i was planning to write a long entry in here
one where i blow off steam and explain my anger
and i got most of the way through it,
when i decided a summation was more in order

i am a loyal person, extremely loyal in most cases
i take my involvement in groups/organizations/ideologies seriously
when you imply that i don't, and that i'll betray when it's convenient for me,
it really fucking bothers me
especially when i've done nothing but committed myself to it,
and taken great pains to become involved and leave my mark
it's about as close to being offended as i can get
so don't. EVER. fucking do it

i can take a joke, and i can grasp sarcasm,
but there is a major difference between those and passive seriousness
and believe me, i can tell which is which
especially when it's been bandied around for a while
so if you're going to make implications about me on the sly,
just know that i take it very seriously,
and it is not something i forgive easily

not exactly a summation,
but it's a hell of a lot shorter than what i had before


iron horse

i learned a few things today:
—i can actually finish a crossword on my own accord, and
—i can finish two crosswords, a sudoku, a word find, and a number puzzle in an hour
—my coat isn't waterproof anymore
—i actually like the music of john tavener
—i found a word that perfectly sums up my feelings about my relationships with other people [even the sound of the word fits perfectly]
—it's never too cold to walk in a thunderstorm [though, truthfully, that was more a reminder than anything else]
—i don't ever want to read russian literature in russian

i feel like everyone i know is tired of hearing me bitch about russian
[this is where most people would promise to stop doing it so much]
well, i dunno what to tell you
on the plus side, i only have it for another two weeks
and then, very literally, NEVER AGAIN
[this is where most people would offer some sort of nostalgia]
i can't really remember shit about what i've learned these four years
other than dr merrill is a godsend, zarema is a nightmare
and i have the memory capacity of a retarded howler monkey
so, if you've suffered though me complaining about it this long,
at least be comforted in the fact that the end is nigh
and the beginning of me complaining about how much i've forgotten is at hand

if i didn't find its studiousness extremely tedious,
and its endless intricacies mind–numbing,
i'd honestly consider some sort of career in psychology
[and no, not as a clinical psychologist
would you want me psychoanalyzing your problems?]
the neurobiological sciences fascinate the fuck out of me,
and i love how they co–habitate with human psychology
if i felt like going through eons more schooling,
and actually had some sort of idea about what i could study,
maybe i'd take that route in the future
but i highly doubt it

there's a little drawing of me on the wall next to my desk
my friend eric drew it while we were working at our internships in new york
[it's one of my facebook profile photos, for those who can see them]
i've always kinda liked him
couldn't tell you why, i just do
i imagine this was going somewhere in my head,
but as words on the interwubs it seems to be just another dead–end thought
oh well

because i mentioned how much i've taken a shine to tavener,
and because i've been listening to this the entire time i've been writing this,
here's a composition of his i particularly enjoy

may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest
remember me, o lord, when you come into your kingdom
give rest, o lord, to your handmaid, who has fallen asleep
the choir of saints have found the well–spring of life and door of paradise
life: a shadow and a dream
weeping at the grave creates the song: alleluia
come, enjoy the rewards and crowns i have prepared for you



wonder how you sleep
i wonder what you think of me
if i could go back,
would you have ever been with me?
i want you to be uneased
i want you to remember
i want you to believe in me
i want you on my side

here we go again,
ashamed of being broken in
we're getting off track
i wanna get you back again
i want you to trouble me
i wanted you turning down
i want you to agree with me
i want so much so bad

yeah, be my savior

only love can save us now
don't lay me down
only love can save us now
i'll be your downfall
ah, love can save us now
don't save me now

come on and lay it down
i've always been with you
here and now
with all that's within you
be my savior,
and i'll be your downfall


now i'm back on my own
with my feet, they're made of stone
and i'll make you go where i go
it's killin' me, can i take you home?
and i'm comin' home on my back
kissing me, your lips painted black
saying oh,
let me be your downfall


route 8

it's 5`30 in the morning on a saturday
and i'm doing homework

am i the only person who can go out to a party on a friday night,
drink, hang out with people, have all–around good time
come home around 4`30 in the morning
then almost immediately start doing this?

i feel like this kind of behavior is frowned upon
some sort of intervention should probly take place



i'm not sure if any of you noticed,
but i was gone during fall semester of 2010
[i know, right? i had no idea either]
so if you keep referencing shit that happened here then,
and i give you a confused look,
one that connotes '…the hell are you talking about?',
that's why

there is a reason i bring this up
[and no, it's not to bitch about what i just did]
last november i got a 'call for papers' forwarded to me
normally i don't respond to those,
or even consider them,
[usually cuz nothing i've done would qualify]
but this one kind of intrigued me
i could do a talk in lieu of presenting a paper,
and it was on a topic that interested me,
so i gave it a shot

last week, after three months of waiting to hear back
i found out that my proposal got accepted
which means i get to give my first conference presentation here in june
at the working class studies association's 2011 in conference in chicago on june 23rd
i'll be talking about the state of labor education in the u.s.,
and the program i took part in over the fall
should be a good time
[also, i might get a scholarship for it
sweet, sweet money]

in other news,
uconn won the men's championship on monday
and i am pleased


i live my life like there's no tomorrow
and all i've got i had to steal
least i don't need to beg or borrow
yes, i'm livin' at a pace that kills

i found the simple life ain't so simple
when i jumped out on that road
i got no love, no love you'd call real
ain't got nobody waitin' at home

you know i,
i found the simple life weren't so simple, no
when i jumped out on that road,
got no love, no love you'd call real
got nobody waitin' at home

runnin' with the devil
[i'm gonna tell ya all about it]
runnin' with the devil
[goddamn it lady, you know i ain't lyin to ya
i'm only gonna tell you one time]
runnin' with the devil
[hold on, hold on, i'm runnin]
runnin' with the devil
[yes i am]