son, you've got a way to fall
they'll tell you where to go,
but they won't know

son, you better take it all
they'll tell you what they know,
but they won't show

son, you've got a way to kill
they're picking on you still,
but they don't know

son, you'd better wait to shine
they'll tell you what is yours,
but they'll take mine

oh, i've got something in my throat
i need to be alone
while i suffer

oh, there's a hole inside my boat
and i need to stay afloat
for the summer



they painted up your secrets
with the lies they told to you
and the least they ever gave you
was the most you ever knew

and i wonder where these dreams go
when the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
no one's listening anyway

your voice is small and fading
and you're hiding here alone
and your mother loves you father
cuz she's got nowhere to go

and she wonders where these dreams go
cuz the world got in her way
what's the point in ever trying
nothing's changing anyway

they press their lips against you
and you love the lies they say
and i tried to so hard to reach you
but you're falling anyway

and you know i see right through you
cuz the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming
you're not listening anyway



i heard he sang a good song
i heard he had a style
and so i came to see him
to listen for a while
and there he was, this young boy
stranger to my eyes

i felt all flushed with fever
embarrassed by the crowd
i felt he'd found my letters
and read each one out loud
i prayed that he would finish
but he just kept right on

he sang as if he knew me
in all my dark despair
and then he looked right through me
as if i wasn't there
but he was there
this stranger, singing clear and loud

strumming my pain with his fingers
singing my life with his words
killing me softly with his song
telling my whole life with his words
killing me softly with his song




i was told something this morning that struck me oddly
i was talking to jill, and she told me
'you're one of those people i can just talk to
and you'll make me feel better'

she's not the first to say that to me
and probly won't be the last
but it still hits me right between the eyes
i think because its such a turnaround from a few years ago
before sophomore year in high school
no one came to me for anything
i was never the person people came to talk to
i never minded that [most of them i wouldn't want to listen to]
but that was the way it was for so long
and now, in the past fours years
i've somehow become the person to go to
i dunno how it happened
nothing i can really do about it, i guess
i dunno why any of that was really worth mentioning either
i guess it isn't

so tired, and andresen is so boring
fucking geography


the amount of sleep i've had in the past two days:
low, even for me
plus tonight, i'll be somewhere around 11 hours since sunday

apparently, all level IIs have to go to training on saturday
training, i'm told, that will last FIVE FUCKING HOURS
i hardly care enough to keep showing up for my damn shifts
and now this?
i don't care that i'm being paid to go to this
i'm still going to be bored out of my fucking mind
as if the videos weren't bad enough

concert was tonight
had to borrow a shirt from jim, since my white one is way too big
went to dublin square afterwards
ended up staying for about two hours [go figure]
i also listened the 'furioso and valse' when i got back,
i hate when i remind myself about when i could still play percussion
son of a bitch, i was really good once upon a time
not anymore
john hill would be so disappointed

and of course, listening to just one thing from my band cds
i end up back on 'on a hymnsong of philip bliss'
i'll be damned if it doesn't always make me think of mr anderson
and how i'll never forgive myself for lying to him the last time i saw him
s'hard to stomach sometimes that he's gone

i've seen fucking 3`15 every goddamn day for two fucking weeks
i'm tired of it



it was like a rollercoaster this week
felt good about the paper
actually, about classes in general
but about everything else i felt/feel like shit

some jackasses keep fucking with our whiteboard
and its really pissing me off
ripping it off the door was one thing
but smashing it apart for no reason is another
and they did it again today
came back from work, damn thing was on the floor down the hall
so fucking stupid
i can't wait to away from some of these dipshits

today at work, i was by the host station ignoring farva
when someone said something i didn't catch
and i said 'что?' [means 'what' in russian]
and one of the guys who had just walked in
looks at me and says hi in russian
turns out he's from lithuania and his buddy's from siberia
oh the random events at the gallery
they were pretty cool guys
talking about how there are never any pretty russian girls in america
guess rossiya's keeping them all to herself

i feel kinda bad for andy
he's had a couple shitty days in a row
he's at home now, probly sleeping
hopefully, at least, since he was up for over 24 hours last time i saw him
maybe next week will be a little better for him
if nothing else, the semester's almost over



man, my hands are really dry and peeling
i love my job

i really don't know why i go to geography every monday
i really don't
its not like anything i'm learning is vitally important to anything i do
and its not like its incredibly interesting
soon enough, it'll be over
soon enough

god i am tired as shit
i really need to not sleep in till 4 pm on the weekends
it really fucks with me during the week
shit, i think i have a russian test tomorrow
at least my paper's done
i'm going to sleep when i get back