jacobs cavern

maybe someday i'll update this thing regularly again
but, i highly doubt it'll be anytime soon
my ability to remember to update this has gotten horrible
it's like ronald reagan trying to beat alzheimer's:
i'd love to, but i just can't... wait, what?

[i have no idea where to start with this
so i'm going to fill until i think of something...]

classes are starting to pick up, i suppose that's something
november's gonna be my month for cranking out papers
and photo projects, and apparently interviews
at least it won't be mostly reading
that'll be a nice change [for once]

i passed the 10,000 song mark on my computer
i suppose that's something too
i'm not sure what to think about how much music i now have
on one hand, that's a shit-ton of music to have
it's starting to border on unnecessarily large
on the other, i'm glad i have such varied tastes
and i keep on downloading music
so it's only gonna get bigger

i also haven't been going to sleep before 5 am
that's definitely something
s'been going on about a week and a half or so
i should probly try to not let that happen
since all it does is fuck me up [worse than normal]
and since i'm rarely productive when i do stay up

i've decided i'm not going to any parties for a while
[the only exception being halloween]
even though i saw a lot of people this weekend,
including some i haven't seen in about a month or so
all the places i went had franzia, shitty beer, and people i don't know
first off:
i hate franzia, it's disgusting
if you drink booze from a box, you have a problem. period.
shitty beer is shitty for a reason, and that's because it's cheap
so i don't care how much money you're trying to save
pitch in some cash so i can drink something that doesn't taste like piss
and third:
people i know are fine, people i don't know are fine
people i don't know aren't fine when they make up a majority
it makes me feel out of place, and all i do is drink and look awkward/creepy
i go to parties to enjoy myself, not talk to friends of friends of friends
oh, and a fourth:
cheap booze FUCKING SUCKS

i changed my voicemail a few weeks back
just to get this out in the open, so there's no ambiguity:
i am perfectly aware of what my old voicemail said
i know it said i was still in russia until the end of june
it also said that i'd be back after that, and that i'd return calls
apparently EVERYONE who called me felt the need to point that out
i'm aware of where i am people, trust me
so please, if you wanna try to be clever or cute on my voicemail

politics is the same [irritating]
news is the same [unbelievable]
classes are the same [hard/easy/painful/awesome]
jobs are the same [nonexistant]
weather is the same [cold, how i like it]
the only thing that seems to be different is sports
and oh boy, is it exciting
i have to say, i'm grateful msu decided to start winning again
it's a step in the right direction, i gotta say
same thing goes for the steelers
nice choice, guys, helps to keep the rep going strong

also, what the fuck happened to the titans?
a 59–0 shutout? by the patriots, of all teams?
they've allowed 198 points in just six games
even the LIONS haven't allowed that many
to commemorate this ridiculous feat,
i'll end with the sentiments of a pissed–off anonymous:

due to popular demand [by that, i mean the one person who asked],
and due to the fact that i haven't done it in almost two years,
i'm bringing back the potatoes
and since i already posted about their stunning fall,
i'm making the titans the potatoe of this post
because it takes incredible skill to go from 13–3 to 0–6



i suppose i owe an explanation about what's been going on

about two weeks ago,
i found out i'm going to another funeral [my eighth]
my grandfather's
he'd been in the hospital since around the beginning of august
and his recovery was... inconsistent, i guess
he just couldn't fight it off anymore
so now he's gone

it should have been relatively easy to handle
he was old, sick for a long time, and that's how it goes
but it's been killing me since i found out
not grief, but guilt; the hardcore kind
the same kind i felt for about two months after anderson died
[which is a whole other story that some of you may know]
it's pretty much been controlling me since i found out
it wasn't any one specific thing,
just a lot of things compounded that made me feel like shit
that and i felt horrible for not being able to go home when it happened
so i was basically checked out from everything i was doing
i tried doing things to get my mind off it,
but it didn't work [it never does, really]

i did get to spend some time with my family this weekend
and it helped; it alleviated the guilt some, at least
i'm not the only one who hasn't handled this well
but it helped to put it in perspective
i sometimes just forget that life goes on, i guess
so here's hoping i get back to mine sometime soon