the people at apple fucking sabotaged my computer
ive never had a problem with safari or any of my other apps continually freezing
or having finder have to reset itself
since i've updated to tiger
safari's frozen about a dozen times
system preferences has frozen five times
fucking adium crashed twice
and finder froze and had to be reset TWICE
i'd only ever had finder twice on me before
what the fuck, apple? what the fuck?
you'd think i'd have gotten vista

i wont be going to history for about three weeks
next three weeks comprise of
turning in the a/b and personal meetings with dr thomas
i'd say i got off easy
but i still have four parts of an a/b to do
which is gonna suck

for some reason i still have 'fame' on my itunes
which is now rectified and deleted
christ i hate/d doing that show
and i wasnt even in it
no, i didnt mind the people who were in it
some, actually most were friends of mine
but god that show fuckin sucked
if anyone who was in that reads this
dont argue with me about it
you may have had acting it
but it was a technical/managerial/logisitical nightmare

this is an email i got from one of my bosses
regarding tomorrow at work:
"Happy Halloween! If you chose you may dress up for Halloween. HOWEVER,
your costume must be appropriate and follow the dress code. You will be
sent home to change if you are not dressed appropriately. If you
question if you should wear something then chances are you should not!
Your costume cannot be offensive, you still must wear a hat or a
hairnet, long hair must be pulled back, you must wear closed toed &
heeled rubber soled shoes (NO HIGH HEELS or PLATFORM SHOES, this is for
your safety), you must have long pants, a shirt with sleeves, and your
nametag! "
that pretty much rules out 90% of the costumes people have
which means tomorrow will be boring as fuck
and i just remembered i dont work tomorrow
which means?
i dont care


sure on this shining night
of starmade shadows round
kindness must watch for me
this side the ground

the late year lies down the north
all is healed, all is health
high summer holds the earth
hearts all whole

sure on this shining night
i weep for wonder
wand'ring far alone
of shadows on the stars



i have nothing to say
i dont even have something to b/s about
i could complain about something
but i've done that to death
and have no new complaints
god i'm pathetic

i need sleep



the week over yet?
two tests? done
average grade? ~80 [±3]
plans for weekend? none
why? because i need a fucking break

one of many things i do not get
is when someone sends you a message online
through myspace/facebook/whatever
and they sign their name at the end
how stupid is that
i already know how sent it to me
because it says
'you have one message from _____'
remember that, people

i need food
and sleep
and random things
anyone want to contribute?



three hours later
a/b done
fucking encyclopædias

i just want a nice highway near here
so i can throw myself off an overpass onto it
can i not get a break?
i should not be allowed to interact socially with others
bad things will always happen

dont want to take my russian test
dont want to take my psych test
dont want to fail at college
dont want to keep losing money
dont want to sleep
dont want to stay here
the list goes on forever


nine songs

this is a conversation i had with someone a few days back
it was one of the more bizarre i've had lately

17`50 [person] hey how was work?
17`57 [me] uneventful
18`07 [person] why
18`10 [me] because nothing happened?
18`10 [me] just served sandwiches for three hours
18`11 [person] what were you expecting to happen?
18`11 [me] nothing
18`12 [person] well then why sound so dissapointed
18`12 [me] i'm not
18`12 [person] it sounded like you were
18`12 [me] nope
18`12 [me] i dont really care one way or the other
18`12 [person] ok
18`12 [me] since that shift is usually boring
18`13 [person] so you are used to it
18`14 [me] ...yeah

then later, after talking about concerts we both have

18`25 [person] when are your concerts
18`28 [me] only one
18`28 [me] in december
18`28 [person] what date
18`28 [person] and time
18`28 [me] dunno
18`28 [me] and dunno
18`28 [person] how dont you know
18`29 [me] because i dont remember
18`30 [me] and i dont have the sheet with me that says when it is
18`30 [person] oh
18`30 [person] where is the sheet
18`31 [me] i...dont...know
18`31 [me] thus not having it
18`31 [person] oh

obviously, said person wasnt operating on all wavelengths that night

after long and dubious consideration
...thats a complete lie
after having the thought briefly cross my mind
i'm not going to complain about work anymore
since its really not as bad as i first thought
i guess its jaded me

i dont think my emotions have clocked in lately
ive felt very neutral for the past couple days
not that i mind
the last thing i need is emotional contingencies
god those fuckers get in the way
maybe if i bribe them enough
they'll stay away

before i forget, we have multiple 'potatoes':
today's potatoes are my coworkers who worked dishroom tonight
i was supposed to close at ciao [grinders/pizza] tonight
but, because there was only one person closing in dish
i volunteered to go back and help them
so i go back and do the pots and pans
i told the girl who was rinsing/loading to put the hoods from brimstone [burgers] through twice
and i get this blank stare like i was speaking greek
'you know, after they go through once, the girl will bring them back; put them through again'
and the girl who was unloading
i swear to christ
you'd think she'd never had an independent thought
'what should i do now?'
'what needs to be done now?'
'how much is left to do?'
truly a wonder
which is why we didnt leave until 1`45 tonight


смерть шпионам

canto para matar una culebra
la culebra tiene los ojos de vidrio
la culebra viene y se enreda en un palo
con sus ojos de vidrio, en un palo
con sus ojos do vidrio
la culebra camina sin patas
la culebra se esconde en la yerba
caminando se esconde en la yerba
caminando sin patas

tú le das con el hacha, y se muere
¡dale ya!
¡no le des con el pie, que te muerde
no le des con el pie, que se va!
sensemayá, la culebra
sensemayá, con sus ojos
sensemayá, con su lengua
sensemayá, con su boca

¡la culebra muerta no puede comer
la culebra muerta no puede silbar
no puede caminar
no puede correr!
¡la culebra muerta no puede mirar
la culebra muerta no puede beber
no puede respirar
no puede morder!
sensemayá, la culebra...
sensemayá, no se mueve...
sensemayá, za culebra...
¡sensemayá, se murió!


larrys creek

fucking internet was out last night
but its back now, obviously

lots of tornados thursday night
lots of rain
both of which were not here
there were lots of evacuations though
none of which i went to
screw that
if we're all going to die
from some superstorm
i at least want to see it happen

i'm going to be living at the library this weekend
damn annotated bibliography
though its better than another paper
i should know better than to put it off that long
and i do
but i do it anyway

joe paterno is the best coach ever
at the end of the half interview, his guy asked him
'coach, why were you so able to dominate the second quarter?'
paterno replies
'how should i know? i don't know. football games are up and down. we do what we can'
how awesome is that?


mer de noms

i was in history today
listening to people talk about 90s tv shows and their plans for the weekend
and i wondered how most people in that class know each other
and then i remembered
other people are actually social

i've been listening to too much classical music
i have so much metallica/godsmack/apc/creed/led zeppelin
and its just sitting there on my ipod
unlistened to, feeling dejected
i must rectify that

how the hell is it already fucking wednesday
god only knows
at least i dont work today

i've been getting to sleep earlier than normal
my normal, not most people's normal
my normal is 2`30-3
past couple of nights i've clocked out about 1, 1`30
maybe its a sign
a sign that maybe, just maybe
my sleep cycle is returning
and all will right itself in my world
and my life will be happy and joyous once again
yeah right



i was going to put some sort of lyrics here
something appropriate for my mood
but i cant find any
because, at the moment
i feel completely neutral
i shouldnt, god knows
i should either be good from seeing my family
or horrid considering my paper's due tuesday
but i'm not
fuckin weird, man

considering my roommate has yet to return
i'm assuming he'll be back tomorrow morning
hopefully not early
cuz i'm gonna be up late
and i want to sleep in
and i really hope there wasnt russian homework
because i did not do it

perhaps this is what nirvana feels like
or, perhaps
i have descended into such an abyss of apathy so deep
no cares, worries, fears, or frustrations can reach me
either that, or i'm blissfully numb
either way, it works for me
probly gonna be hell in the morning

i actually brought books back with me from home
i WILL read them before i go home for christmas
i must
i havent read in too damn long
i miss it
the comforting eloquence
witty banter
intrinsic insights
mysterious, intellectual characters
just the ability to read
christ, i sound pathetic

why i'm still awake, i dont know
i went to bed at six am last night
and got up at 10`45
i should be passed out right now
but, thats not how i work
i'll make up for it...thursday
some time besides now



i have come to the conclusion
that most, if not all of the girls i know, are blind
either that, or their completely delusional
because the amount of them that start liking me is ridiculous
i do not understand it,
nor will i ever
i'm not an attractive person
in ANY aspect
so stop it

i have yet to finish this rough draft
it will be done tonight
or i will kill something

i has nothing else to say



it happens to everyone
while listening to a certain song or cd
you do something
that you forever associate with that song/cd
after going through my ipod
i listened to the 'rush' soundtrack
and immediately remembered playing wolfenstein
lo those many years ago
probly about 6 or 7

with my hand being cut and all
i asked not to work in the dishroom
but they were shortstaffed
so i unloaded
which is fine, i guess
then people up front started leaving
and they started falling behind
so i had to go up and help them
and now half of hand is numb

my russian prof wants to meet with me
and talk about my test
and how i'm doing in the class
she says i'm doing fine
obviously not

and i'm going to end this before i complain more
i cant believe its before midnight
6 more minutes, but
still early for me



'dear dishroom:
roses are red
violets are blue
this napkin is sweet
and so are you' [written on a napkin]

someone actually sent that down the dishline
i think it was last monday
i just uncovered it
it was buried under the shit on my desk
i just thought it was awesome

there were things i was going to say
but my mind completely blanked

my roommate didnt come back today
he's either dead, vanished,
or coming back tomorrow
jury's still out on that, results pending

if my sinuses do'nt decongest
i'm going to kill someone/something
same thing goes for my hand
small cut, stings like a gaping wound



i finally got tiger installed on this fucker
and finally got all my music on my ipod
i can finally listen to all the shit on there again
fuckin finally

my getting tiger [mac os 10.4] is just a little bit of history repeating
[back rub prize for the person who guess who sings that song]
back when tiger was due to launch
like leopard [10.5] is now
my dad bought panther [10.3] for me
and about three/four weeks later, tiger came out
so now, much like then
i'll be on the technological cusp for about a month
until the summer when i finally get a macbook
and get leopard on that

the bitterest girl on earth [known to some as emily]
was extra bitter tonight
possibly because sherfy was there
or possibly because its 'that time'
either way
she was pretty fucking bitter

without getting into details
i have much shit to do today
cuz i put it off to watch state lose again [to northwestern {?!}]
and then watch two obscure teams play [towson and u of richmond]
and play a much more exciting, interesting game
let me tell you what
towson won their game on a touchdown pass
with 00`00 left on the clock
pretty fuckin awesome
then i watched ohio state play minnesota in volleyball
well, not really watched
it was on in the background
i didnt even realize it was on till i actually looked back at the tv
but, i wont have those distractions

i'm becoming/have become sort of disenchanted with the nfl
dont get me wrong
there will always be a diehard steeler fan in me, ALWAYS
but, nfl football just isnt as intense as college football
at least, not to me
not quite as exciting
maybe because i'm tired of hearing about the fucking lions
no one likes them, they'll always suck
get used to it
that being said
afc central, let's kick some ass



among other bizarre things about me
is my compulsion to use '¡' when i exclaim something
[¡by the flaming ham of xerxes!]
i dont know why
since i practically despise spanish
yet enjoy using that upside down mark
i dont use the '¿' though
why? because its stupid
welcome to the inanity that is my logic

at this moment i have a gin blossoms song running through my head
which is, while incredibly annoying, fucking sweet
because i love the gin blossoms
and the 90s was just an awesome decade
when most of my favorite music was made
which means
in about ten years
i'm going to be listening to a mix cd/playlist/whatever
with other people around
and their going to say
'how can you listen to that crap? it sucks. 90s music sucks'
and i'll say 'i'm a child of the 90s. i grew up listening to this'
and i'll be in exactly the same situation
that 80s children are in now
the only difference?
more good music came from the 90s than the 80s

while the convenience is a plus
i really want a better job than the gallery
its alright work
but it gets monotonous real damn quick
and i want to make more than minimum wage
but, considering my initiative
i'm probly just talking out my ass right now

its 83º right now
on october fifth
under NO circumstances
should it EVER be above 75º in october
this WRONG
not right



i was at 7/11
buying some cokes for emily and i
and i overheard these two guys talking about gum
and one guy was bitching about the ingredients
and said
"man, everyone's got pomegranate in their stuff now
pomegranate's like the new ketchup"
bizarre? yes
stupid? check

you know
since i spend every wednesday at emily's
i wonder what my roommate does while i'm gone
i should ask him sometime
though, if i was to wager a guess
i'd say he probly watches smallville
maybe does homework if he has any
and, just maybe
naughty naughty things
like orgies with five women
covered in peanut oil, with one brandishing a large trout
...ok, maybe that last part was my imagination
but still, i can hope

it seems i havent posted a 'potatoe' in a while
so i'm going to now:
today's 'potatoe'
is a very intelligent individual
one who
though he can sometimes be well motivated
tends to skip class
so he skipped two classes in a row
and then went to class the day of a quiz
but didnt study
he went to class expecting an easy quiz
but, it was ridiculously difficult
becuase it covered the chain rule
and this person hates the chain rule
and all it stands for
so he likely failed the test completely
the individual? me
the class? calc
the result? FAIL

am going to seek solace in cap'n


test in russian tomorrow
so i'll try to be brief

i actually wasnt not looking forward to history today
maybe it was because thomas didnt actually assign anything
other than to read
and i have two weeks to write my paper on nasaw
which means i have plenty of time to stress
....in two weekends from now, when i still havent done it

for some reason
every time i dont look forward to dishroom on tuesday
it usually isnt that bad
its never great, obviously
but it actually wasnt deplorable today
i even did pots and pans today
and it wasnt that bad
at least i have tomorrow off

speaking of tomorrow
i really have to go to calc
because i havent since last wednesday
and i have a quiz on something or other
i dont even know what this chapter's about

weather.com says itll be mid 80s over the weekend
if it is
i will kill something/someone
it should NEVER
under ANY circumstances
be 80º in october
so, in light of that
i'll make my own damn forecast:
cloudy, possible catastrophic thunderstorms
highs near 70º
weekend: dreary, maybe sunny [likely not]



apparently, this is my death:
ben tagg: At age 37 you will die fighting the Global War on Terrorism in Canada.
apparently, there's much terrorism in canada
and i shall FIGHT IT with my AWESOME SKILLS
though, those damn terrorists will eventually kill me
oh well, so i goes

i realize that,
if you walk somewhere
you'll never go as fast as someone on a bike
that doesnt mean you should walk as slow as possible
there are whole herds of people
who walk like they're sloths
big groups of people
who block the entire sidewalk
makes me want to kick a puppy

i may actually go to calc today
if i want to
and if theres anything important
...or not


as of 131 minutes ago
the state of michigan is partially shut down

its finally october
my favorite month of the year
and yes, i'm aware
that winter is my favorite season
and that i adamantly say it, but
most "winter" months suck
december, for obvious reasons
i have a bad history with januaries
nothing ever happens in february
and march, well
march just sucks

so, for a while now
i've been listening to a lot of songs
that usually [if not always] really make me sad
dont get me wrong
they're all beautiful pieces
but they all make me sadder/depressed than/as hell
and i'm consciously aware that they do
and i listen to them anyway

i wonder if i'll sleep before three tonight