seventeen

there are a few things in life that i really love
that, no matter what, i'll never not enjoy
one of them is food
truthfully, i think first among them is food
few things on this planet are as gratifying as food
it's provides multiple purposes, it's a staple of culture
it can help bring people together,
but, most importantly, it's fucking delicious

food is part of the reason i look forward to coming home during school
i know plenty of people who don't, for a variety of reasons
but i do, and no small part of that is my parents' cooking
they really make an effort to make good food, and always have
even when we were completely broke,
and living paycheck to paycheck to send me to school
my parents would always make something good to eat

the reason i'm bringing this up, surprise surprise,
is to complain about mt morris/genesee county/michigan [so novel, yeah?]
one of the great things about new london was the variety of restaurants
virtually every ethnicity of food could be found somewhere
and grocery stores would actually carry quality ingredients
even if you were looking for some plain, normal 'american' food
there were handfuls of restaurants that always had great selections
you can't find that here at all
there's almost no variety in any places to eat around here
most of them fall into crappy-quality 'family-owned' restaurants
[billy's, baldwin's, gillie's, la villa's, places like that]
most of them actually make me prefer fast food
which is just sad on so many levels

one of the nice things about e/l is the variety of food
thanks to the diverse group of people in and around lansing,
there's a wider variety of places to eat, from mexican to sushi
most of these places offer good quality, [relatively] inexpensive meals
i think the types of food available really reflects on the community
places like here, there's really nothing good;
it's all the same, and it's almost always shitty
certainly sounds a lot like flint, huh?
there is one restaurant in this area i do like,
and it just opened up this past summer
[for those of you who care, it's called 'el adobe',
and it's where the old dips 'n dogs used to be]

i'm not sure i'd be able to live in a place like michigan again
if for no other reason than the food thing
it gets too frustrating that i can't really go anywhere good
this is the only place i've ever lived where i can say this:
the fast food and chain restaurants are the better option
how fucking pathetic is that?
come on michigan, get it together
quit it with the fucking coney–dogs, olive sauce, and blueberries
bring me something new, i'm begging you
i don't wanna live off ramen and subway forever


as an aside to this,
i tend to judge people by what they eat when i'm around
it's part of the reason i like grabbing food with people
what [and how] people eat says a lot about them
which is why i try to get food with people i know
let's me know how well we'll get along

nikkō-shirane

so here's a question:
what kind of weird fuckin luck do i have?
i actually got a good grade in my history class
a 4.0, which is all kinds of stunning
maybe they both decided they like me after all
god knows my paper couldn't have possibly done it alone
that thing was horrible

also, i've broken a four-year long streak in terms of grades
every year my fall grades have been worse than my spring ones
in high school the semester differences weren't too bad
but at msu they've been pretty substantial
[the widest gap was a full point]
this fall, though, my gpa was almost the same as it was in spring
so i finally kicked the habit of really slacking in the fall
[i really didn't, but i'm gonna tell myself i did]
now let's see what next semester's gonna bring me

when the semester finally ended,
i gave myself a list of things to try to get done over break
i've currently accomplished: none of them
i take it back, i've accomplished one thing
though it's less of an accomplishment,
and more an 'hey, i finally took care of this'
but, i'm still 0 for 4 on substantial accomplishments
so i gotta get cracking on that

i bitch a lot about coming back to the mount
not about coming to the family, just about the town
but i have to say, it does have its redeeming qualities
it proved itself to be pretty photogenic
and it's perfect for walking around late at night
granted there aren't a lot of places to go,
but it's quiet, deserted, and not very well lit
which is a welcome change from e/l
it's also nice not to see someone i know every time i go somewhere
every time i'm out in e/l, i run into somebody i know
it's not a bad thing, sometimes it's a welcome coincidence
but still, every time?
it even happens on my five minute runs to 7/11 at 4 in the morning
i enjoy the anonymity here
granted, most people in the mount are stupid and crazy
but still

also?
george carlin's sortabiography is incredible
i got it on thursday, and i read it straight through
the man's an amazing storyteller,
it's a shame he didn't get to do his broadway showcase

χριστούγεννα

i heard there is no christmas in the silly middle east
no trees, no snow, no santa claus, they have different religious beliefs
they believe in muhammad and not in our holiday
and so everry december i go to the middle east and say...

hey there mr muslim merry fucking christmas
put down that book, the koran, and hear some holiday wishes
in case you haven't noticed, it's jesus's birthday
so get off your heathen muslim ass and fucking celebrate

there is no holiday season in india, i've heard
they don't hang up their stocking, and that is just absurd
they've never read a christmas story, they don't know what rudolph is about
and that's why in december i'll go to india and shout...

hey there mr hinduist, merry fucking christmas
drink eggnog and eat some beef, and pass it to the missus
in case you haven't noticed it's jesus's birthday
so get off your heathen hindu ass and fucking celebrate

now i heard that in japan everyone just lives in sin
they pray to several gods and put needles in their skin
on december twenty fifth all they do is eat a cake
and that is why i'll go to japan and walk around and say...

hey there mr shintoist, merry fucking christmas
god is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum
in case you haven't noticed it's jesus's birthday
so lets all rejoice for jesus, and merry fucking christmas to you

on christmas day i travel round the world and say
taoists, krishnas, buddhists, and all you atheists too
merry fucking christmas to you

——————

well i'll tell you what,
maybe we should have ourselves a little christmas, right here
c'mon everybody, gather round!

string up the lights and light up the tree, we're gonna make some revelry
spirits are high, so i can tell, it's christmas time in hell!
demons are nicer as you pass them by, there's lots of demon toys to buy
the snow is falling, and all is well, it's christmas time in hell!

there goes jeffrey dahmer with a festive christmas ham
after he has sex with it he'll eat up all he can
and there goes john f kennedy caroling with his son
reunited for the holidays, god bless us, everyone!
everybody has a happy glow, let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow!
even mao tse tung is under the spell, it's christmas time in hell!

[satan] adolf, here's a present for you!
[hitler] oh? ein tannenbaum?!
[satan] yes, ein tannenbaum!

god cast me down from heaven's door to rule in hell forevermore
but now i'm kinda glad that i fell cuz it's christmas time in hell!
here's a rack to have the stockings on, we still have to shop for genghis khan
michael landon's hair looks swell, it's christmas time in hell!

there's princess diana holding burning mistletoe
over poor gene siskel's head, just watch his weenie grow!
for one day we all stop burning, and the flames are not so thick
all the screaming and the torture stops as we wait for old saint nick!

so string up the lights and light up the trees, we're damned for all eternity
but for just one day, all is well, it's christmas time in hell!
get a toast together and make it quick, we gotta make room for andy dick
wake his mother and ring the bell
it's christmas time...
christmas time...
it's christmas time in hell!

розово дърво

look down, lord, look down
this time i'm comin' home
it's late no, sweet jesus, take me now
this time i'm comin' home

look down, lord, look down
been hard times and i can't wait
oh look down, sweet jesus, hold me now
this time i'm comin' home

there's so much sorrow round this time
look down, please, look down
oh i been wand'rin' far and trav'lin' long
i'm weary now, please, look down

free me lord, take me
i need to come and walk with thee
sweet jesus, lord, won't you hold me now?
this time i'm comin' home

lehmusten

alo? salut! sunt eu, un haiduc
și te rog iubirea mea primește, fericirea
alo? alo! sunt eu, picasso
ți-am dat beep și sunt voinic
dar să știi nu-ți cer nimic

te sun sa-ți spun ce simt acum
alo, iubirea mea, sunt eu fericirea
alo? alo! sunt iarași eu, picasso
ți-am dat beep și sunt voinic
dar să știi nu-ți cer nimic

vrei să pleci dar nu mă nu mă iei
nu mă nu mă iei, nu mă nu mă nu mă iei
chipul tău și dragostea din tei
mi-amintesc de ochii tăi

dünya

you only hold me up like this
cuz you don't know who i really i am
sometimes i just wanna know what it's like to be you
we're making out inside crashed cars
we're sleeping through all our memories
i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive
now i only waste it dreaming of you

you only hold me up like this
cuz you don't know who i really i am
i used to waste my time on, waste my time on
waste my time dreaming of being alive
now i only waste it dreaming of you

i've got headaches and bad luck
but they couldn't touch you, no oh
i'm not trying, you only hold me up like this

turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
cuz all of our moves make up for the silence
and oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase
like i'll never be the same

с ума сошёл

fucking draft is finally taken care of

all it needs now is some editing and some citations thrown in

[it needs to be good too, but no amount of editing's gonna help that]

so, in honor of this heinous crackwhore of a paper being done

i share with you people my outline,

which has seen many long, long nights of reading

this is what happens when i get bored,

and have norway and denmark on the brain

for those of you who can't see decipher what it says

here's a complimentary transcription:

Military

Planning Weserübung  >>> [the fuck is an übung?]

       –Why Norway?

              •UK [AltMark, BoB]

              •USSR [Finalnd] + who cares?

              •Economics [ore n fish n shit]

       –Denmark too!

              •Resources [that's it]

The Day Arrives

       –Landings up the coast

              •Beating back the Brits

       –Sea powers ––––– Sea powers clash [clash powers clash]

       –Air power vs the navy [battle of the bitches]

       –Three Dimensions of Victory

                ^

                |    /

                |  /

                .______>   [0,0,0]

Occupying the Völkergemeinschaft [ha, German]

       –SS Standarte Nordland

       –Nothin gets to the Russkies

       –Protecting the Economy  ---------------> damn

              •Supply/Demand? suck it

       –Norway – No Way

              •ha your stupid, Germans dont care bout chu

Politics/Econ

Völker, not Volks

       –Denmark autonomous?

              •Full control of day-to-day

              •Kept King + parliament

              •'43 martial [really wasn't]

       –Norway – Terboven and beyond

              •Reichskommisar's in town

              •Holy crap it's Quisling

                  ~Governing w/ Samling

                  ~NO ONE LIKED HIM

Supplying the Machine

       –Goods from Denmark

              •Nothing happened, 'cept for no imports [coal, gas]

       –Norway has stuff

damn-->•Eye-ron Ore

              •Fishes [not gay fishes Kanye]

              •Norsk Hydroelectric

                [Heavy water is delicious]

Christ on a Crutch end goes here I'm done

в движении

for a long time i felt without style or grace
wearing shoes with no socks in cold weather
i knew my heart was in the right place
i knew i'd be able to do these things

and as i watch him digging his own grave
it's important to know that was where he's at
he can't afford to stop... that is what he believes
he'll keep on digging for a thousand years

i'm walking a line – i'm thinking about empty motion
you notice there's nothing around you, 'round you

never get to say much, never get to talk
tell us a little bit, but not too much
right about then is where she gave up
she has closed her eyes, she has given up hope

i'm walking a line – i hate to be dreaming in motion
i keep my fingers behind me, 'hind me

i turn myself around, i'm moving backwards and forwards
i'm moving twice as much as i was before
i'll keep on digging to the center of the earth
i'll be down in there moving in the room

i'm walking a line – visiting houses in motion
i'm walking a line – just barely enough to be living
get outta the way – no time to begin
this isn't the time – so nothing was done
not talking about – not many at all
i'm turning around – no trouble at all
two different houses surround you, 'round you
i'm walking a line – divide and dissolve

wolff's law

with this semester coming to a close,
i can finally say that i can empathize with people who hate history
i've had the two types of profs that most stereotype our discipline:
the boring, rambling, all-over-the-place, grades-hard-as-balls prof [last fall]
and the condescending, meddling, i'm-better-than-you'll-ever-be prof [this fall]
i swear to god, they've both made me crazy as shit
they even make me wonder whether i even want to go into history
cuz god knows i'll never get away from people like them
i won't be able to get away from the one i have this fall even if i try
he's fucking married to my advisor, and they both know my majors
which means they're probly gonna try to stick me with him next year
and i'll be damned if i'm gonna write a 50-75 page paper for this man
20 pages is giving me enough trouble

it's also never been clearer to me that i don't want to go into russian history
i'm perfectly content just being fluent in another language
russia doesn't need to have a stranglehold on my entire academic life
i don't wanna be another siegelbaum

this semester's contained a first for me
i honestly don't give a shit how well i do in my history class
my motivation for that class just evaporated,
and i couldn't say when or why
normally something happens that makes me not care anymore
like, 'hey, this prof obviously doesn't care how good this work is,
he's gonna be a dick when he grades regardless'
or, 'this class has absolutely no effect on my major at all
it's boring and i just don't give a damn anymore'
but not this time
if i can just throw together a paper and hand it in i'll be perfectly content
and i know fucking up in this class is gonna screw me over later on
but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it

if i can survive another week, i'll be home free
very literally, too
i get to leave on monday of finals week cuz i don't have any finals
thank god for projects, even though they're kicking my ass
especially that poli/sci honors project i forgot about till last thursday
that's due this coming thursday
thank god i already have all the info for that
my photojournalism project, thankfully, came together perfectly
that one was a bitch to pull together, but that'll be done by tomorrow
i'm gonna survive this with my sanity intact, goddamn it

as a complete side-note
i have to make a website over break
anybody want to help/give me pointers/do it for me?

áth cliath

lookin' down through a tide of no return
is a field where the crops no longer grow
parched is the land, strangled an' be damned
there for the grace o' god go i

down beside where the riverbed sleeps
is a man not knowin' what he should feel
mocked by the wave that beats the water's edge
there for the grace o' god go i

if i ever hurt another like thee again
i would drown myself beneath your name
lost was the child we all once did hide
there for the grace o' god go i

jacobs cavern

maybe someday i'll update this thing regularly again
but, i highly doubt it'll be anytime soon
my ability to remember to update this has gotten horrible
it's like ronald reagan trying to beat alzheimer's:
i'd love to, but i just can't... wait, what?




[i have no idea where to start with this
so i'm going to fill until i think of something...]




classes are starting to pick up, i suppose that's something
november's gonna be my month for cranking out papers
and photo projects, and apparently interviews
at least it won't be mostly reading
that'll be a nice change [for once]

i passed the 10,000 song mark on my computer
i suppose that's something too
i'm not sure what to think about how much music i now have
on one hand, that's a shit-ton of music to have
it's starting to border on unnecessarily large
on the other, i'm glad i have such varied tastes
and i keep on downloading music
so it's only gonna get bigger

i also haven't been going to sleep before 5 am
that's definitely something
s'been going on about a week and a half or so
i should probly try to not let that happen
since all it does is fuck me up [worse than normal]
and since i'm rarely productive when i do stay up

i've decided i'm not going to any parties for a while
[the only exception being halloween]
even though i saw a lot of people this weekend,
including some i haven't seen in about a month or so
all the places i went had franzia, shitty beer, and people i don't know
first off:
i hate franzia, it's disgusting
if you drink booze from a box, you have a problem. period.
second:
shitty beer is shitty for a reason, and that's because it's cheap
so i don't care how much money you're trying to save
pitch in some cash so i can drink something that doesn't taste like piss
and third:
people i know are fine, people i don't know are fine
people i don't know aren't fine when they make up a majority
it makes me feel out of place, and all i do is drink and look awkward/creepy
i go to parties to enjoy myself, not talk to friends of friends of friends
oh, and a fourth:
cheap booze FUCKING SUCKS

i changed my voicemail a few weeks back
just to get this out in the open, so there's no ambiguity:
i am perfectly aware of what my old voicemail said
i know it said i was still in russia until the end of june
it also said that i'd be back after that, and that i'd return calls
apparently EVERYONE who called me felt the need to point that out
i'm aware of where i am people, trust me
so please, if you wanna try to be clever or cute on my voicemail
don't

politics is the same [irritating]
news is the same [unbelievable]
classes are the same [hard/easy/painful/awesome]
jobs are the same [nonexistant]
weather is the same [cold, how i like it]
the only thing that seems to be different is sports
and oh boy, is it exciting
i have to say, i'm grateful msu decided to start winning again
it's a step in the right direction, i gotta say
same thing goes for the steelers
nice choice, guys, helps to keep the rep going strong

also, what the fuck happened to the titans?
a 59–0 shutout? by the patriots, of all teams?
they've allowed 198 points in just six games
even the LIONS haven't allowed that many
to commemorate this ridiculous feat,
i'll end with the sentiments of a pissed–off anonymous:

addendum:
due to popular demand [by that, i mean the one person who asked],
and due to the fact that i haven't done it in almost two years,
i'm bringing back the potatoes
and since i already posted about their stunning fall,
i'm making the titans the potatoe of this post
because it takes incredible skill to go from 13–3 to 0–6

бесконечность

i suppose i owe an explanation about what's been going on

about two weeks ago,
i found out i'm going to another funeral [my eighth]
my grandfather's
he'd been in the hospital since around the beginning of august
and his recovery was... inconsistent, i guess
he just couldn't fight it off anymore
so now he's gone

it should have been relatively easy to handle
he was old, sick for a long time, and that's how it goes
but it's been killing me since i found out
not grief, but guilt; the hardcore kind
the same kind i felt for about two months after anderson died
[which is a whole other story that some of you may know]
it's pretty much been controlling me since i found out
it wasn't any one specific thing,
just a lot of things compounded that made me feel like shit
that and i felt horrible for not being able to go home when it happened
so i was basically checked out from everything i was doing
i tried doing things to get my mind off it,
but it didn't work [it never does, really]

i did get to spend some time with my family this weekend
and it helped; it alleviated the guilt some, at least
i'm not the only one who hasn't handled this well
but it helped to put it in perspective
i sometimes just forget that life goes on, i guess
so here's hoping i get back to mine sometime soon

and this makes number eight
damn it
what a fucking way to start the day


спасение соделал еси посреде земли, боже. аллилуия.

harkness

i would like to point out:
all but one of my profs is on facebook [the exception is merrill, sadly
you better believe i'd friend merrill in half a second if i could]
even my old history profs are kickin' it on the old fezbuk
there is no need for that

someday, god willing, i will be decent at graphic design
it doesn't help that i have no experience at it
and that i'm basically teaching myself
but goddamn it, one day i will be decent enough to market it
i'll add it on my resume as a skill,
and it still won't get me hired

i wonder if i'll actually get that job i 'interviewed' for with h/c
i'm giving it until tomorrow before i call it
i hope i do, since it at least sounded cool
but the inevitable, inherited tagg luck will rear its ugly head
and so i shall have to begin my search again
goddamn it

for photojournalism, i actually need to have an artist's eye
that's a problem, mostly because i don't have one
hopefully i can learn to compose a photo halfway decently
i may or may not be taking headshots for my theater class
so some ability to work the camera'd be beneficial
or maybe i'll just wing it
can't turn out too bad, yeah?

i cannot in words describe how much i love the wil wheaton song
i'm not really a fan of jonathan coulton, though,
anyone who loves wil wheaton enough to sing to him is cool to me
i love his reactions to the song as it goes on, they're great
for anyone who hasn't seen it, here it be

since i'm too lazy/cheap to get it cut,
my hair's continued to grow
i'd forgotten the polarizing effect long hair has on me
generally people either think it's awesome or really bad
[usually the latter, but i could give a rat's ass about my hair]
i'm slowly becoming accustomed to the comments about it again
they aren't nearly as bad as they were in seventh grade,
but that was a whole different beast
not to mention that this time around i have a bitchin' beard
so not only do i look weird, i look like a weird lumberjack

i'm indeterminate if i'm going to try out for any shows this year
i want to, but it depends on what show it is,
definitely who's putting it on,
and how much time it'll rob from me
people of the interwubs, what do you think?

aşteaptă

feeling sorrow
for all the things you had to steal and borrow
bring back the days we had before tomorrow
relapse and then collapse into yourself once more

void i can't fill
the doctor tells me to relax and stand still
prescribes me me a new pill to quell my anger
wish i could make her pull herself up off the floor

waiting for this life to change, seems like it's taking me forever
and i can't hold on, this light is breaking into the day
this life is going to change, feels like it's taking me forever
and i can't hold on, this light is breaking into the day
into the day, again

take time to contemplate who you are and where you want to go