duono

half underwater, i'm half my mother's daughter
a fraction's left up to dispute
the whole collection,
half off the price they're asking
in the halfway house of ill repute

half accidental
half pain, full instrumental
i have a lot to think about
you think they're joking?
you have to go provoke him
i guess it's high time you found out

it's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong
you'll notice something funny
if you hang around here for too
long ago in some black hole,
before they had these pills to take it back
i'm half jill, and half jack

two halves are equal,
a cross between two evils
it's not an enviable lot,
but if you listen
you'll learn to hear the difference
between the halves and have nots

and when i let him in i feel the stitches getting sicker
i try to wash him out,
but like they say, the blood is thicker
i see my mother in my face
but only when i travel
i run as fast as i can run
but jack comes tumbling after

and when i'm brave enough,
and find a clever way to kick him out
and i'm so high,
not even you and all your love could bring me down
on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact
i'm half jill, and half jack

i'm halfway home now,
half hoping for a showdown
'cuz i'm not big enough to house this crowd
it might destroy me
but i'd sacrifice my body
if it meant i'd get the jack part out

see jack run jack run jack run jack
see jack run jack run see jack run
see jack run jack, jack see run jack
run jack, run jack, run jack, run jack,
run, jack, run

souhait

i wish, i wish my baby was born
and sittin' on its papa's knee
and me, poor girl, we're dead and gone
and the green grass growin' o'er my feet

i ain't ahead, nor never will be
till the sweet apple grows on a sour apple tree
but still i hope the time will come
when you and i shall be as one

i wish, i wish my love had died
and sent his soul to wander free
then we might meet where ravens fly
let our poor bodies rest in peace

the owl, the owl is a lonely bird
it chills my heart with dread and terror
that's someone's blood there on his wing
that's someone's blood there on his feather

grímsvötn

i had something i was going to put here,
but i'll be damned if i remember what it was
must not've been that important

i'm taking two history classes this summer,
and they couldn't be more different
my online one [encounters in the age of discovery] is a trip
the prof is rather pompous asshole,
the kind of asshole has a ten bullet point list of things he wants in two–page papers
[while grading them like we're twelve years old]
and he posts about 2 1/2 hours of lecture we have to sift through a week
he also keeps making awkward, joking asides in our lectures
it also turns out that there's only four people in that class
which means we all get extra scrutiny
fantastic

my other class is sex, dating, and marriage from wwII
and it's a fucking blast
that prof is both funny and insightful
and we've had interesting class discussions so far
and, unlike my online reading list,
i've actually got interesting books to read for this class
and we've watched/will be watching plenty of movies
makes the three hours twice weekly somewhat bearable

in one of my vagrant displays of consumerism ever,
i bought myself a really nice [and super expensive] ipod docking stereo
and let me tell you, it's nice
it's an altec lansing, so it's got a super deep bass
along with a really wide top range
plus, it has auxiliary jacks my old stereo so unfortunately lacked,
so now it can act as the speakers my laptop has always deserved
[which is not to knock my old usb speakers
which were great, but now belong to my parents]
i also replaced my old headphones,
which were good but crapping out
so now i am surrounded by glorious and gorgeous sound

also, in one of my most vagrant displays of practicality,
i bought myself a really nice, really inexpensive desk
the kind of desk i have been craving my entire time in the dorms
it actually has fucking shelves for once,
so i can put shit on it without cluttering the top of it
talk about convenient, right?
it's like that's what desks were meant to be,
as opposed to flat tabletops with the most useless keyboard drawer ever
so now i am surrounded by glorious and gorgeous workspace

last weekend i got to see vienna teng [!] at the e/l arts festival
i've loved her music for about five years now,
and somehow managed to see her live twice in the past two months
she's fucking phenomenal, let me tell you
she did some great arrangements of her songs with her percussionist
[alex, an amazing musician in his own right]
and even did a radiohead cover
talk about a great way to spend a sunday afternoon

and now, i'm gonna go play some max payne 2
[after dabbling around with it off and on for the past year
i sat down and played the original in one go
9 straight hours well wasted, in my opinion]

iodoform

dear weather,
let's cut right to the chase
i really don't like when it's hot outside
and i HATE when it's humid,
unfortunately, you like to do both here during the summer
[which, by the way, is a poor choice to make]
and sometimes, when you're feeling particularly vindictive,
you give us good citizenry a little teaser of what's to come

take this week, for example
coming off of last week, which was relatively decent for early may,
you decided it was time to blow past spring
and plunge headlong into late–june weather
not only was i not expecting mid–80s this past week
i also wasn't expecting it to get so damn humid
i gotta tell ya, i was pretty pissed
especially yesterday,
when i faced to prospect of 82º, super humid, and moving shit outside

but, beyond my annoyance about the heat
what really cuts me to the quick was the your lies about the rain
see, what got me through that shitty heat wave was the prospect of rain
glorious, long stretches of thunderstorms
coming in to sweep away the heat and humidity,
but then, in what can only be described as a bitch move,
you decided there would be no rainstorms
[and there would certainly be no thunderstorms]
and instead taunted me with 2 minutes of quick drizzle
which, of course, made the humidity worse
again, i was pretty pissed, even more so than before

and then, like i said before, came yesterday
after mercilessly mocking me with florida–like muggyness
it got a tiny bit cooler and much grayer
and then wonderfully, implausibly, it began to rain
and not just rain, either
it poured for damn near three hours, and then kept going
nearly 10 straight hours of solid, glorious raining
and, even though i had to walk through it to get back
and, ESPECIALLY because i had to walk through it to get back
i was giddy like a five year old
and, upon checking to see what the forecast would be
saw a solid predicted week of cool, rainy, ~60º days

so, even though it goes against my better judgment,
and the inevitability that more shitty weather approaches,
and my certainty that you're doing this just to fuck with me
i forgive you for this past week's hideous conditions
now let's keep it coming, eh?

wubwubwub

as much as i am loathe to admit it
[especially considering how many musically judgmental fucks i know]
i do actually like dubstep
but, i've found that the main reason i like it isn't always the music
the comments that people leave on dubstep videos are, in short, amazing
and, after spending some time on youtube,
i present you with some gems i've found

• so dirty, it feels like ten tramps and their dogs just spunked in my ear drum, then used my brain as a kleenex… and i normally pay good money for that service
• The drop is so heavy my rubix cube fell off my desk and completed itsself, neighbors called the police and they got arrested, my windows broke and had to buy a mac,my cat barked, ʇxǝʇ ʎɯ oʇ sıɥʇ pıp doɹp ssɐq ǝɥʇ, , made --- people miss the like button, mom walked in and I switched to porn, it became my neighbors favorite song, hitler got his gas bill, I pressed F13 for extra bass, my water turned into wine, I clicked 720p, it went B0:00M and I want more!
• Sounds like a Transformer having sex in the Renaissance!
• THIS SHIT IS SICKER THAN FINGERING YOUR SISTER AND FINDIN YOUR DADS WEDDIN RING!!!!!!
• wtf at 00:55 = duck on extasy ??? nice
• I miss those comments about these type of songs, the ones about a group of monks playing this on there pubes and various other random things <3.
• I like dubstep when it goes WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB…
• It's so filthy, when my mom walked in I had to switch to porn.
• Oh my Jesus. Taking a bath in diarrhea would be cleaner than this filthy dubstep. :D
• my Gf hated dubstep untill she sat on my subwoofer xD
• Sounds like a tractor raping a dog...is that just me? O.o
• My neighbors listen to dubstep, because they have to.
• This song is so dirty that Mr. Clean made 2,4000 accounts just to hit the dislike button…
• Michael J Fox doesn't have Parkinsons, he just heard this song and wasn't ready for it.
• I like the part when my head started to bash the wall with the beat
• The bass in this was so intense, I drank some orange juice.
• Dancing is for fags. I fight gorillas to this music.
• The drop is somewhere between Satan's penis and a Hobo's butthole as a far as cleanliness.
• This is what Beethoven on an acid trip after 4 hits of cocaine and an army of droids sounds like.
• The drop was so heavy that, well, it sounded really good. no faggy descriptions there.
• Good sir, I believe i shat enough bricks to build a second Great Wall.
• ok i literally looked for about 30 mins now be4 posting this...........fuckstep isnt a genre......... WHYYY?!?!?!?!
• justin bieber's ball are never gonna have a drop as big as this songs drop :DDDDD

không

не для меня придёт весна
не для меня дон разольётся
там сердце девичье забьётся
с восторгом чувств — не для меня

не для меня цветут сады
в долине роща расцветает
там соловей весну встречает
он будет петь — не для меня

не для меня журчат ручьи
текут алмазными струями
там дева с чёрными бровями
она растёт — не для меня

не для меня придёт пасха
за стол родня вся соберётся
вино по рюмочкам польётся
пасхальный день — не для меня

а для меня кусок свинца
он в тело белое вопьётся
и слёзы горькие прольются
такая жизнь — брат, ждёт меня

solidarjetà

when the union's inspiration through the workers' blood shall run
there can be no power greater anywhere beneath the sun
yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one
but the union makes us strong

is there aught we hold in common with the greedy parasite
who would lash us into serfdom and would crush us with his might
is there anything left to us but to organize and fight
for the union makes us strong

it is we who plowed the prairies, built the cities where they trade
dug the mines and built the workshops, endless miles of railroad laid
now we stand outcast and starving midst the wonders we have made
but the union makes us strong

all the world that's owned by idle drones is ours and ours alone
we have laid the wide foundations, built it skyward stone by stone
it it ours, not to slave in, but to master and to own
while the union makes us strong

they have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn
but without our brain and muscle not a single wheel can turn
we can break their haughty power, gain out freedom when we learn
that the union makes us strong

in our hands is placed a power greater than their hoarded gold
greater than the might of armies, magnified a thousand–fold
we can bring to birth a new world from the ashes of the old
for the union makes us strong

we're the women of the union and we sure know how to fight
we'll fight for women's issues and we'll fight for women's rights
a woman's work is never done from morning until night
women make the union strong

it is we who wash the dishes, scrub the floors and clean the dirt
feed the kids and send them off to school—and then we go to work
where we work for half men's wages for a boss who likes to flirt
but the union makes us strong

they say our day is over, they say our time is through
they say you need no union if your collar isn't blue
well that is just another lie the boss is telling you
for the union makes us strong

they divide us by our color, they divide us by our tongue
they divide us men and women, they divide us old and young
but they'll tremble at our voices when they hear these verses sung
for the union makes us strong

solidarity forever
solidarity forever
solidarity forever
for the union makes us strong

lingg

i was planning to write a long entry in here
one where i blow off steam and explain my anger
and i got most of the way through it,
when i decided a summation was more in order

i am a loyal person, extremely loyal in most cases
i take my involvement in groups/organizations/ideologies seriously
when you imply that i don't, and that i'll betray when it's convenient for me,
it really fucking bothers me
especially when i've done nothing but committed myself to it,
and taken great pains to become involved and leave my mark
it's about as close to being offended as i can get
so don't. EVER. fucking do it

i can take a joke, and i can grasp sarcasm,
but there is a major difference between those and passive seriousness
and believe me, i can tell which is which
especially when it's been bandied around for a while
so if you're going to make implications about me on the sly,
just know that i take it very seriously,
and it is not something i forgive easily


not exactly a summation,
but it's a hell of a lot shorter than what i had before

iron horse

i learned a few things today:
—i can actually finish a crossword on my own accord, and
—i can finish two crosswords, a sudoku, a word find, and a number puzzle in an hour
—my coat isn't waterproof anymore
—i actually like the music of john tavener
—i found a word that perfectly sums up my feelings about my relationships with other people [even the sound of the word fits perfectly]
—it's never too cold to walk in a thunderstorm [though, truthfully, that was more a reminder than anything else]
—i don't ever want to read russian literature in russian


i feel like everyone i know is tired of hearing me bitch about russian
[this is where most people would promise to stop doing it so much]
well, i dunno what to tell you
on the plus side, i only have it for another two weeks
and then, very literally, NEVER AGAIN
[this is where most people would offer some sort of nostalgia]
i can't really remember shit about what i've learned these four years
other than dr merrill is a godsend, zarema is a nightmare
and i have the memory capacity of a retarded howler monkey
so, if you've suffered though me complaining about it this long,
at least be comforted in the fact that the end is nigh
and the beginning of me complaining about how much i've forgotten is at hand

if i didn't find its studiousness extremely tedious,
and its endless intricacies mind–numbing,
i'd honestly consider some sort of career in psychology
[and no, not as a clinical psychologist
would you want me psychoanalyzing your problems?]
the neurobiological sciences fascinate the fuck out of me,
and i love how they co–habitate with human psychology
if i felt like going through eons more schooling,
and actually had some sort of idea about what i could study,
maybe i'd take that route in the future
but i highly doubt it

there's a little drawing of me on the wall next to my desk
my friend eric drew it while we were working at our internships in new york
[it's one of my facebook profile photos, for those who can see them]
i've always kinda liked him
couldn't tell you why, i just do
i imagine this was going somewhere in my head,
but as words on the interwubs it seems to be just another dead–end thought
oh well


because i mentioned how much i've taken a shine to tavener,
and because i've been listening to this the entire time i've been writing this,
here's a composition of his i particularly enjoy


alleluia
may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest
alleluia
remember me, o lord, when you come into your kingdom
alleluia
give rest, o lord, to your handmaid, who has fallen asleep
alleluia
the choir of saints have found the well–spring of life and door of paradise
alleluia
life: a shadow and a dream
alleluia
weeping at the grave creates the song: alleluia
come, enjoy the rewards and crowns i have prepared for you
alleluia

prăbușire

wonder how you sleep
i wonder what you think of me
if i could go back,
would you have ever been with me?
i want you to be uneased
i want you to remember
i want you to believe in me
i want you on my side

here we go again,
ashamed of being broken in
we're getting off track
i wanna get you back again
i want you to trouble me
i wanted you turning down
i want you to agree with me
i want so much so bad

yeah, be my savior

only love can save us now
don't lay me down
only love can save us now
i'll be your downfall
ah, love can save us now
don't save me now

come on and lay it down
i've always been with you
here and now
with all that's within you
be my savior,
and i'll be your downfall
mmm

now i'm back on my own
with my feet, they're made of stone
and i'll make you go where i go
it's killin' me, can i take you home?
and i'm comin' home on my back
kissing me, your lips painted black
saying oh,
let me be your downfall

route 8

it's 5`30 in the morning on a saturday
and i'm doing homework

am i the only person who can go out to a party on a friday night,
drink, hang out with people, have all–around good time
come home around 4`30 in the morning
then almost immediately start doing this?

i feel like this kind of behavior is frowned upon
some sort of intervention should probly take place

keynote

so,
i'm not sure if any of you noticed,
but i was gone during fall semester of 2010
[i know, right? i had no idea either]
so if you keep referencing shit that happened here then,
and i give you a confused look,
one that connotes '…the hell are you talking about?',
that's why

there is a reason i bring this up
[and no, it's not to bitch about what i just did]
last november i got a 'call for papers' forwarded to me
normally i don't respond to those,
or even consider them,
[usually cuz nothing i've done would qualify]
but this one kind of intrigued me
i could do a talk in lieu of presenting a paper,
and it was on a topic that interested me,
so i gave it a shot

last week, after three months of waiting to hear back
i found out that my proposal got accepted
which means i get to give my first conference presentation here in june
at the working class studies association's 2011 in conference in chicago on june 23rd
i'll be talking about the state of labor education in the u.s.,
and the program i took part in over the fall
should be a good time
[also, i might get a scholarship for it
sweet, sweet money]

in other news,
uconn won the men's championship on monday
and i am pleased

dgiâbl'ye

i live my life like there's no tomorrow
and all i've got i had to steal
least i don't need to beg or borrow
yes, i'm livin' at a pace that kills

i found the simple life ain't so simple
when i jumped out on that road
i got no love, no love you'd call real
ain't got nobody waitin' at home

you know i,
i found the simple life weren't so simple, no
when i jumped out on that road,
got no love, no love you'd call real
got nobody waitin' at home

runnin' with the devil
[i'm gonna tell ya all about it]
runnin' with the devil
[goddamn it lady, you know i ain't lyin to ya
i'm only gonna tell you one time]
runnin' with the devil
[hold on, hold on, i'm runnin]
runnin' with the devil
[yes i am]

condamnée

what passing–bells for these who die as cattle?
only the monstrous anger of the guns.
only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
can patter out their hasty orisons.
no mockeries for them; no prayers nor bells,
nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,—
the shrill, demented choirs of the wailing shells;
and bugles calling for them from sad shires.

what candles may be held to speed them all?
not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
the pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
and each slow dusk a drawing–down of blinds

nehéz

now i've come to cry
shed your skin to rest my naked eye, and criticize,
all that i implore
seems to be one foot outside that door,
coming between me and waking

underneath the corset of your mystery
piece by piece, undress you from your history
i'm sleeping with seclusion in sweet disarray

born unto this pride,
silence is something you can't hide
you can't deny us,
nothing has been said,
yet so many words have filled my head
now they completely surround me

tie the lines of honest conductivity,
caught between the center of our gravity
i don't have that much time to burn anymore

you can go heavy on me,
and i will not weigh you down
you can be steady and clean,
i can take it
heavy on me, and i will not weigh you down