and now, because i can
some dead baby jokes
[mostly because i'm a horrible person]:
how do keep a baby from crawling in a circle?
nail its other hand to the floor
how do you make a baby float?
take your foot off its head
whats blue, red, and crawling up your leg?
an aborted baby trying to go home
whats worse than a baby?
a dead baby
whats worse than a dead baby?
a pile of dead babies
whats worse than a pile of dead babies?
a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath
whats worse than a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath?
a pile of dead babies with a live baby underneath eating its way out
what 11 inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night?
a sids baby
how are babies and popcorn alike?
they both pop if they're microwaved long enough
what's funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in clown costume
whats brown and gurgles?
a baby casserole
how can you keep a baby from falling down a manhole?
shove a javelin through its head
how many babies does it take to paint a barn?
depends on how hard you throw them
how do you fit ten babies in a glass?
put them in the blender
why do you unload a truckful of dead babies with a pitchfork?
so you can tell which ones are still alive
9/20/08
9/11/08
hymn
i know it seems cliché
but i could honestly give a damn
i'll probly always feel the need to say something
it may not be much, it may not be meaningful
but i still feel like i should say something
it's not something any of us will be able to forget, yeah?
our parents have those moments
so do our grandparents
our children will someday too, its how it goes
i'd love to forget it someday, but i won't
neither will anyone else
so i guess all i can say is remember it
because if we forget, we'll make the same mistakes
and it'll happen again, but it'll be much worse
here's hoping
in memoriam, victims of september 11, 2001
спасение соделал еси посреде земли, боже. аллилуия.
but i could honestly give a damn
i'll probly always feel the need to say something
it may not be much, it may not be meaningful
but i still feel like i should say something
it's not something any of us will be able to forget, yeah?
our parents have those moments
so do our grandparents
our children will someday too, its how it goes
i'd love to forget it someday, but i won't
neither will anyone else
so i guess all i can say is remember it
because if we forget, we'll make the same mistakes
and it'll happen again, but it'll be much worse
here's hoping
in memoriam, victims of september 11, 2001
спасение соделал еси посреде земли, боже. аллилуия.
8/19/08
ผัดไทย
so katie came down on saturday
she wanted to check out the campus
i showed her around a bit
took her to most of the sights
she really seemed to take too it
perhaps i may have made a new spartan?
we'll see
what struck me, though, was when we ate
i took her over to noodles & c.
they have incredibly good pad thai.
pad thai like i haven't had since living in n/l
anyway, while we were eating
she said to me that i actually seemed happier
happier than i have been in a long time
and that it kinda surprised her
it sounds stupid, but she's right
i really do like living here, and it shows
she wanted to check out the campus
i showed her around a bit
took her to most of the sights
she really seemed to take too it
perhaps i may have made a new spartan?
we'll see
what struck me, though, was when we ate
i took her over to noodles & c.
they have incredibly good pad thai.
pad thai like i haven't had since living in n/l
anyway, while we were eating
she said to me that i actually seemed happier
happier than i have been in a long time
and that it kinda surprised her
it sounds stupid, but she's right
i really do like living here, and it shows
8/12/08
идиот
jeheezus christ
today, after getting up at 7`30 [unheard of]
i was clocked in for 14 1/2 hours
14 1/2!
7 of that was training
the rest was working on the floor
shit my legs hurt
but, by my calculations
it comes to $108.75 for today
[almost] well worth it
today, after getting up at 7`30 [unheard of]
i was clocked in for 14 1/2 hours
14 1/2!
7 of that was training
the rest was working on the floor
shit my legs hurt
but, by my calculations
it comes to $108.75 for today
[almost] well worth it
8/10/08
epic fail
summertime? the livin' ain't easy, not for me
this summer? it blows
this is what i've managed to accomplish:
—i've beaten 18 video games [likely about 14 games, i beat some twice]
—i had no jobs [i applied for ten]
—i manage to blow in excess of $1000 this summer, a new personal best
—i've read all of two books, while i bought over two dozen
[to be fair, i read those two books within the last three weeks]
—i've gained at least 25 pounds, probly more
—i've also gotten paler [yes it is possible]
i only have two positive things i can say for summer '08:
i discovered a new composer, and i finally got san andreas
ok, three:
i'll be at state for another year
not a positive as much as an incredible mercy
i need to live somewhere where there is no summer
its unnecessary and i don't enjoy it
perhaps sweden, or maybe alaska
this summer? it blows
this is what i've managed to accomplish:
—i've beaten 18 video games [likely about 14 games, i beat some twice]
—i had no jobs [i applied for ten]
—i manage to blow in excess of $1000 this summer, a new personal best
—i've read all of two books, while i bought over two dozen
[to be fair, i read those two books within the last three weeks]
—i've gained at least 25 pounds, probly more
—i've also gotten paler [yes it is possible]
i only have two positive things i can say for summer '08:
i discovered a new composer, and i finally got san andreas
ok, three:
i'll be at state for another year
not a positive as much as an incredible mercy
i need to live somewhere where there is no summer
its unnecessary and i don't enjoy it
perhaps sweden, or maybe alaska
7/22/08
eden roc
its a weird news week
–they finally found radovan karadžić, of all people... apparently he was hiding in belgrade as a practicing doctor for 13 years, [for those who don't know, he's a bosnian politician who's been charged with committing war crimes during the bosnian civil war in the 90s]
–zimbabwe introduced a new currency: the 100 billion dollar note [currently the exchange rate for $1 US is 425,276,250,000 zimbabwean dollars]
–the first ever nepali presidential election was won by ram baran yadav of the nepali congress party [a centrist democratic socialism party], only two months after the communist party of nepal abolished nepal's 240 monarchy
–estelle getty died [apparently she had dementia]
–paul mccartney of all people told the parti québécois to 'smoke the pipes of peace and to just put away your hatchets', and was received with upset and hostility when he arrived in montreal to play for the 400th anniversary of quebec city [the parti québécois is internationally known for its attempts to gain national sovereignty and secede from canada]
–christian bale was arrested and released on bail for allegations that he assaulted his mother and sister [he was arrested in london]
–a man in jerusalem went on a rampage while driving a backhoe, and rammed into cars and buses before being shot and killed by border police
–the first trial of salim hamdan [former driver for osama bin laden] began in guantanamo bay, with hamdan pleading not guilty to charges of conspiracy and supporting terrorism
–a case was brought forward in may by three citizens of the greek island of lesbos allegating that the term 'lesbian' referring to gay women was an insult to their identity and asked that it be banned. a judge in athens saw it differently, and ruled against them
–a man who was angry about a proposed third runway an heathrow airport in london superglued himself to gordon brown, the english prime minister. when that failed, he tried to glue himself to the gates of downing street, but he didn't have enough glue
–in iran, a man and eight woman have been sentenced to death by stoning for committing adultery [iranian law states that men must be buried up to the waist and women up to the chest before being stoned, and the rocks must not be big enough to kill the person immediately]
–researchers from chichester university in england discovered that being a drummer in a rock band is the equivalent of being a top athlete; drummers tested had heart rates around 190 bpm after 90 minutes of playing, and an hour in concert can burn up to 600 calories [smith also the stamina of rock drummers needs to be outstanding since they can play hundreds of concerts a year, while athletes play only once or twice week for the duration of their season]
–they finally found radovan karadžić, of all people... apparently he was hiding in belgrade as a practicing doctor for 13 years, [for those who don't know, he's a bosnian politician who's been charged with committing war crimes during the bosnian civil war in the 90s]
–zimbabwe introduced a new currency: the 100 billion dollar note [currently the exchange rate for $1 US is 425,276,250,000 zimbabwean dollars]
–the first ever nepali presidential election was won by ram baran yadav of the nepali congress party [a centrist democratic socialism party], only two months after the communist party of nepal abolished nepal's 240 monarchy
–estelle getty died [apparently she had dementia]
–paul mccartney of all people told the parti québécois to 'smoke the pipes of peace and to just put away your hatchets', and was received with upset and hostility when he arrived in montreal to play for the 400th anniversary of quebec city [the parti québécois is internationally known for its attempts to gain national sovereignty and secede from canada]
–christian bale was arrested and released on bail for allegations that he assaulted his mother and sister [he was arrested in london]
–a man in jerusalem went on a rampage while driving a backhoe, and rammed into cars and buses before being shot and killed by border police
–the first trial of salim hamdan [former driver for osama bin laden] began in guantanamo bay, with hamdan pleading not guilty to charges of conspiracy and supporting terrorism
–a case was brought forward in may by three citizens of the greek island of lesbos allegating that the term 'lesbian' referring to gay women was an insult to their identity and asked that it be banned. a judge in athens saw it differently, and ruled against them
–a man who was angry about a proposed third runway an heathrow airport in london superglued himself to gordon brown, the english prime minister. when that failed, he tried to glue himself to the gates of downing street, but he didn't have enough glue
–in iran, a man and eight woman have been sentenced to death by stoning for committing adultery [iranian law states that men must be buried up to the waist and women up to the chest before being stoned, and the rocks must not be big enough to kill the person immediately]
–researchers from chichester university in england discovered that being a drummer in a rock band is the equivalent of being a top athlete; drummers tested had heart rates around 190 bpm after 90 minutes of playing, and an hour in concert can burn up to 600 calories [smith also the stamina of rock drummers needs to be outstanding since they can play hundreds of concerts a year, while athletes play only once or twice week for the duration of their season]
7/10/08
小辛
its just like him
to wander off in the evergreen park
slowly searching
for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he's got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know
she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
and she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green
and she seems to be happy that she is here
and this time i think you'll know
you're not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell
you are not alone
you're not, you're not
alone
to wander off in the evergreen park
slowly searching
for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he's got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know
she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
and she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green
and she seems to be happy that she is here
and this time i think you'll know
you're not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell
you are not alone
you're not, you're not
alone
6/15/08
6/4/08
πλασίμπο
it doesn't hurt me
you want to feel how it feels?
you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
you want to hear about the deal i'm making?
you don't want to hurt me
but see how deep the bullet lies
unaware that i'm tearing you asunder
there's a thunder in our hearts, baby
so much hate for the ones we love
tell me, we both matter, don't we?
you, you and me, won't be unhappy
come on baby, come on, come one darling
let me steal this moment from you now
come on angel, come on, come on darling
let's exchange the experience
and if i only could
make a deal with god
get him to swap our places
be running up that road
be running up that hill
be running up that building
with no problems
if i only could
you want to feel how it feels?
you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
you want to hear about the deal i'm making?
you don't want to hurt me
but see how deep the bullet lies
unaware that i'm tearing you asunder
there's a thunder in our hearts, baby
so much hate for the ones we love
tell me, we both matter, don't we?
you, you and me, won't be unhappy
come on baby, come on, come one darling
let me steal this moment from you now
come on angel, come on, come on darling
let's exchange the experience
and if i only could
make a deal with god
get him to swap our places
be running up that road
be running up that hill
be running up that building
with no problems
if i only could
5/29/08
holãdiós
i like where we are
when we drive, in your car
i like where we are...here
cause our lips can touch
and our cheeks can brush
our lips can touch..here
i like where you sleep
when you sleep, next to me
i like where you sleep...here
well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers 'hello, i miss you quite terribly'
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms
when we drive, in your car
i like where we are...here
cause our lips can touch
and our cheeks can brush
our lips can touch..here
i like where you sleep
when you sleep, next to me
i like where you sleep...here
well you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers 'hello, i miss you quite terribly'
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms
5/26/08
ボウイ
ground control to major tom
take your protein pills and put your helmet on
ground control to major tom
commencing countdown, engines on
check ignition and may god's love be with you
ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, liftoff
this is ground control to major tom
you've really made the grade
and the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare
this is major tom to ground control
i'm stepping through the door
and i'm floating in a most peculiar way
and the stars look very different today
for here
am i sitting in a tin can
far above the world
planet earth is blue
and there's nothing i can do
though i'm past one hundred thousand miles
i'm feeling very still
and my spaceship knows which way to go
tell my wife i love her...she knows
ground control to major tom
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
can you hear me major tom?
can you hear me major tom?
can you....
here am i floating round my tin can
far above the moon
planet earth is blue
and there's nothing i can do
take your protein pills and put your helmet on
ground control to major tom
commencing countdown, engines on
check ignition and may god's love be with you
ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, liftoff
this is ground control to major tom
you've really made the grade
and the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare
this is major tom to ground control
i'm stepping through the door
and i'm floating in a most peculiar way
and the stars look very different today
for here
am i sitting in a tin can
far above the world
planet earth is blue
and there's nothing i can do
though i'm past one hundred thousand miles
i'm feeling very still
and my spaceship knows which way to go
tell my wife i love her...she knows
ground control to major tom
your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
can you hear me major tom?
can you hear me major tom?
can you....
here am i floating round my tin can
far above the moon
planet earth is blue
and there's nothing i can do
5/22/08
гробан
i watch the morning dawn upon your skin
a splinter in the light
it caught and frayed the very heart of us
it's been hiding there inside for all this time
how a sure thing winds up just like this
clockwork silence only knows
sweeping eggshells still at 3 am
we're trying far too hard
the tattered though balloons above our heads
sinking in the weight of all we need to say
why's and what if's have since long played out
left us short on happy endings
and it's no one's fault
there's no black and white
only you and me
on this endless night
and as the hours run away
with another life
oh, darling can't you see
its now or never
you know there's so much more
a splinter in the light
it caught and frayed the very heart of us
it's been hiding there inside for all this time
how a sure thing winds up just like this
clockwork silence only knows
sweeping eggshells still at 3 am
we're trying far too hard
the tattered though balloons above our heads
sinking in the weight of all we need to say
why's and what if's have since long played out
left us short on happy endings
and it's no one's fault
there's no black and white
only you and me
on this endless night
and as the hours run away
with another life
oh, darling can't you see
its now or never
you know there's so much more
5/6/08
lament
fanuilos heryn aglar
rîn athat annún-aearath
calad ammen i reniar
mi'aladhremmin ennorath
a elbereth gilthoniel
i chîn a thûl lin míriel
fanuilos le linnathon
ne ndor haer thar i aearon
a elin na gaim eglerib
ned în ben-anor trerennin
si silivrin ne pherth 'waewib
cenim lyth thílyn thueinnin
a elbereth gilthoniel
men echenim sí derthiel
ne chaered hed nu'aladhath
ngilith or annún-aearath
rîn athat annún-aearath
calad ammen i reniar
mi'aladhremmin ennorath
a elbereth gilthoniel
i chîn a thûl lin míriel
fanuilos le linnathon
ne ndor haer thar i aearon
a elin na gaim eglerib
ned în ben-anor trerennin
si silivrin ne pherth 'waewib
cenim lyth thílyn thueinnin
a elbereth gilthoniel
men echenim sí derthiel
ne chaered hed nu'aladhath
ngilith or annún-aearath
4/27/08
caída
son, you've got a way to fall
they'll tell you where to go,
but they won't know
son, you better take it all
they'll tell you what they know,
but they won't show
son, you've got a way to kill
they're picking on you still,
but they don't know
son, you'd better wait to shine
they'll tell you what is yours,
but they'll take mine
oh, i've got something in my throat
i need to be alone
while i suffer
oh, there's a hole inside my boat
and i need to stay afloat
for the summer
they'll tell you where to go,
but they won't know
son, you better take it all
they'll tell you what they know,
but they won't show
son, you've got a way to kill
they're picking on you still,
but they don't know
son, you'd better wait to shine
they'll tell you what is yours,
but they'll take mine
oh, i've got something in my throat
i need to be alone
while i suffer
oh, there's a hole inside my boat
and i need to stay afloat
for the summer
4/21/08
þrēo
they painted up your secrets
with the lies they told to you
and the least they ever gave you
was the most you ever knew
and i wonder where these dreams go
when the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
no one's listening anyway
your voice is small and fading
and you're hiding here alone
and your mother loves you father
cuz she's got nowhere to go
and she wonders where these dreams go
cuz the world got in her way
what's the point in ever trying
nothing's changing anyway
they press their lips against you
and you love the lies they say
and i tried to so hard to reach you
but you're falling anyway
and you know i see right through you
cuz the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
you're not listening anyway
with the lies they told to you
and the least they ever gave you
was the most you ever knew
and i wonder where these dreams go
when the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
no one's listening anyway
your voice is small and fading
and you're hiding here alone
and your mother loves you father
cuz she's got nowhere to go
and she wonders where these dreams go
cuz the world got in her way
what's the point in ever trying
nothing's changing anyway
they press their lips against you
and you love the lies they say
and i tried to so hard to reach you
but you're falling anyway
and you know i see right through you
cuz the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
you're not listening anyway
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