with a complaint
[quick segue:
the big ten network is the progenitor of conference sports channels
launched in 2007, it covers all sports played by big ten teams
from football all the way down to field hockey
what made it truly revolutionary in the tv realm was its profit–sharing:
every big ten school would receive equal revenue from the big ten network
to the tune of $22.6 MILLION in 2011
while this might strike some among us as pinko commie bullshit,
it proves yet again that the big ten believes in institutional equity
and that all of us make the big ten, not just michigan and ohio state]
back to the longhorn network,
the reason it's been surrounded in such a shitstorm is exceedingly simple:
they would be profitting off other schools without giving them a cut
there is no big 12 network to speak off,
and the current profit–sharing fiasco in the big twelve is, well, a fiasco
schools recoup profits based on the tv share of their games on major sports networks
which, while fair, leads to inequality and resentment
so, when you put that alongside the longhorn network,
you can see why the other 9 schools are pissed off
plus, to top it all off,
espn was trying to secure rights for the big twelve conference game on longhorn network
which means that texas could profit on a game they might not even play in
[like last year's title game of nebraska v. oklahoma]
thus, as the wronged and exploited tend to do,
the other schools of the big twelve pitched a collective bitch fit about it
and, might i add, rightfully so
regardles of how shitty your team may or may not be,
you don't want some elitist jerkoffs making one–sided profits off you
the arrogance of the texas athletic department is just dumbfounding
these people, who make more money than any one else in the big twelve,
would make an even more obscene amount just cuz they wanted to
no wonder no one fucking likes them
in other texas related sports news,
there's the ongoing saga of the texas a&m defection
for those not paying atttention to it,
a&m decided that they wanted the fuck out of the big twelve in a big, big hurry
so about a month ago they began shopping themselves around
their most open flirtations were with the pac 12 and sec,
with the sec becoming their sugar daddy of choice
it seems to me that a&m was taking advantage of the uncertainty
cuz god knows, ever since nebraska and colorado bolted like bats out of hell
[and, truthfully, since well before that]
the big twelve's been on pretty shaky ground
so whether a&m was trying to push it over the precipice,
or simply cutting their losses, we'll never know
at any rate, they decided the sec was their best opportunity,
and so off they went
except, not really
there's always someone who wants to kick you in the groin,
someone who never lets you get what you want
and that someone, in this case, is baylor
yes, that baylor
the one in waco with the 6'8" center on the women's team and ken starr as president
[and yes, that is the ken starr who investigated bill clinton's philandry]
they were so agrieved at a&m's anticipated departure that they threatened to sue
yeah, that's right
they want to sue a&m and the sec for leaving the big twelve
and they've got the backing of virtually all the schools left in the big twelve
[except oklahoma which, surprise surprise, is shopping itself around too]
add in the fact that the a&m ad was not shy about bashing the longhorn network,
and they've got some serious obstacles facing their departure
baylor hasn't backed down on their pledge to sue,
but a&m hasn't backed down on trying to bail the fuck out of the big twelve, either
granted, baylor and the big twelve schools do have legitimate issues,
not the least of which is the prospect of losing yet another big–name program
but either the big twelve or a&m has to cave,
and my bet is that it's the big twelve, and i'll tell you why:
dan beebe
conveniently rounding out my ranting is our second topic:
commissioner dan beebe
possibly the most hated man in athletics west of the mississippi
he's been on the job just over four years,
and he brought earthquakes to an already unstable fault line
he was seen as basically being texas's yes man,
allowing them to do virtually anything they wanted to
[and yes, that does include the creation of the longhorn network]
in addition, he allowed the inequity and frustration to boil over,
culminating in last year's loss of colorado and nebraska on consecutive days
while you could argue that both schools had machinations towards leaving,
that's not something you just allow to happen
for fuck's sake, nebraska's a marquee program, a huge name
i may not like the huskers, but goddamn it they're a keeper if ever there was one
there's so little love for the man,
oklahoma conditioned their non–departure on sacking him
that's right, oklahoma's willing to leave just to get the fuck away that guy
could you imagine being him if oklahoma left?
losing two of the biggest names in college football in one year,
all thanks to your nepotism and ineptitude?
christ, i'd throw myself into a fucking tornado
but, thankfully for us and our sanity,
beebe decided to get out before they showed up with lots of guns,
and reportedly decided last night to beat it the fuck of out the big twelve
i honestly don't know enough about the guy to judge whether this is good or not,
but it'll probly go a long way towards keeping the big twelve together
which, for my sanity's and rage's sake, i hope it does
[UPDATE]
i realized, after writing that last paragraph,
it sounds like oklahoma is a wronged party,
and simply trying to survive in an unfair system
that is WRONG, purely and simply
they're being just as fucking arrogant, if not more so, than texas
they tried beating it to the pac12, the sec,
basically anywhere they felt like they'd be 'valued'
with, btdubs, is complete and utter bullshit
they've been coddled almost as much as texas,
and then turned around and made demands for things instead of asking for them
so basically the big twelve is broken down as follows
texas is arrogantly successful and elitist pack leader
oklahoma is the equally as successful but much bitchier beta male
and then there's fucking everybody else
little wonder why that conference can't keep itself together]
UP NEXT:
acc–essing my inner rage at the acc
i hope you're fucking ready for it,
cuz i sure as hell am
first up: the big twelve [disrespect intended]
what in FUCK's name is going on over there?
is there something in the beer out there,
or have you all lost your fucking minds simultaneously?
seryusly
i knew there was some serious tension among the schools
[see the last, i dunno, entire league's existence period]
but come on, there has to be a less public way of airing your dirty laundry
the way i've seen it unfold,
there are two main points of contention:
commissioner dan beebe, and the entire goddamn state of texas
we'll start with texas, because when aren't they the fucking problem?
the university of texas at austin is, as you might know, an athletic juggernaut
the longhorns have won almost 50 national championships in all its sports
it has the second–winningest football team ever
is considered the best sports school in the country
and is almost instantly recognizable thanks to that goddamn cow
[is it me, or does bevo look vaguely like a uterus?]
at any rate, texas is considered a college athletics elite
now, the problem here is that they've got egos roughly the size of their state
and it's athletic department, along with the university chancellory
[and, by the way, espn, a huge what–the–fuck on my part]
decided to follow in the steps of the big ten network, but in their own texas way:
they created the 'longhorn network'
a 24–hour sports channel dedicated to, you guessed it, texas sports
while that's all fine and dandy for those of us who leave south of the panhandle,
there's a catch: THE OTHER FUCKING BIG TWELVE SCHOOLS
pesky little bastards, always with a complaint
[quick segue:
the big ten network is the progenitor of conference sports channels
launched in 2007, it covers all sports played by big ten teams
from football all the way down to field hockey
what made it truly revolutionary in the tv realm was its profit–sharing:
every big ten school would receive equal revenue from the big ten network
to the tune of $22.6 MILLION in 2011
while this might strike some among us as pinko commie bullshit,
it proves yet again that the big ten believes in institutional equity
and that all of us make the big ten, not just michigan and ohio state]
back to the longhorn network,
the reason it's been surrounded in such a shitstorm is exceedingly simple:
they would be profitting off other schools without giving them a cut
there is no big 12 network to speak off,
and the current profit–sharing fiasco in the big twelve is, well, a fiasco
schools recoup profits based on the tv share of their games on major sports networks
which, while fair, leads to inequality and resentment
so, when you put that alongside the longhorn network,
you can see why the other 9 schools are pissed off
plus, to top it all off,
espn was trying to secure rights for the big twelve conference game on longhorn network
which means that texas could profit on a game they might not even play in
[like last year's title game of nebraska v. oklahoma]
thus, as the wronged and exploited tend to do,
the other schools of the big twelve pitched a collective bitch fit about it
and, might i add, rightfully so
regardles of how shitty your team may or may not be,
you don't want some elitist jerkoffs making one–sided profits off you
the arrogance of the texas athletic department is just dumbfounding
these people, who make more money than any one else in the big twelve,
would make an even more obscene amount just cuz they wanted to
no wonder no one fucking likes them
in other texas related sports news,
there's the ongoing saga of the texas a&m defection
for those not paying atttention to it,
a&m decided that they wanted the fuck out of the big twelve in a big, big hurry
so about a month ago they began shopping themselves around
their most open flirtations were with the pac 12 and sec,
with the sec becoming their sugar daddy of choice
it seems to me that a&m was taking advantage of the uncertainty
cuz god knows, ever since nebraska and colorado bolted like bats out of hell
[and, truthfully, since well before that]
the big twelve's been on pretty shaky ground
so whether a&m was trying to push it over the precipice,
or simply cutting their losses, we'll never know
at any rate, they decided the sec was their best opportunity,
and so off they went
except, not really
there's always someone who wants to kick you in the groin,
someone who never lets you get what you want
and that someone, in this case, is baylor
yes, that baylor
the one in waco with the 6'8" center on the women's team and ken starr as president
[and yes, that is the ken starr who investigated bill clinton's philandry]
they were so agrieved at a&m's anticipated departure that they threatened to sue
yeah, that's right
they want to sue a&m and the sec for leaving the big twelve
and they've got the backing of virtually all the schools left in the big twelve
[except oklahoma which, surprise surprise, is shopping itself around too]
add in the fact that the a&m ad was not shy about bashing the longhorn network,
and they've got some serious obstacles facing their departure
baylor hasn't backed down on their pledge to sue,
but a&m hasn't backed down on trying to bail the fuck out of the big twelve, either
granted, baylor and the big twelve schools do have legitimate issues,
not the least of which is the prospect of losing yet another big–name program
but either the big twelve or a&m has to cave,
and my bet is that it's the big twelve, and i'll tell you why:
dan beebe
conveniently rounding out my ranting is our second topic:
commissioner dan beebe
possibly the most hated man in athletics west of the mississippi
he's been on the job just over four years,
and he brought earthquakes to an already unstable fault line
he was seen as basically being texas's yes man,
allowing them to do virtually anything they wanted to
[and yes, that does include the creation of the longhorn network]
in addition, he allowed the inequity and frustration to boil over,
culminating in last year's loss of colorado and nebraska on consecutive days
while you could argue that both schools had machinations towards leaving,
that's not something you just allow to happen
for fuck's sake, nebraska's a marquee program, a huge name
i may not like the huskers, but goddamn it they're a keeper if ever there was one
there's so little love for the man,
oklahoma conditioned their non–departure on sacking him
that's right, oklahoma's willing to leave just to get the fuck away that guy
could you imagine being him if oklahoma left?
losing two of the biggest names in college football in one year,
all thanks to your nepotism and ineptitude?
christ, i'd throw myself into a fucking tornado
but, thankfully for us and our sanity,
beebe decided to get out before they showed up with lots of guns,
and reportedly decided last night to beat it the fuck of out the big twelve
i honestly don't know enough about the guy to judge whether this is good or not,
but it'll probly go a long way towards keeping the big twelve together
which, for my sanity's and rage's sake, i hope it does
[UPDATE]
i realized, after writing that last paragraph,
it sounds like oklahoma is a wronged party,
and simply trying to survive in an unfair system
that is WRONG, purely and simply
they're being just as fucking arrogant, if not more so, than texas
they tried beating it to the pac12, the sec,
basically anywhere they felt like they'd be 'valued'
with, btdubs, is complete and utter bullshit
they've been coddled almost as much as texas,
and then turned around and made demands for things instead of asking for them
so basically the big twelve is broken down as follows
texas is arrogantly successful and elitist pack leader
oklahoma is the equally as successful but much bitchier beta male
and then there's fucking everybody else
little wonder why that conference can't keep itself together]
UP NEXT:
acc–essing my inner rage at the acc
9/8/11
akarni
i'm always screaming my lungs out,
till my head starts spinning
playing my songs is the way i cope with life
won't keep my voice down
know the words i speak are the thoughts i think out loud
i like to keep things honest
i'm a safe bet like your life's staked on it, for real
i'd hate to keep you all wondering
i'm constant like the seasons, and i will never be forgotten, man
still got something left to prove
it tends to keep things moving
while everyone around me says my last days are looming overhead
but what the hell do they think they know?
i keep my head above water while they drown in the undertow
if you take it from me,
live your life for yourself
cause when it's all said and done, you don't need anyone else
so let's get back to when everything seemed perfect
not a worry in the world, tell me was it all worth it?
i get what i want, so everyone's always judging me
i'm not afraid of anything, i've got the whole world in front of me.
let's leave no words unspoken
and save regrets for the broken
will you even look back when you think of me?
all i want is a place to call my own
and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low
till my head starts spinning
playing my songs is the way i cope with life
won't keep my voice down
know the words i speak are the thoughts i think out loud
i like to keep things honest
i'm a safe bet like your life's staked on it, for real
i'd hate to keep you all wondering
i'm constant like the seasons, and i will never be forgotten, man
still got something left to prove
it tends to keep things moving
while everyone around me says my last days are looming overhead
but what the hell do they think they know?
i keep my head above water while they drown in the undertow
if you take it from me,
live your life for yourself
cause when it's all said and done, you don't need anyone else
so let's get back to when everything seemed perfect
not a worry in the world, tell me was it all worth it?
i get what i want, so everyone's always judging me
i'm not afraid of anything, i've got the whole world in front of me.
let's leave no words unspoken
and save regrets for the broken
will you even look back when you think of me?
all i want is a place to call my own
and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low
9/6/11
hvězda
e lucevan le stelle,
ed olezzava la terra
stridea l'uscio dell'orto
ed un passo sfiorava la rena
entrava ella fragrante,
mi cadea tra le braccia
o dolci baci, o languide carezze,
mentr'io fremente le belle forme disciogliea dai veli
svanì per sempre il sogno mio d'amore
l'ora è fuggita, e muoio disperato
e non ho amato mai tanto la vita
ed olezzava la terra
stridea l'uscio dell'orto
ed un passo sfiorava la rena
entrava ella fragrante,
mi cadea tra le braccia
o dolci baci, o languide carezze,
mentr'io fremente le belle forme disciogliea dai veli
svanì per sempre il sogno mio d'amore
l'ora è fuggita, e muoio disperato
e non ho amato mai tanto la vita
8/25/11
ici
a woman on the radio talks about revolution
when it's already passed her by
bob dylan didn't have this to sing about,
you know it feels good to be alive
i saw the decade end,
when it seemed the world would change in the blink of an eye
and if anything,
then there's your sign of the times
i was alive and i waited, waited
i was alive and i waited for this
right here, right now, there is no other place i wanna be
right here, right now, watching the world wake up from history
when it's already passed her by
bob dylan didn't have this to sing about,
you know it feels good to be alive
i saw the decade end,
when it seemed the world would change in the blink of an eye
and if anything,
then there's your sign of the times
i was alive and i waited, waited
i was alive and i waited for this
right here, right now, there is no other place i wanna be
right here, right now, watching the world wake up from history
8/16/11
kaja
close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by
there is no time to waste asking why
i'll run away with you, by my side
i'll run away with you by my side
i need to let go of this pride
i think about your face and how i fall into your eyes
the outline that i trace around the one that i call mine
time that called for space, unclear where you drew the line
i don't need to solve this case and i don't need to look behind
do i expect to change the past i hold inside?
with all the words i say repeating over in my mind
some things you can't erase, no matter how hard you try
an exit to escape is all there is left to find
close my eyes, let the whole thing close my eyes
let the whole thing pass me by
there is no time to waste asking why
i'll run away with you, by my side
i'll run away with you by my side
i need to let go of this pride
until this echo in my mind
until this echo can subside
there is no time to waste asking why
i'll run away with you, by my side
i'll run away with you by my side
i need to let go of this pride
i think about your face and how i fall into your eyes
the outline that i trace around the one that i call mine
time that called for space, unclear where you drew the line
i don't need to solve this case and i don't need to look behind
do i expect to change the past i hold inside?
with all the words i say repeating over in my mind
some things you can't erase, no matter how hard you try
an exit to escape is all there is left to find
close my eyes, let the whole thing close my eyes
let the whole thing pass me by
there is no time to waste asking why
i'll run away with you, by my side
i'll run away with you by my side
i need to let go of this pride
until this echo in my mind
until this echo can subside
8/8/11
شنگرفی
she seems dressed in all the rings
of past fatalities
so fragile, yet so devious
she continues to see
climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
enter the night that she came home... forever
she is everything and more...
the solemn hypnotic
my dahlia, bathed in possession, she is home to me
i get nervous, perverse, when i see her it's worse
but the stress is astounding
it's now or never, she's coming home... forever
oh... she's the only one that makes me sad
hard to say what caught my attention
fixed and crazy... aphid attraction
carved my name in my face to recognize
such a pheromone cult to terrorize
i'm a slave and i am a master
no restraints and unchecked collectors
i exist through my needs to self–oblige
she is something in me that i despise
i won't let this build up inside of me!
she isn't real, i can't make her real
she seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame
all the torment and the pain
leaked through and covered me
i'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself
now i don't know what to do,
i don't know what to do when she makes me sad
she is everything to me
the unrequited dream,
the song that no one sings,
the unattainable
she's a myth that i have to believe in
all i need to make it real is one more reason
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to do when she makes me sad
but i won't let this build up inside of me
a catch in my throat,
choke, torn into pieces,
i won't, no, i don't want to be this
but i won't let this build up inside of me
she isn't real, i can't make her real
of past fatalities
so fragile, yet so devious
she continues to see
climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
enter the night that she came home... forever
she is everything and more...
the solemn hypnotic
my dahlia, bathed in possession, she is home to me
i get nervous, perverse, when i see her it's worse
but the stress is astounding
it's now or never, she's coming home... forever
oh... she's the only one that makes me sad
hard to say what caught my attention
fixed and crazy... aphid attraction
carved my name in my face to recognize
such a pheromone cult to terrorize
i'm a slave and i am a master
no restraints and unchecked collectors
i exist through my needs to self–oblige
she is something in me that i despise
i won't let this build up inside of me!
she isn't real, i can't make her real
she seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame
all the torment and the pain
leaked through and covered me
i'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself
now i don't know what to do,
i don't know what to do when she makes me sad
she is everything to me
the unrequited dream,
the song that no one sings,
the unattainable
she's a myth that i have to believe in
all i need to make it real is one more reason
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to do when she makes me sad
but i won't let this build up inside of me
a catch in my throat,
choke, torn into pieces,
i won't, no, i don't want to be this
but i won't let this build up inside of me
she isn't real, i can't make her real
8/1/11
classism
as you science–minded readers may be aware,
there is a little thing called the periodic table
now, something clever people like to do is riff on the idea of the periodic table
there's the queeriodic table, the periodic table of the internet,
the periodic table of vulgarity, the periodic table of typefaces,
the periodic tables of beer, marketing, meat, irrational nonsense,
and, of course, the periodic tables of /b/, memes, sex, and final fantasy
but, in all the wit, pith, and downright inanity,
i felt there was something missing,
something direly important and fulfilling
and so, i present you with…
THE CLASSIST PERIODIC TABLE
Alkali/Alkaline metals [blue] — Old Money
these metals have been around longer than anyone
so long, in fact, they can't remember who first acquired their leviathan wealth
potassium has at least three yachts, a couple family mansions,
and you have the misfortunate of knowings about their insufferable children,
[cesium and francium, who is just SO rare she's a princess, don't ya know]
they constantly and consistently talk about themselves in glowing verbosity
while considering anyone with less than half their wealth to be 'riff raff'
they NEVER associate with the commoners, i.e. the other metals
don't bother themselves with pedantic exercises like academia, politics, and the like
all they are concerned about is marrying their own status/more money/both
[little known fact: the entire 'unun' series is magnesium and radium's inbred spawn]
and making sure they have as few neighbors as possible
[because how are you supposed to be untouchable with those miscreants nearby?]
Lanthanides/Actinides [gray] — the Nouveau Riche
these folk are, if possible, even more insufferable pricks than the old money
lanthanum's a self–made man [which is as close to arsenic as a phrase can come],
which means there was a time it and actinium weren't filthy rich
so to make up for this obvious shortcoming,
and to completely bury their working class backgrounds
[they were originally transitional metals, as you can tell by their position]
they make themselves out to be even older money than the old money
which, of course, is a ruse you can see through in a second
[old money refuses to associate with them:
ytterbium and curium got wasted at one of sodium's high–society shindigs once,
and tried to gangbang strontium in the wine cellar
ever since then, they've been prohibited from inhabiting official table space]
the only reason they have their wealth in the first place is thanks to nuclear physics:
uranium, neptunium, and plutonium had to go be all important and shit
and so now we're stuck with lazy, egregious extended family living vicariously
Transition Metals [yellow] – the Proletariat
these poor bastards have the unfortunate distinction of being the working class
the serfs, the indentured servants, the slaves, the downtrodden, the immigrants
NO ONE likes them, and no one thinks they work hard enough
[even though tungsten, iron, cobalt, and nickel more than pull their own weight]
these are the elements left to prop up the rest of the table, especially the gases
[especially those cocksucking nonmetals, the arrogant pricks]
though gold and platinum have been basically deciding the currency rate for years,
they're constantly looked down on because of their salt–of–the–earth origins
[if there's one thing the alkali/nes absolutely CANNOT abide,
it's coming out of the dirt in a nugget]
in spite of their superior numbers, and great organizational abilities,
the transitions will never be able to improve their lot
the most they've ever gained is their association with the post–transitions,
[and let me tell you, aluminium threw a bitch fit about that one,
though tin and lead finally got it to come around,
after they all got squared away, they threw an EPIC bender to celebrate
the rabble always finds solace in booze, it seems]
so, despite doing more than their fair share, and actually being quite valuable
the transitionals will always and forevermore catch shit from everyone else
especially the…
Metalloids [green] — the Middle Class
[for clarification's sake, i don't mean this in the sense of the American middle class
i mean this in the sense of being between the proletariat and upper classes]
now these guys, the metalloids, are the cocksuckers that NOBODY likes
they're always the ones telling the transitionals what to do and when
dictating orders like shop foremen and acting like their better than them
antimony especially incites rabid hatred amongst pretty much everyone,
[mostly due to the ongoing debate about how to pronounce its fucking name]
boron really gets the transitional's goat because he's perched on top of aluminium,
acting all superior and looking at the transitionals like he's their master
[and yeah, there's a reason he's on top of aluminium
that greedy bastard'll do anything to get into high society]
the only one the transitionals will never try to cross is silicon,
because he's the one who can outsource all their jobs
and while life may suck now, it'd suck even more without shit to do
Nonmetals [orange] — the Upper Class
now these are the assholes that the metals AND metalloids hate
these are the bastards who own things and take the moral/societal high ground
they were blessed with 'different' uses than their metallic counterparts,
and they lord it over them as though it was just fate that made it this way
oxygen and nitrogen think their necessity renders them certain stations in life,
and thus need to be 'cared for' because they are, after all,
SO busy with all the work they need to care for
phosphorous and sulphur, on the other hand, are just fat and lazy
they're the gross fucks who don't mind doing pedantic work to get richly rewarded
the metals detest everything they stand for,
and the metalloids, who will always try to shirk their metallic heritage,
desperately try to join them or become them
[which is why the metals will always hate them more]
they'll never get pissed at carbon, though
he was the one from the ghetto who actually made it,
through years of extremely hard work and great opportunity, he actually made it
the metalloids hate him because of it, but the transitionals adore him for it
and it gives them just a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe,
it'll happen for them too
Noble Gases/Halogens [red] – the Bourgeoisie
these power–hungry fuckers are at the top of the elemental food chain
they own everything, control everything, and make a grand show of it
they mock the upper class for having so much yet being so worthless,
they turn their nose up at the middle class for having to deal with the riff raff
and they ignore the proletariat because, honestly, why encourage them?
they've been self–promoting themselves for eternity,
even going so far as inserting themselves into comic books
[which forever alienated the transitionals;
'krypton' was originally supposed to be called 'osmium' in the superman canon]
they've had a deathgrip on political power for as long as anyone can remember
helium actually inherited its position from hydrogen when hydrogen 'retired'
hydrogen's abdication to become old money has perplexed EVERYONE
[normally old money can't be bothered with things like power and ownership
they think of it as a distraction and a bore]
especially since hydrogen was, at one point, the original nouveau riche
apparently time changes all
Ununs [purple] — Inbred bastard children
this sad sack of shit is the reason you don't fuck your siblings
the one thing the old money, nouveau riche, and bourgeoisie have in common is this:
they don't want to mix common blood into their elitist cloud of ignorance
doing so severely limits the available gene pool,
and like any decent elitist snobs, they started breeding with each other
[much the way european royals did/do]
and like happens when you do that, occasionally some offspring don't turn out right
someone's missing an ear, someone's got webbed toes,
some little ununquadium's gonna look like the wolfman
and though these unfortunate specimen are usually shipped off,
ne'er to be heard from again from polite society,
occasionally some of the insolent bastards try and stick around
and no one wants to associate with some half–blind, web–toed albino inbreed
so they ended up at the bottom of the societal totem
not to be seen or heard from,
but simply to serve as a reminder that it can, in fact, get much worse
so as much as the transitionals may hate their lot in life
at least they aren't polydactyl albino hemophiliacs, like ununseptium
there is a little thing called the periodic table
each of the different colors represents a different kind of element
[blues are alkali/alkaline metals, yellows are transitional metals, etc]
and it are lookin' a little something like this:
now, something clever people like to do is riff on the idea of the periodic table
there's the queeriodic table, the periodic table of the internet,
the periodic table of vulgarity, the periodic table of typefaces,
the periodic tables of beer, marketing, meat, irrational nonsense,
and, of course, the periodic tables of /b/, memes, sex, and final fantasy
but, in all the wit, pith, and downright inanity,
i felt there was something missing,
something direly important and fulfilling
and so, i present you with…
THE CLASSIST PERIODIC TABLE
Alkali/Alkaline metals [blue] — Old Money
these metals have been around longer than anyone
so long, in fact, they can't remember who first acquired their leviathan wealth
potassium has at least three yachts, a couple family mansions,
and you have the misfortunate of knowings about their insufferable children,
[cesium and francium, who is just SO rare she's a princess, don't ya know]
they constantly and consistently talk about themselves in glowing verbosity
while considering anyone with less than half their wealth to be 'riff raff'
they NEVER associate with the commoners, i.e. the other metals
don't bother themselves with pedantic exercises like academia, politics, and the like
all they are concerned about is marrying their own status/more money/both
[little known fact: the entire 'unun' series is magnesium and radium's inbred spawn]
and making sure they have as few neighbors as possible
[because how are you supposed to be untouchable with those miscreants nearby?]
Lanthanides/Actinides [gray] — the Nouveau Riche
these folk are, if possible, even more insufferable pricks than the old money
lanthanum's a self–made man [which is as close to arsenic as a phrase can come],
which means there was a time it and actinium weren't filthy rich
so to make up for this obvious shortcoming,
and to completely bury their working class backgrounds
[they were originally transitional metals, as you can tell by their position]
they make themselves out to be even older money than the old money
which, of course, is a ruse you can see through in a second
[old money refuses to associate with them:
ytterbium and curium got wasted at one of sodium's high–society shindigs once,
and tried to gangbang strontium in the wine cellar
ever since then, they've been prohibited from inhabiting official table space]
the only reason they have their wealth in the first place is thanks to nuclear physics:
uranium, neptunium, and plutonium had to go be all important and shit
and so now we're stuck with lazy, egregious extended family living vicariously
Transition Metals [yellow] – the Proletariat
these poor bastards have the unfortunate distinction of being the working class
the serfs, the indentured servants, the slaves, the downtrodden, the immigrants
NO ONE likes them, and no one thinks they work hard enough
[even though tungsten, iron, cobalt, and nickel more than pull their own weight]
these are the elements left to prop up the rest of the table, especially the gases
[especially those cocksucking nonmetals, the arrogant pricks]
though gold and platinum have been basically deciding the currency rate for years,
they're constantly looked down on because of their salt–of–the–earth origins
[if there's one thing the alkali/nes absolutely CANNOT abide,
it's coming out of the dirt in a nugget]
in spite of their superior numbers, and great organizational abilities,
the transitions will never be able to improve their lot
the most they've ever gained is their association with the post–transitions,
[and let me tell you, aluminium threw a bitch fit about that one,
though tin and lead finally got it to come around,
after they all got squared away, they threw an EPIC bender to celebrate
the rabble always finds solace in booze, it seems]
so, despite doing more than their fair share, and actually being quite valuable
the transitionals will always and forevermore catch shit from everyone else
especially the…
Metalloids [green] — the Middle Class
[for clarification's sake, i don't mean this in the sense of the American middle class
i mean this in the sense of being between the proletariat and upper classes]
now these guys, the metalloids, are the cocksuckers that NOBODY likes
they're always the ones telling the transitionals what to do and when
dictating orders like shop foremen and acting like their better than them
antimony especially incites rabid hatred amongst pretty much everyone,
[mostly due to the ongoing debate about how to pronounce its fucking name]
boron really gets the transitional's goat because he's perched on top of aluminium,
acting all superior and looking at the transitionals like he's their master
[and yeah, there's a reason he's on top of aluminium
that greedy bastard'll do anything to get into high society]
the only one the transitionals will never try to cross is silicon,
because he's the one who can outsource all their jobs
and while life may suck now, it'd suck even more without shit to do
Nonmetals [orange] — the Upper Class
now these are the assholes that the metals AND metalloids hate
these are the bastards who own things and take the moral/societal high ground
they were blessed with 'different' uses than their metallic counterparts,
and they lord it over them as though it was just fate that made it this way
oxygen and nitrogen think their necessity renders them certain stations in life,
and thus need to be 'cared for' because they are, after all,
SO busy with all the work they need to care for
phosphorous and sulphur, on the other hand, are just fat and lazy
they're the gross fucks who don't mind doing pedantic work to get richly rewarded
the metals detest everything they stand for,
and the metalloids, who will always try to shirk their metallic heritage,
desperately try to join them or become them
[which is why the metals will always hate them more]
they'll never get pissed at carbon, though
he was the one from the ghetto who actually made it,
through years of extremely hard work and great opportunity, he actually made it
the metalloids hate him because of it, but the transitionals adore him for it
and it gives them just a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe,
it'll happen for them too
Noble Gases/Halogens [red] – the Bourgeoisie
these power–hungry fuckers are at the top of the elemental food chain
they own everything, control everything, and make a grand show of it
they mock the upper class for having so much yet being so worthless,
they turn their nose up at the middle class for having to deal with the riff raff
and they ignore the proletariat because, honestly, why encourage them?
they've been self–promoting themselves for eternity,
even going so far as inserting themselves into comic books
[which forever alienated the transitionals;
'krypton' was originally supposed to be called 'osmium' in the superman canon]
they've had a deathgrip on political power for as long as anyone can remember
helium actually inherited its position from hydrogen when hydrogen 'retired'
hydrogen's abdication to become old money has perplexed EVERYONE
[normally old money can't be bothered with things like power and ownership
they think of it as a distraction and a bore]
especially since hydrogen was, at one point, the original nouveau riche
apparently time changes all
Ununs [purple] — Inbred bastard children
this sad sack of shit is the reason you don't fuck your siblings
the one thing the old money, nouveau riche, and bourgeoisie have in common is this:
they don't want to mix common blood into their elitist cloud of ignorance
doing so severely limits the available gene pool,
and like any decent elitist snobs, they started breeding with each other
[much the way european royals did/do]
and like happens when you do that, occasionally some offspring don't turn out right
someone's missing an ear, someone's got webbed toes,
some little ununquadium's gonna look like the wolfman
and though these unfortunate specimen are usually shipped off,
ne'er to be heard from again from polite society,
occasionally some of the insolent bastards try and stick around
and no one wants to associate with some half–blind, web–toed albino inbreed
so they ended up at the bottom of the societal totem
not to be seen or heard from,
but simply to serve as a reminder that it can, in fact, get much worse
so as much as the transitionals may hate their lot in life
at least they aren't polydactyl albino hemophiliacs, like ununseptium
7/25/11
ψυχωτικά
i did my time, and i want out, so abusive
fate, it doesn't cut, the soul is not so vibrant
the reckoning, the sickening, back at you:
subversion, pseudo–sacred psycho virgin
go tell your classes, go dig your graves
then fil your mouth with all the money you will save
sinking in, getting smaller again
undone, it has begun, i'm not the only one
oh there are cracks in the road we lay
from when the devil fell, the secrets have gone mad
this is nothing new, but we would kill it all
fate was all we had
who needs another mess? we could start over
just look me in the eyes and say i'm wrong
now there's only emptiness, but i'm missing something
i think we're done, i'm not the only one
the limits of the dead
fake and defenseless lie [psychosocial]
i tried to tell you first [psychosocial]
your hurtful lies are giving out [psychosocial]
can't stop the killing [psychosocial]
i can't help if it's hunting season [psychosocial]
is this what you want [psychosocial]
i'm not the only one
and the rain will kill us all
if we throw ourselves against the wall
but no one else can see
the preservation of the martyr in me
psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
fate, it doesn't cut, the soul is not so vibrant
the reckoning, the sickening, back at you:
subversion, pseudo–sacred psycho virgin
go tell your classes, go dig your graves
then fil your mouth with all the money you will save
sinking in, getting smaller again
undone, it has begun, i'm not the only one
oh there are cracks in the road we lay
from when the devil fell, the secrets have gone mad
this is nothing new, but we would kill it all
fate was all we had
who needs another mess? we could start over
just look me in the eyes and say i'm wrong
now there's only emptiness, but i'm missing something
i think we're done, i'm not the only one
the limits of the dead
fake and defenseless lie [psychosocial]
i tried to tell you first [psychosocial]
your hurtful lies are giving out [psychosocial]
can't stop the killing [psychosocial]
i can't help if it's hunting season [psychosocial]
is this what you want [psychosocial]
i'm not the only one
and the rain will kill us all
if we throw ourselves against the wall
but no one else can see
the preservation of the martyr in me
psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
7/19/11
kertakäyttöinen
bodies fill the fields i see, hungry heroes end
no one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
victim of what's said should be, a servant 'til i fall
barking of machine gun fire does nothing to me now
sounding of the clock that ticks, get used to it somehow
more a man, more stripes you wear, gloryseeker trends
bodies fill the fields i see, the slaughter never ends
why am i dying?
kill, have no fear
lie, live of lying
hell, hell is here
i was born for dying
life planned out before my birth, nothing i could say
had no chance to see myself, molded day by day
looking back i realize, nothing have i done
left to die with only friends, alone i clench my gun
soldier boy, made of clay, now an empty shell
twenty one, only son, but he served us well
bred to kill, not to care, do just as we say
finished here, greeting death, he's yours to take away
back to the front
you will do what i say, when i say
back to the front
you will die when i say you must die
back to the front
you coward, you servant, you blind man
no one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
victim of what's said should be, a servant 'til i fall
barking of machine gun fire does nothing to me now
sounding of the clock that ticks, get used to it somehow
more a man, more stripes you wear, gloryseeker trends
bodies fill the fields i see, the slaughter never ends
why am i dying?
kill, have no fear
lie, live of lying
hell, hell is here
i was born for dying
life planned out before my birth, nothing i could say
had no chance to see myself, molded day by day
looking back i realize, nothing have i done
left to die with only friends, alone i clench my gun
soldier boy, made of clay, now an empty shell
twenty one, only son, but he served us well
bred to kill, not to care, do just as we say
finished here, greeting death, he's yours to take away
back to the front
you will do what i say, when i say
back to the front
you will die when i say you must die
back to the front
you coward, you servant, you blind man
7/15/11
светло
i'm comin' outta my cage, and i've been doin' just fine
gotta gotta be down becuase i want it all
it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
now i'm falling asleep, and she's calling a cab
while he's havin' a smoke and she's takin' a drag
now they're goin' to bed, and my stomach is sick
and it's all in my head
but she's touching his chest, now
he takes off her dress, now
let me go
and i just can't look,
it's killing me and taking control
jealousy, turning saints into the sea
swimming through sick lullabies
choking on your alibis
but it's just the price i pay
destiny is calling me
open up my eager eyes
cuz i'm mr brightside
i never...
gotta gotta be down becuase i want it all
it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
now i'm falling asleep, and she's calling a cab
while he's havin' a smoke and she's takin' a drag
now they're goin' to bed, and my stomach is sick
and it's all in my head
but she's touching his chest, now
he takes off her dress, now
let me go
and i just can't look,
it's killing me and taking control
jealousy, turning saints into the sea
swimming through sick lullabies
choking on your alibis
but it's just the price i pay
destiny is calling me
open up my eager eyes
cuz i'm mr brightside
i never...
7/13/11
vonlenska
ýu ræ sul non fól, ýu ræ sul non fól
ýu ræ so uld nó
ýu ræ son mæ fon, ýu ræ son mæ fon
ýu ræ son mæ fon
ýu sæ gvæ
old sjí rus, old sjí rus
ó læ
ýu ræ so uld nó
ýu ræ son mæ fon, ýu ræ son mæ fon
ýu ræ son mæ fon
ýu sæ gvæ
old sjí rus, old sjí rus
ó læ
7/8/11
tinguereguif
in which i compare comments of two professors:
one, who actually had pith, wit, and constructive comments,
and the other, who constantly filled me with rage and confusion
rage and confusion prof:
all i got from this prof was snarky comments,
attacking my ability to write and my choice of words
the kind of prof who is impossible to please,
because of a deep–seated belief that most people are inherently unable to write
but, for someone unknown reason,
grades as though you did nothing wrong
here is but a sample of some of the comments i got on response papers:
final grade for this course: 4.0
given the level of semantic bitching this prof did,
you'd think i warranted a 2.0
what a cocksucker
pith and wit prof:
this prof was actually enjoyable to be in class with
i always got interesting and engaging discussions
along with amusing sentiments and downright oddities
this prof also had a very present sense of humor
which you could catch in virtually any context
here is but one of the emails i got over the course of the semester:
Title: Alien Mind Control
Dear all: Some of you have asked me in a panic when your final drafts are due. Clearly, you silly earthlings, you have not read my mind. I can accept them up until the morning of the 4th, the day when many of you Terrans go shoot off things that make loud noises and scare dogs. That is a Monday by your reckoning. I will see you all on what you call Thursday. I will be the one with the spaceship that has cool landing gear.
which would you rather have?
...that's what i thought
one, who actually had pith, wit, and constructive comments,
and the other, who constantly filled me with rage and confusion
rage and confusion prof:
all i got from this prof was snarky comments,
attacking my ability to write and my choice of words
the kind of prof who is impossible to please,
because of a deep–seated belief that most people are inherently unable to write
but, for someone unknown reason,
grades as though you did nothing wrong
here is but a sample of some of the comments i got on response papers:
- [in response to the description 'pagan areas of africa'] there were also Less Pagan areas?
- [in response to a typo] ??? What does this mean?
- [in response to a typo in a quote] Aha! Cadamosto was 1. not Portuguese, but Venetian and 2. in full command of grammar.
- [in response to the use of the historical term 'Muhammadan'] What does this mean? We call it “Muslim” nowadays, right?
- [in response to native Africans being 'intrigued' with new technology] I’m glad that Cadamosto brought his intrigu-o-meter.
- [in response to my using the word 'intrigued'] Also, don’t use the word intrigued, it means absolutely nothing.
- [in response to a concluding sentence] this sentence adds precisely nothing, it merely wastes space.
- [a general critique of on paper] Your paper is generally good, although you have a number of warped phrases in a kind of falsely erudite english—actually the language, widely spoken among undergraduates, called gibberish. Try to say what you mean and mean what you say. Use precise terms and don't argue by suggestion.
- [in response to my concluding paragraph] This last paragraph isn’t really that interesting. It doesn’t add much to your discussion, does it. Perhaps you could have gone deeper here to make these last sentences worthwhile.
- [in response to my using the word 'extremely'] avoid adjectives in academic prose, and also adverbs—unless absolutely necessary.
- [in response to using the word 'redeeming'] This is a loaded word, right?
- [in response to using the word 'neutral'] It’s a bit too safe of a position, though. Surely the dead Indians did not find the Europeans “neutral”.
- [in response to the term 'comparably little resistance' to Christian missions] also, comparatively few converts—like none.
given the level of semantic bitching this prof did,
you'd think i warranted a 2.0
what a cocksucker
pith and wit prof:
this prof was actually enjoyable to be in class with
i always got interesting and engaging discussions
along with amusing sentiments and downright oddities
this prof also had a very present sense of humor
which you could catch in virtually any context
here is but one of the emails i got over the course of the semester:
Title: Alien Mind Control
Dear all: Some of you have asked me in a panic when your final drafts are due. Clearly, you silly earthlings, you have not read my mind. I can accept them up until the morning of the 4th, the day when many of you Terrans go shoot off things that make loud noises and scare dogs. That is a Monday by your reckoning. I will see you all on what you call Thursday. I will be the one with the spaceship that has cool landing gear.
which would you rather have?
...that's what i thought
6/22/11
urmi
so,
i may or may not be in chicago right now
getting ready to start a 3 day long labor studies conference
at which i am speaking and spending my weekend
sure beats the hell out of sitting at home doing homework, yeah?
i may or may not be in chicago right now
getting ready to start a 3 day long labor studies conference
at which i am speaking and spending my weekend
sure beats the hell out of sitting at home doing homework, yeah?
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