this was my exact thought first thing this morning:
'i have insane final fantasy hair'
and you know, i was tempted to leave it that way
but, better judgment took hold
well, that and i didn't want to be asked about it all damn day
so, instead, it's in its normal emo swoop
which is exciting for everyone

so, nike finally unveiled the new msu uniforms
if any of you haven't seen it, here they are
personally, i like them
i don't agree that their a 'bold new look for msu athletics'
but i like the designs that nike did
[which i wasn't expecting,
considering how pissed i was about the logo change]
however, they kinda dropped the ball on one thing they proposed
they said they were gonna give the programs uniformity,
and make them a little more similar and singular
one was to do that is to give all the uniforms the same blazon
half the uniforms have 'SPARTANS' on them,
the other half 'MICHIGAN STATE'
and only a few of them actually have the spartan head on it
they probly should've just picked one to go with
i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin'

i dunno if any of you are expecting me to do a spiel about the draft
but i'm not going to
mostly because i don't give a damn about it,
but that isn't my main reason
entirely too much is made of the draft every year
especially around here, because of the damn lions
every year they draft the guy who's gonna turn them around
every year this draft class is gonna be the pivot
it's important, don't get me wrong
but not the end–all huge fucking event it's made out to be
it also amazes me that people do mock drafts
why fucking bother?
it's not gonna be even close to right,
so why waste your time [especially if you're not being paid to do it?]
at any rate,
i'm not gonna analyze the draft
so there

is it a little sad that i'm looking forward to a summer of working?
i really need to get away from this academic b/s for a while
love my major with a nerdy fervor like i do,
we need to take a break from each other,
reassess our relationship, maybe make some changes
that or i just need to do something that doesn't require much thought
some sort of menial job so i can focus on the bigger picture
that or i just feel like being lazy

as a parting thought,
i used a lot of links in this post
gotta be some sort of record for me
[disregarding the fuhbal series]

i woke up with the insane final fantasy hair again today
i'm on some sort of role, i think
i think my next step is riding a chocobo to my classes,
and insisting people start calling me 'cloud'



holy shit, son
do i have news for you people

this year, in us news & world report's yearly ranking of grad schools/programs,
itchose five msu grad programs as #1 in the country for their respective fields
guess what they are?
–elementary education
–secondary education
–rehabilitation counseling
–industrial and organizational psychology

that's right, i'm not lying
msu beat out the massachusetts institute of technology and cal tech in nuclear physics
this is fucking incredible
the fact that we have five number one programs is awesome
[and our college of ed has been number one for sixteen years]
but the fact that we edged out such a science powerhouse is amazing
and now we have the frib at our cyclotron
we're just rockin' the sciencey shit here now

as a side note,
i think msu should get a new slogan for their commercials
enough of this 'advancing knowledge, transforming lives' bullshit
i propose something new:
'Michigan State University: We'll Science the Shit Out of You'

references n shit:
msu article
freep article
state news article


keirle house

are you guys ready for this?
there's no way you can be, but too fucking bad
this is mostly just going to be a really long bitching
you've been warned

[christ, that's really 90s of me]
that's my version of false advertising
like really stupid headlines that make you read an article
like this one: 'aspirin can reduce migraine symptom pain'
[which is also a big NO SHIT from those of who get them]

apparently, for people i know,
this is the week for shit just not going right [myself included]
at least a dozen people are just having a shitty time of it
which sucks, cuz we're so close to being done
and also shouldn't be a surprise, since it's fucking april
i can't speak for anyone else,
but my profs have played a big part in mine
my history prof got all indignant cuz we didn't read all her extraneous bullshit
and zarema's gotten mad at us three classes in a row,
which is a record for at [with our class, at least]
i guess we just aren't up to her expectations,
which is just shocking
that, and everyday this week i've felt like i've made bad decisions
but today, i made two good ones:
i opened a window during rehearsal to get a goddamn breeze,
and i made myself a delicious sammich
slowly but surely, i'm getting better

i'm slowly becoming covered in bruises,
mostly around my elbows and knees
i really need to stop throwing myself on the floor with such vigor
that or i need to not do it as often
oh well, s'what i get for being 'dedicated to my craft'
also, i need to learn to not be so goddamn awkward
i'm currently out–awkwarding a freshman gal,
which really speaks volumes, doesn't it?

i have a russia–tastic weekend coming up,
don't go getting jealous, now
friday i have russian club, russian class, then russian food party
saturday i have a presentation on russia to give to high schoolers
then sunday is the zolotoj plyos concert
i haven't had that much russia shoved into that little time since i was there
let me tell you, it's not as much fun as it sounds
and it doesn't really sound like fun at all

final thought:
if it gets up to 80º today,
i will murder something with a cotton candy bucket



along the avenue of hope
the footsteps falter, the fingers grope
and days stretch out beneath the sun
no one's born, and no one dies
no one loves, so no one cries
and we wait to see just what we will become

don't let me falter, don't let me ride
don't let the earth in me subside
let me see just who i will become

you're like the clouds in my hometown
you just grow fat and hang around
and your days stretch out beneath the sun

no one's born, and no one dies
no one loves, so no one cries
and we wait to see just what we will become

don't let me borrow, don't let me bring
don't let me wallow, don't make me sing
let me see just who i will become

don't let me falter, don't let me hide
don't let someone else decide
just who or what i will become

don't let them borrow, don't let them bring
don't let them wallow, don't make them sing
let them stretch out beneath the sun



holy shit, son


i wonder how many conspiracy theories are out there already
god knows there's gonna be plenty
especially since they were flying back after the katyń memorial
the worst part of this is, it wasn't just the president and his wife
there was an 85 member delegation with them
including members of the polish cabinet, military chiefs of staff, and others
thankfully the prime minister wasn't on that flight, too
shit's gonna be really heavy in eastern europe for the next few weeks

[for those of you who don't know,
the katyń massacre happened in april 1940;
soviet soldiers and officers received a letter signed by the entire soviet politburo:
it authorized them to gather polish prisoners, politicans, intelligentsia and police,
and then kill them all
around 22,000 were shot in all, and buried in mass graves
all this happened in a large forest outside the village of katyń on russia's border
it was covered up for years,
then, in 1943, while they were scouting the area,
nazi wehrmacht officers discovered the graves, and radioed it in
it caused a huge firestorm between the poles and soviets,
the soviets denying responsibility and blaming germany,
with everyone else [including germany and poland] blaming the soviets
they continued denying these claims until the soviet union fell,
and then, in 1990, the russians finally admitted culpability
there's been tumultuous treatment ever since,
with some russian newspapers still blaming the nazis,
but all three russian presidents have memorialized the event,
this year they invited polish president kaczyński and p/m tusk to the memorial,
since this was the 70th anniversary]



a last fire will rise behind those eyes
black house will rock, blind boys don't lie
immortal fear, that voice so clear
through broken walls that scream i hear

blue masquerade strangers look on
when will they learn this loneliness?
temptation heat beats like a drum
deep in your veins, i will not lie

my shangri–las i can't forget
why you were mine, i need you now

cry, little sister — thou shall not fall
come to your brother — thou shall not die
unchain me, sister — thou shall not fear
love is with your brother — thou shall not kill



tonight is a good night; why?
because tonight is the first thunderstorm of the season
it's been on and off for the past three hours
and i'm in fucking nirvana because of it
and as soon as i'm done writing this,
i'm gonna go walk around in it

this time of year is always difficult for me
i really couldn't say why,
but april has never really been a good month for me
shit always goes wrong in odd ways in april
i usually have things to look forward to,
[like the school year ending]
but i always have a shitty month regardless
last year i about killed myself with the amount of shit i needed to do
the year before that work piled up so fast it made my head spin
and the list goes on, and on
relationships i've had tend to end in april, badly
friendships usually hit some sort of serious problems
school gets that much more difficult
deadlines pile up, and then get missed
i wish i knew what it was about this month
there's really no reason everything goes south in april
because as soon as it becomes may, everything goes fine
just one of those things, i guess
one i could do without

i didn't wait to finish, and went outside anyway
i love thunderstorms
i love the smell of fresh rain and cool wind
and i LOVE it not being 80º
this weather has my stamp of approval

there was probly something else i was going to say
but i'll be damned if i remember what it was
so i guess it'll just have to wait
i'm sure you'll live
also, good luck tonight, lady huskies
you show them cardinal what's what
uconn: where men are men, and women are champions

i got a fun greeting on my way back from 7/11
as i was walking back, there was a break in the rain
i walked back towards the snyder ramp, like usual,
and as i passed the flooded lawn in between snyphi and mason/abbot,
i noticed two ducks, just chillin'
and wallowing in a massive mud puddle
one of them was almost bathing itself in muddy water,
while the other was almost naggingly quacking at it
it made me laugh as i drank my delicious slurpee



we chase misprinted lies
we face the path of time
and yet i fight, and yet i fight
this battle all alone

no one to cry to
no place to call home

my gift of self is raped
my privacy is raked
and yet i find, and yet i find
repeating in my head
if i can't be my own
i'd feel better dead




we meet again, four a/m
you and i really got to know each other well this year
normally we'd only meeting fleetingly
maybe once or twice a week
sometimes, very rarely, not for a few weeks at a time
but our relationship changed, big time
i didn't know it, but apparently we're going steady
and we have been for over half a year now
glad you finally clued me in

i have to say, though, you could've been less bitchy about it
i understand that you don't like when i don't give you attention
and my hanging out with other times must cut deep
i understand
i think you're too goddamn sensitive,
and it's not that a huge of a deal
but still, i get it,
you're hurt, you felt abandoned maybe?
i'd say i'm sorry, but it was beginning to feel abusive
you had a stranglehold over my mornings
you'd never let me take a nap around you
never let me go and do other things without you
we don't have to see each other every day to be good together
sometimes, time apart helps strengthen the relationship
at least in theory

you'd never let me test that though, would you?
i tried telling you, but you just wouldn't listen to me
so here it is again, and i really need to you to listen this time:
i need some time on my own, away from you
and we need to not hang out again for a while
maybe in a week or so, but definitely not the coming days
you're starting to drive me a little batshit
your constant neediness and mid–night rendezvous are taxing
i can only give you so much, you know
and i don't have much to give

at first you only took up free time
and that's fine, less time spent fucking around on the interwubs is okay
but then, you slowly started creeping into my study time
and i get it, maybe i was being a little neglectful,
but i have other priorities, you know?
then a little study time turned into a lot of study time
and i started falling a bit behind
it wasn't too major, i could make up for it later
but i felt a little used, you know?
like i had no say in what was going on between us
and now? you've taken it to far
i try to sleep at other points during the day to spend time with you,
and you fucking refuse to let me
what the hell?
are you so controlling that i can't spend time with anyone else?
do i constantly need to be in an insomniac stupor to please you?
this is ridiculous

no, you never listen to what i have to say
i've had it with you, and your constant need for attention
you show up unannounced, you always butt in,
i can never get away from you anymore
and you're fucking rude to my friends
i'm calling it off, four a/m
you can pick your stuff up off the curb,
cuz i'm done with you and you using me
i'm my own man
and i demand the ability to sleep around you again
don't make me turn this into an even bigger mess
just let me loose, and find some other poor asshole to siphon off of

needless to say,
my weekday sleep schedule is completely fucked up now
it's become me passing out for an hour or two every six to eight hours
which is not beneficial in any way
i do tend to make up for it on the weekends,
but man is it a bitch five days a week
at this point i'm in need of a hard system reboot
that or the six–inch drop test
cuz this is goddamn ridiculous
off to studying i go, i guess